Video Game Forums - View Single Post - A lovely gift from CSM for all those fed up with their computer.

**Crazyswordsman** · 03-29-2006, 04:19 PM

This one's rather political.....

- OUTSOURCING

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced as of April 1, 2006. The move is being
made to save the $400K yearly salary and a record $521 billion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5
years.
"The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas
Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting
Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot
expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay," Reynolds noted. Preparations have been underway for some time
and Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming
the office of President as of April 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Pakistani parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus
making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of US$320 a
month, with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr.
Singh will be able to handle his responsibilities without a support staff.
Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will work primarily
at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open so he should
suffer few, if any, interruptions.
"Working nights will also allow me to keep my day job at the American
Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am
excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President. He will rely
upon a script tree and can address common concerns, without having to
understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools
work," stated the spokesperson, "President Bush has used them successfully
for years."
Following a two week waiting period after his final day in office,
Bush will be eligible for $240 a week in unemployment pay for 13 weeks. He
will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed
the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the services of Manpower, Inc. to help him
write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. A Greeter
position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience
shaking hands and smiling no matter what the circumstances. Another
possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His
prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he
would likely be stationed in Waco for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a
country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated
Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the
Baghdad Airport 's terminal and gift shop.
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a tremendous
welcome from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of
his arrival so they might arrange an appropriate blast.

AND IN UNRELATED NEWS:

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A White House source stated that Congress is considering
awarding Vice-President !!!111!!!111!!!111!!!111 Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the national
highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an
attorney. The source was quoted to say " All Americans have wanted to shoot
a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the balls to do it".

In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues
hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag
a lawyer, to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license.
Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds,
deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost
$100, but open season will be all year long. The department further stated
that although the "lawyers stamp" comes at a hefty price, sales have been
brisk and it believes it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3
billion the first year. Other states are considering similar hunting license
stamps.

Enjoy! -CSM

03-29-2006, 04:19 PM	#25
Crazyswordsman RPG Mod Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 8,166 Thanks: 561 Thanked 403 Times in 272 Posts Points: 141,081.68 Bank: 39,667.72 Total Points: 180,749.39 Donate	This one's rather political..... - OUTSOURCING Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced as of April 1, 2006. The move is being made to save the $400K yearly salary and a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years. "The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted. Preparations have been underway for some time and Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the office of President as of April 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Pakistani parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of US$320 a month, with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will work primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open so he should suffer few, if any, interruptions. "Working nights will also allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President. He will rely upon a script tree and can address common concerns, without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson, "President Bush has used them successfully for years." Following a two week waiting period after his final day in office, Bush will be eligible for $240 a week in unemployment pay for 13 weeks. He will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided the services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and smiling no matter what the circumstances. Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport 's terminal and gift shop. Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a tremendous welcome from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so they might arrange an appropriate blast. AND IN UNRELATED NEWS: WASHINGTON, D.C. - A White House source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President !!!111!!!111!!!111!!!111 Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the national highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney. The source was quoted to say " All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the balls to do it". In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long. The department further stated that although the "lawyers stamp" comes at a hefty price, sales have been brisk and it believes it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion the first year. Other states are considering similar hunting license stamps. Enjoy! -CSM