A lovely gift from CSM for all those fed up with their computer.

**Crazyswordsman** · 03-21-2006, 03:58 PM

Computers vs. Cars

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars
that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and! reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Enjoy! -CSM

Koga · 03-21-2006, 04:28 PM

Nice.

LinkManDX · 03-21-2006, 07:12 PM

You win the award for making fun of Microsoft. Take a free Mac Mini. No, take two.

BrandonTragedy · 03-21-2006, 07:12 PM

ha ha ha ah ha ha ha, those are good, take that Bill Gates.

Link2000 · 03-21-2006, 07:30 PM

It's nice, but made me think of something...

Windows XP almost never crashes for me... ever. Now, I certainly had many crashes thorugh the Windows 9x series... but this seems to work wonderfully.

PSYCHOKID909 · 03-21-2006, 07:32 PM

Nice though I think I rembore coming across this at my highschool a few years back. My computer teacher had a good sence of humor.

***Ace Mercury*** · 03-21-2006, 07:46 PM

Really, really old, and smacks of being untrue in the details, but it's still funny. Like that thing about Gates saying 640k ought'a be enough for anyone.

**Kargath** · 03-21-2006, 08:48 PM

^It's based off an old, real quote. I have a list of good computer quotes at home, I'll get that and post the real one here.

My personal favourite is by Nathaniel Borenstein:
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."

DELICIOUS POISON · 03-21-2006, 09:02 PM

Ironically, my computer functions about perfectly.

***CaptHayfever*** · 03-22-2006, 10:06 AM

An oldie, but a goodie.

LinkMan, you missed the comment about Macs in there, didn't you?

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

LinkManDX · 03-22-2006, 04:26 PM

No, I saw that, but the point of the article was to make fun of Bill Gates and Microsoft.

Codiekitty · 03-22-2006, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazyswordsman

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

That's what you do with a Prius.

Where are these lemmings going? The Super Nintendo Super Shire! Hop in line and follow them there!

PSYCHOKID909 · 03-22-2006, 05:19 PM

Well arn't you cheery today?

**Crazyswordsman** · 03-22-2006, 08:12 PM

^He's never cheery.

I'll have some more for you guys as soon as I can. -CSM

LinkManDX · 03-23-2006, 06:57 PM

Yea. Run a virus/spyware scan. I can guarantee it'll find something. I guarantee. Use Spybot, Ad-Aware, and Defender for spyware, and Anti-Vir for viruses. And don't forget a firewall. That's all for Windows. And on a Mac? You need... uh... a... nothing. No security software is needed. My Windows comp has 384 MB of RAM, a 1.7 Gig processer. That's relatively modern. My Windows partition is dying. Ubuntu is running strong.

So, to illustrate in equation:

Linux > Windows
Mac > Windows
Linux > Mac

BrandonTragedy · 03-24-2006, 03:06 PM

My computer hardly ever crashes but the plug keeps falling out. >: D

**Crazyswordsman** · 03-24-2006, 04:17 PM

I have a new one. I don't know how old it is, but I got it today.
Here are a few things to think about:
_________________________________

Can you cry under water?

____________________________________

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

____________________________________

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a
"penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

____________________________________

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?

____________________________________

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

____________________________________

What disease did cured ham actually have?

____________________________________

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

____________________________________
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

____________________________________

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

____________________________________

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
___________________________________

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

____________________________________

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.

____________________________________

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural

____________________________________

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

____________________________________

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

____________________________________

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

____________________________________

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point
to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

____________________________________

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

____________________________________

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't
he just buy dinner?

____________________________________

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

____________________________________

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

____________________________________

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
(CSM's commentary: "Baa baa Black Sheep" as well. I remember they did this on that Wienerville show)
____________________________________
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

____________________________________
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Enjoy! -CSM

Crazybirdanimations · 03-26-2006, 04:20 AM

popular!

good for you...

Vapor · 03-26-2006, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Link2000

It's nice, but made me think of something...

Windows XP almost never crashes for me... ever.

.

***Heroine of the Dragon*** · 03-26-2006, 08:40 PM

I like my computer... and it rarely crashes now we have XP.

I like questions like that, CSM... I have a theory about the burnt toast...

03-21-2006, 03:58 PM	#1
Crazyswordsman RPG Mod Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 8,359 Thanks: 585 Thanked 435 Times in 286 Posts Points: 152,484.97 Bank: 54,455.27 Total Points: 206,940.24 Donate	A lovely gift from CSM for all those fed up with their computer. Computers vs. Cars At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon. In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part): 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and! reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. Enjoy! -CSM

03-21-2006, 04:28 PM	#2
Koga Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Posts: 17,095 Thanks: 104 Thanked 183 Times in 117 Posts Points: 107,817.07 Bank: 21,640.09 Total Points: 129,457.16 Donate	Nice.

03-21-2006, 07:12 PM	#3
LinkManDX Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Some call it slums, some call it nice! Gender: Posts: 3,386 Thanks: 260 Thanked 220 Times in 132 Posts Points: 19,215.45 Bank: 8,349.49 Total Points: 27,564.94 Donate	You win the award for making fun of Microsoft. Take a free Mac Mini. No, take two.

03-21-2006, 07:12 PM	#4
BrandonTragedy Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Some where u dont know Gender: Posts: 8,072 Thanks: 213 Thanked 147 Times in 127 Posts Points: 15,663.12 Bank: 103,088.98 Total Points: 118,752.10 Donate	ha ha ha ah ha ha ha, those are good, take that Bill Gates.

03-21-2006, 07:30 PM	#5
Link2000 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Posts: 8,052 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Points: 16,886.15 Bank: 804.22 Total Points: 17,690.37 Donate	It's nice, but made me think of something... Windows XP almost never crashes for me... ever. Now, I certainly had many crashes thorugh the Windows 9x series... but this seems to work wonderfully.

03-21-2006, 07:32 PM	#6
PSYCHOKID909 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: On the run. Gender: Posts: 8,414 Thanks: 79 Thanked 41 Times in 35 Posts Points: 5,594.20 Bank: 4,846.40 Total Points: 10,440.60 Donate	Nice though I think I rembore coming across this at my highschool a few years back. My computer teacher had a good sence of humor.

03-21-2006, 07:46 PM	#7
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 19,112 Thanks: 370 Thanked 1,576 Times in 815 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 109,854.83 Bank: 22,995,259.87 Total Points: 23,105,114.70 Donate	Really, really old, and smacks of being untrue in the details, but it's still funny. Like that thing about Gates saying 640k ought'a be enough for anyone.

03-21-2006, 08:48 PM	#8
Kargath THE QUESTIONATOR (Polls Mod) Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: kargath64.deviantart.com Gender: Posts: 4,973 Thanks: 538 Thanked 230 Times in 163 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 4,904.44 Bank: 402,931.03 Total Points: 407,835.47 Donate	^It's based off an old, real quote. I have a list of good computer quotes at home, I'll get that and post the real one here. My personal favourite is by Nathaniel Borenstein: "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."

03-21-2006, 09:02 PM	#9
DELICIOUS POISON Retro Nintendo Supermod Art & Literature Mod Metroid Mod Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 16,600 Thanks: 555 Thanked 1,597 Times in 788 Posts Points: 7,763.54 Bank: 3,602,510.30 Total Points: 3,610,273.84 Donate	Ironically, my computer functions about perfectly.

03-22-2006, 10:06 AM	#10
*CaptHayfever* Smash Supermod Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: (n) - the place where I am Gender: Posts: 19,799 Thanks: 240 Thanked 943 Times in 574 Posts Points: 117,959.27 Bank: 1,884.44 Total Points: 119,843.71 Donate	An oldie, but a goodie. LinkMan, you missed the comment about Macs in there, didn't you? And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

03-22-2006, 04:26 PM	#11
LinkManDX Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Some call it slums, some call it nice! Gender: Posts: 3,386 Thanks: 260 Thanked 220 Times in 132 Posts Points: 19,215.45 Bank: 8,349.49 Total Points: 27,564.94 Donate	No, I saw that, but the point of the article was to make fun of Bill Gates and Microsoft.

03-22-2006, 05:19 PM	#13
PSYCHOKID909 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: On the run. Gender: Posts: 8,414 Thanks: 79 Thanked 41 Times in 35 Posts Points: 5,594.20 Bank: 4,846.40 Total Points: 10,440.60 Donate	Well arn't you cheery today?

03-22-2006, 08:12 PM	#14
Crazyswordsman RPG Mod Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 8,359 Thanks: 585 Thanked 435 Times in 286 Posts Points: 152,484.97 Bank: 54,455.27 Total Points: 206,940.24 Donate	^He's never cheery. I'll have some more for you guys as soon as I can. -CSM

03-23-2006, 06:57 PM	#15
LinkManDX Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Some call it slums, some call it nice! Gender: Posts: 3,386 Thanks: 260 Thanked 220 Times in 132 Posts Points: 19,215.45 Bank: 8,349.49 Total Points: 27,564.94 Donate	Yea. Run a virus/spyware scan. I can guarantee it'll find something. I guarantee. Use Spybot, Ad-Aware, and Defender for spyware, and Anti-Vir for viruses. And don't forget a firewall. That's all for Windows. And on a Mac? You need... uh... a... nothing. No security software is needed. My Windows comp has 384 MB of RAM, a 1.7 Gig processer. That's relatively modern. My Windows partition is dying. Ubuntu is running strong. So, to illustrate in equation: Linux > Windows Mac > Windows Linux > Mac

03-24-2006, 03:06 PM	#16
BrandonTragedy Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Some where u dont know Gender: Posts: 8,072 Thanks: 213 Thanked 147 Times in 127 Posts Points: 15,663.12 Bank: 103,088.98 Total Points: 118,752.10 Donate	My computer hardly ever crashes but the plug keeps falling out. >: D

03-24-2006, 04:17 PM	#17
Crazyswordsman RPG Mod Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 8,359 Thanks: 585 Thanked 435 Times in 286 Posts Points: 152,484.97 Bank: 54,455.27 Total Points: 206,940.24 Donate	I have a new one. I don't know how old it is, but I got it today. Here are a few things to think about: _________________________________ Can you cry under water? ____________________________________ How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? ____________________________________ Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? ____________________________________ Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? ____________________________________ Why does a round pizza come in a square box? ____________________________________ What disease did cured ham actually have? ____________________________________ How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? ____________________________________ Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? ____________________________________ If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? ____________________________________ Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? ___________________________________ Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? ____________________________________ Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. ____________________________________ Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural ____________________________________ Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? ____________________________________ If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? ____________________________________ If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? ____________________________________ Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? ____________________________________ Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! ____________________________________ If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? ____________________________________ If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? ____________________________________ If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? ____________________________________ Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? (CSM's commentary: "Baa baa Black Sheep" as well. I remember they did this on that Wienerville show) ____________________________________ Why did you just try singing the two songs above? ____________________________________ Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? Enjoy! -CSM

03-26-2006, 04:20 AM	#18
Crazybirdanimations Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: California Gender: Posts: 4,680 Thanks: 233 Thanked 204 Times in 167 Posts Points: 16,997.01 Bank: 9,895.58 Total Points: 26,892.59 Donate	popular! good for you...

03-26-2006, 08:40 PM	#20
*Heroine of the Dragon* The Grinnie Fool! ♥ VGFCodes Staff Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: In a pretty place surrounded by sparkly faerie dust!! Gender: Posts: 28,038 Thanks: 310 Thanked 384 Times in 296 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 24,066.81 Bank: 3,966,948.60 Total Points: 3,991,015.41 Donate	I like my computer... and it rarely crashes now we have XP. I like questions like that, CSM... I have a theory about the burnt toast...