Castlevania: Death Searches for a Job (OG)

**X-3** · 12-29-2009, 02:35 AM

Death stroked his chin-bone as he read the classified section of the newspaper. He had just been laid off by his boss, Dracula, due to the turbulent economy.

"I'm sure any job will be impressed by such a resume." Death boasted, thinking of his time in Castlevania. "I shall consider my job options while I watch these movies I have pirated." He spoke to no one, but did so because he had been accustomed to speaking to horrible creatures of the night. He would have shed a tear, had he any emotion.

Death floated silently in the air with no visible expression on his skull as he watched Pride and Prejudice. He was not sure what to think of the exploits of the characters of this film, as his mind tackled the job issue. His black cloak flapped in the wind being brought in by the open window in his apartment.

What job would he pick? His mind was not made up on his career change when he began watching Iron Man.

**Valigarmander** · 04-30-2010, 10:00 PM

LIFE 2

BECAUSE WE NEED AN OG THREAD GOING

Death's bony fingers crossed together beneath his chin after several minutes of watching the film. He had heard several good reviews of the movie online, and Frankenstein's monster had told him it was the best film of the decade. Yet only around fifteen minutes in Death was severely disappointed, so much so that his bony brow slouched in any angry glare and his brittle teeth ground together. Maybe he was underwhelmed by Robert Downey Jr.'s performance. Maybe he had been hoping for a greater emphasis on dialogue. Or maybe his distinct lack of eyes made it hard for him to watch the movie. Whatever the reason, Death stood up and ejected the disc from his DVD player. "What a horrible movie! I can't believe I wasted five dollars to rent this! I ought to march right to Marvel Studios and give them a piece of my mind!"

The evil spirit placed the DVD in its case and stuffed it in his cloak pocket, and walked over to the door. He put on his orange windbreaker, grabbed his giant foam club (his scythe was actually property of Castlevania and was confiscated when he left), and left out the door.

He hadn't travelled more than half a block away from his home when he bumped into...

**X-3** · 04-30-2010, 10:21 PM

...Ulrich Leland from Oblivion.

"I don't know you, and I don't care to know you." the obviously corrupt guard said, as Death inched by.

"Why, hello Ulrich Leland from Oblivion! How are you-" Death began, before a shocking event took place.

"Get out of my sight before I strap you in irons."

This dynamic conversation continued for about 10 minutes before Death said his good-byes and continued on his way.

Then an idea struck his head with the velocity of a meteor. He could become a guard! This idea had to wait, though, as he had to return his movies.
---
"I have returned the films I have borrowed from you." Death exclaimed, as Cerberus returned said movies to their respective shelves. Cerberus too, had been fired, but for a different reason. The beastly dog had expressed wishes to become a magical girl, the heroine of a genre Dracula hated so very much, especially after being utterly annihilated by around three in the distant past. Maybe. "The disgusting 3D pig didn't count, my loyal servants!" the count had sometimes claimed while enjoying a meal. Ah, nostalgia.

"Great, just on time. By the way, we just new camrips in. Wanna check them out?" Cerberus growled fiercely, granting several wandering souls to Hell.

**Valigarmander** · 05-01-2010, 10:11 PM

"Sure, why not?" Death said with a shrug.

"They're in the back room," Cerberus said just as the desk phone began to ring. "You can go check them out while I take this call." Death walked behind the counter and pushed open the door to the back room, turning his head and catching a brief glimpse of the demon dog trying futilely to grasp the telephone with its gargantuan paw.

The back room was dimly lit and the air was filled with smoke (not cigarette smoke, more like Hell smoke). There were several shelves stacked sloppily with bootleg videos, imports and blank DVDs. A single television set rested atop a table with the new videos sitting next to it. Death walked over and sat his ischium down on the chair, and popped one of the DVDs in.

The television screen flickered as the film began to play. However, not long in it became apparent to Death that this wasn't James Brady vs. A Staircase. Rather, it seemed like Cerberus had gotten the movie mixed up with a home video. As Death watched intently, a shocking scene played out before him on the tiny television screen.

Zaden · 05-07-2010, 06:46 PM

After the video ended, Death did nothing for a while, simply staring at the screen with widened eye orbits. After the amazement subsided, he ejected the disc, took it, and ran back into the main room where Cerberus was speaking to a dissatisfied soul via telephone.

"Where in Hell did you get this video?" Death asked him, his jaw slightly sinking.

Cerberus put a paw over the phone's mouthpiece in order to reply.

"I didn't get it in Hell; I swiped it from Drac's Castle on my way out from being fired. I thought it was just another movie and I did it to spite him."

"Do you realize what's on here?" he questioned.

Rather than answering, the colossal canine gave the paw gesture that interpreted as "buzz off" along with an annoyed look as he continued his conversation.

"I'm sorry, sir, but once you go to Hell, you can never leave.... Because that's the rules.... I don't know!... Because it's Hell, duh! Hades! The underworld of eternal torture!... You know, 'Lake of Fire'?... No, there are no exceptions.... How exactly are you making this call?... *scoffs* He's Satan, what do you think, stupid?..."

Death fumbled around in his cloak for his wallet and browsed through it to find a twenty dollar bill.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't have the authority to.... look, if you really feel that way, I can patch you through to Pluto, but I already know what he's going to say, and the answer is 'No.'... I don't care if your father was Adolf Hitler, or Moses, or Mother Teresa, or anyone, and neither does he.... Yes, it is possible.... No, it's not....... Go ahead, see if I care."

Cerberus hung up the phone and rolled his eyes.

"How can someone complain about going to Hell? Don't they think about that when they're sinning? I mean, what part of 'damnation' do they not understand?"

"I don't know; I never had to deal with that in my job. I just told them when their time was up and showed 'em which river to cross. I never missed an appointment either: Not one!"

Death tossed the twenty on the counter in front of Cerberus and walked out with the DVD.

"Wow, I've heard of 'keep the change', but that's awfully generous, Grim! Rentals are only five bucks..."

"I'm keeping it!" Death shouted through the door.

"WHAT?! You... you... ... ... bonehead!"

Death threw his shroud over himself, assuming the disguise of a middle-aged man (Brad Pitt). He ran down the street for a minute until he realized he wasn't sure where he was headed. He stopped and ducked into an alleyway, pulling out the disc to look at it again. He could hardly believe what was on it, but he couldn't doubt its importance.

One thing he was sure of: He had it now. But there was something he wasn't sure of...

What exactly would he do with it?

12-29-2009, 02:35 AM	#1
X-3 Useful as an Owl Join Date: Jan 2004 Gender: Posts: 15,943 Thanks: 753 Thanked 1,213 Times in 790 Posts Blog Entries: 10	Castlevania: Death Searches for a Job (OG) Death stroked his chin-bone as he read the classified section of the newspaper. He had just been laid off by his boss, Dracula, due to the turbulent economy. "I'm sure any job will be impressed by such a resume." Death boasted, thinking of his time in Castlevania. "I shall consider my job options while I watch these movies I have pirated." He spoke to no one, but did so because he had been accustomed to speaking to horrible creatures of the night. He would have shed a tear, had he any emotion. Death floated silently in the air with no visible expression on his skull as he watched Pride and Prejudice. He was not sure what to think of the exploits of the characters of this film, as his mind tackled the job issue. His black cloak flapped in the wind being brought in by the open window in his apartment. What job would he pick? His mind was not made up on his career change when he began watching Iron Man.

04-30-2010, 10:00 PM	#2
Valigarmander The Bee's Knees Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The land of rain and trees (Oregon) Gender: Posts: 29,755 Thanks: 1,649 Thanked 5,700 Times in 2,580 Posts Blog Entries: 20	LIFE 2 BECAUSE WE NEED AN OG THREAD GOING Death's bony fingers crossed together beneath his chin after several minutes of watching the film. He had heard several good reviews of the movie online, and Frankenstein's monster had told him it was the best film of the decade. Yet only around fifteen minutes in Death was severely disappointed, so much so that his bony brow slouched in any angry glare and his brittle teeth ground together. Maybe he was underwhelmed by Robert Downey Jr.'s performance. Maybe he had been hoping for a greater emphasis on dialogue. Or maybe his distinct lack of eyes made it hard for him to watch the movie. Whatever the reason, Death stood up and ejected the disc from his DVD player. "What a horrible movie! I can't believe I wasted five dollars to rent this! I ought to march right to Marvel Studios and give them a piece of my mind!" The evil spirit placed the DVD in its case and stuffed it in his cloak pocket, and walked over to the door. He put on his orange windbreaker, grabbed his giant foam club (his scythe was actually property of Castlevania and was confiscated when he left), and left out the door. He hadn't travelled more than half a block away from his home when he bumped into...

04-30-2010, 10:21 PM	#3
X-3 Useful as an Owl Join Date: Jan 2004 Gender: Posts: 15,943 Thanks: 753 Thanked 1,213 Times in 790 Posts Blog Entries: 10	...Ulrich Leland from Oblivion. "I don't know you, and I don't care to know you." the obviously corrupt guard said, as Death inched by. "Why, hello Ulrich Leland from Oblivion! How are you-" Death began, before a shocking event took place. "Get out of my sight before I strap you in irons." This dynamic conversation continued for about 10 minutes before Death said his good-byes and continued on his way. Then an idea struck his head with the velocity of a meteor. He could become a guard! This idea had to wait, though, as he had to return his movies. --- "I have returned the films I have borrowed from you." Death exclaimed, as Cerberus returned said movies to their respective shelves. Cerberus too, had been fired, but for a different reason. The beastly dog had expressed wishes to become a magical girl, the heroine of a genre Dracula hated so very much, especially after being utterly annihilated by around three in the distant past. Maybe. "The disgusting 3D pig didn't count, my loyal servants!" the count had sometimes claimed while enjoying a meal. Ah, nostalgia. "Great, just on time. By the way, we just new camrips in. Wanna check them out?" Cerberus growled fiercely, granting several wandering souls to Hell.

05-01-2010, 10:11 PM	#4
Valigarmander The Bee's Knees Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The land of rain and trees (Oregon) Gender: Posts: 29,755 Thanks: 1,649 Thanked 5,700 Times in 2,580 Posts Blog Entries: 20	"Sure, why not?" Death said with a shrug. "They're in the back room," Cerberus said just as the desk phone began to ring. "You can go check them out while I take this call." Death walked behind the counter and pushed open the door to the back room, turning his head and catching a brief glimpse of the demon dog trying futilely to grasp the telephone with its gargantuan paw. The back room was dimly lit and the air was filled with smoke (not cigarette smoke, more like Hell smoke). There were several shelves stacked sloppily with bootleg videos, imports and blank DVDs. A single television set rested atop a table with the new videos sitting next to it. Death walked over and sat his ischium down on the chair, and popped one of the DVDs in. The television screen flickered as the film began to play. However, not long in it became apparent to Death that this wasn't James Brady vs. A Staircase. Rather, it seemed like Cerberus had gotten the movie mixed up with a home video. As Death watched intently, a shocking scene played out before him on the tiny television screen.

05-07-2010, 06:46 PM	#5
Zaden Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: in the beak of a mighty condor Gender: Posts: 991 Thanks: 273 Thanked 88 Times in 51 Posts Blog Entries: 5	After the video ended, Death did nothing for a while, simply staring at the screen with widened eye orbits. After the amazement subsided, he ejected the disc, took it, and ran back into the main room where Cerberus was speaking to a dissatisfied soul via telephone. "Where in Hell did you get this video?" Death asked him, his jaw slightly sinking. Cerberus put a paw over the phone's mouthpiece in order to reply. "I didn't get it in Hell; I swiped it from Drac's Castle on my way out from being fired. I thought it was just another movie and I did it to spite him." "Do you realize what's on here?" he questioned. Rather than answering, the colossal canine gave the paw gesture that interpreted as "buzz off" along with an annoyed look as he continued his conversation. "I'm sorry, sir, but once you go to Hell, you can never leave.... Because that's the rules.... I don't know!... Because it's Hell, duh! Hades! The underworld of eternal torture!... You know, 'Lake of Fire'?... No, there are no exceptions.... How exactly are you making this call?... scoffs He's Satan, what do you think, stupid?..." Death fumbled around in his cloak for his wallet and browsed through it to find a twenty dollar bill. "I'm sorry, sir, but I don't have the authority to.... look, if you really feel that way, I can patch you through to Pluto, but I already know what he's going to say, and the answer is 'No.'... I don't care if your father was Adolf Hitler, or Moses, or Mother Teresa, or anyone, and neither does he.... Yes, it is possible.... No, it's not....... Go ahead, see if I care." Cerberus hung up the phone and rolled his eyes. "How can someone complain about going to Hell? Don't they think about that when they're sinning? I mean, what part of 'damnation' do they not understand?" "I don't know; I never had to deal with that in my job. I just told them when their time was up and showed 'em which river to cross. I never missed an appointment either: Not one!" Death tossed the twenty on the counter in front of Cerberus and walked out with the DVD. "Wow, I've heard of 'keep the change', but that's awfully generous, Grim! Rentals are only five bucks..." "I'm keeping it!" Death shouted through the door. "WHAT?! You... you... ... ... bonehead!" Death threw his shroud over himself, assuming the disguise of a middle-aged man (Brad Pitt). He ran down the street for a minute until he realized he wasn't sure where he was headed. He stopped and ducked into an alleyway, pulling out the disc to look at it again. He could hardly believe what was on it, but he couldn't doubt its importance. One thing he was sure of: He had it now. But there was something he wasn't sure of... What exactly would he do with it?