Ace...

[LinkManDX]

While no statement I'm about to make should be construed as suggesting or recommending that any person commit an illegal act of any kind, you should realize that I find Mr. Ace Mercury, Esq.'s demands prudish, unholy, pretentious, and more than a little satanic. To address this in a pedantic manner, in the rest of this letter, factual information will be prefaced as such and my own opinions will be clearly stated as opinions. For instance, it is a fact that Ace wants to tell us how to live, what to say, what to think, what to know, and -- most importantly -- what not to know. What's wrong with that? What's wrong is Ace's gossamer grasp of reality.

The spectrum of views between militarism and exclusionism is not a line but a circle at which shiftless skinflints and uncompromising lackwits meet. To properly place Ace somewhere in that spectrum, one needs to realize that some people don't seem to mind that Ace likes to scapegoat easy, unpopular targets, thereby diverting responsibility from more culpable parties. What a disorganized, disloyal world we live in! To paraphrase a line from Hamlet, "Animalism, thy name is Ace Mercury". One of his vassals once said, "Anyone who dares to combat the laughable ideology of misoneism that has infected the minds of so many contemptuous, contumacious sociopaths can expect to suffer hair loss and tooth decay as a result." Now that's pretty funny, of course, but I didn't include that quote just to make you laugh. I included it to convince you that if I want to develop a subconscious death wish, that should be my prerogative. I don't need him forcing me to.

Almost without exception, if I were to compile a list of Ace's forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Ace's emissaries remain largely silent when asked about the correlative connecting Ace to priggism. The rare times they do deign to comment they invariably skew the issue to prevent people from realizing that Ace truly believes that he is a refined gentleman with the soundest education and morals you can imagine. I hope you realize that that's just a self-indulgent pipe dream from an unsavory pipe and that in the real world, when I hear Ace say that I'm too demented to draw an accurate portrait of his ideological alignment, I have to wonder about him. Is he utterly thrasonical? Is he simply being oligophrenic? Or is he merely embracing a delusion in which he must believe in order to continue believing in himself? The only clear answer to emerge from the conflicting, contradictory stances that Ace and his surrogates take is that Ace's argument is invalid.

I hardly need to tell you that the question that's on everyone's mind these days is, "Why does Ace insist on boring holes in the hull of the boat in which he himself is also a passenger?" That is, how much is the axis of evil paying Ace to retain an institution which, twist and turn as you like, is and remains a disgrace to humanity? Well, I asked the question so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that he says that he possesses infinite wisdom. This is noxious falsehood. The truth is that his perspective is that the sky is falling. My perspective, in contrast, is that the ultimate aim of Ace's effusions is to restructure society as a pyramid with Ace at the top, Ace's apologists directly underneath, the worst types of stentorian goofballs there are beneath them, and the rest of at the bottom. This new societal structure will enable Ace to break down our communities, which makes me realize that if I thought that his rejoinders had even a snowball's chance in Hell of doing anything good for anyone, then I wouldn't be so critical. As they stand, however, I can conclude only that Ace talks a lot about stoicism and how wonderful it is. However, he's never actually defined what it means. How can he argue for something he's never defined? The answer will not satisfy those who seek simple solutions to complex problems but it boils down essentially to this: Ace's reports are one part chauvinism, two parts expansionism. Furthermore, in a country like ours where authoritarianism, anarchism, and neocolonialism run rampant, we need laws to help enforce behavior that ought to be performed out of common sense, decency, and tolerance. Stated differently, the gloss that his allies put on his précis unfortunately does little to strike at the heart of Ace's efforts to usher in the rule of the Antichrist and the apocalyptic end times.

Ace's behavior might be different if he were told that his stances are colored and flavored to appeal to mendacious, sophomoric Machiavellians. Of course, as far as Ace's concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, "My mind is made up; don't confuse me with the facts." That's why I'm telling you that if we take his claims to their logical conclusion, we see that in a matter of days, he will censor by caricature and preempt discussion by stereotype.

It is never easy to judge what the most appropriate or effective response to Ace's mischievous revenge fantasies is but one unfortunate fact remains clear: When Ace says that war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength, that's just a load of spucatum tauri. In the end, the most telling thing is that some people think it's a bit extreme of me to turn random, senseless violence into meaningful action -- a bit over the top, perhaps. Well, what I ought to remind such people is that Ace has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. He can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches Ace's nostrils, he'll start talking about the joy of quislingism and how the world is crying out to labor beneath his firm but benevolent heel. As you listen to Ace's sing-song, chances are you won't even notice his hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you've been robbed, will you truly understand that prudence is no vice. Cowardice -- especially his lazy form of it -- is.

Ace has allowed himself to become a spokesman for the same point of view shared by clueless clods, huffy, abysmal spoiled brats, and manipulative Luddites while masquerading as an outspoken radical bucking the system. His list of sins is long and each one deserves more space than I have here. Therefore, rather than describe each one individually, I'll summarize by stating that if we are powerless to tell Ace what we all think of him -- and boy, do I have some choice words I'd like to use -- it is because we have allowed Ace to undermine the current world order. We'd all be in grave danger if he continued to engage in his noisome behavior.

Doesn't Ace realize that his lamentations must not go unchallenged? People often ask me that question. It's a difficult question to answer, however, because the querist generally wants a simple, concise answer. He doesn't want to hear a long, drawn-out explanation about how if we put Ace's warped credos out to pasture then the sea of statism, on which Ace so heavily relies, will begin to dry up. What really irks me is that he has presented us with a Hobson's choice. Either we let him lead us into an age of shoddiness -- shoddy goods, shoddy services, shoddy morals, and shoddy people -- or he'll impede the free flow of information. In Ace's torchbearers' rush to join the crowd, they failed to observe that I want to explain a few facets of this confusing world around us. But first, let me pose an abstract question. Where do we go from here? As you no doubt realize, that's a particularly timely question. In fact, just half an hour ago I heard someone express the opinion that when Ace was first found trying to create a global workers plantation overseen by transnational corporations who have no more concern for the human rights of those who produce their products or services than Ace has for his janissaries, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that he is planning to increase people's stress and aggression, I'm terrified.

There's one thing you can obviously say about Ace: He has a sense of humor. He was being a real comedian when he told us that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive. If he thinks his causeries represent progress, Ace should rethink his definition of progress. I don't believe I violate any confidences when I assert that most people don't realize that he has already revealed his plans to trick our children into adopting unconventional, disapproved-of opinions and ways of life. He revealed these plans in a manifesto bearing all of the hallmarks of having been written by a fatuitous, improvident belligerent-type. Not only is his manifesto entirely lacking in logic, relentlessly subjective, and thoroughly anecdotal, but each rung on the ladder of factionalism is a crisis of some kind. Each crisis supplies an excuse for Ace to promote mediocrity over merit. That is the standard process by which untoward jackanapes shock and stampede the public into accepting total fascist tyranny.

My position is that Ace's incessant word-mongering makes me think that if the country were overrun by Pecksniffian finks, we could expect to observe widespread discrimination in our daily lives -- stares from sales clerks, taxis that don't stop, and unwarranted license and registration checks by police. Ace, in contrast, argues that everything he says is absolutely and entirely true. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and Ace. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for him to admit that his reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth but only longiloquent answers, destructive resolutions to conflicts. And that's what writing this sort of letter is all about. It's a way to summon up the courage to guide the world into an age of peace, justice, and solidarity.

[Ace Mercury]

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[Jace VK]

I lol'd.