Facebook/Leaving for College/Breakup Drama

ShyGuy727 · 08-30-2007, 01:02 PM

Alright, I dated this girl over the summer- we started going out on May 4th. One of her stipulations was that we had to break up when she went to college. I was so blindly in lust that I didn't realize how dumb this was at the time. She did this because at the end of last summer her boyfriend moved out to LA for school, and asked her to wait for him, and then ended up banging and dating some chick, so it screwed her up psychologically I guess.

Anyway, lots of great times over the summer, she fell madly in love with me, I think I might have fallen in love with her, there was a few little fights (she got pissed and super offended when I said I didn't want to marry her) but nothing major. So towards the end of the summer I was starting to get more cynical, realizing that I could be the best boyfriend in the world or a total **** and we were going to break up on August 16th anyway. I started distancing myself a little bit from her, to try and save our feelings a little bit when the time came. By the last four or five days it almost felt like we weren't dating, we had maybe one romantic-cuddly moment or whatever in that time period. So the day comes, and she's stressed out about moving and saying bye to her bff and whatnot. I hang out at her place for maybe hour and a half-two hours, talk to her family and just hang out on computer and whatnot. Time comes for me to leave, she walks me to my car, we hug and I say "Have a great time at college, be smart (a joke- she goes to Liberty), keep in touch" and that was about it. Felt fine, figured I was completely over it.

Not less than two weeks later I read on her best friend's wall from my ex "Oh. my. god. Look what Evan wrote on my wall." I check my ex's wall, some guy from college wrote some super sappy luvvy duvvy note pointing out all this stuff that he likes about her that I used to point out to her and write in notes to her. It might've been cause I was short on sleep and it was like 4 in the morning, but it tore me up. Some of it was just being pissed that I was pissed since I thought I was over her. So to the advice of my friend's so I wouldn't have to see that crap on my news feed every time I logged on I deleted her from my friends.

It filled me with regret, that I didn't say more to her when we broke up, that I didn't fight for her more (most likely wouldn't have mattered though), that I didn't thank her for all the goodtimes and that I was thankful I got to share the summer with her and whatnot.

My question is: As she's getting involved with this new guy and is obviously over me (unless she's doing a little bit of that stupid thing girls do where they flirt with boy B to try and get over boy A), would it be selfish of me, either through Facebook, AIM, or the phone, to write/say all those things to her? Or is it not fair to her since she's gotten over me, and I haven't over her?

Thanks. Pz.

Joker · 08-30-2007, 01:57 PM

I say keep your thoughts to yourself but don't forget about her because a few more dates with a couple of us (bad boys) and her heart will ache for that one guy who didn't treat her lik sh**

User Name · 08-30-2007, 03:00 PM

I sorta went through the same thing just a couple of weeks ago. Sorta. All I can say is that she said she didn't want to stay together after she went to college. She obviously didn't want that much of a heartache. I think it's better to stay away from her because you don't want to confuse her more.

This is a tragic 'breakup'. One of my worst nightmares is that he will go off to school and find someone else. I think you did a good thing by not forcing yourself on her at your last goodbye. She shouldn't have put you in a situation where you fall in love with her just to break up in a few months. Maybe that guy wrote that on her wall and she was apalled. Who knows? I think you should stay friends with her because you obviously get along well together and she could be a really great friend to you even if it is long-distance.

Swordmaster Link · 08-30-2007, 03:53 PM

I concur. Let it be for now. It sucks that it happened more quickly than you would've liked, but it would only cause undue stress were you to pursue the situation.

Kil'jaeden · 08-30-2007, 04:02 PM

Why on earth did you bother?

Bomby · 08-30-2007, 04:05 PM

Your situation just might be hopeless. I'd say vent your feelings to your friends, but not friends that associate with her, go out and have fun, and if it bothers you late at night, watch Chungking Express and then run around your dormatory singing "California Dreamin'" at the top of your lungs.

Princess Zelda of Hyrule · 08-30-2007, 07:05 PM

If you want my honest, unkind opinion...if I were you...

Quote:

she got pissed and super offended when I said I didn't want to marry her

...here is where I would stop. If you've only been dating since May, what business does she have asking you to marry, then freaking out when you set your boundaries? I know you like her, but she is clearly unconcerned for your feelings. She wants something you can't give, so she's left you to find some sucker who will give it to her.

User Name · 08-30-2007, 07:08 PM

I think it's perfectly normal for a girl to talk about marriage with their boyfriend.

I don't think that that's something to base your break up over. Like he said, it was just little arguments or bickers. No big deal. I think he's right.

ShyGuy727 · 08-30-2007, 08:57 PM

Joker thinks I'm a bad boy, lawlz. (actually, I guess I am compared this new punk).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Zelda of Hyrule

...here is where I would stop. If you've only been dating since May, what business does she have asking you to marry, then freaking out when you set your boundaries? I know you like her, but she is clearly unconcerned for your feelings. She wants something you can't give, so she's left you to find some sucker who will give it to her.

I should've explained more, she wasn't talking all about the future and marriage and kids like those creepy chicks do, it was more of a "When you're married you're going to be so...xxx (forget exactly what)" And I said "Well I'm not marrying you, so you don't have to worry about it" (since you know, we were planning to break up). And that started it.

But still I see your point.

Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm just going to ride it out and try to talk to her frequently and chattily like before we were dating, but just avoid conversation about Evan till I'm ready. And if she asks why I deleted her, I'll just say "It's nothing you need to worry about, it's just something I need to get over by myself", or is giving away way too much about things?

***CaptHayfever*** · 08-31-2007, 01:52 AM

One-up on that: Why would she get mad that you weren't planning to marry her when she was the one who had already set a predetermined breakup day?

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

ShyGuy727 · 08-31-2007, 11:00 AM

Exactly. It's screwed up.

Which pisses me off, because I was the one getting the short end of the stick on the relationship anyway and she's the one that moved on first.

Part of it this all might be because I'm a naturally jealous person/have an inferiority complex at times. But still, not even two weeks. What the hell.

Princess Zelda of Hyrule · 08-31-2007, 11:42 AM

Ain't jealousy a wonderful thing? The story of my life.

Kil'jaeden · 08-31-2007, 03:42 PM

^^ You and me have something in common. Even the situation is a bit familiar, though without the being told beforehand thing.

Joker · 08-31-2007, 04:21 PM

Easy solution is to simply give her a boot to the head !!

Jesus · 08-31-2007, 06:35 PM

A liftime supply of....BOOT TO THE HEAD!

Princess Zelda of Hyrule · 09-01-2007, 02:44 PM

Lurch1982 · 09-01-2007, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bomby McClane

and then run around your dormatory singing "California Dreamin'" at the top of your lungs.

ALL THE LEAVES ARE BROWN
ALL THE LEAVES ARE BROWN
AND THE SKY IS GREY
AND THE SKY IS GREY
IVE BEEN FOR A WALK
IVE BEEN FOR A WALK
ON A WINTERS DAY
ON A WINTERS DAY
ID BE SAFE AND WARM
ID BE SAFE AND WARM
IF I WAS IN L A
IF I WAS IN L A
CALIFORNIA DREAMIN
CALIFORNIA DREAMIN
ON SUCH A WINTERS DAY

--eh, skip the rest. L.A. sucks.

On a serious note:

Things are a bit different now than they were when I started out in college. Facespace, Mybook, etc. weren't around, and most people I knew didn't even use AIM/Yahoo/MSN/whatever at that point. There were a few situations with girls I wound up leaving behind, and it bummed me out at first. I dwelled on it the first semester I was in school, but after a while I just said screw it and moved on. Out of the two social groups I ran with in high school, I retained two friends from the whole experience. I haven't seen or talked to anyone from that time for more than 20 minutes in years.

My advice: let it be.

No point in stirring things up, especially since you both have geographical distance. Sure, it would probably feel better to tell her "**** you and the horse you rode in on," but it really isn't going to accomplish more that create drama. If you can get out of it relatively clean without the collateral social drama from a messy breakup, power to you. Last thing you really want is some huge blowup to bleed out to mutual friends, ya dig?

Eagle Eye · 09-01-2007, 04:54 PM

Was that Lurch? Seriously? Nahhhhh.

Anyway, gotta agree with PZoH and Lurch (Woah), and Malik's insanity plea. Don't let it get out of hand, 99% of the people you met in HS you'll never get in touch with again, so no sweat. Focus on college life man, and have fun, (cause God knows I am) this is the most exciting part of your life man. BTW Lurch, how long have you been out of school?

Lurch1982 · 09-01-2007, 04:59 PM

HS: 2000
undergrad: 2005
currently in more school from fall 2006-till.

ZeldaGirl · 09-02-2007, 12:56 AM

I've never seen Lurch post in this forum. Whoa.

08-30-2007, 01:02 PM	#1
ShyGuy727 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: O-H! I-O! Gender: Posts: 10,135 Thanks: 44 Thanked 77 Times in 54 Posts	Facebook/Leaving for College/Breakup Drama Alright, I dated this girl over the summer- we started going out on May 4th. One of her stipulations was that we had to break up when she went to college. I was so blindly in lust that I didn't realize how dumb this was at the time. She did this because at the end of last summer her boyfriend moved out to LA for school, and asked her to wait for him, and then ended up banging and dating some chick, so it screwed her up psychologically I guess. Anyway, lots of great times over the summer, she fell madly in love with me, I think I might have fallen in love with her, there was a few little fights (she got pissed and super offended when I said I didn't want to marry her) but nothing major. So towards the end of the summer I was starting to get more cynical, realizing that I could be the best boyfriend in the world or a total **** and we were going to break up on August 16th anyway. I started distancing myself a little bit from her, to try and save our feelings a little bit when the time came. By the last four or five days it almost felt like we weren't dating, we had maybe one romantic-cuddly moment or whatever in that time period. So the day comes, and she's stressed out about moving and saying bye to her bff and whatnot. I hang out at her place for maybe hour and a half-two hours, talk to her family and just hang out on computer and whatnot. Time comes for me to leave, she walks me to my car, we hug and I say "Have a great time at college, be smart (a joke- she goes to Liberty), keep in touch" and that was about it. Felt fine, figured I was completely over it. Not less than two weeks later I read on her best friend's wall from my ex "Oh. my. god. Look what Evan wrote on my wall." I check my ex's wall, some guy from college wrote some super sappy luvvy duvvy note pointing out all this stuff that he likes about her that I used to point out to her and write in notes to her. It might've been cause I was short on sleep and it was like 4 in the morning, but it tore me up. Some of it was just being pissed that I was pissed since I thought I was over her. So to the advice of my friend's so I wouldn't have to see that crap on my news feed every time I logged on I deleted her from my friends. It filled me with regret, that I didn't say more to her when we broke up, that I didn't fight for her more (most likely wouldn't have mattered though), that I didn't thank her for all the goodtimes and that I was thankful I got to share the summer with her and whatnot. My question is: As she's getting involved with this new guy and is obviously over me (unless she's doing a little bit of that stupid thing girls do where they flirt with boy B to try and get over boy A), would it be selfish of me, either through Facebook, AIM, or the phone, to write/say all those things to her? Or is it not fair to her since she's gotten over me, and I haven't over her? Thanks. Pz.

08-31-2007, 11:00 AM	#11
ShyGuy727 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: O-H! I-O! Gender: Posts: 10,135 Thanks: 44 Thanked 77 Times in 54 Posts	Exactly. It's screwed up. Which pisses me off, because I was the one getting the short end of the stick on the relationship anyway and she's the one that moved on first. Part of it this all might be because I'm a naturally jealous person/have an inferiority complex at times. But still, not even two weeks. What the hell. Last edited by ShyGuy727; 08-31-2007 at 11:23 AM.

08-30-2007, 01:57 PM	#2
Joker Lord of Vampires / God of Vengeance Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: The Planet of Eternal Darkness Gender: Posts: 11,117 Thanks: 3,273 Thanked 580 Times in 364 Posts Blog Entries: 6	I say keep your thoughts to yourself but don't forget about her because a few more dates with a couple of us (bad boys) and her heart will ache for that one guy who didn't treat her lik sh**

08-30-2007, 03:00 PM	#3
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	I sorta went through the same thing just a couple of weeks ago. Sorta. All I can say is that she said she didn't want to stay together after she went to college. She obviously didn't want that much of a heartache. I think it's better to stay away from her because you don't want to confuse her more. This is a tragic 'breakup'. One of my worst nightmares is that he will go off to school and find someone else. I think you did a good thing by not forcing yourself on her at your last goodbye. She shouldn't have put you in a situation where you fall in love with her just to break up in a few months. Maybe that guy wrote that on her wall and she was apalled. Who knows? I think you should stay friends with her because you obviously get along well together and she could be a really great friend to you even if it is long-distance.

08-30-2007, 03:53 PM	#4
Swordmaster Link Super Bodyguard & King of the Arcade Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Wherever you want me to be Gender: Posts: 32,132 Thanks: 253 Thanked 951 Times in 640 Posts Blog Entries: 2	I concur. Let it be for now. It sucks that it happened more quickly than you would've liked, but it would only cause undue stress were you to pursue the situation.

08-30-2007, 04:02 PM	#5
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	Why on earth did you bother?

08-30-2007, 04:05 PM	#6
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Your situation just might be hopeless. I'd say vent your feelings to your friends, but not friends that associate with her, go out and have fun, and if it bothers you late at night, watch Chungking Express and then run around your dormatory singing "California Dreamin'" at the top of your lungs.

08-30-2007, 07:08 PM	#8
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	I think it's perfectly normal for a girl to talk about marriage with their boyfriend. I don't think that that's something to base your break up over. Like he said, it was just little arguments or bickers. No big deal. I think he's right.

08-31-2007, 01:52 AM	#10
*CaptHayfever* Smash SuperMod Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: (n) - the place where I am Gender: Posts: 27,659 Thanks: 1,991 Thanked 2,486 Times in 1,513 Posts	One-up on that: Why would she get mad that you weren't planning to marry her when she was the one who had already set a predetermined breakup day? And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

08-31-2007, 11:42 AM	#12
Princess Zelda of Hyrule Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Hyrule Castle Gender: Posts: 6,128 Thanks: 35 Thanked 14 Times in 10 Posts	Ain't jealousy a wonderful thing? The story of my life.

08-31-2007, 03:42 PM	#13
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	^^ You and me have something in common. Even the situation is a bit familiar, though without the being told beforehand thing.

08-31-2007, 04:21 PM	#14
Joker Lord of Vampires / God of Vengeance Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: The Planet of Eternal Darkness Gender: Posts: 11,117 Thanks: 3,273 Thanked 580 Times in 364 Posts Blog Entries: 6	Easy solution is to simply give her a boot to the head !!

08-31-2007, 06:35 PM	#15
Jesus Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2000 Gender: Posts: 5,617 Thanks: 104 Thanked 139 Times in 101 Posts Blog Entries: 3	A liftime supply of....BOOT TO THE HEAD!

09-01-2007, 02:44 PM	#16
Princess Zelda of Hyrule Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Hyrule Castle Gender: Posts: 6,128 Thanks: 35 Thanked 14 Times in 10 Posts

09-01-2007, 04:54 PM	#18
Eagle Eye Diddy bops Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Birmingham, AL Gender: Posts: 15,014 Thanks: 1,616 Thanked 1,084 Times in 597 Posts	Was that Lurch? Seriously? Nahhhhh. Anyway, gotta agree with PZoH and Lurch (Woah), and Malik's insanity plea. Don't let it get out of hand, 99% of the people you met in HS you'll never get in touch with again, so no sweat. Focus on college life man, and have fun, (cause God knows I am) this is the most exciting part of your life man. BTW Lurch, how long have you been out of school?

09-01-2007, 04:59 PM	#19
Lurch1982 Senior Member Join Date: May 2000 Location: DenCo Gender: Posts: 9,850 Thanks: 127 Thanked 365 Times in 192 Posts	HS: 2000 undergrad: 2005 currently in more school from fall 2006-till.

09-02-2007, 12:56 AM	#20
ZeldaGirl Awesome member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Why do YOU want to know...? Gender: Posts: 15,896 Thanks: 1,130 Thanked 1,919 Times in 1,046 Posts	I've never seen Lurch post in this forum. Whoa.