Quote:
Originally posted by Upside Down, That's For The A-Town:
Could you review my VGF Big Brother, it will be continued, I just can't dig into my brain right now. |
The foundation of what you were trying to right about is a challenge in itself. I don't even know if I would be able to work with that type of story well.
Everything is there, but... I don't know, it seems to flow too fast or something. The tension is missing; the ten-second cliffhangers don't seem to be present. Perhaps I read faster than you, but the parts that are supposed to keep you in suspense don't really accomplish what they should.
The characters are defined okay, but it would help if there were constant reminders and checks about their exact character instead of a brief summary. In the case of a story like this, pinpointing the differences between all of them is key.
*post to be edited*