You have two cows

[Sim Kid]

Cambodia

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

The World Ends With you-1

You have two cows. Fail and face erasure.

The World Ends With you-2

You have two cows - one is on the bottom screen and one is on the top screen.

Second Life -1

You have two cows...then someone hacks them and turns them into a giant penis or a penis-storm.

Second Life-2

You have two cows...except now they resed wrong. Darn it! Time to re-code them.

World of Warcraft

You have two cows, but the last patch nerfed them so badly you now use a goat.

Guild Wars

You have two cows, but they were W/Mos who aggroed everything in sight.

Guild Wars-2

You have two cows...Vampiric Bite and Vampiric Touch.

Angry Video Game nerd

You have two cows...AAAAAASSSSSSS.

[t3hDarkness]

Is it time for another two cows thread.

Dragon Ball Z
You have OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAND cows! But it doesn't make a bit of difference. The cows are inert.

[Loot]

Guitar Hero

You have two cows. Wait, no you don't. But you can PRETEND you have two cows using the milker-shaped controller!

[Ace Mercury]

The World Ends With You
You have two cows. You earn millions of yen by leveling up, mastering, and selling them.

Bioshock
You have two cows. One cow represents the folly of mankind and his corruptbile nature, the other cow just looks really nice when sprayed with water.

Puzzle Quest
You have two cows. If you only had three, you could match them up.

Desktop Tower Defense
You have two cows, though you really should have kept the one cow and upgraded it to a typhoon cow.

Warioware
You have two cows. Now you have three kiwis. Now you have bowl of petunias. You must make them dance.

Brain Age
You have two cows. Imagining what those cows look like activates your prefrontal cortex.

Pictochat
You have two cows. They are horrible and misshapen, and followed instead by several obscene pictures.

Duke Nukem Forever
You have two cows. Well, almost. They're just around the corner.

[Sim Kid]

deviantART
You drew two cows but that person who posted a photograph of HIS Two cows has ten times the views you ever got. Bastard.

Text based adventure games
You have two cows. What do you do?
Milk the cows.
Don't know what THE means. What do you do?
Milk one cow.
Which one?
Look at cows.
Don't know what AT means. What do you do?
look cows
you see two cows, they are both grazing on the field and look like they need to be milked. What do you do?
Go east.
Okay.
Go east.
Okay.
Milk cow.
Which one?
Milk nearest
Okay.
Eat cow.
Yuck!

Zork

You have two cows but they are likely to be eaten by a grue.


The American two-party system

You have two very bad-tempered cows. You milk the lesser of two evils.


Fallout Fanboys

You have two cows that you worship like they're the messiah prophecised milennia ago. You wait for a new one to come along form the same parents but they died, so you get a similar cow from two new pare-AAAAH WHAT THE HECK THAT'S NOT INTELLIGENT ENOUGH IT LOOKS TOO DIFFERENT!!! GET THAT AWAY!!! MUST. NOT. BE. SEEN!!!! It sucks and only idiots will like it!


Tales of the Abyss

You have two cows...but one's really a clone of the other one.


Linear games

You have two cows that you have to do these events in a specific order in order to milk them.

"Non-Linear" games in practice.

You have two cow-oh what the hell, it's non linear so just shoot them with a gun or stab them with a sword.


Tales of Vesperia

You have two cows and you milk them using a Blastia.

[Rainbow Dash]

Playstation 3 circa launch

You have two cows. What a waste of $1198.

[I am nobody]

Wii Cow

You have two cows. They die from tainted food produced by third parties.

Final Fantasy Cow

You have one cow. It is successful, so you buy another cow. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. By this point, your barn's name has become one of the most ironic in the industry.

ET Cow

You have two cows. But they don't produce milk. All they do is spend their time falling in pits over and over and over again.

Rabid Halo Fan Cow

You have two cows. Your cows are obviously better than everyone else's, but they don't seem to accept "because your cows aren't Halo Cows!" as a valid point. Idiots.

[Ace Mercury]

Touhou Games
You have two cows. There is a stampede of a six hundred thousand cows, and good luck dodging them all.

Mega Man
You have two cows. One kills the other and absorbs it's power, obtaining the Milk Shot.

Castlevania
You have two cows. They are goth, and are extremely slow going up and down stairs.

Contra
You have two cows, but everyone cheats to get twenty-eight more.

River City Ransom
You have two cows. They normally get along, but when one accidentally hits the other, the end up fighting to the death.

Metroid
You have two cows, but you thought they were bulls when you bought them. It turns out it doesn't matter, because they both taste delicious.

Pac Man
You have two cows. When you go to slaughter them, when you think you got them cornered, they eat you instead.

Tower of Druaga
You have two cows. They are obsessive-compulsive masochists.

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
You have two cows, though you need the loot and the warrant before you can capture them.

Duck Hunt
You have two cows. You can only shoot one, but you really want to shoot the one that laughs at you when you **** up instead.

[Sim Kid]

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

You have two cows: A miserable little pile of secrets and a cesspit of hatred and lies.

[CaptHayfever]

The Simpsons
Don't have two cows, man!

Originally Posted by Ace Mercury

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
You have two cows, though you need the loot and the warrant before you can capture them.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Dizzy]

Maniac Mansion
Use GLASS JAR in radioactive POOL WATER.
Give POOL WATER to COW 1.
Use GLASS JAR with RADIOACTIVE COW.
Give RADIOACTIVE MILK to SYD.
SYD dies, and you still have another cow, a chainsaw, and a rocket powered car...

Viral Breeder (this was a really boring game)
Use one cow's milk as a vaccine.
Try to get the other cow to attack patches of human skin.

Super Mario Bros.
Uh... I guess you just jump on them.

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

Originally Posted by Ace Mercury

Castlevania
You have two cows. They are goth, and are extremely slow going up and down stairs.

Cows can't go down stairs. <_<

[Kargath]

^I've seen it happen, actually.

[Dizzy]

In fact, I think the MythBusters busted it. Though I'm probably wrong.

(On a related note: )

[I am nobody]

Oregon Trail Cows

You have two cows. You take them on a long journey, but both suddenly develop typhoid fever and die with 50 miles to go. You starve to death with one mile to go.

Farm Simulator Cow

You have two cows. Actually, there isn't much more to say than that.

Drawn To Life Cow

You have two cows. At least, you think you do. Those could easily be trees or tumors.

Sim City Cow

You have two cows. At first, they are happy and don't complain. Then you buy a third cow, and suddenly they want a better road from the pasture to barn, more parks, more police stations and another 37 hospitals, just to make sure they're always the only one there.

Spore Cow

You have two cows. You did, anyway. Now you have some kind of a mutated toad and something that looks like a bear and a chameleon mixed together.

Kirby Cow

You have two cows. One day while feeding your cows, one cow begins to suck in air, presses down B, and suddenly transforms into Farmer Cow!

SSB Cow

You have two cows. They fight on Final Destination with no items.

Madden Cow

You have two cows. Next year you will have two cows that the media will hype as super cows that will change the world, only to tell everyone that they really aren't all that different from your last cows when you actually get them.

[Dizzy]

YouTube cows
They get insulted by about 2 million illiterate n00bs for no good reason.

Freeware cows
You just got two cows for free! But now you need to buy food, water, shelter, a fence, and everything else so they can work properly.

[Panfan]

Portal
The Enrichment Center reminds you that your two cows will never threaten to stab you

[heh]

Republicans

You have two cows. You decide the cow making more milk must be working harder to make that milk, (despite the fact that it was probably born that way) and therefore decide to take less milk from the cow. The other cow gets depressed.

Marvel (or basically anything to do with superheros)

You have two cows. One cow kills the other cow in the name of cowdom, but a version of the cow from an alternate universe comes and beats the other cow up, then both cows are kidnapped by galactic space cows. Then they are both retconned.

Meme Fourm

You have two cows. One cow throws up the everywhere.

Mafia

You have two cows. They both argue for an entire day and nothing happens, then they are murdered by snakes disguised as cows.

Legend of Zelda

You got two cows! But your pasture is full, so they vanish.

[X-3]

Ocarina of Time
You have two cows. You stole one of them, and have somehow taken over the milk market. Suddenly, the owner of a third cow beats you up, and seals you away in some random dimension. You still somehow possess one of the cows, and a few years later, you get out and try again...and lose again.

So many damn games
You have two cows: one of light, and one of dark. They co-exist with each other, and killing one will screw you over. Thus, you have to discipline the dark cow whenever it acts up.

WoW
You have two cows. Both cows whine about the stuff the other cow gets.

Warcraft
You have two cows. While they do not get along often, they must join together to fight back the chicken invasion...or something.

[Ace Mercury]

Harvest Moon
You have two cows. Eventually you have to choose which one to get married to.

Earthbound
You have two cows. There was a third one, but it wasn't for sale. You and your friends find yourself ravenous for steak and start circulating a petition.

Chrono Trigger
You have two cows!... but you're still hungry.

Secret of Mana
You have two cows. You control one of them, your friend controls the other. There is also a third cow, but he's damn near useless by himself.

Street Fighter II
You have two cows. They keep spamming fireballs at each other.

Starfox
You have two cows. They looked a lot cooler when you were younger.

Super Mario Kart
You have two cows. They are ****ing cheaters.

Rock 'n' Roll Racing
You have two cows. During a race, they let their opponents get ahead of them so they can fire missiles at them.

Mortal Kombat
You have two cows. At home, one is totally more popular than the other because when you punch it, blood sprays everywhere.

Breath of Fire
You have two cows. One is named Ryu and can turn into a dragon. The other is named Nina and is a princess of a place called Windia.

Lemmings
You have two cows. After trying for two hours to get them to do what you want, you make them explode in a shower of colourful confetti.