Arrogant and Lame

[Golem]

RULES: Please keep posts appropriate. Oddball humor and strangeness are accepted if not loved, but please do not post things that completely destroy the plot, such as: "AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE A METEOR STRUCK THE EARTH THE END," or "GOLEM SPONTANEOUSLY DIED OF A HEART ATTACK."
Characters based on the authors (such as Golem for myself) are welcome.

This OG is not intended to be spam. Sorry if it comes off that way.

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Narrator: We begin our story by looking at the rules for the forum. After all, you will need to know the rules if you want to participate!

Golem: That sounds fair!

SECTION A: General Rules
Ongoing Stories are...stories...where a person writes a story, then leaves options on what will happen next. The next poster picks an option, and continues on with the story, and so on and so forth.

PLEASE, DO NOT POST NORMAL FAN-FICS. IF IT IS NOT AN OG STORY, IT WILL BE LOCKED.

Also, OG stories that are only written by the first poster, and the next poster only chooses the option, WILL BE ACCEPTED. That is considered an OG, and will be treated as such.

Golem: Yes, yes, I knew that.

SECTION B: Rules of Story Threads
Please follow the rules that a story's creator sets. If they say that you cannot kill the main character, THEN YOU CANNOT KILL THE MAIN CHARACTER. Any post that breaks a rule set by a story starter will be deleted.

Golem: I can live with that.

Also, unless the story is VGF themed or the story starter allows it, try not to include yourself into the story. That's just arrogant and lame.

Golem: What?! Arrogant and lame?! I am not arrogant and lame!

Narrator: Woah, woah, calm down there.

Golem: Time to go on a quest to prove to THE MAN that author characters aren't arrogant and lame!

Narrator: The rules only say that they're arrogant and lame in inappropriate situations, such as--

Golem: I have to disagree. The rules call me arrogant and lame. This calls for a quest!

Narrator: Or maybe a PARTY?

Golem: I dunno. What do you wanna do?

Narrator: I dunno, what do--er, I want to narrate. Wait, who do you mean by THE MAN, anyway?

Golem: I guess anyone that disagrees? I think the villain is just around the corner.

OoC: The next post is reserved for Tailuigi. After that, anyone can feel free to post.

[Tailuigi]

~Meanwhile, around the corner~

Tyler: Was it such a good idea to have our headquarters placed LITERALLY around the corner from our arch-nemesis? Resident Evil 3 arch-nemesis?

Nobody:...

Tyler: Blast. I really need some henchmen. Oh well! Now to state my plans outloud in a completely unnatural manner. I believe this....GOLEM should be locked away for his law-breaking-ness and possibly be forced to watch either Home Improvement reruns on TBS or Happy Days... POST SHARK-JUMP! ~ba Duh DUN!~ I suppose this right-around-the-corner HQ has its advantages, seeing as how I can easily find out what that Golem's up to by peeking out of these blinds here. ~peeks~

~There is a view of Golem's house. A giant post-it note is on the side of the house.~

Note: I'm gone to prove that I'm not arrogant OR lame. That means it's OFF TO MEMPHIS WITH ME! Also, I only have 6 pieces of giganta-notes left, which means I have none. ~tee-hee~ BBL

Tyler: How foolish of him to leave a comically sized note telling me EXACTLY where he's goi-

Note: PS: Tyler, if you're reading this, then this whole note is a complete lie. Don't pay attention to it at all. If you're not reading this, then I'll see you after I get back from Memphis.

Tyler: Dang. Now I'm back to square one. YOU KNOCKED ME BACK TO HOME BASE! SORRY!

[Rainbow Dash]

Chunky: Well, it looks like I'm going on a secret adventure. Like Joel or something.

*Chunky walks to the airport*

Chunky: Woo, the airport.

*Chunky boards a 747, only to find that it's Air Force One*

Chunky: Uhhhhh..

*Chunky gets tackled by Secret Service agents*

SS 1: What are you doing here?!

SS 2: Who is your daddy and what does he do!?

Chunky: Too...many...questions...becoming...angry...

*Chunky begins obligatory Chulk transformation*

Chulk: ROAR! CHULK SMASH!

*ACTION-PACKED DESTRUCTION SEQUENCE!*

*Air Force One is in ruins. The president is OK, however the same cannot be said for the SS agents.*

Chunky: Oog, my head. Well, that's what they get for making me angry.

*Chunky goes off to find his flight to Florida*

[Metal Man]

* Thanks to a time-space continuum malfunction, Metal is dumped out of a psychadelic portal right next to the note and Tyler. He stares a bit, and then also at the forum rules, which are, for no good reason, on a conveniently located sign right behind him. *

Metal: "Arrogant... and lame? Me? Impossible!"

* He'd then turn to Tyler. *

Metal: "Arrogant... and... sentient being? Impossible!"

* Then he would turn to the post-it note. *

Metal: "Arrogant and... oversized post-it note! IMPOSSIBLE!"

* Then he would realize the note would have to do with Golem. *

Metal: "...Wait a minute... Golem? I thought he was dead! I shall have to go to... Memphis!"

* He would then walk off, being totally oblivious to whatever Tyler said, though he has yet to actually leave the area Tyler is in. *

[Golem]

Episode 5: Things Come Together

Tyler: You, Iron Male!

Metal Man: It's Metal Man.

Tyler: Exactly! I need a new henchman, and you seem to be the type that would be perfect. The Steel type. Weak to Fire types.

Metal Man: I'm busy and must make my way to Memphis.

Tyler: If Golem ISN'T going to Memphis, that will be the perfect place to set up a non-around-the-corner headquartres... headquarters... Metal Man, how about you let me tag along with you to Florida?

Metal Man: Memphis is in Tennessee... and Egypt. Not Florida.

Tyler: Whatever you say. You can tag along with me and be my henchmen.

Metal Man: No.

~Later, in Memphis, Florida...

Golem picks up his luggage in the airport and looks around, not looking where he's going, and bumps into Chunky.~

Chunky: Watch where you're going!

~Tyler and Metal Man, turn their heads to see Golem and Chunky.~

Metal Man: Golem!

Tyler: The guy!

Talking Wing Cap Mario toy: It's-a me, a cameo!

Tyler: Golem, I'm offering you an opportunity to turn this car around. You can delete this shoddy ripoff of the already shoddy Party Goers 1, and I won't do anything to you. Don't delete it, and I'll do to you what I said I'd do in episode 2 of this OG!

Golem: How?

Tyler: I considered using snakes to restrain you. We could've had Snakes on a Plane jokes left and right. But I decided on a much more devilish scheme. You see that escalator? You know how the steps go down and down and then just disappear into the floor?

~Tyler's arm then extends an incredible amount and, within a matter of seconds, snatches the luggage of Golem, Chunky, and Metal Man, then retracts.~

Tyler: Do you want to see your luggage again? Then you must delete the OG.

Golem: You can't stop an OG!

~Tyler immediately throws their luggage onto the very end of the escalator. Golem, Chunky, and Metal Man all rush to the escalator, but are too late--the luggage has been sucked UNDERNEATH THE ESCALATOR. Chunky immediately punches a hole in the floor so they can give chase, then he stops.~

Chunky: Wait, did I even have luggage?

~Chunky falls in the hole as Golem rushes by him, chasing the luggage.~

Metal Man: Give me one reason why I shouldn't take you out now.

Tyler: I'll give you two. 1) My name is Tyler. 2) You should probably go catch your luggage before something happens to it in the mysterious abyss below the escalator.

[Rainbow Dash]

Chunky: Uh-oh, an abyss. Luckily I have some gum and a socket wrench.

*Chunky somehow makes a cover for the hole, which ends up saving the luggage, too*

Golem: You stole that trick from MacGuyver.

Chunky: So?

*Just then, Metal Man falls onto the gum-platform, and it breaks and everything starts falling again*

Chunky: That was my last stick of gum, too.

[Metal Man]

* Metal is falling down the hole with the luggage *

Metal: "Last time I lean backwards near an escalaaatooooooorrrr---*plink*"

* Tyler, Chunky, and Golem would be above the hole, or, alternatively, sliding down it on the escalator, with the luggage and Metal now deep inside the hole. What will they do? Meanwhile... *

Metal: "...I've been falling for half an hour now, where the heck am I?"

* Metal lights a match, and discovers... DUN DUN DUNN... he has fallen into a cave full of failed gaming consoles! With the luggage! *

Metal: "...Noooooooooo!!!!!"

[Rainbow Dash]

Chunky: Hey, is my Virtual Boy down there?

[Tailuigi]

No.

[Rainbow Dash]

Chunky: But...failed consoles...

[Metal Man]

* Metal, overhearing the above conversation, yells back.*

Metal: "No, it appears the other consoles cannibalized it. It was that bad. Speaking of that... they don't seem to like me either."

* The other consoles growl; a Nokia N-gauge leaps at Metal, but he smashes it with a conveniently accessible golf club. *

Metal: "Little help down here?"

[Golem]

~Golem and Chunky lean over the edge of the hole, looking down.~

Tyler: Good idea!

~Tyler pushes Golem and Chunky into the hole. They fall beside Metal Man.

While Metal Man takes out N-Gages, Picos, and Game Gears with his club, the TurboDuo spits CDs at Metal Man with ferocious speed. Golem uses his really long scarf to lasso the CDs out of the air, and Chunky gives pain out to a squad of Atari Jaguars. One grabs him in the neck, but is sliced in half by Golem with a CD. A 32X tackles Golem to the ground, but is easily punched aside by Chunky. All the while, Metal Man is still swatting back N-Gages, Picos, and Game Gears. Golem lassos up the TurboDuos with his scarf and throws them into the wall while Chunky still punches away at Atari Jaguars.~

Chunky: ~huff, puff~ There are tons of these guys!

~Golem watches as the TurboDuos he slammed against the wall start functioning again and come at him.~

Golem: Hold on, ~huff, puff~, they're somehow healing themselves!

~Golem is knocked down by a TurboDuo. As Metal Man continuously knocks back handheld failures, he notices slight glimmers of a cord from each and every one. He runs forward into the darkness, following the direction of the glimmer, and reaches a door. He opens the door to find...~

Metal Man: Dreamcast!!

Dreamcast: That's right. You'll never break my internet connection with the other failed consoles!

Metal Man: You're using the internet to heal those consoles back there over and over again? What sense does that make?!

~Suddenly, two Game Gears, two Picos, and two N-Gages tackle Metal Man and hold him to the ground.~

[Rainbow Dash]

STAGE 2 CHUNKY GO!

*Chunky pulls out two badass lightsabers and starts slicing at a group of 3DOs*

[Frumie]

Frumious (me): I'll save you!

*Frumious blows up all of those console zombies*

Frumious: Breath, you stinky monkey!

*Frumious puffs up Chunky from the mouth. Chunky gets so puffed up that he flys like a balloon*

[Bandit]

Meanwhile, in a completley unrelated floating isle, Michael Jackson engaged in hand-to-hand combat with a man. The man wore a red sweater, with a cartoon lion on it. Upon his head lied a blue baseball cap, with the word "Diet Pills" stitched into the cap, in white thread. His pants were average blue jeans, with a slight rip on the right leg.

"Lets do this." said the man, as he lunged at Michael. The man was ready to tear Jacko apart. "Ciiiiiiiiiiim ooooohhhhhhhn!" said Michael Jackson, in a deep voice, as he threw his white porkpie hat at the man. Blades popped out of the hat, as it began to spin like a large shiruken. The man screamed in agony, as his flesh was ripped open by the hat, which was now spinning at incredibly fast speeds. The man fell down, clutching his face. Michael lit two matches, as his opponent growled, and made an obscene hand gesture at Michael, as he returned to his feet. The man dashed at Michael Jackson at full speed. Michael held out the lit matches, and the man ran right into them. The matches ran into the man's eyeball. "GAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed the man, as he ripped the match from his burning eyes. The pierced eyeballs hissed like an angry cat. His vision failed, and the roots popped.

Now that the man was blinded, Michael knew it would be an easy battle. Michael finished the other combatant off with a swift chop to the side of the head. The power of the chop caused the man's skull to cave in, and his brain was crushed. Michael Jackson watched as his opponent writhed, and died.

[Rainbow Dash]

Um, Bandit.

No.

[Bandit]

Originally Posted by Chunky Kong12345

Um, Bandit.

No.

Yeah. Michael Jackson is now in the story.

[Frumie]

Back to the story, Chunky is flying in the sky!

Frumious: Oh No!

Chunky flys to that one island.

[Luigi of the Pipes]

~Tyler stares down the hole of doom upon which the others have fallen, and frowns.~

Tyler: Well, that story was short.

Luigi of the Pipes: It's your own fault.

Tyler: What are you doing here?

Luigi: I heard something about Home Improvement reruns.

Tyler: Oh, yeah, well, I just shoved Golem and Chunky and Metal Man down that hole there. I was thinking of going for ice cream.

Luigi: Yeah. Yeah. I don't like ice cream myself. Or anything cold.

Tyler: Oh. Well, I could get pizza I suppose.

Luigi: I've had pizza today. And yesterday.

Tyler: Ah huh. Maybe I'll just get some coffee.

Luigi: I hate coffee.

Tyler: I forget why I care.

Luigi: Because you're obviously trying to convince me to join your crew of villainy and whatnot.

Tyler: When was I... Well, what do you want?

Luigi: Shrimp.

Tyler: There's a Red Lobster (COPYRIGHT OMG) just down the--

Luigi: FRESH shrimp.

~TRIP TO AUSTRALIA FOR FUN AND PROFIT~

~Tyler and Luigi ride on a shrimping boat with LUPUS THE TURK who won't post in any OGs ever but who cares?~

Lupus: This is my boat, the S.S. Cheese God.

Tyler: I thought YOU were the S.S. Cheese God oh burn.

Lupus: My feelings are hurt.

~Meanwhile~

Golem: Am I supposed to be proving that I'm not arrogant and lame? I forgot. ~is jumped by a Pong machine~

[Rainbow Dash]

Chunky: Aside from Bandersnatch and Bandit's post, nothing out of the ordinary has happened to us.

Bandit: Bu-

Chunky: NO.

*a Magnavox Oddyssey group then carries Bandit away*

Chunky: One less console to worry about.

*gets overtaken by a wave of C64s*