It's an Internal Hemorrhoid, Charlie Brown! You are Charlie Brown. You have an internal hemorrhoid. You know this because you are bleeding profusely. You go to the doctor, and s/he does unpleasant things to you and confirms that it is, indeed, an internal hemorrhoid. You ask what can be done to stop the bleeding, but the doctor just says "Wah wah wah wah wah wah." You interpret this as meaning that you just have to wait for it to stop bleeding. Your objective is to deal with the good grief this hemorrhoid is causing you.
Spoiler Below If you win, you get to kiss the red haired girl on the cheek.
Only for Nintendo 64!