Tasteless Jokes (WARNING: Parental Advisory) - Page 3

**LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT** · 12-14-2007, 12:48 AM

How many Scilentologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change it, another to convince Tom Cruise it's worth $5000.

LinkManDX · 12-14-2007, 10:19 PM

Guitarist A: Dude, you'll never guess what happened!

Guitarist B: What?

Guitarist A: I just busted a G String while fingering a minor.

Guitarist B: 0_0

**LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT** · 12-15-2007, 03:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by All I Want for Christmas is LinkManDX

Guitarist A: Dude, you'll never guess what happened!

Guitarist B: What?

Guitarist A: I just busted a G String while fingering a minor.

Guitarist B: 0_0

I LOVE YOU, MARRY ME!

Eric · 12-15-2007, 07:05 AM

*cough*gay*cough*look at his gender^

**LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT** · 12-15-2007, 09:57 AM

*hugs St. Eric, stroking his arm* What of it... Baby-doll.

Dylan · 12-15-2007, 12:02 PM

-So this young woman is driving through the country when her car breaks down. Just like all the old stories, she goes to a nearby farmhouse and knocks on the door. A little old lady answers.
"Excuse me ma'am," the young lady says, "but my car just broke down and I need a place to stay for the night."
"You can stay here for the night," the old lady says. "You just stay away from my two sons. They're very sheltered and not keen to the ways of the world." She points to the young sons and the young lady is immediately attracted to them, but promises to stay away from them.
In the middle of the night, she is overwhelmed by her attraction to them. She can't sleep, and she eventually gives into temptation and walks into the boys' room.
"Boys, she says, "I'm going to show you the ways of the world. But I want you to wear these condoms so I don't get pregnant." And so they go at it all night, and in the morning she leaves.
Several months later, the young men are sitting on the front porch.
"Say, do you remember that young lady that came here a while back and showed us the ways of the world?" the first one says.
"Yeah, I remember her," the second one says. "She was really something.
"Yeah... Do you really give a s**t if she gets pregnant?"
"Hell no! Let's take these condoms off!"

-Dylan

**LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT** · 12-15-2007, 12:31 PM

^
L.
O.
L.

***Ace Mercury*** · 12-16-2007, 02:33 PM

I was reading this: Top Ten Do’s and Don’ts When Someone in Your Life Becomes Seriously Ill

One of the "don'ts" is "And don’t tell someone going through chemo or radiation that they’re "glowing.""

VG_Addict · 12-16-2007, 03:31 PM

Little Johnny and his father were walking down the street one day, and two ladies bumped into one another in front of them.
The one lady looked at the other and slapped her across the face. "You bitch," yelled the one lady.
Stunned, the lady that was slapped yelled out, "You bag."
Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns to his dad. "Dad, what are bags and bitches?"
"Oh, that's just another name for women," replied his dad.
"Oh, okay," said Johnny.
The two make it home and Little Johnny follows his dad up to the washroom to watch his daddy shave.
While shaving, Little Johnny's dad cuts himself. "Oh ****," he said.
"Daddy, what's ****?" asked Little Johnny.
"Oh, that's just another name for shaving your self," replied his father.
Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find his mother cooking a turkey. As his mother reached into the oven, she burnt her hand. "****!" she yells.
"Mom, what's ****?" questionned Johnny.
"That's just another word for cooking the turkey."
"Oh, I get it," said Johnny.
All of a sudden, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it!" yells Johnny as he runs to the door. He then opened the door to find a group of old ladies standing outside.
"Hello young man. Are you parents home?" asked the front lady.
"Hello bags and bitches. My dad's upstairs ****ting himself and my mom's downstairs ****ing the turkey."

**Loot** · 12-18-2007, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace Mercury

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?

A: One cup root beer, two scoops dead baby.

The other version:

How do you make a dead baby float?

Take your foot off of it.

VG_Addict · 12-18-2007, 09:15 PM

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?

A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Totally Kennerson · 12-18-2007, 11:11 PM

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Spoiler Below

"I'll see you next month."

***Ace Mercury*** · 12-19-2007, 07:16 AM

Anyone remember any "Shut up kid" jokes?

"Mommy mommy, I hate going around in circles."
"Shut up kid, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."

"Mommy mommy, what's a nymphomaniac?"
"Shut up kid, and help me get grandma off the door knob."

"Mommy mommy, I hate tomato soup."
"Shut up kid, you only have to eat it once a month."

"Mommy mommy, Billy threw up."
"Shut up kid and grab a fork before your dad gets all the big chunks."

Crazybirdanimations · 12-19-2007, 10:06 PM

So a dead baby...
...
Nevermind.

Maximum Spider · 12-22-2007, 07:24 PM

Little Johnny is in school, and for history, his class must name the historic american figure who said a quote the teacher says.
"Who said Four score and seven years ago?" asked the teacher.
Little Johnny raised his hand, but another student, a girl, said "Abraham Lincoln?"
"Correct." Notes the teacher, "You may go now." "Who said, "I have a dream?" She continued.
Little Johnny raised his hand again, but another girl stands up and says, "Martin Luther King Jr."
"Correct." The teacher replied. "You may go now."
The teacher continued, "Who said "One small step for man, one giant step for mankind?"
Again, Little Johnny raises his hand, but another girl, calls "Neil Armstrong"
"Correct" the teacher notes again, "You may go now."
As you could have guessed, Little Johnny is beginning to get annoyed. Under his breath, he mutters, "I wish these little bitches would keep their mouth's shut"
The teacher hears him and shouts, "Who said that?"
Little Johnny stands up and triumphantly, begins to leave the room and shouts, "Bill Clinton! See you tomorrow, bitches!"

Luigiman7 · 12-28-2007, 03:40 PM

A little girl (lets call her Amy) was walking to school one day, when Satan popped up in front of her. Satan asked the little girl," Where are you going?" Amy said," I'm going to school!" Satan said," that's not school, thats Hell." then Satan asked," what is that your holding?" Amy said, " those are cookies!" Satan said, " those aren't cookies, those are ****." then he asked Amy," who made those for you?" Amy said," my mommy!" Satan said, " that's not your mom, that's a bitch.

The next day, Amy told her mother, "Hey bitch! Make me some **** so I can go to Hell!"

***Ace Mercury*** · 12-28-2007, 03:48 PM

Whats the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

One's a sick duck - and I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

**Loot** · 12-28-2007, 04:27 PM

What's the difference between a nun in a church and a nun in the shower?

One has a soul full of hope...

VG_Addict · 12-31-2007, 01:40 PM

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

***Ace Mercury*** · 01-02-2008, 01:57 AM

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona, when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look, and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem.

The mechanic looks up and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.”

“No, no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just vanilla ice cream.”

12-14-2007, 12:48 AM	#41
LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT Videos Mod Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: In my pants Gender: Posts: 4,613 Thanks: 2,502 Thanked 767 Times in 422 Posts	How many Scilentologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change it, another to convince Tom Cruise it's worth $5000.

12-14-2007, 10:19 PM	#42
LinkManDX Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Because political usernames ftw Gender: Posts: 3,582 Thanks: 297 Thanked 266 Times in 156 Posts	Guitarist A: Dude, you'll never guess what happened! Guitarist B: What? Guitarist A: I just busted a G String while fingering a minor. Guitarist B: 0_0

12-15-2007, 07:05 AM	#44
Eric Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Up your arse and around the corner. Gender: Posts: 1,343 Thanks: 236 Thanked 65 Times in 51 Posts	coughgaycoughlook at his gender^

12-15-2007, 09:57 AM	#45
LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT Videos Mod Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: In my pants Gender: Posts: 4,613 Thanks: 2,502 Thanked 767 Times in 422 Posts	hugs St. Eric, stroking his arm What of it... Baby-doll.

12-15-2007, 12:02 PM	#46
Dylan Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Teenage Wasteland Gender: Posts: 7,790 Thanks: 1,632 Thanked 1,816 Times in 773 Posts	-So this young woman is driving through the country when her car breaks down. Just like all the old stories, she goes to a nearby farmhouse and knocks on the door. A little old lady answers. "Excuse me ma'am," the young lady says, "but my car just broke down and I need a place to stay for the night." "You can stay here for the night," the old lady says. "You just stay away from my two sons. They're very sheltered and not keen to the ways of the world." She points to the young sons and the young lady is immediately attracted to them, but promises to stay away from them. In the middle of the night, she is overwhelmed by her attraction to them. She can't sleep, and she eventually gives into temptation and walks into the boys' room. "Boys, she says, "I'm going to show you the ways of the world. But I want you to wear these condoms so I don't get pregnant." And so they go at it all night, and in the morning she leaves. Several months later, the young men are sitting on the front porch. "Say, do you remember that young lady that came here a while back and showed us the ways of the world?" the first one says. "Yeah, I remember her," the second one says. "She was really something. "Yeah... Do you really give a s**t if she gets pregnant?" "Hell no! Let's take these condoms off!" -Dylan

12-15-2007, 12:31 PM	#47
LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT Videos Mod Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: In my pants Gender: Posts: 4,613 Thanks: 2,502 Thanked 767 Times in 422 Posts	^ L. O. L.

12-16-2007, 02:33 PM	#48
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 23,274 Thanks: 568 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,582 Posts Blog Entries: 1	I was reading this: Top Ten Do’s and Don’ts When Someone in Your Life Becomes Seriously Ill One of the "don'ts" is "And don’t tell someone going through chemo or radiation that they’re "glowing.""

12-16-2007, 03:31 PM	#49
VG_Addict Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: In the Vicinity Gender: Posts: 3,973 Thanks: 36 Thanked 227 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 2	Little Johnny and his father were walking down the street one day, and two ladies bumped into one another in front of them. The one lady looked at the other and slapped her across the face. "You bitch," yelled the one lady. Stunned, the lady that was slapped yelled out, "You bag." Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns to his dad. "Dad, what are bags and bitches?" "Oh, that's just another name for women," replied his dad. "Oh, okay," said Johnny. The two make it home and Little Johnny follows his dad up to the washroom to watch his daddy shave. While shaving, Little Johnny's dad cuts himself. "Oh **," he said. "Daddy, what's ?" asked Little Johnny. "Oh, that's just another name for shaving your self," replied his father. Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find his mother cooking a turkey. As his mother reached into the oven, she burnt her hand. "!" she yells. "Mom, what's ?" questionned Johnny. "That's just another word for cooking the turkey." "Oh, I get it," said Johnny. All of a sudden, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it!" yells Johnny as he runs to the door. He then opened the door to find a group of old ladies standing outside. "Hello young man. Are you parents home?" asked the front lady. "Hello bags and bitches. My dad's upstairs ting himself and my mom's downstairs **ing the turkey."

12-18-2007, 09:15 PM	#51
VG_Addict Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: In the Vicinity Gender: Posts: 3,973 Thanks: 36 Thanked 227 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 2	What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

12-18-2007, 11:11 PM	#52
Totally Kennerson Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Falling down all these stairs Gender: Posts: 2,116 Thanks: 340 Thanked 406 Times in 136 Posts Blog Entries: 1	What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Spoiler Below "I'll see you next month."

12-19-2007, 07:16 AM	#53
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 23,274 Thanks: 568 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,582 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Anyone remember any "Shut up kid" jokes? "Mommy mommy, I hate going around in circles." "Shut up kid, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor." "Mommy mommy, what's a nymphomaniac?" "Shut up kid, and help me get grandma off the door knob." "Mommy mommy, I hate tomato soup." "Shut up kid, you only have to eat it once a month." "Mommy mommy, Billy threw up." "Shut up kid and grab a fork before your dad gets all the big chunks."

12-19-2007, 10:06 PM	#54
Crazybirdanimations Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: California Gender: Posts: 4,912 Thanks: 237 Thanked 222 Times in 175 Posts	So a dead baby... ... Nevermind.

12-22-2007, 07:24 PM	#55
Maximum Spider Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: I'll take Street Fighter over Dragonball any day. Gender: Posts: 2,548 Thanks: 0 Thanked 191 Times in 126 Posts	Little Johnny is in school, and for history, his class must name the historic american figure who said a quote the teacher says. "Who said Four score and seven years ago?" asked the teacher. Little Johnny raised his hand, but another student, a girl, said "Abraham Lincoln?" "Correct." Notes the teacher, "You may go now." "Who said, "I have a dream?" She continued. Little Johnny raised his hand again, but another girl stands up and says, "Martin Luther King Jr." "Correct." The teacher replied. "You may go now." The teacher continued, "Who said "One small step for man, one giant step for mankind?" Again, Little Johnny raises his hand, but another girl, calls "Neil Armstrong" "Correct" the teacher notes again, "You may go now." As you could have guessed, Little Johnny is beginning to get annoyed. Under his breath, he mutters, "I wish these little bitches would keep their mouth's shut" The teacher hears him and shouts, "Who said that?" Little Johnny stands up and triumphantly, begins to leave the room and shouts, "Bill Clinton! See you tomorrow, bitches!"

12-28-2007, 03:40 PM	#56
Luigiman7 ヽ(◔ ◡ ◔)ノ.･ﾟ*｡･+☆ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: ~)´◡｀(~ Gender: Posts: 17,605 Thanks: 1,134 Thanked 1,012 Times in 713 Posts Blog Entries: 8	A little girl (lets call her Amy) was walking to school one day, when Satan popped up in front of her. Satan asked the little girl," Where are you going?" Amy said," I'm going to school!" Satan said," that's not school, thats Hell." then Satan asked," what is that your holding?" Amy said, " those are cookies!" Satan said, " those aren't cookies, those are **." then he asked Amy," who made those for you?" Amy said," my mommy!" Satan said, " that's not your mom, that's a bitch. The next day, Amy told her mother, "Hey bitch! Make me some ** so I can go to Hell!"

12-28-2007, 03:48 PM	#57
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 23,274 Thanks: 568 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,582 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Whats the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck - and I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

12-28-2007, 04:27 PM	#58
Loot Apparently I'm a mod? Join Date: May 2001 Location: LEGITIMATE BUSINESS Gender: Posts: 13,208 Thanks: 236 Thanked 1,237 Times in 659 Posts	What's the difference between a nun in a church and a nun in the shower? One has a soul full of hope...

12-31-2007, 01:40 PM	#59
VG_Addict Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: In the Vicinity Gender: Posts: 3,973 Thanks: 36 Thanked 227 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 2	Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

01-02-2008, 01:57 AM	#60
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 23,274 Thanks: 568 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,582 Posts Blog Entries: 1	A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona, when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look, and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.” “No, no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just vanilla ice cream.”