[Jonathan Resop]

Question 1755: *Calls Donez for the third time* Great, the PS2 is chasing me! NOW what?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Dang, it's been so long, I forgot what advice I gave you the first time... Well, just do whatever I told you before, but do it backwards.

Question 1756: Where does Jay live? (I'm asking you, Donez.)
Dr. Donez's Answer: How the heck should I know? It's not like he ever invited me to his house or anything (that inconciderate bum).

Question 1757: Howe com im stoopid?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, there are many reasons that could lead to your abnormal stupidity, but, since you obviously won't understand any of them, I'll just say it's because of TV. There. Now stop watching TV.

Question 1758: *calls Dr. Donez* Hello. I would like a medium large topping pizza. How much?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look pal, I have ENOUGH to do on my wings with this whole "Ask Dr. Donez" gig, I don't have time to play your silly pizza games. Begone!

Question 1759: What is the meaning of life?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hasn't this been answered, like, a billion times so far? The truth is, if you're asking this question to a Tweeter, then you could be related to the guy from a couple of questions up.

Question 1760: If you are there and Fred is there and Bill is here and Mario is an idiot, do I get to keep your ice pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Step away from the computer. Go outside.

Question 1761: Why is the world being constantly plagued by murder, deceit, civil wars, disease, and debts? Can't we all get along?
Dr. Donez's Answer: We could get along, but wouldn't you rather Sing Along? Yes, buy "Dr. Donez's Sing Along To Famousy Sounding Songs" now on record or cassette!

Question 1762: Have you ever played any Square-Enix games? Maybe that's why you're so grumpy...
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, I'm grumpy because someone put me in the wash machine for an hour...

Question 1763: Why does VGW and Toad look alike? Are they brothers?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Maybe the question should be, why DON'T they look like. Wait...

Question 1764: How come Bill never uses "The Extra Skill" he learned at the end of Bill and Fred?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe he uses it all the time, but only when you're not looking.

Question 1765: What?Who? Where? Why? When? ANSWER ME!!!
Dr. Donez's Answer: The answers are: Pie, Abe Lincoln, Kitty Hawk, There was no more apple juice, July 3rd, 1967.

Question 1766: What is your faverite Mario Kart: Double Dash Character(s)?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The secret characters Bill and Fred.

Question 1767: What is your faverite Kart from Mario Kart: DD?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bill and Fred's cart, a Formula 1 Racer.

Question 1768: What is your faverite item from Mario Kart: DD?
Dr. Donez's Answer: My weapon! The Ice Pick!

Question 1769: Has Jay ever played Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why don't you ask him. I would ask him, but he's not here right now.

Question 1770: Will you give me more crystals so I can give you money?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What? Crystals? You're living in an RPG, fool! Free yourself! Begone, even spirits! Set him free!

Question 1771: Why is Clank behind you to punch you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: That was sort of a question, so I'll give you a sort of an answer. Yo.

Question 1772: If Aladdin freed the Genie at the end of the movie, why didn't the Genie just be nice and zap Aladdin into a prince again?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look, Aladdin got the girl at the end of the movie. What more do you want? Greedy smurf.

Question 1773: What is up with Disney and their sucktacular sequels? I mean, Cinderella 2, what the butt?
Dr. Donez's Answer: As we all know from previous questions, people like money. And they do anything for more money. What? You didn't learn this before? WELL THEN PAY MORE ATTENCION!

Question 1774: Do androids dream of electric sheep?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I know I would if I was an android.

Question 1775: Do I me for you to I?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'm way too tired to figure out what you just said.

Question 1776: Are tacos intelligent?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if they are eaten by Albert Einstein.

Question 1777: How do they cram all that gram into Golden Grams?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I swear this has been already answered... I'll just assume it has. God Bless Assumptions.

Question 1778: Would you be interested in changing your long distance provider?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, I'm quite happy with my current provider, Spork.

Question 1779: Do you like my new hat?
Dr. Donez's Answer: NO! HAHAHA...yeah...I'm tired.

Question 1780: If moon-light powered cows can plow the seas, what can dirt-powered birds do?
Dr. Donez's Answer: They could...plow...the...sky. Yeah... There you go.

Question 1781: Why can't I be DR DONEZ, I mean it must be cool to have your name put in capital letters every time it is written?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You can't be Dr. Donez because I'M Dr. Donez! Wannbe...

Question 1782: How many times have you been stopped in the street for being DR DONEZ?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe once, but I think the person thought I really was Jay Sherman from that Critic show.

Question 1783: Which galaxy do you come from?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Obviously not the one you're from.

Question 1784: Gushna hppsgdhiagzbggklnbs hadhuhhjjmw6683 829905hnjndmnf *translation* Hello Tweeter. I come from the Megaman universe. Will you go out with my sister?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look behind you! Eh...who cares. (Runs).

Question 1785: Do you like my website?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If it will make you go away, then yes. I love it. I will go to it every day. Yay yay yay. I even composed a song about how great it is, and put it on my Sing Along album.

Question 1786: If Mario is here, E=MC2, Cheese is made from mold, and I ate Ritz, Should I tell everybody your secret hideout is in my basement closet?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Your quasi-logic will not confuse me, Hamster Boy!

Question 1787: Why doesn't Fred return my threatening e-mails?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Maybe you sent them to the wrong address. That could be awkward.

Question 1788: If Ness from Earthbound did the Moonwalk, barf on the T.V., and the phone rings, where the hell is Link with my pizza?
Dr. Donez's Answer: We meet again, Hamster Boy! I shall defeat you with my powerful wits! Begone!

Question 1789: Do you want a Kaos?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If that's some sort of code word for corn, then yeah, sure. Hit me.

Question 1790: ARE YOU THE BRAIN SPECIALIST?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes. Scary, eh?

Question 1791: Who killed Kenny?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Does it really matter, in the long run? I mean, haven't we all killed Kenny, in some way, in our lives?

Question 1792: If Nintendo were to get rid of Pikachu and that crappy show, would you like Pokemon more?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I don't see why I should...what would they give me?

Question 1793: Donez, why are you holding my Gamecube out the window, about to DROP IT?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sorry...I was bored. (Drops it anyway)

Question 1794: Do you think my sprite made of Final Fantasy 5 could kick Jay's Final Fantasy 3 sprite butt?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, but don't leave too much of a mess, please. I have to clean things up in the morning, and those butt-kicking stains are a pain to get out of carpets.

Question 1795: Waitaminute, waitaminute, wait a minute. A SOCK FACTORY?! None of Warts' minions even wear SHOES!! (Unless you do. And if you do, you never mentioned it.) What the heck would he need with a sock factory, unless...SAAAAAY, this isn't some conspiracy involving guys wearing nothing but a shirt, underwear, and socks dancing to repetitive '70's music, is it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look, it was Super Mario Bros. 2. Did ANYTHING make sense in that game? And maybe we wear socks... It's rude of you to jump to the conclusion that we don't. I mean, socks are good. No...there's no conspiracy, you nut.

Question 1796: And if it is, when was that supposed to happen again? I missed the memo.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. What gave you the idea that I have any clue what goes on around here?

Question 1797: Do you use a stunt double for the movies you star in?
Dr. Donez's Answer: They said that I would get one, but then Jay said that they had "Budget problems" at the last minute... Sheesh...

Question 1798: What would a Dr. Donez arcade game be like?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Probably very long, with lots of pointless FMVs, and a short, disappointing ending. Oh, but the boss fights would be awesome. And it would have the best graphics, like, ever.

Question 1799: Is Kirby's Air Ride REALLY better than Mario Kart: Double Dash? Jay seems to think so, and since you're the smart one, you should know.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes. It is. I put the question into my custom made "Questeratronamaansweramajiggy" and it said yes, along with saying you're a fool for doubting Jay. Of course, it's only 5% accurate, but that's good enough for me.

Question 1800: Why does Mario always seem to scratch his butt in Mario Sunshine?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why are you even looking that close...?

Question 1801: Have you ever tried to change your name to avoid the close up thing?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, but when I changed it to "Mack Daddy Funk Master P McClellan", it didn't catch.

Question 1802: Today I played SMB2 and I saw you, the second tweeter. Then I thought to myself, if you're there in the game, who's here answering questions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Dude, it's a game. It's like a movie. If you saw a movie with Mel Gibson, and saw Mel in the street, it would be the same thing. Wait...or would it?

Question 1803: Where did Fred get that Sack of cash and BARF cap from?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Maybe he earned it selling newspapers.

Question 1804: ARE YOU IN THE MONEY?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. I'm terribly poor.

Question 1805: \/\/|-|@+ d0E$ +|-||$ $@Y
Dr. Donez's Answer: Get outside more.

Question 1806: How come I have your Ice Pick right now?
Dr. Donez's Answer: That's an officially licensed imitation Ice Pick that is being sold in Toy Stores. When you press the handle it goes BEEEEP BEEOOOOOOO ZAP ZAP. Heh...cool.

Question 1807: Are you really a B.A.R.F Employee?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No...if I was, I wouldn't be here.

Question 1808: Why didn't Magruder even TRY to shoot Mario's Fortress in Mario Busters?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Maybe he is just lazy like Jay.

Question 1809: What happens if one of the characters in NC happens to say "I Don't Know", or "Water"?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I don't know. Hold on, I need to get some water, these questions are taking forever. (Something happens)

Question 1810: Would you like to dare the blue team to answer, or take the physical challenge?
Dr. Donez's Answer: PHYSICAL CHALLENGE!

Question 1811: Have you ever climbed the Aggro Crag?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Once, but I got arrested afterwards.

Question 1812: How do I get pictures of ShyGuys eating rice with chopsticks?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bribe them. Or follow them around. They're bound to do it sometime.

Question 1813: How might you want to see Mario die?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bribe him. Or follow him around. He's bound to do it sometime.

Question 1814: If you where in Doomguy's place, would you live thou Doom?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bribe him. Or follow him around. He's bound to do it sometime.

Question 1815: Is Vegeta really a super sayin?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Brib...dang. I can't answer this question by using Copy and Paste. Blast.

Question 1816: Why is Godzilla's ultimate enemy,Destroyah about to destroy your house with only a swing of his tail?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He better not, I plan to go to sleep after this. If he does, I'll be pissed.

Question 1817: How many Cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Five, one to arrest it, one to read it it's rights, one to screw it in, and the rest just eat donuts.

Question 1818: How do you eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?
Dr. Donez's Answer: With my mouth.

Question 1819: Will I ever be free?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No. Stop bugging me, Mario.

Question 1820: Have I lost my mind?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes. Stop bugging me, Mario.

Question 1821: What...is your name?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Mack Daddy Funk Master P McClellan. See? Nothing.

Question 1822: What...is your quest?
Dr. Donez's Answer: To finish these blasted questions!

Question 1823: What...is your favorite color?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, I'm sure seeing a lot of white spots right now...

Question 1824: Why is this my first question?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because you asked it first.

Question 1825: Why only three questions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because if not, some loser will ask a billion.

Question 1826: Why isn't this my forth question?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because there was no more apple juice.

Question 1827: How long will it be before fred deathrays me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: A couple day. Give or take a few dozen years.

Question 1828: d00d, wh@t's @ n00b?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Get out more. Seriously. Do it. Doctors orders.

Question 1829: Have you ever had to stop Fred from deathraying people?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah...but we won't get into that... Best not relive that incident...

Question 1830: Sorry, but can you come up with a question for me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Do I have to?

Question 1831: Is the answer to this question no?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If it was, I sure wouldn't tell you.

Question 1832: R pi square?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, pizza are square.

Question 1833: Does the Fire pick beat the Ice pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nonono. How many times do I have to tell you guys???

Question 1834: Is it true that thongs have an 80-year lifespan?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I wouldn't know anything about that...

Question 1835: Is anybody dumb enough to wear them at that age?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Possibly Mario.

Question 1836: I'm riding you. Are you tired?
Dr. Donez's Answer: ...Yes... Stop... Don't make me Hop you to death.

Question 1837: "Why's someone in the kitchen with Dyana, Eddy?"
Dr. Donez's Answer: They're looking for donuts.

Question 1838: Why didnt Frodo just chuck the ring of power to the bottom of the ocean where nothing could reach it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because then the serious wouldn't be so long, and J.R.R. Tolkien wouldn't get as much...that's right...$$$.

Question 1839: In the matrix, (the first one) in the room when the agents put the bug thingy in neo's tummy, why does the reflection of smiths glasses show neo sitting down right after he gets up and the camera goes back to smith?
Dr. Donez's Answer: ...IT'S A MOVIE, JIM!

Question 1840: Why are web providers SOOOOOOOOOO confusing (or is it just me)?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's just you.

Question 1841: Who's cooler, you ooooor Strong Bad?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'm cooler then all. Even myself.

Question 1842: How do you type with boxing gloves on- wait, wrong question...um....How do you type with wings?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I have state-of-the-art voice recognition software. It rarely makes errors. But it sure picks up a lot of background noiBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Oh, my popcorn is ready. Sweet. MUNCHMUNCHMUNCH. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP. AHHHHHHHH.

Question 1843: What should I do with this loaf of banana bread and jug of grapefruit extract?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sell it door to door.

Question 1844: Are you're winner?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only on weekdays. Don't even ask about weekends.

Question 1845: Does Al Capone's wallet have pictures in it, Eddy?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I wouldn't want to be the one to find out.

Question 1846: Want to know how to keep an idiot busy?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bribe him. Or follow him around. He's bound to do it sometime.

Question 1847: Want to know how to keep an idiot busy?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Bribe him. Or follow him around. He's bound to do it sometime.

Question 1848: Why do you have close-ups whenever someone says your name?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You're just jealous.

Question 1849: How did you meet Prof. Extreain(I know it's spelt wrong, but I don't know how to spell it.)?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Med school. We went over that already.

Question 1850: What as your worst close-up experience?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Let's just say it involved a local elementary school and fire-drill day.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE! WOO!-jay

[ August 14, 2004, 03:44 AM: Message edited by: Perrin Aybara ]