Poem: I hate Fanboys - VGF

Frumious BanderFACE · 05-13-2006, 03:30 PM

Okay this is some sort-of poem that I made up

__________________________________________________ _

Well........
Some people just like only one
electronic more than others,
and hate all of the other ones
and all their big-fat-mothers.

Thier usually called "Fanboys",
even though some are girls.
They piss me off so much
that they drive me "whirly-curls".

They make websites that say
positive things about their
favorite electronic, and negative
things bout most hated-eir.

I do have a favorite elec
-tronic but you won't
hear me say to much negative
of other electr-ownts.

Fanboys, thy ust like only one
electronic more than others
and fling insults to other ones
and al their lil' brudders.

Serial Miller · 05-23-2006, 10:23 AM

Some of it's a little stretched, looks like you're missing a word here and there. And I'm not 100% on this one, but using 'electronic' like that just feels improper. I think I've only ever seen it as an adjective, not the singular form of electronics. Heh, and there are most definitely Fangirls, as well. In the first line of the second part, should be "they're", as well, not the posessive "their". I'm not going to pick apart the rest, all the same.

I can see what you were going for, and it wasn't that bad of an outcome. Try again if you want to get it right, and don't do anything with your words that feels at all shaky. A valiant effort

**S1x** · 06-01-2006, 02:43 AM

Not bad, although some rhymes seem a little... forced. You know what I mean.

Say it out loud and see if it flows smoothly. You'll notice a few bumps. I'd change some things myself, but I don't think I'm in a position to do that unless it doesn't matter to you.

Irkenwarrior12 · 06-03-2006, 02:24 AM

Charming.

Sarai and Samiel · 06-06-2006, 09:51 AM

Could stand a bit of ironing out in the rhythm and word choices. It would probably help if you included the various other kinds of fanboys and -girls, such as character, band, brand, and so on. Even within just video games, there are fanpeople for specific characters, types of characters, play methods, kinds of games, even some individual players have fanboys and/or fangirls.

A very good shot, though.

05-13-2006, 03:30 PM	#1
Frumious BanderFACE Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Planet X Gender: Posts: 3,783 Thanks: 274 Thanked 180 Times in 125 Posts Points: 30,370.04 Bank: 35,397.13 Total Points: 65,767.17 Donate	Poem: I hate Fanboys Okay this is some sort-of poem that I made up __________________________________________________ _ Well........ Some people just like only one electronic more than others, and hate all of the other ones and all their big-fat-mothers. Thier usually called "Fanboys", even though some are girls. They piss me off so much that they drive me "whirly-curls". They make websites that say positive things about their favorite electronic, and negative things bout most hated-eir. I do have a favorite elec -tronic but you won't hear me say to much negative of other electr-ownts. Fanboys, thy ust like only one electronic more than others and fling insults to other ones and al their lil' brudders.

05-23-2006, 10:23 AM	#2
Serial Miller Retro Nintendo Supermod Art & Literature Mod Metroid Mod Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 15,679 Thanks: 416 Thanked 1,046 Times in 585 Posts Points: 14,035.59 Bank: 1,556,398.07 Total Points: 1,570,433.65 Donate	Some of it's a little stretched, looks like you're missing a word here and there. And I'm not 100% on this one, but using 'electronic' like that just feels improper. I think I've only ever seen it as an adjective, not the singular form of electronics. Heh, and there are most definitely Fangirls, as well. In the first line of the second part, should be "they're", as well, not the posessive "their". I'm not going to pick apart the rest, all the same. I can see what you were going for, and it wasn't that bad of an outcome. Try again if you want to get it right, and don't do anything with your words that feels at all shaky. A valiant effort Last edited by Serial Miller; 05-23-2006 at 10:29 AM.

06-01-2006, 02:43 AM	#3
S1x VGF RPG Mod Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Either over there or right here Gender: Posts: 4,654 Thanks: 14 Thanked 166 Times in 52 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 46,613.97 Bank: 22,118.38 Total Points: 68,732.36 Donate	Not bad, although some rhymes seem a little... forced. You know what I mean. Say it out loud and see if it flows smoothly. You'll notice a few bumps. I'd change some things myself, but I don't think I'm in a position to do that unless it doesn't matter to you.

06-03-2006, 02:24 AM	#4
Irkenwarrior12 Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Your mother's face. SNAP! Gender: Posts: 1,136 Thanks: 26 Thanked 23 Times in 18 Posts Points: 12,250.07 Bank: 2,423.97 Total Points: 14,674.04 Donate	Charming.

06-06-2006, 09:51 AM	#5
Sarai and Samiel Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Aisle 12, between the kumquats and the radicchio. Gender: Posts: 2,261 Thanks: 148 Thanked 124 Times in 86 Posts Points: 903.87 Bank: 46,025.95 Total Points: 46,929.82 Donate	Could stand a bit of ironing out in the rhythm and word choices. It would probably help if you included the various other kinds of fanboys and -girls, such as character, band, brand, and so on. Even within just video games, there are fanpeople for specific characters, types of characters, play methods, kinds of games, even some individual players have fanboys and/or fangirls. A very good shot, though.