Puns - Page 3

The Spark · 01-07-2010, 09:26 PM

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get the the Shell Station

Zaden · 01-09-2010, 08:49 PM

A bear hunter's rifle misfires and he drops it. The bear starts chasing him and he trips. He prays, "God, please let this bear be a Christian!"

When the bear catches him, he puts his paws together and prays, "Lord, please bless this food I'm about to receive..."

***Ace Mercury*** · 01-10-2010, 12:53 PM

I guess we need a definition of what a pun is. For example --

Not a pun:
Christian bear says grace.

Is a pun:
Christian bear plays Anakin Skywalker in new Star Wars movie.

Zaden · 01-12-2010, 02:05 AM

(Note: These jokes are bannable)

Fairlight Excalibur · 01-12-2010, 04:06 AM

...still not a pun.

Zaden · 01-12-2010, 05:04 AM

Oh, Come on!!
His freakin' name is "black n***er"!!!

His name is a pun in itself!

Jere · 01-12-2010, 07:04 AM

Heard about his new mail?

Arnold.Schwar.ze/neggar

***Ace Mercury*** · 01-12-2010, 07:16 AM

That's a pun, but a terrible one. At least, I find it really cringe-worthy. It's similar to the other false etymological puns (e.g. "politics => 'poly-' meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'blood-sucking insects'"); the real meaning is 'Black Plough Man'.

Here is another pun to cleanse the palate:
I was in a German bar. I was ordering Dry Martinis, and I was wondering why I always got them in threes.

Jere · 01-12-2010, 09:46 AM

Then we had Chip that was in favor of shipping.

Glux · 01-12-2010, 09:58 AM

Stole this from a comedian (as best as I can remember):

I was out in the backyard cleaning the yard of dog ****, and I came across an unusually big pile. I stood there staring at it trying to figure out why it's so big, then I noticed it looked like it said something on it. I had to go inside to get my glasses because I can't read **** without my glasses.

Luigiman7 · 02-01-2010, 03:47 PM

TopatoCo: Groverfield Shirt

Zaden · 05-13-2010, 08:26 PM

(Note: These jokes are bannable)

Edgarroni and Cheese · 08-06-2010, 12:36 AM

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has its claws at the end of its paws and a comma has a pause at the end of a clause!

I went to the butcher today, but he accidentally backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

A vulture boards an airplane with two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

There were once two rival tribes warring against one another. In an attempt to humiliate their rivals, the first tribe stole the magnificent obsidian throne of the second tribe and hid it in the rafters above the largest hut in their village. That evening, amidst a grand party to celebrate their victory, the obsidian chair broke free of the bonds that secured it and fell to the ground, destroying the grand hut and killing all of the villagers partying inside.
This just goes to show that those that live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

***Cosmonautical*** · 08-06-2010, 01:11 AM

Zaidon, if you keep posting racist jokes in a topic for puns (that aren't even puns), I'm going to think it's not just disrespectful; I'm going to think it's intentional.

The Spark · 08-06-2010, 02:16 AM

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

MeowMan · 08-06-2010, 02:23 AM

^^If you haven't noticed, you're a few months late.

***Ace Mercury*** · 08-06-2010, 07:14 AM

/dev/random — A short clean joke

***Cosmonautical*** · 08-06-2010, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeowMan

^^If you haven't noticed, you're a few months late.

So what I can time travel now? Still inappropriate, time doesn't change these things.

Edgarroni and Cheese · 08-09-2010, 08:58 AM

This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club..."

A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here..."

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

MeowMan · 10-17-2010, 10:37 AM

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

01-12-2010, 02:05 AM	#44
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	(Note: These jokes are bannable) Last edited by Cosmonautical; 08-06-2010 at 01:09 AM.

01-12-2010, 04:06 AM	#45
Fairlight Excalibur Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: LA Gender: Posts: 880 Thanks: 72 Thanked 111 Times in 82 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Funny, but... ...still not a pun.

01-12-2010, 05:04 AM	#46
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	What?! Oh, Come on!! His freakin' name is "black n***er"!!! His name is a pun in itself!

02-01-2010, 03:47 PM	#51
Luigiman7 ヽ(◔ ◡ ◔)ノ.･ﾟ*｡･+☆ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: ~)´◡｀(~ Gender: Posts: 17,605 Thanks: 1,134 Thanked 1,012 Times in 713 Posts Blog Entries: 8	TopatoCo: Groverfield Shirt __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

05-13-2010, 08:26 PM	#52
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	(Note: These jokes are bannable) Last edited by Cosmonautical; 08-06-2010 at 01:10 AM. Reason: ugh

01-07-2010, 09:26 PM	#41
The Spark Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: At the bottom of the shipping address list Gender: Posts: 1,743 Thanks: 156 Thanked 74 Times in 54 Posts	Why did the turtle cross the road? To get the the Shell Station

01-09-2010, 08:49 PM	#42
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	A bear hunter's rifle misfires and he drops it. The bear starts chasing him and he trips. He prays, "God, please let this bear be a Christian!" When the bear catches him, he puts his paws together and prays, "Lord, please bless this food I'm about to receive..."

01-10-2010, 12:53 PM	#43
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 23,274 Thanks: 568 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,582 Posts Blog Entries: 1	I guess we need a definition of what a pun is. For example -- Not a pun: Christian bear says grace. Is a pun: Christian bear plays Anakin Skywalker in new Star Wars movie.

01-12-2010, 07:04 AM	#47
Jere Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Sutme Gender: Posts: 3,648 Thanks: 404 Thanked 331 Times in 256 Posts Blog Entries: 3	Heard about his new mail? Arnold.Schwar.ze/neggar

01-12-2010, 07:16 AM	#48
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 23,274 Thanks: 568 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,582 Posts Blog Entries: 1	That's a pun, but a terrible one. At least, I find it really cringe-worthy. It's similar to the other false etymological puns (e.g. "politics => 'poly-' meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'blood-sucking insects'"); the real meaning is 'Black Plough Man'. Here is another pun to cleanse the palate: I was in a German bar. I was ordering Dry Martinis, and I was wondering why I always got them in threes.

01-12-2010, 09:46 AM	#49
Jere Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Sutme Gender: Posts: 3,648 Thanks: 404 Thanked 331 Times in 256 Posts Blog Entries: 3	Then we had Chip that was in favor of shipping.

01-12-2010, 09:58 AM	#50
Glux Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Home Gender: Posts: 7,121 Thanks: 647 Thanked 360 Times in 236 Posts Blog Entries: 3	Stole this from a comedian (as best as I can remember): I was out in the backyard cleaning the yard of dog **, and I came across an unusually big pile. I stood there staring at it trying to figure out why it's so big, then I noticed it looked like it said something on it. I had to go inside to get my glasses because I can't read ** without my glasses.

08-06-2010, 12:36 AM	#53
Edgarroni and Cheese Newbie Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmelade skies Gender: Posts: 21 Thanks: 14 Thanked 4 Times in 2 Posts	What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has its claws at the end of its paws and a comma has a pause at the end of a clause! I went to the butcher today, but he accidentally backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. A vulture boards an airplane with two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger." There were once two rival tribes warring against one another. In an attempt to humiliate their rivals, the first tribe stole the magnificent obsidian throne of the second tribe and hid it in the rafters above the largest hut in their village. That evening, amidst a grand party to celebrate their victory, the obsidian chair broke free of the bonds that secured it and fell to the ground, destroying the grand hut and killing all of the villagers partying inside. This just goes to show that those that live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

08-06-2010, 01:11 AM	#54
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	Zaidon, if you keep posting racist jokes in a topic for puns (that aren't even puns), I'm going to think it's not just disrespectful; I'm going to think it's intentional.

08-06-2010, 02:16 AM	#55
The Spark Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: At the bottom of the shipping address list Gender: Posts: 1,743 Thanks: 156 Thanked 74 Times in 54 Posts	It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

08-06-2010, 02:23 AM	#56
MeowMan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Las Pegasus Gender: Posts: 6,606 Thanks: 849 Thanked 208 Times in 132 Posts Blog Entries: 46	^^If you haven't noticed, you're a few months late.

08-06-2010, 07:14 AM	#57
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 23,274 Thanks: 568 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,582 Posts Blog Entries: 1	^ Reminds me of a joke /dev/random — A short clean joke

08-09-2010, 08:58 AM	#59
Edgarroni and Cheese Newbie Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmelade skies Gender: Posts: 21 Thanks: 14 Thanked 4 Times in 2 Posts	This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club..." A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here..." A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?" Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

10-17-2010, 10:37 AM	#60
MeowMan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Las Pegasus Gender: Posts: 6,606 Thanks: 849 Thanked 208 Times in 132 Posts Blog Entries: 46	Bump. Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.