ATTN: Zaidon

Vapor · 08-10-2010, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaidon

Great style, I'll rematch you anytime.

Does "anytime" include.... RIGHT NOW?? cuz if so LET'S GOOO you do first move/battlefield.

Zaden · 08-19-2010, 09:20 PM

Alright, I'll be using

BIG CHICKEN

Big chicken is a red leghorn rooster. Standing up tall, the top of his skull is 12' high and his comb sticks up even farther.

Battlefield is a rainforest.

Post an entrance and then I'll rip your head off.

Yes, this is gonna be good.

Vapor · 08-25-2010, 04:09 PM

OoC: What the hell? no. **** you. Try again. [/justkiddinglet'sdothis]

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

"I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS (deededede), SEE THEM ALL STANDING IN A ROWWW (bum bum bum), BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS YER HEAD! I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS...." a voice sang in the forest. it was almost muffled by all the rainforest's activity and ecological systems, but there was enough spirit and enthusiasm in its voice to make itself audible. And the voice came from a lone traveller: one Joff Clements. He wasn't sure where this was; it probably had something to do with stowing away on a boat with an unknown destination. And then being discovered and beating up most of the crew. And the only one left conscious and onboard calling for aid. And then jumping off and swimming to shore. Ah well. So it goes. We'll see what I find here, he thought. Hopefully something interesting; he'd already beaten up a few crocodiles. It was getting boring by now.

And then, his wish was fulfilled. As he meandered into a clearing, he abruptly stopped at the next "(deededede)" as his jaw fell at the sight of a 12 foot tall rooster. Whoa. WHOA. oh god oh man oh god oh man this is SWEEEIT, I'm diggin' this sooo hard. He took out one of the dirty wiffle bats protruding from his backpack, and assumed a fighting stance. and waited for the chicken to notice him. it was turned around and nibbling on some branches. and he waited. and BIG CHICKEN nibbled. And Joff became impatient, and leapt up onto BIG CHICKEN's back, and began beating it savagely. feathers flew, and skin was bruised, as the bat stung again and again. the rooster let out the biggest "[b]BGAWKK![/u]" you will ever hear, and turned its head around to bite at Joff. Joff leaped back, grabbed onto its tailfeathers, and spun around to kick the chicken in the head right between the eyes. After this act, he ricocheted off and grabbed a branch with one hand and continued holding the bat in the other. he grinned- not smiled, this was a GRIN- at BIG CHICKEN.

He belted in his cockney dialect, "Oy! ye gots a might' fine spirrit, I grants ya'. An' for a Rooster-- Cor!.. Why, jes, my Lawd, youse gots be de biggist birdeh I's seen wit' mah two everlovin' green-an'-brownt eyeballs. dis gun' be a nice ol' fightn', yessuh... i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...."

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

more OoC: is it chill to allcaps up big chicken? because I think it expresses the point pretty well.

Zaden · 08-25-2010, 08:10 PM

OoC: Go ahead. I haven't even named him and it was an idea thought up totally at random. I always thought the way roosters fight was incredible and thought I'd give it a shot. If you've never seen a rooster fight, look up a video; it's amazing.

The mighty bird stood up as tall as it could, raising its comb and feathers, not content that any creature within its sphere of influence should challenge its authority. He was the alpha male, and for good reasons, too. He had fought his way to the top of this jungle's food chain.

The man and the chicken's eyes' met each other. The rooster responded to the man's look of playful defiance with a look of absolute contempt. It stuck its chest out proudly and marched up to the hanging man, and, as the gansters say, got all up in his grill. There was less than an inch of space between Joff's nose and the bird's beak as they stared each other down. Joffrey's grin slowly changed to a smirk. Was this an official challenge? The chicken's intention could be clearly perceived: He was going to prove who was tougher.

The enormous rooster actually put its beak against Joffrey and began pushing on him. He replied by placing his index and middle finger on the beak (holding the bat with the other two fingers and thumb) and shoving the bird's head back. This enraged the beast. It opened it's beak just wide enough to bite the man's head off and lunged forward. It chomped at the air as Joffrey had quickly released the branch and fell to the ground. Upon landing, he immediately sprang back up, smashing the bat into the base of the chicken's beak. Twisting counterclock-wise on the way down from his jump, he landed a left spinning back kick to the bird's chest.

"BROCK!"

The Big Chicken whipped its head downward, nailing Joffrey on the top of the skull with the tip of its beak and slamming him face-first into the dirt. The bird then lifted a leg into the air and just as Joff put his hands on the ground to lift himself up, brought its foot down, stabbing Joffrey in the spine with its relatively sharp spur.

The Big Chicken then began stomping on the back of his head.

Vapor · 08-26-2010, 10:46 AM

OoC:

[/ridiculousness]

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

BIG CHICKEN only got in one stomp before Joff's reflexes took hold. He grabbed one of the chicken's toes with each hand, heaved, and rolled to the right, throwing the rooster down onto the ground. the wings flapped frantically, bringing down a few branches in its wake.

Joff stumbled over toward his bag, and pulled out his sweatshirt. He allowed himself a moment for his head to recover. "Stab-in-de-back! dizzang!" He ripped one of the sleeves off, and wrapped it around his midsection, around the part where he had been stabbed. This would halt some of the bleeding, probably. BIG CHICKEN made another lunge, neck straight out at Joff's head, beak open to snap him to death. Joff reached into his bag again, grabbed a bat and threw it, as if a javelin, into the rooster's gaping maw. It got lodged perfectly straight and deep in its throat, and BIG CHICKEN ran around frantically, with its BGAWKKs and BROCKs and BLHCGKHGAgh sounding muffled as it tried to do something about the thing lodged in its throuaght.

While it was incapacitated, Joff got out of his bag a small sack of quarters, about the size of a sock, that he normally used to buy candy. or, in cases like this, to damage things. As BIG CHICKEN was still running around Joffrey took a few quarters out of the sock (In case he wanted a snack later) and wound up his pitch. He spun it around like a windmill. He leaned back. and leaned back, and then leaned back farther. it spun faster; you could feel some wind coming off of it, even. His back became horizontal, then went even farther, a leg in the air, until the back of his head was 2 inches from the ground and the rapidly spinning sock was shredding the grass it hovered over; . as BIG CHICKEN finally coughed up the bat and turned around, he sprang all the way forward and released his projectile, and it landed directly between the eyes of BIG CHICKEN. it exploded upon impact, sending quarters all over, some of them lodging themselves in the chicken's flesh like bullets, but a huge bleeding bruise was left on BIG CHICKEN's face, and the beastie stumbled back into a tree, and got entangled in the vines.

Joff smiled as he watched it peck its way out- he knew it would return with redoubled rage. But until then, he took a swig of Gatorade he had swiped from the ship, and picked up the rgurgitated bat and the one he had been holding before "Dual-weilding-- like a true motha," he whispered under his breath. By now the bird had cut away its bonds, and Joff assumed a special dual-weilding fencing stance he'd developed, and smirked again.

Vapor · 09-06-2010, 06:03 PM

HEY ZAIDON

Y'KNOW WHAT'S REALLY FUN

REPLYING

Zaden · 09-06-2010, 11:44 PM

The chicken ran over to Joff, feet pounding on the ground with a typewriter-like sound. It swiped at Joffrey with a claw but the batsman cart-wheeled to the side and came up with a twisting double smash to the bird's beak, leaving a crack in the side. The rooster's head, smacked to the side by the wiffle bats, snapped back with a whip-like motion, bashing Clements in the side of his head and sent him tumbling.

A claw wrapped around Joffrey's arm and flipped him up into the air. As he twirled about, the foul fowl jumped up and plastered him with a blindingly fast barrage of spur-kicks before riding his riddled body into the ground.

"BRUUUCK, buck, buck, buck, buck, bruck, buck, bruck, buck, buck."

Blood oozed onto the jungle's dirt floor. Big Chicken was about to prove that he and Joff were quite well-matched in the speed department.

Fairlight Excalibur · 09-08-2010, 12:42 AM

Click to view video.

Zaden · 10-04-2010, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vapor

HEY ZAIDON

Y'KNOW WHAT'S REALLY FUN

REPLYING

i no rite? u shud try it

Vapor · 12-03-2010, 07:43 PM

OoC: wooooo not going here for a month
<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
"DA BLOOD! DA BLOOD! Oh lawdz, There is blood everywhere, et's a buzzkiller, innit?" Joff suffused with dialects. his face and the rest of his body were totally riddled with cuts/bruises/both at once, and his vision was getting wonky; and the chicken atop him made it even worse. mustering up all the strength he could, he grabbed two of BIG CHICKEN's bladelike toes, tore them off and threw them like knives into its chest. This was TWO TWO TWO grave injuries at once, meaning TWO TWO TWO grave surprises at once. Biggy rocked backwards, and Joff took this as an opportunity to lurch forward and knock the big boy over.

Squirming, he made his way over towards the thick underbrush. He was able to conceal himself fully as BIG CHICKEN came back to its senses.

Vision blurring, he fell face down- and saw a flower.

The Tempestrage Mandrake

A wild Tempestrage can be quite the shocker. As it is removed from the soil, the ground begins to undulate and vibrate in waves. This effect is approx. a five-foot radius around the area of the root. The unnaturally large roots of the Mandrake, upon having been removed, flex and twist and vibrate frantically, searching for some of its native soil. The roots will then have a giant growth spurt in a last attempt to find some soil. They grow up to 4 feet per second in a burst lasting about ten seconds. The roots whip up a horrendous wind in this time and can cause massive property damage.

Joff had seen that in some library somewhere and really liked it. And he saw its distinctive black/blue flower now, and ripped it out- the tremor caused his bones to shake- and threw it at where he expected biggy to be.

The tendrils shot forward in their storm and BIG CHICKEN was right in the middle. they slashed and whipped and lashed and hashed, all the while tearing down multitudes of trees. ~~The monkey screams were endless.~~

Joff had hidden beneath the gale, and was now pinned to the ground, beneath a soft bush. He wasn't sure if he could get up, and figured Chicky might feel the same. It took great effort to roll to face-up position, open up a gap in the roots and to grasp a fallen branch.

"Nao- wull see hoaw tha shew inds--"
<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
OoC: uh okay that may have been very strange. I hope it's not unacceptable? If not there's now hundreds of square feet of plant everywhere, so yeah

Zaden · 01-19-2011, 04:25 PM

Big Chicken saw the plant flying towards him. After all, nothing can approach a bird with a 300° visual field and a flicker threshold greater than 100 Hz without being spotted. It's utterly hopeless to try to attack a chicken by surprise, at least not from the same horizontal plane.

The flower, which started off small, was easily evaded. But the incredible growth speed of its unearthed roots revealed that the main body of the flower was not where the danger lay. The shooting roots lashed at the chicken's body a few times before he jumped and flapped his wings, ascending away from it. A senseless plant that has been uprooted cannot determine which direction the ground is, so the roots extend in every direction. One tendril shot upward and weaved its way around the bird's spur and ankle in its search for soil. The plant was now hundreds of times heavier due to its desperate growth spurt and Big Chicken was yanked to a stop by the root's whipping, flailing motion. With his upward momentum killed, Big Chicken fell back to the ground. He was back where the roots had grown before, and now they were too large to lacerate him, but were knocking him around and giving him a good jarring. Two roots swung past each other and flipped the chicken onto his face. As the ends of the roots pierced more and more ground, the giant mass this flower had become pulled itself Earth-ward and began to take root again. Big Chicken flipped him rightways and crawled out of the way of several huge roots that sunk into the ground and threatened to crush or bury him. The chicken's combination of good eyesight, fast reflexes, and natural ability to return to a standing position quickly miraculously suited the situation. Any other creature besides a bird could not have escaped! Okay, so a cat has those same traits and could survive that just as well as a bird, but whatever...

No casualties yet. Joffrey and Big Chicken were still alive and the Tempestrage Mandrake's attempt to save itself succeeded.

*****************************

Okay, now for some OoC. I would just like to request that those battling me in our friendly 1-on-1's, notably Vapor and PK FIRE!, not end their post with their character in hiding, as I have trouble role-playing that. Eventually, I should get better at this kind of thing. In retrospect, I did do this to The Traveler in our battle by using a cloaking device, but he didn't seem to have any trouble with a follow-up. So apparently we all have our little quirks.

If you could simply do me the favor of ending your battle post with either an attack or the end of an attack (doesn't matter whose), it makes the action flow easier in my mind and we can all get more posts in. If you find that too limiting, at least avoid these two things: Ending with your character in a specific, yet vaguely-communicated and hard-to-visualize spot that's far away from my character and ending with your character having a plan but I have no clue what the plan is. Those have a tendency to choke up my writing. Again, I'll probably get better once I have more experience.

Quote:

OoC: uh okay that may have been very strange. I hope it's not unacceptable?

It's certainly acceptable. The whole mandrake part was great. The only two things I didn't get were the position of your character in relation to mine and the "TWO TWO TWO" sentence. It looks like a reference to something I haven't seen/heard.

Fairlight Excalibur · 01-19-2011, 05:57 PM

OoC:

Quote:

Joff had hidden beneath the gale, and was now pinned to the ground, beneath a soft bush. He wasn't sure if he could get up, and figured Chicky might feel the same. It took great effort to roll to face-up position, open up a gap in the roots and to grasp a fallen branch.

He is rising out the shrubs, and no longer hidden. Crisis averted.

And just because your guy was invisible with a theoretically unlimited number of planet-destroying neutron bombs was not going to deter me.

Zaden · 01-20-2011, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Traveler

?planet-destroying? neutron bombs

That's not how they work.

Your move, Vapor, if that was unclear.

Fairlight Excalibur · 01-20-2011, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zaden is MeowMan

That's not how they work.

Yes it is. Go play Warpath again.

Zaden · 01-21-2011, 03:22 PM

Okay, this is getting a little spammy, but that really depends on what you mean by 'planet' as to what is being destroyed. When people say 'planet', I generally think of the massive, astronomical body made of rock, frozen liquid, or in some cases, a gas giant. Not its inhabitants. When I hear 'destroy', I perceive it as meaning 'crushed, fragmented, melted, or vaporized into a state in which it can no longer be used.' Warpath portrayed the popular concept of neutron bombs, making them genocide the planet['s biosphere] leaving it physically intact, so you can swoop in and colonize it for your empire. You didn't just N-bomb it and find a gaping hole in space where it used to be.

*remembers the point you were trying to get across in the original statement*
[ragerant]ARRGGHH, SEE WHAT O.C.D. DOES TO PEOPLE? IT MAKES YOU RUN OFF ON TANGENTS BASED ON THE PHRASOLOGY OF A STATEMENT RATHER THAN THE ACTUAL IDEA BEHIND THE STATEMENT![/ragerant]

I just think 'planet-destroying neutron bombs' is a misnomer...

Fairlight Excalibur · 01-21-2011, 06:33 PM

I have bigger neutron bombs than you think (and so does Pythos, for that matter). They can destroy the planet without detonating.

Vapor · 06-22-2011, 12:18 PM

Slightly disappointed, Joff slinked himself up, leaning against a tree, so he was at least upright. He needed to continue. He needed to fight.

BIG CHICKEN thought the same. Seeing Joff's familiar form, it lunged, SCRAWWWWWKing as its open mouth approached Joff.

Joff did the most strategically sound thing he could: duck. He collapsed, and BIG CHICKEN slammed right into the tree, knocking it over with the full force of his jump. Its beak had become jabbed into the wood, and it was still lodged in the tree as it fell backwards, taking the chicky with it, and uprooted tree and bird together fell into the foliage.

Upside-down and with a smashed beak, BIG CHICKEN was disoriented. Joff took this opportunity, and grabbed a strong, sturdy broken branch from off the floor. He prepared himself, amidst his exhaustion, to fight the chicken when it again rose up.

Infuriated, it leaped off of the tangle of the canopy, emitting an unsettling and bizarre beakless caw. Its talons were outstretched, ready to shred Joffrey to death.

He lifted his branch - but he was struggling at this point. His intention was to beat the chicken back, like a baseball bat, when it came towards him, but he quickly saw that this was not a possible case. He held the branch up in vain, his normally superb muscles close to failing him - and BIG CHICKEN made its landing. It slammed right into the branch, like Joff thought it would, and though it had knocked it very slightly off course - making its claws avoid Joff - his arms finally failed him, and the branch fell towards him, like a piledriver powered by the mass of BIG CHICKEN, and it drove right through him. The massive, bulky log impaled him right through the stomach, and crushed his spine to a pulp.

Lying there, with a branch through him, his blood loss became incalculably large, and he could no longer move. He heard BIG CHICKEN cawing out something, but he couldn't tell what it meant - he was in no status to figure it out. His vision dimmed and he lost the feeling in his limbs. The pain was immense, but there was also a sense of closure - maybe even relief.

The lights went out. The battle was over.

01-21-2011, 03:22 PM	#15
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Getting a bit more technical Okay, this is getting a little spammy, but that really depends on what you mean by 'planet' as to what is being destroyed. When people say 'planet', I generally think of the massive, astronomical body made of rock, frozen liquid, or in some cases, a gas giant. Not its inhabitants. When I hear 'destroy', I perceive it as meaning 'crushed, fragmented, melted, or vaporized into a state in which it can no longer be used.' Warpath portrayed the popular concept of neutron bombs, making them genocide the planet['s biosphere] leaving it physically intact, so you can swoop in and colonize it for your empire. You didn't just N-bomb it and find a gaping hole in space where it used to be. remembers the point you were trying to get across in the original statement [ragerant]ARRGGHH, SEE WHAT O.C.D. DOES TO PEOPLE? IT MAKES YOU RUN OFF ON TANGENTS BASED ON THE PHRASOLOGY OF A STATEMENT RATHER THAN THE ACTUAL IDEA BEHIND THE STATEMENT![/ragerant] I just think 'planet-destroying neutron bombs' is a misnomer...

06-22-2011, 12:18 PM	#17
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WHERE IT'S AT Gender: Posts: 5,211 Thanks: 314 Thanked 413 Times in 249 Posts	WHEW Slightly disappointed, Joff slinked himself up, leaning against a tree, so he was at least upright. He needed to continue. He needed to fight. BIG CHICKEN thought the same. Seeing Joff's familiar form, it lunged, SCRAWWWWWKing as its open mouth approached Joff. Joff did the most strategically sound thing he could: duck. He collapsed, and BIG CHICKEN slammed right into the tree, knocking it over with the full force of his jump. Its beak had become jabbed into the wood, and it was still lodged in the tree as it fell backwards, taking the chicky with it, and uprooted tree and bird together fell into the foliage. Upside-down and with a smashed beak, BIG CHICKEN was disoriented. Joff took this opportunity, and grabbed a strong, sturdy broken branch from off the floor. He prepared himself, amidst his exhaustion, to fight the chicken when it again rose up. Infuriated, it leaped off of the tangle of the canopy, emitting an unsettling and bizarre beakless caw. Its talons were outstretched, ready to shred Joffrey to death. He lifted his branch - but he was struggling at this point. His intention was to beat the chicken back, like a baseball bat, when it came towards him, but he quickly saw that this was not a possible case. He held the branch up in vain, his normally superb muscles close to failing him - and BIG CHICKEN made its landing. It slammed right into the branch, like Joff thought it would, and though it had knocked it very slightly off course - making its claws avoid Joff - his arms finally failed him, and the branch fell towards him, like a piledriver powered by the mass of BIG CHICKEN, and it drove right through him. The massive, bulky log impaled him right through the stomach, and crushed his spine to a pulp. Lying there, with a branch through him, his blood loss became incalculably large, and he could no longer move. He heard BIG CHICKEN cawing out something, but he couldn't tell what it meant - he was in no status to figure it out. His vision dimmed and he lost the feeling in his limbs. The pain was immense, but there was also a sense of closure - maybe even relief. The lights went out. The battle was over.

08-19-2010, 09:20 PM	#2
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Alright, I'll be using BIG CHICKEN Big chicken is a red leghorn rooster. Standing up tall, the top of his skull is 12' high and his comb sticks up even farther. Battlefield is a rainforest. Post an entrance and then I'll rip your head off. Yes, this is gonna be good.

08-25-2010, 04:09 PM	#3
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WHERE IT'S AT Gender: Posts: 5,211 Thanks: 314 Thanked 413 Times in 249 Posts	OoC: What the hell? no. ** you. Try again. [/justkiddinglet'sdothis] <<<<<<<>>>>>>> "I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS (deededede), SEE THEM ALL STANDING IN A ROWWW (bum bum bum), BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS YER HEAD*! I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS...." a voice sang in the forest. it was almost muffled by all the rainforest's activity and ecological systems, but there was enough spirit and enthusiasm in its voice to make itself audible. And the voice came from a lone traveller: one Joff Clements. He wasn't sure where this was; it probably had something to do with stowing away on a boat with an unknown destination. And then being discovered and beating up most of the crew. And the only one left conscious and onboard calling for aid. And then jumping off and swimming to shore. Ah well. So it goes. We'll see what I find here, he thought. Hopefully something interesting; he'd already beaten up a few crocodiles. It was getting boring by now. And then, his wish was fulfilled. As he meandered into a clearing, he abruptly stopped at the next "(deededede)" as his jaw fell at the sight of a 12 foot tall rooster. Whoa. WHOA. oh god oh man oh god oh man this is SWEEEIT, I'm diggin' this sooo hard.* He took out one of the dirty wiffle bats protruding from his backpack, and assumed a fighting stance. and waited for the chicken to notice him. it was turned around and nibbling on some branches. and he waited. and BIG CHICKEN nibbled. And Joff became impatient, and leapt up onto BIG CHICKEN's back, and began beating it savagely. feathers flew, and skin was bruised, as the bat stung again and again. the rooster let out the biggest "[b]BGAWKK![/u]" you will ever hear, and turned its head around to bite at Joff. Joff leaped back, grabbed onto its tailfeathers, and spun around to kick the chicken in the head right between the eyes. After this act, he ricocheted off and grabbed a branch with one hand and continued holding the bat in the other. he grinned- not smiled, this was a GRIN- at BIG CHICKEN. He belted in his cockney dialect, "Oy! ye gots a might' fine spirrit, I grants ya'. An' for a Rooster-- Cor!.. Why, jes, my Lawd, youse gots be de biggist birdeh I's seen wit' mah two everlovin' green-an'-brownt eyeballs. dis gun' be a nice ol' fightn', yessuh... i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...." <<<<<<<>>>>>>> more OoC: is it chill to allcaps up big chicken? because I think it expresses the point pretty well.

08-25-2010, 08:10 PM	#4
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	OoC: Go ahead. I haven't even named him and it was an idea thought up totally at random. I always thought the way roosters fight was incredible and thought I'd give it a shot. If you've never seen a rooster fight, look up a video; it's amazing. The mighty bird stood up as tall as it could, raising its comb and feathers, not content that any creature within its sphere of influence should challenge its authority. He was the alpha male, and for good reasons, too. He had fought his way to the top of this jungle's food chain. The man and the chicken's eyes' met each other. The rooster responded to the man's look of playful defiance with a look of absolute contempt. It stuck its chest out proudly and marched up to the hanging man, and, as the gansters say, got all up in his grill. There was less than an inch of space between Joff's nose and the bird's beak as they stared each other down. Joffrey's grin slowly changed to a smirk. Was this an official challenge? The chicken's intention could be clearly perceived: He was going to prove who was tougher. The enormous rooster actually put its beak against Joffrey and began pushing on him. He replied by placing his index and middle finger on the beak (holding the bat with the other two fingers and thumb) and shoving the bird's head back. This enraged the beast. It opened it's beak just wide enough to bite the man's head off and lunged forward. It chomped at the air as Joffrey had quickly released the branch and fell to the ground. Upon landing, he immediately sprang back up, smashing the bat into the base of the chicken's beak. Twisting counterclock-wise on the way down from his jump, he landed a left spinning back kick to the bird's chest. "BROCK!" The Big Chicken whipped its head downward, nailing Joffrey on the top of the skull with the tip of its beak and slamming him face-first into the dirt. The bird then lifted a leg into the air and just as Joff put his hands on the ground to lift himself up, brought its foot down, stabbing Joffrey in the spine with its relatively sharp spur. The Big Chicken then began stomping on the back of his head.

08-26-2010, 10:46 AM	#5
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WHERE IT'S AT Gender: Posts: 5,211 Thanks: 314 Thanked 413 Times in 249 Posts	OoC: [/ridiculousness] <<<<<<<>>>>>>> BIG CHICKEN only got in one stomp before Joff's reflexes took hold. He grabbed one of the chicken's toes with each hand, heaved, and rolled to the right, throwing the rooster down onto the ground. the wings flapped frantically, bringing down a few branches in its wake. Joff stumbled over toward his bag, and pulled out his sweatshirt. He allowed himself a moment for his head to recover. "Stab-in-de-back! dizzang!" He ripped one of the sleeves off, and wrapped it around his midsection, around the part where he had been stabbed. This would halt some of the bleeding, probably. BIG CHICKEN made another lunge, neck straight out at Joff's head, beak open to snap him to death. Joff reached into his bag again, grabbed a bat and threw it, as if a javelin, into the rooster's gaping maw. It got lodged perfectly straight and deep in its throat, and BIG CHICKEN ran around frantically, with its BGAWKKs and BROCKs and BLHCGKHGAgh sounding muffled as it tried to do something about the thing lodged in its throuaght. While it was incapacitated, Joff got out of his bag a small sack of quarters, about the size of a sock, that he normally used to buy candy. or, in cases like this, to damage things. As BIG CHICKEN was still running around Joffrey took a few quarters out of the sock (In case he wanted a snack later) and wound up his pitch. He spun it around like a windmill. He leaned back. and leaned back, and then leaned back farther. it spun faster; you could feel some wind coming off of it, even. His back became horizontal, then went even farther, a leg in the air, until the back of his head was 2 inches from the ground and the rapidly spinning sock was shredding the grass it hovered over; . as BIG CHICKEN finally coughed up the bat and turned around, he sprang all the way forward and released his projectile, and it landed directly between the eyes of BIG CHICKEN. it exploded upon impact, sending quarters all over, some of them lodging themselves in the chicken's flesh like bullets, but a huge bleeding bruise was left on BIG CHICKEN's face, and the beastie stumbled back into a tree, and got entangled in the vines. Joff smiled as he watched it peck its way out- he knew it would return with redoubled rage. But until then, he took a swig of Gatorade he had swiped from the ship, and picked up the rgurgitated bat and the one he had been holding before "Dual-weilding-- like a true motha," he whispered under his breath. By now the bird had cut away its bonds, and Joff assumed a special dual-weilding fencing stance he'd developed, and smirked again.

09-06-2010, 06:03 PM	#6
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WHERE IT'S AT Gender: Posts: 5,211 Thanks: 314 Thanked 413 Times in 249 Posts	HEY ZAIDON Y'KNOW WHAT'S REALLY FUN REPLYING

09-06-2010, 11:44 PM	#7
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	The chicken ran over to Joff, feet pounding on the ground with a typewriter-like sound. It swiped at Joffrey with a claw but the batsman cart-wheeled to the side and came up with a twisting double smash to the bird's beak, leaving a crack in the side. The rooster's head, smacked to the side by the wiffle bats, snapped back with a whip-like motion, bashing Clements in the side of his head and sent him tumbling. A claw wrapped around Joffrey's arm and flipped him up into the air. As he twirled about, the foul fowl jumped up and plastered him with a blindingly fast barrage of spur-kicks before riding his riddled body into the ground. "BRUUUCK, buck, buck, buck, buck, bruck, buck, bruck, buck, buck." Blood oozed onto the jungle's dirt floor. Big Chicken was about to prove that he and Joff were quite well-matched in the speed department.

12-03-2010, 07:43 PM	#10
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WHERE IT'S AT Gender: Posts: 5,211 Thanks: 314 Thanked 413 Times in 249 Posts	OoC: wooooo not going here for a month <<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>> "DA BLOOD! DA BLOOD! Oh lawdz, There is blood everywhere, et's a buzzkiller, innit?" Joff suffused with dialects. his face and the rest of his body were totally riddled with cuts/bruises/both at once, and his vision was getting wonky; and the chicken atop him made it even worse. mustering up all the strength he could, he grabbed two of BIG CHICKEN's bladelike toes, tore them off and threw them like knives into its chest. This was TWO TWO TWO grave injuries at once, meaning TWO TWO TWO grave surprises at once. Biggy rocked backwards, and Joff took this as an opportunity to lurch forward and knock the big boy over. Squirming, he made his way over towards the thick underbrush. He was able to conceal himself fully as BIG CHICKEN came back to its senses. Vision blurring, he fell face down- and saw a flower. The Tempestrage Mandrake A wild Tempestrage can be quite the shocker. As it is removed from the soil, the ground begins to undulate and vibrate in waves. This effect is approx. a five-foot radius around the area of the root. The unnaturally large roots of the Mandrake, upon having been removed, flex and twist and vibrate frantically, searching for some of its native soil. The roots will then have a giant growth spurt in a last attempt to find some soil. They grow up to 4 feet per second in a burst lasting about ten seconds. The roots whip up a horrendous wind in this time and can cause massive property damage. Joff had seen that in some library somewhere and really liked it. And he saw its distinctive black/blue flower now, and ripped it out- the tremor caused his bones to shake- and threw it at where he expected biggy to be. The tendrils shot forward in their storm and BIG CHICKEN was right in the middle. they slashed and whipped and lashed and hashed, all the while tearing down multitudes of trees. ~~The monkey screams were endless.~~ Joff had hidden beneath the gale, and was now pinned to the ground, beneath a soft bush. He wasn't sure if he could get up, and figured Chicky might feel the same. It took great effort to roll to face-up position, open up a gap in the roots and to grasp a fallen branch. "Nao- wull see hoaw tha shew inds--" <<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>> OoC: uh okay that may have been very strange. I hope it's not unacceptable? If not there's now hundreds of square feet of plant everywhere, so yeah

01-21-2011, 06:33 PM	#16
Fairlight Excalibur Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: LA Gender: Posts: 880 Thanks: 72 Thanked 111 Times in 82 Posts Blog Entries: 1	I have bigger neutron bombs than you think (and so does Pythos, for that matter). They can destroy the planet without detonating.