Valigarmander's VGF Chicanery - Page 14

**John MarchCain** · 03-11-2007, 07:28 PM

No, it's me dressed up as UN, because I idol my mother enough to be her doppelganger.
Or it could be UN.

Maynard James Keenan · 03-11-2007, 07:33 PM

Or it could be Lord UMarchPanMoMaliTikaValiShaneNby

t3hDarkness · 03-12-2007, 11:49 AM

I think the readers of this might enjoy this joke.

Insult-o-matic, do your thing.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None.", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

Irby · 03-12-2007, 11:54 AM

Detective Lilac Bandicoot · 03-12-2007, 11:58 AM

^^ Your creeping me out.... >.>

Anywhom, I'll have to wait for more. Looks like FX is showed after all. xD

t3hDarkness · 03-12-2007, 12:11 PM

Bill's tee shot off the first tee hooks horribly and skips off the clubhouse roof. He decides it's not worth chasing so he tees up another ball and plays on. As he's making the turn at nine, his friend Little Johnny comes running out of the clubhouse, "Bill, wait up!"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Did you see what happened to your ball from the first tee?"

"Well, I hooked the ball off the clubhouse roof but I didn't see what happened to it."

"Let me tell you, it ricocheted off a van's window which went out of control and hit a school bus. The bus tumbled down an embankment and burst into flames! Three kids are in critical condition at the hospital!"

"Oh my God! What should I do?"

"Well, I think if you just open your club face a little bit . . ."

Irby · 03-12-2007, 12:17 PM

That one was stupid.

t3hDarkness · 03-12-2007, 12:19 PM

I suppose it is a little more targeted for the golfing crowd. Hey, where did the jokes forum go?

Here is another, I may put more in the Misc. Forum.

The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied Little Johnny. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, the last student came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the teacher. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again. "No, and I don't care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority. "Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Irby · 03-12-2007, 12:35 PM

That wasnt funny at all.

Mikhail Gorbachev · 03-12-2007, 01:29 PM

Yes it was.

ChuckleHuck · 03-12-2007, 02:38 PM

Not the funniest, but still funny.

SephirothKirby · 03-12-2007, 03:50 PM

Ahaha, I love your jokes. The golf one was okay, but not as funny.

Chop Chop Master Onion · 03-12-2007, 07:22 PM

I liked the first one.

Detective Lilac Bandicoot · 03-13-2007, 12:29 PM

-sigh- bumping this up.

BTW, can you give youknowwhospamsthisforumhere a negative refrence? >D

Irby · 03-13-2007, 12:34 PM

Yeah what she said! Doom on the Bunny!

ChuckleHuck · 03-13-2007, 03:08 PM

^t3hDarkness? Ah, he's just talking about married ice cream suckers and horrible golfers!

I can make jokes too!

So, there ware these three groovy Mexicans, aight? They had came to America, to find a better jolt to life, eh? Weeeeeeeell, they unanimously decided they waisted their time, and they all wanted to go back home.

But, amigo number uno decided "Hey, let's make a game out of this. We all have to learn one word in english, before we go back home." Or, that was what he said in Spanish, aight?
Well, the first little dude ran into a restraunt with the word "Me" as the name of it. I know, real creative, aight? So the second little dude went into a store where they were packaging boxes that said "Forks & Knives". And the third little dude went to an outlet company where their slogan was "Plug it in, plug it in". So I can't remember the company name, sue me, aight?

So anyways, they meet back at a bar, when all of the sudden, some American dude has a heart attack. The cops arrive and ask "who did this?" and dude number one said "ME!". So the cops said "how?", aight? and the second dude was like, "FORKS AND KNIVES!". And then the cops were like, "we'll test our latest electric chair instalment on you" and the third amigo said "PLUG IT IN, PLUG IT IN!"

SephirothKirby · 03-13-2007, 04:40 PM

That's pretty funny, Chad.

**John MarchCain** · 03-13-2007, 07:56 PM

I've heard that joke in a different way, but yeah.

Maynard James Keenan · 03-13-2007, 08:06 PM

Pretty foo-nay. What was this topic about? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Chop Chop Master Onion · 03-13-2007, 08:18 PM

This next comic is a little obscene, so I'll just post a link to it.

http://valigarmander.smackjeeves.com/comics/127167/

03-12-2007, 11:54 AM	#264
Irby Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Barack and Roll Gender: Posts: 8,341 Thanks: 479 Thanked 180 Times in 150 Posts Blog Entries: 12 Points: 31,609.99 Bank: 39,003.51 Total Points: 70,613.50 Donate	XD

03-13-2007, 03:08 PM	#276
ChuckleHuck Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Next to this man in rags with a knife. He seems very friendly! Gender: Posts: 1,855 Thanks: 83 Thanked 44 Times in 33 Posts Points: 3,024.20 Bank: 0.13 Total Points: 3,024.33 Donate	^t3hDarkness? Ah, he's just talking about married ice cream suckers and horrible golfers! I can make jokes too! So, there ware these three groovy Mexicans, aight? They had came to America, to find a better jolt to life, eh? Weeeeeeeell, they unanimously decided they waisted their time, and they all wanted to go back home. But, amigo number uno decided "Hey, let's make a game out of this. We all have to learn one word in english, before we go back home." Or, that was what he said in Spanish, aight? Well, the first little dude ran into a restraunt with the word "Me" as the name of it. I know, real creative, aight? So the second little dude went into a store where they were packaging boxes that said "Forks & Knives". And the third little dude went to an outlet company where their slogan was "Plug it in, plug it in". So I can't remember the company name, sue me, aight? So anyways, they meet back at a bar, when all of the sudden, some American dude has a heart attack. The cops arrive and ask "who did this?" and dude number one said "ME!". So the cops said "how?", aight? and the second dude was like, "FORKS AND KNIVES!". And then the cops were like, "we'll test our latest electric chair instalment on you" and the third amigo said "PLUG IT IN, PLUG IT IN!" Last edited by ChuckleHuck; 03-13-2007 at 03:11 PM. Reason: Font glitch.

03-11-2007, 07:28 PM	#261
John MarchCain 72 and still going strong Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Arizona Gender: Posts: 11,351 Thanks: 912 Thanked 391 Times in 268 Posts Points: 793.04 Bank: 310,855.30 Total Points: 311,648.34 Donate	No, it's me dressed up as UN, because I idol my mother enough to be her doppelganger. Or it could be UN.

03-11-2007, 07:33 PM	#262
Maynard James Keenan Cooler than you and you **ing know it. Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Somewhere, being **ing awesome. Gender: Posts: 12,521 Thanks: 687 Thanked 1,141 Times in 767 Posts Blog Entries: 15 Points: 3,767.74 Bank: 35,739.11 Total Points: 39,506.85 Donate	Or it could be Lord UMarchPanMoMaliTikaValiShaneNby

03-12-2007, 11:49 AM	#263
t3hDarkness Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: The more innocent and pure a thing is, The more satisfying it is to corrupt. Gender: Posts: 4,940 Thanks: 52 Thanked 221 Times in 161 Posts Points: 7.13 Bank: 183,484.46 Total Points: 183,491.59 Donate	I think the readers of this might enjoy this joke. Insult-o-matic, do your thing. Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

03-12-2007, 11:58 AM	#265
Detective Lilac Bandicoot Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Grr... Gender: Posts: 1,025 Thanks: 18 Thanked 17 Times in 14 Posts Points: 9,741.30 Bank: 846.73 Total Points: 10,588.03 Donate	^^ Your creeping me out.... >.> Anywhom, I'll have to wait for more. Looks like FX is showed after all. xD

03-12-2007, 12:11 PM	#266
t3hDarkness Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: The more innocent and pure a thing is, The more satisfying it is to corrupt. Gender: Posts: 4,940 Thanks: 52 Thanked 221 Times in 161 Posts Points: 7.13 Bank: 183,484.46 Total Points: 183,491.59 Donate	Bill's tee shot off the first tee hooks horribly and skips off the clubhouse roof. He decides it's not worth chasing so he tees up another ball and plays on. As he's making the turn at nine, his friend Little Johnny comes running out of the clubhouse, "Bill, wait up!" "Yeah, what is it?" "Did you see what happened to your ball from the first tee?" "Well, I hooked the ball off the clubhouse roof but I didn't see what happened to it." "Let me tell you, it ricocheted off a van's window which went out of control and hit a school bus. The bus tumbled down an embankment and burst into flames! Three kids are in critical condition at the hospital!" "Oh my God! What should I do?" "Well, I think if you just open your club face a little bit . . ."

03-12-2007, 12:17 PM	#267
Irby Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Barack and Roll Gender: Posts: 8,341 Thanks: 479 Thanked 180 Times in 150 Posts Blog Entries: 12 Points: 31,609.99 Bank: 39,003.51 Total Points: 70,613.50 Donate	That one was stupid.

03-12-2007, 12:19 PM	#268
t3hDarkness Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: The more innocent and pure a thing is, The more satisfying it is to corrupt. Gender: Posts: 4,940 Thanks: 52 Thanked 221 Times in 161 Posts Points: 7.13 Bank: 183,484.46 Total Points: 183,491.59 Donate	I suppose it is a little more targeted for the golfing crowd. Hey, where did the jokes forum go? Here is another, I may put more in the Misc. Forum. The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied Little Johnny. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, the last student came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?" "No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the teacher. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again. "No, and I don't care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority. "Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

03-12-2007, 12:35 PM	#269
Irby Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Barack and Roll Gender: Posts: 8,341 Thanks: 479 Thanked 180 Times in 150 Posts Blog Entries: 12 Points: 31,609.99 Bank: 39,003.51 Total Points: 70,613.50 Donate	That wasnt funny at all.

03-12-2007, 01:29 PM	#270
Mikhail Gorbachev Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Gender: Posts: 9,593 Thanks: 30 Thanked 82 Times in 65 Posts Points: 1,318.54 Bank: 132,290.67 Total Points: 133,609.21 Donate	Yes it was.

03-12-2007, 02:38 PM	#271
ChuckleHuck Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Next to this man in rags with a knife. He seems very friendly! Gender: Posts: 1,855 Thanks: 83 Thanked 44 Times in 33 Posts Points: 3,024.20 Bank: 0.13 Total Points: 3,024.33 Donate	Not the funniest, but still funny.

03-12-2007, 07:22 PM	#273
Chop Chop Master Onion KICK, PUNCH, IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Either UN's bed or Andre's bed. Gender: Posts: 13,957 Thanks: 981 Thanked 1,691 Times in 809 Posts Points: 101.98 Bank: 122,430.75 Total Points: 122,532.73 Donate	I liked the first one.

03-12-2007, 03:50 PM	#272
SephirothKirby Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Urine and his Aegis Erector. Gender: Posts: 5,481 Thanks: 254 Thanked 555 Times in 323 Posts Points: 3,872.41 Bank: 284,952.49 Total Points: 288,824.90 Donate	Ahaha, I love your jokes. The golf one was okay, but not as funny.

03-13-2007, 12:29 PM	#274
Detective Lilac Bandicoot Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Grr... Gender: Posts: 1,025 Thanks: 18 Thanked 17 Times in 14 Posts Points: 9,741.30 Bank: 846.73 Total Points: 10,588.03 Donate	-sigh- bumping this up. BTW, can you give youknowwhospamsthisforumhere a negative refrence? >D

03-13-2007, 12:34 PM	#275
Irby Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Barack and Roll Gender: Posts: 8,341 Thanks: 479 Thanked 180 Times in 150 Posts Blog Entries: 12 Points: 31,609.99 Bank: 39,003.51 Total Points: 70,613.50 Donate	Yeah what she said! Doom on the Bunny!

03-13-2007, 04:40 PM	#277
SephirothKirby Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Urine and his Aegis Erector. Gender: Posts: 5,481 Thanks: 254 Thanked 555 Times in 323 Posts Points: 3,872.41 Bank: 284,952.49 Total Points: 288,824.90 Donate	That's pretty funny, Chad.

03-13-2007, 07:56 PM	#278
John MarchCain 72 and still going strong Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Arizona Gender: Posts: 11,351 Thanks: 912 Thanked 391 Times in 268 Posts Points: 793.04 Bank: 310,855.30 Total Points: 311,648.34 Donate	I've heard that joke in a different way, but yeah.

03-13-2007, 08:06 PM	#279
Maynard James Keenan Cooler than you and you **ing know it. Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Somewhere, being **ing awesome. Gender: Posts: 12,521 Thanks: 687 Thanked 1,141 Times in 767 Posts Blog Entries: 15 Points: 3,767.74 Bank: 35,739.11 Total Points: 39,506.85 Donate	Pretty foo-nay. What was this topic about? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

03-13-2007, 08:18 PM	#280
Chop Chop Master Onion KICK, PUNCH, IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Either UN's bed or Andre's bed. Gender: Posts: 13,957 Thanks: 981 Thanked 1,691 Times in 809 Posts Points: 101.98 Bank: 122,430.75 Total Points: 122,532.73 Donate	This next comic is a little obscene, so I'll just post a link to it. http://valigarmander.smackjeeves.com/comics/127167/