Musician Joke

LinkManDX · 12-28-2007, 01:29 AM

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

***Ace Mercury*** · 12-28-2007, 02:05 AM

The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there is a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey, We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time. So I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied and the bassists are loaded."

Tales of CuccoLady · 12-28-2007, 02:53 AM

I'll admit it...

I chuckled.

Bomby · 12-28-2007, 09:15 AM

What do you do when a professional musician comes to your door?
Give him the money and take the pizza.

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?
Put music in front of him.

How do you tell a piano player to stop playing?
Tell him to improvise.

Sir Bolt the Dragoon · 12-28-2007, 11:38 AM

Ace, you combined music with baseball to make a joke. That's awesome.

Tales of CuccoLady · 12-28-2007, 01:23 PM

At first I just saw Ace's post and not LinkManDX's but once I did I nearly lost it giggling.

U WIN TEH INTERNETZ.

Now let's see...

A little boy, just picking up the cello, goes into a toy store with his mother.

Suddenly, he finds the one thing he'd ever wanted sitting on a shelf.. he tugs his mother's skirt, points, and shouts...

"Look! It's a yo-yo, ma!!"

Adam West · 12-28-2007, 02:49 PM

What you you call a guy who hangs around some musicians, but can't read music?

The Drummer.

***Ace Mercury*** · 12-28-2007, 03:33 PM

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?

The viola burns longer.
The viola holds more beer.
You can tune the violin.

Ref: Viola Jokes (part 1)

LinkManDX · 12-28-2007, 05:13 PM

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool.

Adam West · 12-30-2007, 05:18 PM

I'm not really sorry, but anyway...

What do you call a hundred drummers at the bottom of the sea?

A start.

Jigsaw · 12-30-2007, 09:08 PM

I knew this would be some sort of stereotype against us drummers...

...And yet I laugh at every drummer joke in the book. I'm a part of my own mocking crowd of people who stereotype us as stupid!

Platinum · 01-16-2008, 04:25 PM

How do you tune to piccalos?

Shoot one

12-28-2007, 01:29 AM	#1
LinkManDX Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Some call it slums, some call it nice! Gender: Posts: 3,386 Thanks: 260 Thanked 219 Times in 131 Posts Points: 19,211.45 Bank: 8,349.49 Total Points: 27,560.94 Donate	Musician Joke C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

12-28-2007, 02:05 AM	#2
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 19,112 Thanks: 370 Thanked 1,576 Times in 815 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 109,844.83 Bank: 22,995,259.87 Total Points: 23,105,104.70 Donate	Puns ahoy! The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there is a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey, We need to get back!" "No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time. So I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to get it untangled." A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion. "Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied and the bassists are loaded."

12-28-2007, 03:33 PM	#8
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 19,112 Thanks: 370 Thanked 1,576 Times in 815 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 109,844.83 Bank: 22,995,259.87 Total Points: 23,105,104.70 Donate	What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline. What's the difference between a violin and a viola? The viola burns longer. The viola holds more beer. You can tune the violin. Ref: Viola Jokes (part 1)

12-30-2007, 05:18 PM	#10
Adam West Mayor of Quahog Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In my Batmobile. Gender: Posts: 12,078 Thanks: 448 Thanked 384 Times in 263 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 73,489.53 Bank: 2,335,627.09 Total Points: 2,409,116.61 Donate	Sorry Drummers, another drummer joke. I'm not really sorry, but anyway... What do you call a hundred drummers at the bottom of the sea? A start.

12-28-2007, 02:53 AM	#3
Tales of CuccoLady Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: BADABBADCABABADKFAFEAWVEAOFA IMMA SCAT MAN Gender: Posts: 4,564 Thanks: 1,218 Thanked 404 Times in 339 Posts Points: 7,502.80 Bank: 1,130.57 Total Points: 8,633.37 Donate	I'll admit it... I chuckled.

12-28-2007, 09:15 AM	#4
Bomby Condescending Film Jerk Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere Gender: Posts: 15,389 Thanks: 231 Thanked 679 Times in 431 Posts Blog Entries: 4 Points: 5,736.35 Bank: 3,818,064.96 Total Points: 3,823,801.32 Donate	What do you do when a professional musician comes to your door? Give him the money and take the pizza. How do you get a guitar player to stop playing? Put music in front of him. How do you tell a piano player to stop playing? Tell him to improvise.

12-28-2007, 11:38 AM	#5
Sir Bolt the Dragoon Defender of Chrono Cross Join Date: Feb 2000 Gender: Posts: 12,543 Thanks: 0 Thanked 9 Times in 7 Posts Points: 147.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 147.00 Donate	Ace, you combined music with baseball to make a joke. That's awesome.

12-28-2007, 01:23 PM	#6
Tales of CuccoLady Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: BADABBADCABABADKFAFEAWVEAOFA IMMA SCAT MAN Gender: Posts: 4,564 Thanks: 1,218 Thanked 404 Times in 339 Posts Points: 7,502.80 Bank: 1,130.57 Total Points: 8,633.37 Donate	At first I just saw Ace's post and not LinkManDX's but once I did I nearly lost it giggling. U WIN TEH INTERNETZ. Now let's see... A little boy, just picking up the cello, goes into a toy store with his mother. Suddenly, he finds the one thing he'd ever wanted sitting on a shelf.. he tugs his mother's skirt, points, and shouts... "Look! It's a yo-yo, ma!!"

12-28-2007, 02:49 PM	#7
Adam West Mayor of Quahog Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In my Batmobile. Gender: Posts: 12,078 Thanks: 448 Thanked 384 Times in 263 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 73,489.53 Bank: 2,335,627.09 Total Points: 2,409,116.61 Donate	What you you call a guy who hangs around some musicians, but can't read music? The Drummer.

12-28-2007, 05:13 PM	#9
LinkManDX Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Some call it slums, some call it nice! Gender: Posts: 3,386 Thanks: 260 Thanked 219 Times in 131 Posts Points: 19,211.45 Bank: 8,349.49 Total Points: 27,560.94 Donate	What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.

12-30-2007, 09:08 PM	#11
Jigsaw Hello, VGF. I want to play a game... Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ha ha ha ha ha... Gender: Posts: 6,050 Thanks: 742 Thanked 442 Times in 321 Posts Blog Entries: 3 Points: 2,459.05 Bank: 25,844.13 Total Points: 28,303.18 Donate	I knew this would be some sort of stereotype against us drummers... ...And yet I laugh at every drummer joke in the book. I'm a part of my own mocking crowd of people who stereotype us as stupid!

01-16-2008, 04:25 PM	#12
Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Wv Gender: Posts: 1,369 Thanks: 48 Thanked 21 Times in 21 Posts Points: 3,697.24 Bank: 24,850.95 Total Points: 28,548.19 Donate	How do you tune to piccalos? Shoot one