Puns - Page 2

Dr. Furball · 01-24-2008, 11:46 PM

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender decides to ask, "Why do you have a wheel attached to your crotch?" The pirate replied, "Argh, it's driving me nuts!"

***Ace Mercury*** · 02-27-2008, 09:06 PM

Q: How do you identify a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
A: They lie awake at night, wondering whether there's a dog.

**Deku Trii** · 05-07-2009, 01:39 AM

How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?

Spoiler Below

Follow the fresh prints.

Luigiman7 · 05-07-2009, 05:32 PM

5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area.

Dr. Furball · 06-24-2009, 03:04 AM

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

Now matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be!

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

**Deku Trii** · 11-05-2009, 02:20 PM

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone asked him if he upgraded to Windows 7?

Spoiler Below

I still love Vista, baby.

Jere · 11-05-2009, 04:17 PM

Arnold Schwarze******, what a punny name

Random User · 11-06-2009, 08:06 PM

A doctor comes to see his patient and says "I have bad news, and I have worse news." So the patient asks "What`s the bad news?" and the doctor replies, "You`re going to die in 24 hours." The patient asks, "How could it get any worse?" The doctor then says, "I`ve been trying to contact you since yesterday."

***Ace Mercury*** · 11-06-2009, 09:22 PM

That's the worst pun I've ever heard.

I think if were ten of those, no pun in ten did.

Glux · 11-06-2009, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Random User

A doctor comes to see his patient and says "I have bad news, and I have worse news." So the patient asks "What`s the bad news?" and the doctor replies, "You`re going to die in 24 hours." The patient asks, "How could it get any worse?" The doctor then says, "I`ve been trying to contact you since yesterday."

Where's the pun?

**Loot** · 11-08-2009, 07:54 AM

A Freudian Slip is when you mean one thing, but you say your mother.

CodenameV · 11-11-2009, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CuccoLady

I laughed.

Hmm.... well, it's not really a joke, but it perfectly portrays the reaction of modern Americans to intelligent humor:

Oh, I get it!! That's PUNny!!! Hahahaha!!!!

The worst part is, someone in real life said this. >

...-pretends I wasn't the one who said that- But you know I was just making a bad pun, right? Just like, "Stop, you're PUNishing me!"

Jere · 11-11-2009, 04:51 PM

Not before i get a claytalaty

Luigiman7 · 11-28-2009, 11:05 PM

CuccoLady · 11-29-2009, 02:51 PM

She bought the spices just in thyme to make the pie!!! :{D

Urgh this thread is slowly but surely killing my soul. x{D

**Loot** · 11-29-2009, 04:09 PM

*Ahem*

***Ace Mercury*** · 11-30-2009, 08:00 AM

Wow. There's an oblig. xkcd for everything.

***Ace Mercury*** · 12-03-2009, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Did you hear about the Nazi in Magdeburg who crept into a bomb-washed store where once in the heil-hitler days they sold picture frames and the poor goddamn Nazi licked off a mouthful of gold leaf from one of the frames? Two MPs watched him shiver in his guts and crumple up and die and one of the MPs said, ‘Suicide’ and the other MP, ‘How could a little gold leaf like that kill a guy?’ and the first one, ‘It wasn’t so much the gold leaf as he was smitten with a sense of inner gilt.’

via

Luigiman7 · 12-20-2009, 02:32 PM

A bear walked into the bar and asked the bartender for a beer. The bartender refused, saying, "I don't serve bears here!"

The bear kept on asking, and the bartender always had the same response. Very soon, the bear became very sick of asking and pointed to a blonde lady at the other end of the counter. "Look," said the bear. "If you don't get me a beer, I'll eat her!"

The bartender still responded, "I don't serve bears here," so the pissed-off bear killed the blonde and messily devoured her. "Now get me a beer," he growled.

The bartender said, "I don't serve bears here, and especially addicts!"

"What?!" growled the bear. "I've never taken drugs!"

The bartender responded, "Yes, you just did! That's a bar bitch you ate."

Zharen · 01-07-2010, 09:53 PM

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
It was bad. But he's all RIGHT now.

05-07-2009, 05:32 PM	#24
Luigiman7 ~)´◡｀(~ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: representin da bronx yo Gender: Posts: 17,304 Thanks: 1,099 Thanked 992 Times in 698 Posts Blog Entries: 8	5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area. __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

11-08-2009, 07:54 AM	#31
Loot whelp I'm a bloody moron Join Date: May 2001 Location: LEGITIMATE BUSINESS Gender: Posts: 12,523 Thanks: 226 Thanked 1,168 Times in 612 Posts	Brought to you by Wikipedia, of all things. A Freudian Slip is when you mean one thing, but you say your mother.

11-28-2009, 11:05 PM	#34
Luigiman7 ~)´◡｀(~ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: representin da bronx yo Gender: Posts: 17,304 Thanks: 1,099 Thanked 992 Times in 698 Posts Blog Entries: 8	Why did Mozart kill his chicken? __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

11-29-2009, 02:51 PM	#35
CuccoLady Anime and Cartoons Mod Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: THIS LOCATION REMINDS ME OF A PUZZLE, LUKE Gender: Posts: 8,457 Thanks: 2,666 Thanked 1,075 Times in 724 Posts	^^^ That post was from before I even met you. :{P She bought the spices just in thyme to make the pie!!! :{D Urgh this thread is slowly but surely killing my soul. x{D

12-20-2009, 02:32 PM	#39
Luigiman7 ~)´◡｀(~ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: representin da bronx yo Gender: Posts: 17,304 Thanks: 1,099 Thanked 992 Times in 698 Posts Blog Entries: 8	How tasteless. A bear walked into the bar and asked the bartender for a beer. The bartender refused, saying, "I don't serve bears here!" The bear kept on asking, and the bartender always had the same response. Very soon, the bear became very sick of asking and pointed to a blonde lady at the other end of the counter. "Look," said the bear. "If you don't get me a beer, I'll eat her!" The bartender still responded, "I don't serve bears here," so the pissed-off bear killed the blonde and messily devoured her. "Now get me a beer," he growled. The bartender said, "I don't serve bears here, and especially addicts!" "What?!" growled the bear. "I've never taken drugs!" The bartender responded, "Yes, you just did! That's a bar bitch you ate." __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

01-24-2008, 11:46 PM	#21
Dr. Furball Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mad Science Academy, 12th Floor Gender: Posts: 1,125 Thanks: 185 Thanked 97 Times in 60 Posts	A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender decides to ask, "Why do you have a wheel attached to your crotch?" The pirate replied, "Argh, it's driving me nuts!"

02-27-2008, 09:06 PM	#22
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 22,962 Thanks: 558 Thanked 3,205 Times in 1,531 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Q: How do you identify a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? A: They lie awake at night, wondering whether there's a dog.

05-07-2009, 01:39 AM	#23
Deku Trii PP&R Mod Current Events Mod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Texas Gender: Posts: 8,930 Thanks: 490 Thanked 1,063 Times in 559 Posts	How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? Spoiler Below Follow the fresh prints.

06-24-2009, 03:04 AM	#25
Dr. Furball Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mad Science Academy, 12th Floor Gender: Posts: 1,125 Thanks: 185 Thanked 97 Times in 60 Posts	A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. Now matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be! Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

11-05-2009, 02:20 PM	#26
Deku Trii PP&R Mod Current Events Mod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Texas Gender: Posts: 8,930 Thanks: 490 Thanked 1,063 Times in 559 Posts	What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone asked him if he upgraded to Windows 7? Spoiler Below I still love Vista, baby.

11-05-2009, 04:17 PM	#27
Jere Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Sutme Gender: Posts: 3,455 Thanks: 396 Thanked 295 Times in 233 Posts Blog Entries: 3	Arnold Schwarze******, what a punny name

11-06-2009, 08:06 PM	#28
Random User Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Floating aimlessly somewhere. Gender: Posts: 2,941 Thanks: 284 Thanked 118 Times in 95 Posts Blog Entries: 4	A doctor comes to see his patient and says "I have bad news, and I have worse news." So the patient asks "What`s the bad news?" and the doctor replies, "You`re going to die in 24 hours." The patient asks, "How could it get any worse?" The doctor then says, "I`ve been trying to contact you since yesterday."

11-06-2009, 09:22 PM	#29
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 22,962 Thanks: 558 Thanked 3,205 Times in 1,531 Posts Blog Entries: 1	That's the worst pun I've ever heard. I think if were ten of those, no pun in ten did.

11-11-2009, 04:51 PM	#33
Jere Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Sutme Gender: Posts: 3,455 Thanks: 396 Thanked 295 Times in 233 Posts Blog Entries: 3	Not before i get a claytalaty

11-29-2009, 04:09 PM	#36
Loot whelp I'm a bloody moron Join Date: May 2001 Location: LEGITIMATE BUSINESS Gender: Posts: 12,523 Thanks: 226 Thanked 1,168 Times in 612 Posts	Ahem

11-30-2009, 08:00 AM	#37
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 22,962 Thanks: 558 Thanked 3,205 Times in 1,531 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Wow. There's an oblig. xkcd for everything.

01-07-2010, 09:53 PM	#40
Zharen Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Modesto, CA U.S. Gender: Posts: 7,085 Thanks: 21 Thanked 71 Times in 35 Posts	Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? It was bad. But he's all RIGHT now.