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**S1x** · 06-01-2006, 02:43 AM

Not bad, although some rhymes seem a little... forced. You know what I mean.

Say it out loud and see if it flows smoothly. You'll notice a few bumps. I'd change some things myself, but I don't think I'm in a position to do that unless it doesn't matter to you.

06-01-2006, 02:43 AM	#3
S1x VGF RPG Mod Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Either over there or right here Gender: Posts: 5,168 Thanks: 16 Thanked 278 Times in 90 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 202,494.66 Bank: 90,233.04 Total Points: 292,727.71 Donate	Not bad, although some rhymes seem a little... forced. You know what I mean. Say it out loud and see if it flows smoothly. You'll notice a few bumps. I'd change some things myself, but I don't think I'm in a position to do that unless it doesn't matter to you.