Anti-Jokes

Luigiman7 · 01-07-2010, 07:31 PM

A horse walks into a bar.

The bar closes, animal control is called and the owner of the horse receives a hefty fine.

***Ace Mercury*** · 01-07-2010, 11:07 PM

"Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?"
"It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain."

Antisocial · 01-08-2010, 02:02 AM

"......."

Luigiman7 · 01-08-2010, 05:01 PM

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Pete.
Oh, i've been expecting you. Come in.

The Spark · 01-08-2010, 06:27 PM

^Haha.
A priest and a naked guy walk into a restaurant... They then sit down and eat their dinner, then go home.

Luigiman7 · 01-08-2010, 10:19 PM

A man walks into a bar.

He's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.

Rainbow Dash · 01-08-2010, 10:47 PM

Three men walk into a bar.

The fourth one sues the construction firm.

The Spark · 01-08-2010, 10:53 PM

A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

Fairlight Excalibur · 01-09-2010, 04:53 AM

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped on the roof a burning building.

They pass out from the smoke and are eaten by the flames before the firemen get there.

Zaden · 01-09-2010, 09:23 PM

Jim Carey and Eddie Murphey are running full speed through the desert.

Eventually they make it to the other side.

Luigiman7 · 01-09-2010, 09:28 PM

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

To go and seek counseling or at least some kind of legal advice because her significant other appears, on the surface at least, to be violent and dangerous.

Zaden · 01-14-2010, 05:22 AM

A witch flies into a bar on her broom. The bartender says, "We don't serve witches here."

She goes to a different bar instead.

***Ace Mercury*** · 01-14-2010, 07:31 AM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Fairlight Excalibur · 01-14-2010, 07:35 AM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was heading to KFC.

Gabriel · 01-18-2010, 03:36 AM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

For no particular reason, really, and it was quite scared, as it appeared to have wondered into the middle of a large city. In fact it sought to escape from the calamity of mankind and retreat, perhaps, to some random tree on which it could roost for the night. So, on second thought, the chicken may have in fact been crossing the road to leave the city. But the mind of a chicken is not so complex, and there are a multitude of scenarios which could lead to the chicken crossing the road. Perhaps there was a food on the other side which might have tasted good, information that, of course, could not be known without judging the object in question firsthand. Or perhaps instead there was a large carnivorous creature pursuing the chicken, and the chicken saw fit to escape the vicious beast's clutches, or else meet its own demise. And it is certain that there could be more reasons to cross the road than the examples stated above; there could easily be a dozen or more! Therefore, with the above knowledge in mind, it seems the only reasonable conclusion that can be deferred from the given data can, and in this instance will, be summarized as follows:

To get to the other side.

Robotazy · 01-18-2010, 03:42 AM

A Bum walked up to me and said "I haven't had a Bite all Day"

So, I gave him food.

Luigiman7 · 01-18-2010, 11:34 AM

Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.

What was the pirate movie rated?
PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

Glux · 01-18-2010, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leave Bond To Me

Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.

I kid you not, I was just about to post something like that.
As I was scrolling down the page I thought "Hey, I should do something about the 'Why was 6 afraid of 7?' joke."

Zaden · 01-25-2010, 10:43 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.
Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.
The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

I'm gonna cram an anvil up your butt!

Einstein: Whether the anvil will go up my butt or my butt will come down around the anvil also depends upon your frame of reference.

**X-3** · 01-25-2010, 11:08 PM

A horse walked into a bar. He knocked drinks and tables over before being chased out. He did not return.

01-07-2010, 07:31 PM	#1
Luigiman7 ~)´◡｀(~ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: representin da bronx yo Gender: Posts: 17,303 Thanks: 1,099 Thanked 992 Times in 698 Posts Blog Entries: 8	Anti-Jokes A horse walks into a bar. The bar closes, animal control is called and the owner of the horse receives a hefty fine. __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

01-07-2010, 11:07 PM	#2
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 22,962 Thanks: 558 Thanked 3,205 Times in 1,531 Posts Blog Entries: 1	From McSweeney's "Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?" "It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain."

01-08-2010, 02:02 AM	#3
Antisocial Janitor Join Date: May 2000 Gender: Posts: 11,178 Thanks: 12 Thanked 1,102 Times in 458 Posts	What did the broom say to the floor? "......."

01-08-2010, 05:01 PM	#4
Luigiman7 ~)´◡｀(~ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: representin da bronx yo Gender: Posts: 17,303 Thanks: 1,099 Thanked 992 Times in 698 Posts Blog Entries: 8	Knock Knock. Who's there? Pete. Oh, i've been expecting you. Come in. __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

01-08-2010, 10:19 PM	#6
Luigiman7 ~)´◡｀(~ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: representin da bronx yo Gender: Posts: 17,303 Thanks: 1,099 Thanked 992 Times in 698 Posts Blog Entries: 8	A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family. __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

01-08-2010, 06:27 PM	#5
The Spark Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: At the bottom of the shipping address list Gender: Posts: 1,743 Thanks: 156 Thanked 74 Times in 54 Posts	^Haha. A priest and a naked guy walk into a restaurant... They then sit down and eat their dinner, then go home.

01-08-2010, 10:47 PM	#7
Rainbow Dash been dreamin', i've been waitin' Join Date: Jan 2001 Gender: Posts: 23,788 Thanks: 168 Thanked 1,120 Times in 677 Posts	Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one sues the construction firm.

01-08-2010, 10:53 PM	#8
The Spark Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: At the bottom of the shipping address list Gender: Posts: 1,743 Thanks: 156 Thanked 74 Times in 54 Posts	A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

01-09-2010, 04:53 AM	#9
Fairlight Excalibur Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: LA Gender: Posts: 880 Thanks: 72 Thanked 111 Times in 82 Posts Blog Entries: 1	A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped on the roof a burning building. They pass out from the smoke and are eaten by the flames before the firemen get there.

01-09-2010, 09:23 PM	#10
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 87 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Jim Carey and Eddie Murphey are running full speed through the desert. Eventually they make it to the other side.

01-09-2010, 09:28 PM	#11
Luigiman7 ~)´◡｀(~ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: representin da bronx yo Gender: Posts: 17,303 Thanks: 1,099 Thanked 992 Times in 698 Posts Blog Entries: 8	What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? To go and seek counseling or at least some kind of legal advice because her significant other appears, on the surface at least, to be violent and dangerous. __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

01-14-2010, 05:22 AM	#12
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 87 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	A witch flies into a bar on her broom. The bartender says, "We don't serve witches here." She goes to a different bar instead.

01-14-2010, 07:31 AM	#13
*Ace Mercury* Marshmallow Knight ☆ Supermod Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Southern Ontario Gender: Posts: 22,962 Thanks: 558 Thanked 3,205 Times in 1,531 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Oblig. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

01-14-2010, 07:35 AM	#14
Fairlight Excalibur Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: LA Gender: Posts: 880 Thanks: 72 Thanked 111 Times in 82 Posts Blog Entries: 1	You, sir, need to be punched. Why did the chicken cross the road? He was heading to KFC.

01-18-2010, 03:36 AM	#15
Gabriel Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Pesterchum~ Gender: Posts: 2,312 Thanks: 111 Thanked 102 Times in 79 Posts	Ooh, ooh, let me try! Why did the chicken cross the road? For no particular reason, really, and it was quite scared, as it appeared to have wondered into the middle of a large city. In fact it sought to escape from the calamity of mankind and retreat, perhaps, to some random tree on which it could roost for the night. So, on second thought, the chicken may have in fact been crossing the road to leave the city. But the mind of a chicken is not so complex, and there are a multitude of scenarios which could lead to the chicken crossing the road. Perhaps there was a food on the other side which might have tasted good, information that, of course, could not be known without judging the object in question firsthand. Or perhaps instead there was a large carnivorous creature pursuing the chicken, and the chicken saw fit to escape the vicious beast's clutches, or else meet its own demise. And it is certain that there could be more reasons to cross the road than the examples stated above; there could easily be a dozen or more! Therefore, with the above knowledge in mind, it seems the only reasonable conclusion that can be deferred from the given data can, and in this instance will, be summarized as follows: To get to the other side.

01-18-2010, 03:42 AM	#16
Robotazy PRESS ANY KEY TO PANIC! Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: A Tiny Shed Gender: Posts: 16,284 Thanks: 521 Thanked 1,238 Times in 885 Posts Blog Entries: 43	A Bum walked up to me and said "I haven't had a Bite all Day" So, I gave him food.

01-18-2010, 11:34 AM	#17
Luigiman7 ~)´◡｀(~ Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: representin da bronx yo Gender: Posts: 17,303 Thanks: 1,099 Thanked 992 Times in 698 Posts Blog Entries: 8	Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear. What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13 for violence and brief nudity. __________________ ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ＷＯＮ’Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＥＣＯＭＥ　Ａ　ＭＡＧＩＣＡＬ　ＧＩＲＬ？

01-25-2010, 10:43 PM	#19
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 87 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!?! Why did the chicken cross the road? Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful. Why did the chicken cross the road? Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. I'm gonna cram an anvil up your butt! Einstein: Whether the anvil will go up my butt or my butt will come down around the anvil also depends upon your frame of reference.

01-25-2010, 11:08 PM	#20
X-3 No avatar, no justice, no dreams, no hope! Join Date: Jan 2004 Gender: Posts: 15,507 Thanks: 732 Thanked 1,158 Times in 751 Posts Blog Entries: 10	A horse walked into a bar. He knocked drinks and tables over before being chased out. He did not return.