OMG VIDIOGAEMZ R TEH DEVIL!!1!!!1

Nightmare X · 08-08-2005, 02:41 PM

Quote:

3 MEN MURDERED!!! SIDESCROLLING PLATFORMERS BLAMED!!!

Seattle, WA- Three unidentified men were found in a row severely crushed. It is believed that the men were jumped on multiple times. After heavy research, it was discovered that certain sidescrolling platformer video games, such as "Super Mario Brothers", "Donkey Kong Country", and "Sonic the Hedgehog", include jumping on enemy's heads in order to grusomely murder them. Local Seattle officials have gathered any and all people who own, or trained on, one of these games, and are being interrogated about these brutal death scenes. "To catch a criminal," said the Chief of Police, "Get into the mind of a criminal".

Jack Thompson himself came onto the scene to show the gamers' warped minds video clips of horrendous murder scenes from the three simulators.

First he showed the 8-Bit Mario from Super Mario Bros. jumping on an equally low quality mushroom-creature called a Goomba. The creature flattened temporarily, and then disappeared, a small "100" in it's place, meaning that you have been rewarded for murder. Only the bravest of the reporters present were able to keep their eyes open. The gamers were unphased, showing how cold their hearts have become.

The second clip was of a slightly higher-quality ape named Donkey Kong from Donkey Kong Country. He jumped on a green lizard-creature, who had a shocked and horrified look on his face as he feel off the screen. None of the reporters could look this time, and the Gamers remained unphased.One of them even laughed and said "Take that, you lousy Kremling!" Thompson looked disgusted.

The final clip was from Sonic the Hedgehog, in which a blue hedgehog, the same quality as the ape, jumped on a robotic crab, which exploded terribly, leaving a small animal in its place. One of the reporters ran out, looking quite green. The gamers were, as like the last two times, unphased.

After the three clips were finished, Jack allowed a question/answer session. Once of the gamers, a 14-year-old boy who wished to be known as "Hydragon" walked up to Thompson and asked this:
(Certain words have been edited for the sake of young readers)
"What the [heck] is wrong with you!? This has got to be the most idiotic thing I've ever seen! It makes no [fudging] sense! The things you kill in those games aren't even human! They're lizards, mushrooms, and robots! And the [gosh darn] things don't even bleed! Don't you have anything better to do than blame video games for violence!?"

The boy was charged with assault and was sent to Juvenile Hall for 5 hours.

The Doctor · 08-08-2005, 04:32 PM

That's actually quite funny (Sorry, Video games have warped my fragile little mind).

Seriously now, that's even more stupid then blame stuff, on GTA, Manhunt, Etc.

Shane Sacobie · 08-08-2005, 04:36 PM

If nothing else, they certainly have impacted your ability to spell.

LinkManDX · 08-08-2005, 04:38 PM

Didn't they do a little thing on X-Play about getting attacked platformer style?

P.S. : I hate G4. It sucks. This episode of X-Play was from its TechTV days.

The Doctor · 08-08-2005, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by A king wants me to have it my way:
If nothing else, they certainly have impacted your ability to spell.

pfft, what do you mean? I always can tell if I spell something write.

OcarinaMan · 08-08-2005, 06:53 PM

Man, I'm gonna launch a [freak]ing hookshot up that guy's [arse] and then I'll launch a [crap]load of Light Arrows in his lame-[arse] face cuz videogames making people violent is just about the lamest [crap] I've ever heard and I'll [freak]ing kill anybody who says otherwise!

Gumby, dammit · 08-08-2005, 07:58 PM

... This is a joke, right?

Minister of Silly Walks · 08-08-2005, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 10th Star:
... This is a joke, right?

No.

Sabrilocke · 08-08-2005, 08:20 PM

Ehh, most articles like this are.

ZIPPYDIPPY19 · 08-08-2005, 09:37 PM

It's gotta be a joke, I mean c'mon. Reporters sickened by something they see? Reporters would probably stand by as babies were burned alive on altars if it made a good story, I doubt they'd be shaken by a video game.

Quote:

Only the bravest of the reporters present were able to keep their eyes open.

[img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img]

The Missing Link · 08-08-2005, 10:37 PM

That is love.

Zelda: The Grand Adventures | Triforce MUCK
ザ行方不明リンク悪いユウモアの賢人

The Doctor · 08-09-2005, 04:00 PM

I'm not so sure about this story

X-3 · 08-09-2005, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nomytaker.:
I'm not so sure about this story

I find it strange that people think other people respwan...

And the thing with the "OMG, THESE VIDEO GAMES ARE BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD" is just stupid. If thats real they need new reporters, right NOW.

[ August 09, 2005, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: X-3 0 ]

ZIPPYDIPPY19 · 08-09-2005, 05:20 PM

^^Funny

But If it was true, it'd be a beeeee-autiful example of natural selection at work.

Link2000 · 08-09-2005, 05:52 PM

Paintball is so much better than an FPS anyway.

The Missing Link · 08-09-2005, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by X-3 0:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Nomytaker.:
I'm not so sure about this story

God, do people acually THINK that people respawn?</font>[/quote]Sarcasm is wasted on people such as these.

Zelda: The Grand Adventures | Triforce MUCK
ザ行方不明リンク悪いユウモアの賢人

08-08-2005, 04:32 PM	#2
The Doctor The Last Timelord. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In the TARDIS Gender: Posts: 12,189 Thanks: 454 Thanked 404 Times in 275 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 74,591.48 Bank: 3,756,709.61 Total Points: 3,831,301.08 Donate	That's actually quite funny (Sorry, Video games have warped my fragile little mind). Seriously now, that's even more stupid then blame stuff, on GTA, Manhunt, Etc.

08-08-2005, 04:36 PM	#3
Shane Sacobie Banned Join Date: Dec 1969 Posts: 0 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 12,414.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 12,914.00 Donate	If nothing else, they certainly have impacted your ability to spell.

08-08-2005, 04:38 PM	#4
LinkManDX Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Some call it slums, some call it nice! Gender: Posts: 3,456 Thanks: 279 Thanked 230 Times in 141 Posts Points: 23,271.84 Bank: 11,925.13 Total Points: 35,196.97 Donate	Didn't they do a little thing on X-Play about getting attacked platformer style? P.S. : I hate G4. It sucks. This episode of X-Play was from its TechTV days.

08-08-2005, 06:53 PM	#6
OcarinaMan Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Ikana Castle Posts: 2,481 Thanks: 1 Thanked 5 Times in 3 Posts Points: 9,977.77 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 10,477.77 Donate	Man, I'm gonna launch a [freak]ing hookshot up that guy's [arse] and then I'll launch a [crap]load of Light Arrows in his lame-[arse] face cuz videogames making people violent is just about the lamest [crap] I've ever heard and I'll [freak]ing kill anybody who says otherwise!

08-08-2005, 07:58 PM	#7
Gumby, dammit Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Rats th01 Gender: Posts: 1,239 Thanks: 2 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 16,560.34 Bank: 634.62 Total Points: 17,194.96 Donate	... This is a joke, right?

08-08-2005, 08:20 PM	#9
Sabrilocke Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: behind the toolshed Gender: Posts: 3,946 Thanks: 115 Thanked 42 Times in 19 Posts Blog Entries: 2 Points: 26,396.88 Bank: 72,972.54 Total Points: 99,369.41 Donate	Ehh, most articles like this are.

08-08-2005, 10:37 PM	#11
The Missing Link Professional Lurker Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: New Hyrule, Washington, US Gender: Posts: 15,758 Thanks: 113 Thanked 317 Times in 215 Posts Points: 18,061.60 Bank: 171,064.45 Total Points: 189,126.05 Donate	That is love. Zelda: The Grand Adventures \| Triforce MUCK ザ行方不明リンク悪いユウモアの賢人

08-09-2005, 04:00 PM	#12
The Doctor The Last Timelord. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In the TARDIS Gender: Posts: 12,189 Thanks: 454 Thanked 404 Times in 275 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 74,591.48 Bank: 3,756,709.61 Total Points: 3,831,301.08 Donate	I'm not so sure about this story

08-09-2005, 05:20 PM	#14
ZIPPYDIPPY19 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Ohio Posts: 2,663 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Points: 3,667.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 4,167.00 Donate	^^Funny But If it was true, it'd be a beeeee-autiful example of natural selection at work.

08-09-2005, 05:52 PM	#15
Link2000 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Posts: 8,052 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Points: 17,596.15 Bank: 804.22 Total Points: 18,400.37 Donate	Paintball is so much better than an FPS anyway.