I need help from the members of VGF

[Blake]

Hello VGF, I would like your help to genuinely answer this poll(that I hopefully successfully created). But before you do, please read the following options:

Choice 1: Travel all over the world by yourself

Choice 2: Settle in an 'okay' place with a special partner

---

Choice 1: You are given the opportunity to travel any location in the world. Finance will not be an issue and you will be capable of finding a job. If you're single, you will have a slim chance of meeting a special partner and if you're dating/married, your special partner will be unable to leave from his or her current place either by preference or other reasons(employment, family, etc.)

Choice 2: You find yourself in an average place that has the typical things you find in a town or city including malls/outlets, restaurants, and the occasional parks and tourist spots. You will have a slim chance of leaving town and trying to settle somewhere more interesting but if you're single you will have a greater chance of meeting a special partner or if you're dating/married, you will be able to see/live with them.

---

If you could answer this poll I'd greatly appreciate it. I will explain this post after I get a decent amount of answers. If you would also like to share why you chose that choice I would welcome that too.

[Valigarmander]

Option 2. I could never leave my loved ones behind, and I'm quite content with the mundane.

[Loot]

By "special partner" I assume you mean a bottle of Captain Morgan.

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

From the perspective of someone who HAS travelled the world, at least to many parts, this is a really interesting consideration. The world is a remarkably small place. Cities are, for the most part, just cities. Towns are towns. People are people. There will be very key differences in some locations; places which come from a completely different historical background will equally have completely different social expectations.

Maybe you want to see a specific place. Maybe the culture is something you a seeking out in particular. If that's the case, take the opportunity, fulfill that desire.

And some places are worth seeing just for the sheer newness of them.

But others are almost clones of wherever you are now, because the world is a tiny place and so many of the countries were settled by the same kinds of people that they have grown to be the same kinds of places.

The kind of experience you get out of any location is directly proportionate to the effort you put into exploring and discovering and actively enjoying that place. There's something to do no matter where you are - but are you interested in those things? Are you a club kind of person, really into people and socialising? Then there are places better suited to you. Are you outdoorsy and into hiking, camping, nature, animals? Obviously, some locations are going to provide that where others can't. But no matter, there's still something to experience everywhere, it's just a matter of deciding if you can enjoy that, or you want to seek something else in particular.

When you travel, with the intention of visiting and leaving again, a location is going to seem much more exciting than if you just lived there. Wherever you are now will seem mundane to you, but a visitor will probably ferret out interesting things to do, or oddities that make the location into something "other". This is related to a "grass is greener" mentality; everything else looks better from where you're standing, just because it's not where you are.

That's not to say I recommend against travelling. If you have the opportunity NOW, there is a very, very good chance you won't have that same opportunity in the future once you have all the trimmings of life (mortgage, kids, job, blah, blah, blah). Do it, go, travel, experience, live! See what's out there. Find amazing things. See places which are truly remarkable.

But obviously the point here is, there may be a person, or a possibility, holding you back. Okay, let's look at that for a moment.

Assuming there is someone special in your life, you're offered two scenarios. They won't travel with you, or they cannot. In either case, some serious consideration and a LOT of open, understanding, and loving communication will be required.

More than anything, what are you both willing to put up with? Can you travel for a while, and come back to them? Long distance relationships can most assuredly work, it just requires attention, communication and commitment exceeding that which an in-person relationship tends to require. If a temporary separation isn't allowed, look at why. What stops you from taking this opportunity to travel? What are the real reasons why you can't both experience the world?

Travelling, even when you choose to end up working overseas, does not have to be permanent. You don't have to leave forever. You can do your thing and come back. This can apply to travelling alone, or with a partner.

Of course, this is posed only as a possibility. Okay, if there isn't a current relationship causing your doubt, "what ifs" will ruin your life. I'm not really joking, either. If you're not already tied to someone, you can't anticipate what "might" happen, no matter where you are. People meet partners overseas frequently (even if they don't meet them during travel ). Going to a new location, unless you have an actual valid reason why, will not inhibit your ability to meet a significant other. In fact, your love of travelling and experiencing new things might throw you right into the path of someone who shares that with you. There's no telling who you will meet. And on that note, you might never find your significant other in the place you are now. There's no guarantees, you know?

So really, with all these vaguenesses, I can't vote, I can't give one single answer. I say travel while you can, but that's only if you're sure it's right. Some people are worth giving up things for, but at the same time, will you grow to resent them because you could have gone around the world and their relationship to you held you back? Do you want to risk that regret? Can you come to a compromise? Can you hold off for a year or more and reassess it at that time (to take them along)? Is settling what you want? Will you always have that itch to leave and see and discover?

When you tell us more, I'll give better advice.

[Dizzy]

I choose option 1, because I can take you guys anywhere there's internet.

[CuccoLady]

I would probably pick the first option because traveling the world is a goal of mine [visiting every continent-- Antarctica included-- at least once per is my ideal :{D], but if I were in a very serious and committed relationship with someone I deeply loved but could not sustain that over my travels, it might be different. I honestly have no idea because it seems rather situational.

Although I'm a pretty selfish person, sooooo it'd probably still end up 1 in most cases. Or I might try to find a way such that both of us could go, or that both of us want to visit. Je ne sais pas.

[Deku Trii]

As much as I like to vacation in interesting places, I've never really wanted to live abroad.

[Jere]

I would have to pick number one as i'm kind of love to travel to different places and meet new people.

And if you ever get tired of traveling the world it isn't that hard to just turn around and travel the way back!

[Cosmonautical]

I think the belief that you can only stay in one place with a special someone isn't really accurate, because that's assuming what you can do "right now" is the most you'll be doing. If you plan for it and focus on it, eventually travelling the world with your partner will be the "right now" - and that's much much much more fulfilling that simply doing it by yourself and not having a person to share those memories with. I'm not the kind of person who thinks places and things are something you necessarily HAVE to share to appreciate, but even those moments of privacy even mean more when you can enjoy them with someone special afterwards.

Originally Posted by Dizzy

I choose option 1, because I can take you guys anywhere there's internet.

DAWWWWWW

[Blake]

Thanks for the input everyone, I appreciate it.

I didn't want to explain my case because I wanted this to be as unbiased as possible. :P

Anyhow, as some of you may know I'm in the military and I've been in Okinawa for a year and a half so far. I have another year and a half to go. The first year and a half here was awesome. Stuff was always going on in our shop off duty so I was always looking forward to the weekends.

However, a while back a lot of friends have deployed and I find myself more bored. Perhaps as a result, I've been thinking a little more about my social life and I decided to look into online dating to see if I could find someone to hang out with after hours. But only a very select few have actually made profiles who are in Okinawa(and unfortunately, I'm reluctant to try to find a Japanese girl because although they're attractive, I don't know if I'm interested in a long term relationship with one plus in some cases the language barrier would be an issue).

So what this all adds up for me is I'm beginning to wonder if I should try to get stationed stateside(which is what I refer to as the 'okay' place) when my time here is up. Okinawa is a great example of how awesome it is being overseas but as of right now I'm feeling a little bit lonely and when I leave here I will almost be 26 years old. I'm starting to get a little nervous of how long I may be single, I want to at least start dating someone for now just to know I'm headed in some kind of direction.

If you have any comments, tips, suggestions, whatever about my situation feel free to share them.

Originally Posted by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds

Assuming there is someone special in your life, you're offered two scenarios. They won't travel with you, or they cannot. In either case, some serious consideration and a LOT of open, understanding, and loving communication will be required.

More than anything, what are you both willing to put up with? Can you travel for a while, and come back to them? Long distance relationships can most assuredly work, it just requires attention, communication and commitment exceeding that which an in-person relationship tends to require. If a temporary separation isn't allowed, look at why. What stops you from taking this opportunity to travel? What are the real reasons why you can't both experience the world?

The primary concern I have is I'm having trouble finding a woman from the US that isn't either married, dating, or getting hit on by other people in the military 24/7 which is why I decided to branch out to online dating. But the number of women that are from the US that are single and in Okinawa are also low on the sites. There are plenty of women from everywhere in the states, but I don't have a lot of faith in what could potentially be dating 1.5 years over instant messenger or skype before meeting her.

Perhaps I thought too long down the road but my other concern would be if I find that special someone I imagine moving around would be quite a burden for them. Since I'm in the military I'll always have a job somewhere, but my significant other may have a problem finding a job she was trying to pursue after years of college. Then as you discussed there's the possibility of family.

Ugh, I feel my thoughts are all scattered. Overseas or stateside I feel may literally be one of the biggest decisions I'll have to make in my life.

[Cosmonautical]

That's pretty heavy, Blake. Nobody can make that sort of decision for you, and there's no big revelations that will change your mind short of you finding that special partner by accident. I know all of my life decisions became second to SD once I spent time with her and knew that I would do anything to be with her longer. Flirting with women in and around the service can be damn near impossible. I would settle for camraderie in wherever you can find it- happiness mirrors confidence, and attracts women.

Do you have any grandparents or other relatives that served in the military? If so, you might want to ask for their opinion and if they've had any similar experiences, for perspective. My grandparents got married in a hurry, and my grandfather left the military permanently to apply his talents as an engineer, from what I recall. My family on that side isn't what I would describe as perfect, but everyone's got flaws, and I wouldn't be here today if they didn't so I can appreciate that.

[User Name]

Although my situation is not nearly as heavy as yours, I just recently went through this decision. I had the chance to go teach in South Korea. However, I have a boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and the thought of leaving him that long kills me. We're so close and he's my best friend. However, it's just for that reason that he's telling me to go. He wants to see me pursue my dreams and live abroad.

We're setting up Skype and letters and emails and facebook and there won't be a day we won't hear from each other. We're all about communication in long distances apart. He lives an hour and a half away and visits me some weekends, so we have to talk a lot. He's very sweet and calls me every night he's away.

I think if you find the right person who is perfect for you, they will want you to go so that you can be happy and like SD said, so that you don't grow to resent them for holding you back. If the passion is there, pursue it. Thirty years down the road you'll thank yourself for diving in. I'm going to South Korea for six months, maybe a year, but I know that I'll have the love of my life waiting for me when I get home, and that's a nice feeling.

[Blake]

I appreciate all of the help guys. Yes, it is my decision to decide whether I want to go next, I think most of all I just wanted to get this off my chest. I feel a lot less anxious about this decision now. As of right now I think I'm gonna take the chance and put in for stateside for my next duty station. I've never been west of San Antonio Texas and I was just being ignorant saying the U.S. is an "okay place." I've made the best of where I've been in large part due to the people I hung out with not to mention each place has a few unique places to visit. Thanks again guys for helping me get my head back on my shoulders.

Also UN I'm glad you met someone very strong and understanding about you pursuing your dreams. And yeah I need to be open about the possibility of being able to travel abroad WITH someone. I guess I just worry too much sometimes.

[Heroine of the Dragon]

I'm really glad you were able to come to a decision.

Just so you know, any place can be 'okay' superficially, but 'special' if you look for it and maybe you have to help in the creation of it being and feeling 'special'. Having travelled many places and lived in many towns since early childhood, I can honestly say that a place is somewhat what you make of it. But if it really is "too okay", you don't have to remain there forever... just saying.

The same goes for travelling... it may be that you find that someone and they cannot travel just now, but circumstances change and maybe they can travel later with you. So you could have that in the future, too!!

Good luck, Blake, and may your future be filled with love and happiness!!

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

I know of a number of military families who travel together. I guess when you find someone special and make the commitment to be together, you either work out a long-distance thing, or you take them along to wherever you're stationed. I suppose the best bet is, don't let your occupation dictate what chances you'll take in life. If you meet someone unexpectedly while you're anywhere, you will still need to come to a decision regarding travel and stationing, etc.