Hi I'm new and hate my job - VGF

The Lava Level Lifeguard · 01-23-2006, 12:28 AM

Hi, I'm new here (mostly). And um, the whole lava lifeguard thing...should ya happen ta fall in, just SCREAM (I s'pose that part would come naturally) and I'll be there. Well, that is to say, the very long industrial steel pole which I extend to your general vicinity will be there. And if you have the presence of mind ta grab it as ya melt, I mean wow, that's somethin', but if ya don't, which is quite often the case, I will kindly return to my high chair, thank you and have a nice day and nuh-uh, ain't nobody see nothin'.

And oh, one more thing:
In order to receive my lava level lifeguard permit I was flown out to Hawaii, where I was directed to attend a special luau. At said luau I was ordered to army-crawl over a bed of hot coals (the purpose of which, given my profession, I understand) afterwhich I was ordered to gulp 5 pints of pineapple juice and limbo under a two foot high bamboo stick to bad music (the purpose of which, given my profession, I do NOT understand.) By the way I think the music was that boom boom acka lacka boom boom walk the dinosaur crap. Weird, huh?

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 01-23-2006, 12:45 AM

*laughs* You are very welcome here, Lifeguard. It's nice to have someone with an interesting sense of humour. I'm SD, resident Admin (less likely to help those in lava; dragon... and all... if they're there, I've probably tossed them in for dinner).

Enjoy your stay and forgive the general chaos as we change over from the UBB.

***Heroine of the Dragon*** · 01-23-2006, 06:37 AM

Awesome!!... however, I won't need rescuing- *spins in a lazy circle and shows off faerie wings* -but it'll be fun watching you rescue others... if your steel pole reaches. XD

What was Hawaii like?

*pops a marshmallow into LLLifeguard's mouth* I hope to see you at the Misc forum, too.

Vapor · 01-23-2006, 07:16 AM

Steel won't work. ya need TITANIUM!

(Gives a small hot air balloon to LLLifegaurd)

Hope ya have fun here!!

And...I better go..... SD's about to fling me into the lava.....(Makes escape in Special hot air balloon armed with silly string cannons)

The Lava Level Lifeguard · 01-23-2006, 09:54 AM

Thanks for the welcome, you guys!

Heroine> Hawaii is a nice getaway, the only problem is it's quite small and you can't really drag race cars there...driving in a straight line for more than 10 seconds will lead to the dunking of your vehicle in the pacific, which is a pretty bad thing if it's a rental ( On the other hand, I do not view drag racing rental cars as a bad thing)

Vapor> Yeah, the union sorta shortchanged us...I guess we're a little under-equipped for the job. Kinda like how the whole situation in that old vampire movie Lost Boys demanded Van Helsing and instead they got Corey Feldman...um, yeah, kinda.

The Doctor · 01-23-2006, 10:05 AM

Wellcome to the Boards, here have a packet of clothes pegs. So you can hang people out to dry, once they've been rescued. Ingenious!

Vapor · 01-23-2006, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Vapor> Yeah, the union sorta shortchanged us...I guess we're a little under-equipped for the job. Kinda like how the whole situation in that old vampire movie Lost Boys demanded Van Helsing and instead they got Corey Feldman...um, yeah, kinda.

Oooh.... look in the hot air balloon I gave you. there's a fireproof titanium pole in there.

Nifty, Huh?

Viceroy Nute Gunray · 01-23-2006, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nomytaker

Wellcome to the Boards, here have a packet of clothes pegs. So you can hang people out to dry, once they've been rescued. Ingenious!

Um why exactly would they need to dry?

The Doctor · 01-23-2006, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Viceroy Nute Gunray

Um why exactly would they need to dry?

I envision lava as a liquidly type of substance, that can run off surfaces at an angle. Hanging of the body would ensure that all the lava would run off the person, animal, creature, and not leave a trace. (Nomytaker Logic Number: 100,208,nospoon.)

Vapor · 01-23-2006, 03:48 PM

Um.....their clothes would be on fire...due to the lava's intense temperature... Maybe a bathtub will help.Ya know, drop the rescuees into the tub to extinguish the flames.

Uh oh, SD's chasing me!
SD:COME BACK HERE MEAL!!!!!
Me: (Activates jet mode on hot air balloon)

joe_brown · 01-23-2006, 03:59 PM

Your welcome here Lava Lifeguard, and I hope you bring your friends. We need more people around here these days.

The Doctor · 01-23-2006, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vapor

Um.....their clothes would be on fire...due to the lava's intense temperature... Maybe a bathtub will help.Ya know, drop the rescuees into the tub to extinguish the flames.

They're fire-proof Clothes Pegs, very rare.

The bathtub wouldn't work, unless it was filled with water....... even then the cooled lava would turn into rock. Therefore cacooning the body. Hang them, is the only way I tell you.

Gumby, dammit · 01-23-2006, 04:12 PM

I'm pretty sure there's no lava in the.... Star Place. Anyway, welcome, post some good stuff, and yeah. -Gives a star piece-

Vapor · 01-23-2006, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nomytaker

They're fire-proof Clothes Pegs, very rare.

The bathtub wouldn't work, unless it was filled with water....... even then the cooled lava would turn into rock. Therefore cacooning the body. Hang them, is the only way I tell you.

Well, their skin would be burning as well.and ANY kind of drying out would do that to lava.
Hey! Idea!(Gives an anti-lava gun to LLLifegaurd)

GRENTLEMEN · 01-23-2006, 08:21 PM

Corey Feldman is nothing to sneeze at. He's so.. Feldman..

Beam Yosho the Drunkard · 01-24-2006, 02:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vapor

Um.....their clothes would be on fire...due to the lava's intense temperature... Maybe a bathtub will help.Ya know, drop the rescuees into the tub to extinguish the flames.

No, you're pretty much screwed once it hits you.

The Doctor · 01-24-2006, 02:28 PM

^ Shhhhh! Don't give away my plans......

Vapor · 01-24-2006, 03:17 PM

^Plans to help with the population problem?

The Lava Level Lifeguard · 01-24-2006, 03:32 PM

[quote=Psytronic]Corey Feldman is nothing to sneeze at. He's so.. Feldman..

Oh yeah, I forgot, in that movie Corey Feldman was wearing (to the best of my recollection) biker gloves, a cut-away denim vest, and a dew rag...::smacks own forehead:: That changes everything!

And incidentally, my sister tickled my nose once with one of Corey Feldman's hairs which she purchased on ebay. I was sneezin' for two hours straight...

Shaman king from the limo · 01-24-2006, 04:32 PM

Stick your noes in the lava! I heard it stops sneezing!
Oh yeah welcome to vgf forums.

01-23-2006, 12:28 AM	#1
The Lava Level Lifeguard Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: BrinkaWillow, Florida Posts: 26 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 1,996.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 2,496.00 Donate	Hi I'm new and hate my job Hi, I'm new here (mostly). And um, the whole lava lifeguard thing...should ya happen ta fall in, just SCREAM (I s'pose that part would come naturally) and I'll be there. Well, that is to say, the very long industrial steel pole which I extend to your general vicinity will be there. And if you have the presence of mind ta grab it as ya melt, I mean wow, that's somethin', but if ya don't, which is quite often the case, I will kindly return to my high chair, thank you and have a nice day and nuh-uh, ain't nobody see nothin'. And oh, one more thing: In order to receive my lava level lifeguard permit I was flown out to Hawaii, where I was directed to attend a special luau. At said luau I was ordered to army-crawl over a bed of hot coals (the purpose of which, given my profession, I understand) afterwhich I was ordered to gulp 5 pints of pineapple juice and limbo under a two foot high bamboo stick to bad music (the purpose of which, given my profession, I do NOT understand.) By the way I think the music was that boom boom acka lacka boom boom walk the dinosaur crap. Weird, huh?

01-23-2006, 09:54 AM	#5
The Lava Level Lifeguard Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: BrinkaWillow, Florida Posts: 26 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 1,996.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 2,496.00 Donate	Hi I'm new and hate my job Thanks for the welcome, you guys! Heroine> Hawaii is a nice getaway, the only problem is it's quite small and you can't really drag race cars there...driving in a straight line for more than 10 seconds will lead to the dunking of your vehicle in the pacific, which is a pretty bad thing if it's a rental ( On the other hand, I do not view drag racing rental cars as a bad thing) Vapor> Yeah, the union sorta shortchanged us...I guess we're a little under-equipped for the job. Kinda like how the whole situation in that old vampire movie Lost Boys demanded Van Helsing and instead they got Corey Feldman...um, yeah, kinda.

01-23-2006, 03:48 PM	#10
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Far beyond the twisted reach, of craaazy sorroow. Gender: Posts: 2,917 Thanks: 77 Thanked 59 Times in 52 Posts Points: 4,704.43 Bank: 25,371.85 Total Points: 30,076.28 Donate	Um.....their clothes would be on fire...due to the lava's intense temperature... Maybe a bathtub will help.Ya know, drop the rescuees into the tub to extinguish the flames. Uh oh, SD's chasing me! SD:COME BACK HERE MEAL!!!!! Me: (Activates jet mode on hot air balloon) Last edited by Vapor; 01-23-2006 at 04:04 PM.

01-23-2006, 12:45 AM	#2
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 23,314 Thanks: 220 Thanked 306 Times in 192 Posts Points: 61,479.06 Bank: 116,298.67 Total Points: 177,777.74 Donate	laughs You are very welcome here, Lifeguard. It's nice to have someone with an interesting sense of humour. I'm SD, resident Admin (less likely to help those in lava; dragon... and all... if they're there, I've probably tossed them in for dinner). Enjoy your stay and forgive the general chaos as we change over from the UBB.

01-23-2006, 06:37 AM	#3
*Heroine of the Dragon* The Grinnie Fool! ♥ VGFCodes Staff Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: In a pretty place surrounded by sparkly faerie dust!! Gender: Posts: 27,546 Thanks: 241 Thanked 258 Times in 190 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 17,227.96 Bank: 1,906,558.86 Total Points: 1,923,786.82 Donate	Awesome!!... however, I won't need rescuing- spins in a lazy circle and shows off faerie wings -but it'll be fun watching you rescue others... if your steel pole reaches. XD What was Hawaii like? pops a marshmallow into LLLifeguard's mouth I hope to see you at the Misc forum, too.

01-23-2006, 07:16 AM	#4
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Far beyond the twisted reach, of craaazy sorroow. Gender: Posts: 2,917 Thanks: 77 Thanked 59 Times in 52 Posts Points: 4,704.43 Bank: 25,371.85 Total Points: 30,076.28 Donate	Steel won't work. ya need TITANIUM! (Gives a small hot air balloon to LLLifegaurd) Hope ya have fun here!! And...I better go..... SD's about to fling me into the lava.....(Makes escape in Special hot air balloon armed with silly string cannons)

01-23-2006, 10:05 AM	#6
The Doctor Timelord. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In my Tardis Gender: Posts: 11,861 Thanks: 389 Thanked 343 Times in 240 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 69,204.16 Bank: 1,122,527.91 Total Points: 1,191,732.06 Donate	Wellcome to the Boards, here have a packet of clothes pegs. So you can hang people out to dry, once they've been rescued. Ingenious!

01-23-2006, 03:59 PM	#11
joe_brown Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Gender: Posts: 1,644 Thanks: 11 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts Points: 7,124.39 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 7,124.39 Donate	Your welcome here Lava Lifeguard, and I hope you bring your friends. We need more people around here these days.

01-23-2006, 04:12 PM	#13
Gumby, dammit Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Rats th01 Gender: Posts: 1,239 Thanks: 2 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 13,727.34 Bank: 634.62 Total Points: 14,361.96 Donate	I'm pretty sure there's no lava in the.... Star Place. Anyway, welcome, post some good stuff, and yeah. -Gives a star piece-

01-23-2006, 08:21 PM	#15
GRENTLEMEN Retro Nintendo Supermod Art & Literature Mod Metroid Mod Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 15,886 Thanks: 456 Thanked 1,151 Times in 628 Posts Points: 6,551.33 Bank: 1,830,360.28 Total Points: 1,836,911.61 Donate	Corey Feldman is nothing to sneeze at. He's so.. Feldman..

01-24-2006, 02:28 PM	#17
The Doctor Timelord. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In my Tardis Gender: Posts: 11,861 Thanks: 389 Thanked 343 Times in 240 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 69,204.16 Bank: 1,122,527.91 Total Points: 1,191,732.06 Donate	^ Shhhhh! Don't give away my plans......

01-24-2006, 03:17 PM	#18
Vapor Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Far beyond the twisted reach, of craaazy sorroow. Gender: Posts: 2,917 Thanks: 77 Thanked 59 Times in 52 Posts Points: 4,704.43 Bank: 25,371.85 Total Points: 30,076.28 Donate	^Plans to help with the population problem?

01-24-2006, 03:32 PM	#19
The Lava Level Lifeguard Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: BrinkaWillow, Florida Posts: 26 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 1,996.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 2,496.00 Donate	[quote=Psytronic]Corey Feldman is nothing to sneeze at. He's so.. Feldman.. Oh yeah, I forgot, in that movie Corey Feldman was wearing (to the best of my recollection) biker gloves, a cut-away denim vest, and a dew rag...::smacks own forehead:: That changes everything! And incidentally, my sister tickled my nose once with one of Corey Feldman's hairs which she purchased on ebay. I was sneezin' for two hours straight...

01-24-2006, 04:32 PM	#20
Shaman king from the limo Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: where am i again? Posts: 103 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 3,506.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 4,006.00 Donate	Stick your noes in the lava! I heard it stops sneezing! Oh yeah welcome to vgf forums.