7. 'Link Racer' (for the full effect, read everything extremely quickly)
Link: Ah! The big Hyrulian race is coming up! I will ride Epona! I will ride her to victory! Hahah! My enemies shall be defeated!
Zelda: Ahhh! No Link! Epona is not ready! You must not enter the race!
Link: What! No oh no!
(Talon and Malon run up in a three-frames-per-second animation clip)
Talon: Don't worry Link! We've been working on Epona all week long! She is no ordinary horse!
Malon: That's right! Ah! She has buzzsaws in her chest! Plus jet engines!
Link: Ahhhhhh! I shall gallop onward to triumph! Cyber ultrahorse Epona is the greatest alive!
(pause for insane Japanese musical number about Epona being the 'friend of all children')
(Racer G appears)
Link: Ahhh! Racer G! My enigmatic enemy who resembles my long-lost older brother to an incredible degree!
Racer G: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhh! Ah! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Link: Ahhh! Whoa ah?
Racer G: Indeed! (vanishes)
Link: I shall win! All of Hyrule is depending on me with the power of justice I shall prevail! Come, annoying little brother and monkey sidekick! We must go! Drive on great people's highway!
(Link leaps onto Epona's back, then leaps off again, freezing in mid step; the camera then pans around ninety degrees to the left for no reason)
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Ahhh. That's the stuff.
[ December 17, 2004, 07:59 PM: Message edited by: Cap'n Boo from Timbuktu ] |