Inferno, Kouji, and Flint's training with SD.

[Inferno Dragon]

Inferno approached a run down dojo, his wings having been retracted before his arrival. he wore a suit of green and orange saiyan armor. his saiyan tail wrapped around his waist and his dragonic tail raised up as he approached the dojo. he wore a bright blue body suit under the armor, orange gloves and orange and black black boots that had expanded to fit his dragonic feet. he paused for a second, his spiky crimson hair blew in the wind. his amber eyes stared at the dojo as his orange skin and crimson horns shown in the sunlight.

Inferno: well, this is it, my training starts here, good thing my mom made this special saiyan armor that let's me unfurl my wings through the expanding slits in the back.

Inferno sighed and shoved as hard as he could in order to move the heavy door. He strained and struggled for an hour to get the door open. once it was finally open he fell forward onto the ground exhausted from opening the door.

Inferno: uuuggghh I was barely able to open that thing, and I'm a dragonic saiyan! not to mention this place is in the middle of nowhere, how is anyone supposed to find this place!

??? I dunno, I thought it was easy enough to find, though that door was a pain in the ass.

Inferno stood up to see a gruff looking man in a long brown leather trenchcoat, long jeans, a white shirt and a long brimmed leather western style hat leaning against the left wall. his arms folded over his chest and a cigarette in his mouth he glances over to Inferno from under the brim of his hat.

Flint: the name's Flint, so you're one of the mighty saiyans huh?

Inferno: yeah, I am. well a half breed anyway, see I'm half dragon and half saiyan.

Flint: heh, that's a weird mix, but that armor there and your tail prooves it, you're still a saiyan.

Inferno: eh heh.

???: wow, a real saiyan! this is so awsome!!!

a yong man in his late teens ran up to Inferno and shook his hand energeticly. the youth had spiky green hair and wore a white shirt, a pair of jeans, tennis shoes and a red high-school jacket with a black N on the right side. around his waist was a jeweld belt that was in fact a henshin device.

Kouji: oh, forgive me, I forgot to tell you my name, my name is Kouji Miyamoto.

Inferno: my name's inferno, so I'm guessing you guys got the invitation too huh?

the others nod to Inferno.

Inferno: well whoever sent these out must have wanted us to meet.

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

Good start, Inferno.

(If anyone else wants some 'training', I'm happy to help.)

Inferno approached a run down dojo, his wings having been retracted before his arrival. he wore a suit of green and orange saiyan armor. his saiyan tail wrapped around his waist and his dragonic tail raised up as he approached the dojo. he wore a bright blue body suit under the armor, orange gloves and orange and black black boots that had expanded to fit his dragonic feet. he paused for a second, his spiky crimson hair blew in the wind. his amber eyes stared at the dojo as his orange skin and crimson horns shown in the sunlight.

There's a pretty decent idea of what Inferno looks like, but my first thought is, you're relying on prior knowledge of the Saiyan race (and dragons) to get an image of the tails. Is Inferno's dragon tail long? Is it thick with tough scales? Or is it narrow and whip-like? Do vicious spines errupt from the top side of the tail? Is it forked at the end? Dragons especially have a varied range of body types.

Also, I'm really pleased to see you were careful to avoid repeating words, but I notice there was some trouble with the colours. Here's a way you can help with that:

"Orange was a recurring theme on Inferno's suit, with his gloves, boots and chestplate all shining with the rich colour. Bands of irredencent green highlighted his armour, and conforming to the rest of his form was a blue bodysuit."

Sometimes mashing the description together like that helps keep the description precise and neater. Colour is important only to a degree; you can expand on how it actually looks and give it more emphasis by keeping other details slightly shorter.

Secondly, the dojo itself. Even the landscape around it. The area you want it to be in could be completely opposite to my own immediate thoughts; you have to feed us enough information that we know where you want us to be. For instance:

"A single desterted building lay nestled within a grove of trees. Orange and red hued leaves rustled and with the help of an icy wind, shook free from their entrapment to float languidly towards the weed-choked earth. What was once a carefully tended garden now lay in ruins, reclaimed by nature. Trellises and pathways alike were overun with dry grasses, soon to be joined by a carpet of dying leaves.

Oriental features adorned the unusual structure, and while the roof sagged in places and the stone walls had turned a dirty gray, it was obvious that at one time, the building had been magnificent. A forbidding wooden door seemed to glare at Inferno, defying him to enter the sanctuary. He took a deep breath of the chilled air and looked to the mountains in the distance. This was the place he had been called to. It was now or never."

Two paragraphs set the scene, giving small details such as showing the reader it's autumn, and giving a bare feeling of reluctance.

Following that, once you finally get inside, what's it like? Is there dust highlighted in beams of sunlight that pour through holes in the roof? Are there windows, or paintings on the walls? How does it smell? It is musty from disuse, with an underlying scent of cologne and cigarette smoke coming from Kouji? Or perhaps, contrary to its appearance, there's the smell of incense and wood polish, as if the interior of the dojo has been carefully tended for all these years. Is it warm? Chilly? Does Inferno feel the heat against his bare skin, while the suit he wears keeps him from experiencing temperature changes?

Lastly, as an aside from the writing, you should always read over your work and edit it yourself before submitting it. At this time is when you look for spelling and grammatical errors, and particularly punctuation. When in doubt over the spelling, you can search the word on OneLook Dictionary or even look it up through a Google search.

Remember to use a capital letter when beginning a sentence!

So... what's next?

[Kargath]

This is a good idea of yours, SD.

In the interests of science, Inferno: How about you attempt real writing instead of script format for your next post?
Push yourself a little, the results could be interesting.

[Inferno Dragon]

OOC: kargath, I'm gettin real sick of that elitist BS about script not being a legit format, back off.

the three warriors stood in the darkened dojo, nothing could be seen in the dojo aside from the three due to their stong auras illuminating their forms.

Inferno: so flint, what's your story?

Flint: well, a long time ago back where I came from I was the sheriff of a little town called Pleasent Gulch. But things started gettin' really bad around there. Bandits, outlaws, you name it, they were attracted to our little town. I did my best keepin' order there, but I was outta my league when these monsters 'n' zombies and stuff started showing up. We had to abandon the town and headed further west to El Passo Texas, but it was too late once we arrived. El Passo had been taken by those things too. We mooved on north to oklahoma and that night on our way north, I was visited by Horus of those Egyptian Gods. he told me that I had to defend earth from those things he called Nightmares. He gave me my pistols, the white one called savior, the black one called destroyer, and my gold double-barreled shotgun named "The Hand of Ra". Horus also made me immortal so that I could take out the nightmares. not much else to tell, I've been fighting those damn things ever since.

Kouji: woah... that's cool!

Inferno: so you're immortal?

Flint: yeah, and I hate it! having to outlive everyone you care about, seeing everyone you love die of old age while staying the same age you were some two hundred years ago. this is why I'm a loner now, no one to get attached to that you'll miss when they die.

Inferno: I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Flint: no, it's allright, so what's with you kid?

kouji: who me?

Flint: *no, the saiyan*

Kouji: hmph! okay if you want to know I was made the new champion of videoland after being sucked into the videogame world. this belt of mine lets me transform into the N warrior. so there's not much to say about me other than the fact that I went to the same school as kevin keen, though when he disappeared he was a junior and I was just a freshman. so what's your story Inferno?

Inferno: well mine's a long one. I guess I should start with my parents.

Kouji: your parents?

Inferno: yeah... it's going to be a long story so you might want to sit down for this one.

the two sit down, their backs against the cold metal walls of the dojo.

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

So.... backstory. I don't know what to say, exactly, Inferno. I have no emotional connection or attachment to any of your characters, based solely on that post. I can't even really believe Flint's story. It's not convincing. You must include some emotion if you're writing an emotional piece. He should be... angry, sad, impassioned for his duty, something. Similarly, I was confused for a while about your use of the sarcasm tags (I actually went into edit your post in the end to see what that was about), so make sure you write the nuances in. It will benefit the feel of your scenes, and offer the reader something to sympathise with, or laugh along with, or whatever emotion you're trying to protray. As a writer, you can completely dictate what your reader will feel, as long as you include it in your description.

Not a lot else for me to say, so I'll just get into my part of this show.

--------

A cloying, thick scent of moisture and mould permeated the large room. Three men huddled together, their auras flickering and lapping against each other as if a gentle caress of a flame. They were unaware of another presence, and of the growing smell of damp.

Voices were hushed unconsciously, as if the expanse of dark and unknown was creeping in to hear their tales of suffering and tragedy. Three men crouched in nearness, holding the shadows of their own pasts at bay.

An unnaturally short man stood apart, observing the three as one observes an interesting insect. He was a man of the Orient, from an Asian land; ancient, wrinkled and smelling of caves. His eyes were clear, narrow slits, absorbing all he watched, and more. A thin moustache sprouted from his upper lip and dangled far down his chest like twin icicles. The hair on his body was the colour of snow, frosted from age.

The sound of moist leaves on the forest floor, a gentle squelch and even fainter, the bluk, bluk of drips falling to a puddle far below. It was enough to make one of the men turn, curious at the growing sound of nature. He was known as Kouji; young to be marked with such burdens of life. Young to be a warrior.

The elderly gentleman, smelling of untouched autumn, gave Kouji a wide grin. His face audibly creaked at the movement, wrinkles deepening unimaginably.

Kouji's green hair flared and his aura flew into a raging maelstrom of energy. He had been surprised by the newcomer, and it showed.

Inferno and Flint turned to see what had captured Kouji's attention. Before either could speak, the aged man pointed his finger and all three warriors were frozen in place. Magic crackled in the air.

He shuffled towards them, each step sounding like the trickle of mineral-filled water that created grand stalactites and soaring stalagmites. He gave something of a laugh, which slowly built into a coughing fit. He clutched at his stomach as he doubled over, heaving and hacking and finally panting with the exertion. He used the edge of his brown robe to carefully dab at his sweat-speckled face, enveloped by the sound of rustling leaves.

The three were forced to wait and watch, each mute and unmoving, thoughts racing when all else was held in stillness.

"I am Daichi-sensai," the man stated. His voice was soft, vaguely amused. "You are here to train, and you will train my way."

With a casual flick of his wrist, Flint and Kouji disappeared, Inferno was set free of his magical bonds and the room dramatically flared to life. Thick wooden stumps rumbled up from the ground, and as Inferno and Daichi watched, the nearest ceased growing at staggering heights, as if a staircase, while the dozens that lay further into the dojo reached towards the ceiling. Each was wide enough to stand upon the top, and they were all close enough together that a man could walk atop them with minimal effort. Inferno spun to question the old man, only to find himself rapped across the shoulders with a long cane. That was the only warning he was given before his large wings stretched as wide as they could, without his control.

Inferno screamed with the immediate pain. He reached backwards, trying to clutch at the taut leathery appendage, but could do nothing as the moisture in them was drawn away. His proud and majestic wings lost their colour, fading to a dead brown and shrinking as the life was obviously torn from them. Energy lashed out wildly from his aura, flailing in a visible display of Inferno's anguish, but Daichi stood serenely in the midst of such torture.

Inferno's voice dropped to a deep, almost evil growl. "What are you doing to me?" he grated out, still straining to reach his dying wings.

The elderly man raised his icy eyebrows, musing over the strength of the dragon-man before him. "Me? I'm making this a challenge for you. You cannot rely on your ability of flight. You must save them another way." As he spoke, Daichi pointed towards the far end of the stump forest. Suspended above the last group of pillars were Kouji and Flint, trapped within a crystalline bubble.

"Their oxygen won't last forever. Scale the wooden columns, if you can, and free the other men. While you cannot see them, there are friends of mine waiting amidst the non-canopy, and they will try to stop you."

Inferno was abruptly freed of his wings. They fell to the ground with a crackle, reminiscent of deciduous leaves. He kneeled beside them, unable to comprehend their loss. A part of him was gone, discarded on the floor, though the Saiyan would swear he could still feel their presence sprouted from his back, he believed what he saw.

"Wh-what did you do? What... what did you do, you crazy fool?" Inferno's voice cracked under the sheer rage he experienced, while something of a roar built within his chest. Thunderous reverberations pounded against the walls of the dojo while Inferno mourned his loss.

Daichi shrugged and continued smiling, continued pointing towards the other two men. Their encasement had taken on a smoky hue, while vines reached like tendrils down from the roof to caress the darkening crystal.

"They will die," the old man said, leaning towards Inferno. "Will you sacrifice them over a couple of wings?"

The Saiyan glared, a sheen of tears on his inhuman eyes. Death would come to this man, this thing that took his wings. Death would be... fitting. It was only natural for Inferno to teleport behind the short sensai. He barely needed to consider the ability before he used it, and yet, nothing happened. The very fact that nothing changed didn't occur to the dragonic man for a moment. His shock was evident in his expression.

The smile spread wider across Daichi's face. "I forgot to mention, I've stunted your Saiyan powers, too. Quickly, now. The others have little time. Be careful of who else is waiting up there for you."

The ancient man, smelling of caves and damp, but ultimately, of natural death, faded from view.

Inferno was alone, staring towards the towering trunks, drowning in unquelled rage.

--------

So. Dudes to save, but you're very limited in your "normal" abilities. This is an exercise in... well, me being sadistic, eh? I believe you will discover some very creative ways around this, Inferno. Don't forget, once you've climbed to the top, you will encounter creatures who will hinder your progress. Fend them off as well as you can. Good luck, and I look forward to reading your next post.

[Inferno Dragon]

Inferno groweled in anger but said nothing as he dug his clawed hands into the trunk of the tree. with little effort he scaled the tree, his body swaying back and forth as a lizard would as he climbed to the top. Inferno scanned the area at the top to try and find the invisible enemies that would impeed his progress.

Inferno (thinking): okay, I can't use my saiyan powers and I can't fly. plus there's invisible enemies up here that will try to keep me from saving those two, but this sensei forgot to lock my natural dragon abilities and my magic which means a good fire wave should give away their locations. Once I know where they are it'll be a quick hop, skip and jump to freeing those two.

a spiral of flames wrapped itself around inferno's right arm as he smirked at his invisible foes. he brought the ignighted arm up to chest level and bent it at the elbow and crouched, ready to spring from his current tree.

Inferno: HA!

the dragonic prince swung his right arm in a great arc in front of him from left to right and a tall wave arc of flames shot forward and hit one of the beasts in it's path. Inferno quickly sprung from his tree and delivered a powerful kick to the face of the nearly invisible fiend. a siclening crunch of bone could be heard on impact as Inferno pushed off from the beast to the next one the fire wave it. the beast fell from his perch to the ground far below.

Inferno: there you are!

the beast looked to inferno just in time to see the bottom of Inferno's dragonic foot impact with its face with a loud crunch. Inferno quickly looked to see another revealed by the wave of fire and pushed of from his current point, causing the monster to plummet from the tree top to the dojo floor. The prince quickly slamed his tail into the next monster and pushed off with a powerfull kick towards the next monster the wave revealed.

Inferno (thinking): just one more after this one and I can free them!

Inferno delivered a strong punch to the creature's face before pushing off of its gut with a mighty kick that knocked the wind out of the beast, and sending him rocketing towards his final foe. as he approached though the last monster was ready and grabbed inferno's ankle and smiled evily at his quarry.

Monster: this is as far as you go half breed, your friends are doomed!

Inferno: not quite, eat this!

Inferno quickly raised his hand and a stream of fire hit the eyes of the monster. the beast quickly grabbed its eyes and howled in pain. This of course allowed Inferno enough time to draw his katana, the clack of the ring guard echoed through the training hall with the resonant ringing of metal filled the air as the blade was drawn from its wooden sheath. With a glint of light reflecting off the strange alloy and a swift, artful swing of the curved blade, Inferno cut the hand holding his ankle from the beast as it wailed in pain. The prince quickly righted himself and landed on the tree top in a kneel. Inferno leapt in the air and landed on the thing's shoulders before leaping to the glass spheres. while still in the air, Inferno quickly sliced the ropes with his blade and returned the blade to its home in one quick motion. the same resonating ring of metal and clack of the guard ring hitting the base of the sheath echoed as Inferno landed gracefully on the floor of the dojo. As if in slow motion the twin speres crashed to the ground behind Inferno, shattering upon impact with the echoing sound of shattering glass filling the dijo's training chamber. Flint and kouji were on their hands and knees coughing and gasping for air. Inferno crouched next to them making sure they were allright.

Inferno: are you guys okay?

Kouji: *cough* yeah, just fine. Though any longer and we would have been goners!

Flint: *cough hack* that bastard's gonna pay for trying to kill us! normally I don't show emotion but that crazy old man almost sent me into a coma!

Inferno (helping his friends to their feet): don't worry, we'll get him back when this is all over.

the three glared at the old man before them, ready for what he had planned next.

[The Willful Wanderer]

Somewhere nearby, it watched.

Somewhere nearby, it observed.

Somewhere nearby... it was fain impressed.

Slowly, an indigo eye blinked, then continued watching. No intent to do anything otherwise....

....yet.

---------------------------------------------------------

Improvement, Inferno. Improvement. I like where this is going.

-S

[Inferno Dragon]

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