I'm sorry, but I'm leaving.

[SephirothKirby]

I'm not going to sit here and brainlessly point out VGF's flaws -- we all know it has them -- but I am going to say a little about how any claim to the contrary is patently false. For the sake of review, the objection may still be raised that hooliganism can quell the hatred and disorder in our society. At first glance this sounds almost believable yet the following must be borne in mind: By destroying our moral fiber, VGF has erected a monument to deconstructionism. Only it does not seem proper to say that such a thing has been "created". "Excreted", "belched", "spewed", and "spat out" are expressions more appropriate to the object here described. You see, VGF says that it acts in the name of equality and social justice. But then it turns around and says that people prefer "cultural integrity" and "multicultural sensitivity" to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. You know, you can't have it both ways, VGF.

Since VGF claims to know more than the rest of us, I'm sure it's aware that it is decidedly up to something. I don't know exactly what, but VGF managed to convince a bunch of worthless flibbertigibbets to help it pass off all sorts of rotten and obviously unpleasant stuff on others as a so-called "inner experience". What was the quid pro quo there? Well, I asked the question so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that it often uses the phrase, "Studies show that...", to introduce statements that wind up being chiefly about ideology, hunch, or preference. I put that observation into this letter just to let you see that it thinks it would be a great idea to tinker about with a lot of halfway prescriptions. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed.

On several occasions I have heard VGF state that principles don't matter. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that VGF's latest manifesto, like all the ones that preceded it, is a consummate anthology of disastrously bad writing teeming with misquotations and inaccuracies, an odyssey of anecdotes that are occasionally entertaining but certainly not informative. Maybe VGF just can't handle harsh reality. I overheard one of VGF's henchmen say, "Courtesy and manners don't count for anything." This quotation demonstrates the power of language as it epitomizes the "us/them" dichotomy within hegemonic discourse. As for me, I prefer to use language to help people break free of VGF's cycle of oppression.

I'm not very conversant with VGF's background. To be quite frank, I don't care to be. I already know enough to state with confidence that if I were elected Ruler of the World, my first act of business would be to tell you a little bit about VGF and its bad-tempered campaigns of malice and malignity. I would further use my position to inform certain segments of the Earth's population that I, unlike VGF, refuse to create a climate of intimidation. Regular readers of my letters probably take that for granted, but if I am to lead it out of a dream world and back to hard reality, I must explain to the population at large that all it really wants is to hang onto the perks it's getting from the system. That's all it really cares about.

VGF periodically puts up a facade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual. VGF would not hesitate to advocate its editorials amid a hue and cry as atrabilious as it is frowzy if it felt it could benefit from doing so. The devil not only finds too much mischief for idle hands to do but increasingly in our contemporary world he causes pea-brained converts to philistinism to create a new fundamentalism based not on religion but on an orthodoxy of militarism. VGF insists that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to call for a return to that which wasn't particularly good in the first place. Has anyone, at any time, ever been more wrong? Let me give you a hint: VGF is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore!

I see two problems with VGF's canards on a very fundamental level. First, part of the myth that it perpetuates is that the average working-class person can't see through its chicanery. And second, it is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that unsavory chiselers should be fêted at wine-and-cheese fund-raisers. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how dysfunctional VGF is. You can't do it. Not only that, but its prophecies are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, a central point of its belief systems is the notion that making my blood curdle is essential for the safety and welfare of the public. Perhaps VGF should take some new data into account and revisit that notion. I think it'd find that in order to solve the big problems with it we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must free people from the fetters of sesquipedalianism's poisonous embrace.

VGF wants to promote the total destruction of individuality in favor of an all-powerful group. But what if the tables were turned? How would VGF like that? Please remember that if it were true, as VGF claims, that it's inappropriate to teach children right from wrong, then I wouldn't be saying that there are those who are informed and educated about the evils of sectarianism, and there are those who are not. VGF is one of the uninformed, naturally, and that's why we must advocate social change through dialogue, passive resistance, and nonviolence. Our children depend on that.

VGF has never satisfactorily proved its assertion that obscurity, evasiveness, incomprehensibility, indirectness, and ambiguity are marks of depth and brilliance. It has merely justified that assertion with the phrase, "Because I said so." When was the last time you heard VGF mention that its moral immaturity is a perilous failing and an insult to the celebrated virtues of our ancestors? Probably never. That's why we have a choice. Either we let ourselves be led like lambs to the slaughter by VGF and its satraps or we give VGF a rhadamanthine warning not to suborn confused degenerates to divert us from proclaiming what in our innermost conviction is absolutely necessary. While I don't expect you to have much trouble making up your mind you should nevertheless consider that VGF says that it understands the difference between civilization and savagery. What it means by this, of course, is that it wants free reign to rouse the agitated petite bourgeoisie to chauvinistic fervor and hoodwink them into stirring up trouble.

VGF's solutions promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for VGF's slaves because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to VGF. Despite what VGF says, what I have been writing up to this point is not what I initially intended to write in this letter. Instead, I decided it would be far more productive to tell you that I'm sticking out my neck a bit in talking about VGF's doctrines. It's quite likely it will try to retaliate against me for my telling you that its stratagems always follow the same pattern. It puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that things have never been better. Often, the lure of an articulate new pundit, a well-financed attention-getting program, an effective audience generator, hot new "inside" information, or a professionally produced exposé is irresistible to bloody-minded braggarts who want to use lethal violence as a source of humor. Although theoretical differences can be drawn between VGF's whiney wheelings and dealings and dodgy antinomianism, these are distinctions without a difference.

Come on, VGF; I know you're capable of thoughtful social behavior. Although VGF is trying to portray itself as a great philosopher on par with Wittgenstein or some such personage, it ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person. Even if we accepted VGF's criticisms, so what? Does that mean that its claque is looking out for our interests? Of course not. If VGF wanted to, it could engage in an endless round of finger pointing. It could destroy all tradition, all morality, and the entire democratic system. And it could preach fear and ignorance. We must undeniably not allow VGF to do any of these. Let me end this letter by pointing out that the battle to criticize VGF's complicity in the widespread establishment of masochism is now joined on many fronts. We will not waver; we will not tire; we will not falter; and, we will not fail.

[Valigarmander]

Well, okay then. I suppose I just have one thing to say.

Good luck with the rest of the world.


Goodbye, SK. It was fun having you here.

[SephirothKirby]

Why the hell is everyone missing the joke?

Damn it, I knew I should've gone for the Meme forum. I just thought that would be too blatant.

[Valigarmander]

I figured that when I glanced over it the second time.

[SephirothKirby]

Well, good job.

Now I just announced it and it's ruined.

[Wyborn]

I feel like I should recognize this speech.

[Panfan]

tl;dr

[Valigarmander]

You could've played along with it.

For all you know, I was.

[Deku Trii]

If it makes you feel any better, I got it within the first paragraph. Is this an essay generator type thing?

[heh]

Originally Posted by Panigo Montoya

tl;dr

[CuccoLady]

The only reason I didn't get it the first time is that I pretty much just skimmed.

[Metal Man]

Huh?

[Crazyswordsman]

I don't know whether you're being serious or joking, so let me give you this compliment:

Your vocabulary is certainly more advanced than mine. -CSM

[Metal Man]

I get the feeling it's some form of copypasta. Generally because few people have that kind of vocabulary--not to be pretentious, but due to the reactions people like me get as-is with our sometimes cumbersome word usage, it would be unlikely for him to know all those words.

Then again, I could be wrong.

Though having read it fully, and understood enough of it, I see that it is obviously not specifically about VGF.

For VGF is not a society ruled by intimidation of an all-powerful group, but rather a free-flowing anarchy controlled by occasional admin and mod intervention.

Its flaws are closer to those of money and lack of purpose; there is no widespread social disease in it like some places, but rather its main portion is lacking in new and/or original content.

That said, it does perfectly fine as a community, so I can be fairly sure that even if this was his own words, it would be in jest, lest he have some sensible way of saying what he objects to.

In short, it is word usage gone berserk in a kamikaze fashion--it cannot be sensibly partioned into ecumenical packages of comprehensible non-fracas gibberish that is nigh-unreadably engorged with an aleph one's value of innumerable words utilized in the most clumsy, diabolically perplexing headache-inducing function that causes your optical organs to float off the liquid crystal display unit and onto the vertical concrete and wood and paint carbon-based object immediately located to the right of your computer which is more fascinating than this stupdendously atrocious sentence that cannot end until I have become immersed in ennui from recalling all the uselessly protuberous words that I cannot quite use in a civilized conversation these days due to the mad-hattery it causes when they are used, and in conclusion do not be impressed, for while they are large, their usage in this gigantic sentence is merely as an elaborate joke.

This has been 15 minutes of your time wasted by Metal Man. Tune back in next time to hear crazy theories about why Popcorn is God!

[The Doctor]

"I overheard one of VGF's henchmen say, "Courtesy and manners don't count for anything.""

And that where I skip the rest, and guessed it was false.

[Perrin Aybara]

Too long, didn't read.-jay

[Heroine of the Dragon]

Three lines and I've guessed that someone else wrote this... it's so not you, SK!!! I'm truly glad to see you need marshmallows and won't be leaving. *gives you a dozen marshmallows for making me laugh*

[I am nobody]

I got it at the part about the henchmen.

[Robotazy]

SK, don't do that again.

You gave me a heart attack.

[Dizzy]

I could tell it wasn't true when I read something about a VGF military.