I Have Returned. Hide the children, peasants. (Open Challenge)

1-up Salesman · 05-12-2011, 05:42 PM

OOC: Yes, because I was just suuch a well known and praised Gunjin'er. Anyway, I figured I'd get back to this. I could use some writing practice./

Was it hell? No, you weren't that lucky. You were getting hell confused with...New York? Some iteration of New York, at some specific time. It didn't really matter. It was confusing for the average human mind, and he was already occupied.

The man couldn't help but smile. All that time, all that effort that went into achieving his goal. It all seemed worth it. He had found power- infinite and unmatchable power. He was a god. Nothing could stand in his path. He wouldn't allow this...insect to burden him any longer than he already had.

The children screamed as whole masses of people fell silent. The streets were flooded with the blood. The screaming. It was a continuous note of quivering agony.

'No...,' he begged in protest, trying to fight it.

'Shut your mouth, filth,' it replied.

The crashing and noises of rubble flying everywhere was but tapping in his ears. Throwing his arms foward repeatedly- blow after blow. He scowled, his eyes bloodshot. Smash. Smash. He would not stop.

'This..isn't...right...'

He felt a stab of pain in his arm as he struck down a woman. But he didn't recognize the limb. It was...jagged and...hellish looking.

The angel staggered back. A few seconds passed. The two stood. And then it started again. It was like two masses of pure stone repeatedly colliding, a flash of light beaming every time the two forces met.

What was going on? Elijah didn't know. This...spirit? What was it? He had no understanding of what had happened.

"DIE!" Zeten screamed, beating at the entity. AS he continued to strike, the angel didn't fight back. He put up his arms. He just stood. When, as Zeten continued to fight...something happened. As his weapon met the arms of his opponent, there was a flash of light. A burning pain stabbed in his arms. It grew and grew...he felt as if he was on fire.

Everything had been normal. He was out of his apartment, to buy food. Life was depressing. He was alone and upset with himself for the way he had been acting lately. When suddenly...there was a flash of light, blinding his eyes. A burning pain stabbed in his arms. It grew and grew...he felt as if he was on fire.

Zeten Aranos screamed. He...he felt like a helpless child as the pain grew, and he found that he couldn't move. He felt like he was being stretched out and smashed in on himself. This intensely continued for a few seconds, until there was another flash of light.

The voices in the head. Oh, the voices...

Everything disappeared. All that he could see was...indescribable. A blur of changing colors. When Zeten would come to, he would find that he was not in control of his body. Because it wasn't his body that he was inhabiting.

Elijah had thought he was just hearing things. But the voice continued speaking, in a violent inflection. It didn't sound ordinary. It sounded...demonic.

Zeten felt a surge of anxiety and adrenaline in "his" body. He heard a voice that sounded like an ordinary man. And then he realized what was happening.

Something had been done by the angel...Zeten had been..killed? Something the angel had done had caused Zeten to drift through time and space...and somehow he ended up in this mass of filth that peasants used as a home.

Somehow, Zeten's state of magic-induced power had caused this. The angel's mysticism wasn't powerful enough to kill him.

The screams continued.

It did not matter, he supposed. He could use this body...

Zeten would not let them continue to plague him. Wherever he was, whenever he was, he would not be stopped.

1-up Salesman · 05-14-2011, 01:06 AM

OOC: Please, guys. I BEG OF YOU. I would really appreciate it. Someone try and kill Zeten.

1-up Salesman · 05-31-2011, 03:51 PM

Take the challenge.

Zaden · 06-21-2011, 08:38 PM

Your story needs to be more coherent. I can tell a little of what's going on, but I don't see how it fits together.

What does Elijah look like?
Are the paragraphs in chronological order?
Who smashing stuff and killing people?
What does the surrounding area look like?

I'm starting to understand it better, but I had to read it several times.

I'd also like to offer some encouragement. The Gunjin is awesome, but it can be very hard. Don't give up.

Vapor · 06-29-2011, 09:41 AM

I will take this up - A good exercise for my old, atrophied writin'-fightin' muscles.

But, again, I'm not really sure what's happening.. a demon loses a battle with an angel, then inhabits the body of some guy in New York as the city is lost in mayhem and blood due to a currently unknown force? Is that accurate?

1-up Salesman · 07-01-2011, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vapor

I will take this up - A good exercise for my old, atrophied writin'-fightin' muscles.

But, again, I'm not really sure what's happening.. a demon loses a battle with an angel, then inhabits the body of some guy in New York as the city is lost in mayhem and blood due to a currently unknown force? Is that accurate?

OoC:Zeten's a character I've been using for a while. He's trying to basically destroy everything to, in his mind, "purify it" because of the events he faced as a youth.

And you're right, I suppopse I should have included some more detail, but I'm not quite sure how that would have turned out with the style I'm trying to write it in, but that's my problem.

Yeah, basically, he was able to transform himself into this demon thing, and was close to achieving his goal. An Angel was sent down from above to try and put a stop to the situation.

Zeten almost won, but the Angel destroyed his body and sent what remained (he was too strong to be "erased") to another realm, where Zeten's spirit tried to inhabit the soul of another before he vanished into nothingness.

Also: Elijah's just a regular looking guy. Long dark hair and needs to shave. A jacket and jeans. -_-'
Um...yeah. Sorry for the confusion.

Vapor · 07-07-2011, 07:57 PM

Okay, neat. I'll get around to this sometime soon, don't you worry.

Vapor · 07-08-2011, 01:44 PM

Every city has its secrets; the holy, profane or eldritch lurking just outside the realm of everyday experience. Some cities more than others. New York city more than most. Johannes had been to New York many times before - he found this little bit of America quite charming. Every time, he discovered more new and wonderful things about the city and about arcane and mysterious things that could be found nowhere else on Earth.

Today, the old man was underground, in a subway tunnel that had been forgotten since the Wilson administration. Not even the city's teeming mass of rats and derelicts knew about this place; all obvious entries were sealed off by collapsed concrete. Johannes had made a personal effort to find a way in, and this solitude, amidst the mildew and dust, was a favorable atmosphere for meditation. The pestilence in the air meant little to his superhuman body. Dust motes and moisture gathered on his red beard and his old trenchcoat. As of late, he had come to frequent this spot. Here, he felt a special kind of solitude, and he could reach out with his mind and touch the soul of the city: the skyscrapers, the parks, the garbage... the crime, the big business, the homeless... the great triumphs, the magnificent failures, the wonderful successes and the miserable disappointments, the realized hopes and the shattered dreams that passed overhead in multitudes every day. He relished the feeling of the city.

He was in the midst of feeling a young TV writer's meteoric rise to the top when the reverie was broken with fire and bloodshed. The writer's bliss was replaced with panic, then with pain, and then with oblivion as she was killed by what Johannes could feel was an otherworldly spirit. He immediately recognized its demonic nature. He could feel its rage, the stirrings of a rampage. He snapped out of his meditative trance.

From underneath the pavement, the screams were impossible to hear. But Johannes knew that they were there. Climbing atop a pile of broken concrete, he wound up and punched through the ceiling of the tunnel. He thrust himself through the hole, and emerged onto the street, cracking pavement as he pulled himself through. He saw the source of the chaos: a young dark-haired man, obviously possessed. He was slaughtering at an amazing rate as the crowd tried to flee.

As the demon-man was about to slam a boy's head through a wall, Johannes grabbed a shotgun from his coat and fired it at Elijah-Zeten. it bounced off his back, surprising him, and making him drop the child. He fled, screaming, as Elijah-Zeten turned around. Johannes fired a few more shells directly at his forehead. They left bruises, one of them bleeding. This only served to enrage the possessed man further. He charged at Johannes, eyes glowing red. Johannes continued to shoot, hoping to evoke further wrath. He also got a lucky shot in the demon-man's left eye, making him half-blind.

Out of ammo, Johannes tossed the gun aside, and pulled out a machete. He leaped towards the charging demon-man, and embedded the blade in his right shoulder. He was lucky that it was able to pierce the skin - the combine force of both charging warriors had been quite substantial.

Zeten-Elijah tumbled forwards, clutching the blade. When he got up, Johannes had taken out his Maschinesabel, his massive, gadgety steel sword. He glared.

"You.. would DARE... to strike at one such as ME? Have you any idea who I AM, PEASANT? Have you and idea WHAT I am??"

"I know exactly what you are," Johannes coolly answered. "You are a demon, a foul spirit, who has possessed the soul of a citizen of this city. I regret that I have to injure the man in order to dispatch you, but I will do everything in my power to be certain that this world is rid of you. Permanently." He met Zeten's gaze. "We fight."

05-12-2011, 05:42 PM	#1
1-up Salesman Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Letting you guys know that I'm planning on continuing Attack of the Spammers soon. Gender: Posts: 4,095 Thanks: 2,162 Thanked 250 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 9	I Have Returned. Hide the children, peasants. (Open Challenge) OOC: Yes, because I was just suuch a well known and praised Gunjin'er. Anyway, I figured I'd get back to this. I could use some writing practice./ Was it hell? No, you weren't that lucky. You were getting hell confused with...New York? Some iteration of New York, at some specific time. It didn't really matter. It was confusing for the average human mind, and he was already occupied. The man couldn't help but smile. All that time, all that effort that went into achieving his goal. It all seemed worth it. He had found power- infinite and unmatchable power. He was a god. Nothing could stand in his path. He wouldn't allow this...insect to burden him any longer than he already had. The children screamed as whole masses of people fell silent. The streets were flooded with the blood. The screaming. It was a continuous note of quivering agony. 'No...,' he begged in protest, trying to fight it. 'Shut your mouth, filth,' it replied. The crashing and noises of rubble flying everywhere was but tapping in his ears. Throwing his arms foward repeatedly- blow after blow. He scowled, his eyes bloodshot. Smash. Smash. He would not stop. 'This..isn't...right...' He felt a stab of pain in his arm as he struck down a woman. But he didn't recognize the limb. It was...jagged and...hellish looking. The angel staggered back. A few seconds passed. The two stood. And then it started again. It was like two masses of pure stone repeatedly colliding, a flash of light beaming every time the two forces met. What was going on? Elijah didn't know. This...spirit? What was it? He had no understanding of what had happened. "DIE!" Zeten screamed, beating at the entity. AS he continued to strike, the angel didn't fight back. He put up his arms. He just stood. When, as Zeten continued to fight...something happened. As his weapon met the arms of his opponent, there was a flash of light. A burning pain stabbed in his arms. It grew and grew...he felt as if he was on fire. Everything had been normal. He was out of his apartment, to buy food. Life was depressing. He was alone and upset with himself for the way he had been acting lately. When suddenly...there was a flash of light, blinding his eyes. A burning pain stabbed in his arms. It grew and grew...he felt as if he was on fire. Zeten Aranos screamed. He...he felt like a helpless child as the pain grew, and he found that he couldn't move. He felt like he was being stretched out and smashed in on himself. This intensely continued for a few seconds, until there was another flash of light. The voices in the head. Oh, the voices... Everything disappeared. All that he could see was...indescribable. A blur of changing colors. When Zeten would come to, he would find that he was not in control of his body. Because it wasn't his body that he was inhabiting. Elijah had thought he was just hearing things. But the voice continued speaking, in a violent inflection. It didn't sound ordinary. It sounded...demonic. Zeten felt a surge of anxiety and adrenaline in "his" body. He heard a voice that sounded like an ordinary man. And then he realized what was happening. Something had been done by the angel...Zeten had been..killed? Something the angel had done had caused Zeten to drift through time and space...and somehow he ended up in this mass of filth that peasants used as a home. Somehow, Zeten's state of magic-induced power had caused this. The angel's mysticism wasn't powerful enough to kill him. The screams continued. It did not matter, he supposed. He could use this body... Zeten would not let them continue to plague him. Wherever he was, whenever he was, he would not be stopped.

07-08-2011, 01:44 PM	#8
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WHERE IT'S AT Gender: Posts: 5,211 Thanks: 314 Thanked 413 Times in 249 Posts	Hey, Johannes. Nice to see you again. Every city has its secrets; the holy, profane or eldritch lurking just outside the realm of everyday experience. Some cities more than others. New York city more than most. Johannes had been to New York many times before - he found this little bit of America quite charming. Every time, he discovered more new and wonderful things about the city and about arcane and mysterious things that could be found nowhere else on Earth. Today, the old man was underground, in a subway tunnel that had been forgotten since the Wilson administration. Not even the city's teeming mass of rats and derelicts knew about this place; all obvious entries were sealed off by collapsed concrete. Johannes had made a personal effort to find a way in, and this solitude, amidst the mildew and dust, was a favorable atmosphere for meditation. The pestilence in the air meant little to his superhuman body. Dust motes and moisture gathered on his red beard and his old trenchcoat. As of late, he had come to frequent this spot. Here, he felt a special kind of solitude, and he could reach out with his mind and touch the soul of the city: the skyscrapers, the parks, the garbage... the crime, the big business, the homeless... the great triumphs, the magnificent failures, the wonderful successes and the miserable disappointments, the realized hopes and the shattered dreams that passed overhead in multitudes every day. He relished the feeling of the city. He was in the midst of feeling a young TV writer's meteoric rise to the top when the reverie was broken with fire and bloodshed. The writer's bliss was replaced with panic, then with pain, and then with oblivion as she was killed by what Johannes could feel was an otherworldly spirit. He immediately recognized its demonic nature. He could feel its rage, the stirrings of a rampage. He snapped out of his meditative trance. From underneath the pavement, the screams were impossible to hear. But Johannes knew that they were there. Climbing atop a pile of broken concrete, he wound up and punched through the ceiling of the tunnel. He thrust himself through the hole, and emerged onto the street, cracking pavement as he pulled himself through. He saw the source of the chaos: a young dark-haired man, obviously possessed. He was slaughtering at an amazing rate as the crowd tried to flee. As the demon-man was about to slam a boy's head through a wall, Johannes grabbed a shotgun from his coat and fired it at Elijah-Zeten. it bounced off his back, surprising him, and making him drop the child. He fled, screaming, as Elijah-Zeten turned around. Johannes fired a few more shells directly at his forehead. They left bruises, one of them bleeding. This only served to enrage the possessed man further. He charged at Johannes, eyes glowing red. Johannes continued to shoot, hoping to evoke further wrath. He also got a lucky shot in the demon-man's left eye, making him half-blind. Out of ammo, Johannes tossed the gun aside, and pulled out a machete. He leaped towards the charging demon-man, and embedded the blade in his right shoulder. He was lucky that it was able to pierce the skin - the combine force of both charging warriors had been quite substantial. Zeten-Elijah tumbled forwards, clutching the blade. When he got up, Johannes had taken out his Maschinesabel, his massive, gadgety steel sword. He glared. "You.. would DARE... to strike at one such as ME? Have you any idea who I AM, PEASANT? Have you and idea WHAT I am??" "I know exactly what you are," Johannes coolly answered. "You are a demon, a foul spirit, who has possessed the soul of a citizen of this city. I regret that I have to injure the man in order to dispatch you, but I will do everything in my power to be certain that this world is rid of you. Permanently." He met Zeten's gaze. "We fight."

05-14-2011, 01:06 AM	#2
1-up Salesman Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Letting you guys know that I'm planning on continuing Attack of the Spammers soon. Gender: Posts: 4,095 Thanks: 2,162 Thanked 250 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 9	OOC: Please, guys. I BEG OF YOU. I would really appreciate it. Someone try and kill Zeten.

05-31-2011, 03:51 PM	#3
1-up Salesman Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Letting you guys know that I'm planning on continuing Attack of the Spammers soon. Gender: Posts: 4,095 Thanks: 2,162 Thanked 250 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 9	Take the challenge.

06-21-2011, 08:38 PM	#4
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Your story needs to be more coherent. I can tell a little of what's going on, but I don't see how it fits together. What does Elijah look like? Are the paragraphs in chronological order? Who smashing stuff and killing people? What does the surrounding area look like? I'm starting to understand it better, but I had to read it several times. I'd also like to offer some encouragement. The Gunjin is awesome, but it can be very hard. Don't give up.

06-29-2011, 09:41 AM	#5
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WHERE IT'S AT Gender: Posts: 5,211 Thanks: 314 Thanked 413 Times in 249 Posts	I will take this up - A good exercise for my old, atrophied writin'-fightin' muscles. But, again, I'm not really sure what's happening.. a demon loses a battle with an angel, then inhabits the body of some guy in New York as the city is lost in mayhem and blood due to a currently unknown force? Is that accurate?

07-07-2011, 07:57 PM	#7
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WHERE IT'S AT Gender: Posts: 5,211 Thanks: 314 Thanked 413 Times in 249 Posts	Okay, neat. I'll get around to this sometime soon, don't you worry.