I have never felt more down in my life

Sean P Kelly · 02-09-2008, 08:02 PM

So, Thursday night there was this Valentine-themed pub night at my University. Everyone was colour-coded based on their relationship status - Green for single, Red for taken, Yellow for maybe.

I thought it would be a great chance to come out of my shell and meet some people.

Yeah right.

The night was a disaster to put it lightly. I froze with fear every time I thought of speaking to someone and even though I desperately wanted to, I couldn't even squeeze out a simple hello.

I felt so awful afterwards and I even started crying a bit on the way home.

It's slowly coming that my social problems is caused by more than should shyness (for privacy reasons, I won't give specifics) and I just don't know if I will be able to pull through and finally meet someone.

Wyborn · 02-09-2008, 08:16 PM

If it's that legitimately bad, seek counseling. I'm not kidding. I'm not being sarcastic. Speaking from experience, a bit of counseling can do wonders for you.

***Cosmonautical*** · 02-09-2008, 08:25 PM

I'm speaking partially from experience when I say that counseling has the potential to help. It will only help if you want it to, and you are open, though. Yes, you probably need it. VGF is an okay place to vent, but you also need someone who will help you learn to communicate comfortably.

Sean P Kelly · 02-09-2008, 08:33 PM

Who says I'm not?

(i.e. I have been seeing a counsellor at school for a little over a year now)

**Valigarmander** · 02-09-2008, 08:46 PM

Dude, I've been through the same thing. Sometimes, the only thing to do is just force it to happen.

You're in front of someone you're interested in talking to. You know what to say, even if it's just hello. But you're too ****ing scared to do anything. The more you think about it, the more you put it off. So, you just sort of wander around, trying to psych yourself into doing something, but every time you get close, you get scared and walk away.

What you should do, is just blurt it out. Ignore all of your fears. Just go up to somebody, don't give your fears a look, just say "HELLO" or "HOWDY" or even just "HEY".

Then, it's out there. You've initiated conversation, and there's no turning back.

From then on, it's all so, so easy. You don't have to expect to meet your life partner doing this, but even if you just have a two-minute conversation with somebody, you'll feel fantastic afterwards. Your fears will be gone. You'd have faced the monster, and now you never have to again. You'll be able to talk to anyone in the room.

Sean, I'm not just pulling this out of my ass. I know it from experience. I've been in the exact same position as you countless times, and even though I was scared ****less by whatever might happen (and seriously, what's the worst?), I somehow managed to just blurt out "hi", and now I have a wonderful friend, and I'm not anxious about confronting people I don't know anymore. It was a one-time hurdle, and now I'm good for life. I'll never have that fear again. And neither will you. Just take that chance, say hello, and I swear on my life, Sean, you will not go home feeling depressed.

Come on, man, do it for yourself. You'll be so proud, I'm telling you from my own experience.

**Crazyswordsman** · 02-09-2008, 10:41 PM

Sean, Sean, Sean.

Take it from someone who has social problems of his own.

It's okay. I have these problems all the time. I mean it is hard to strike up a conversation. Especially when you don't know WHAT the relationship status is.

And I have trouble meeting people. Every day I hear "one day you'll find someone," and it just doesn't happen. But I believe that you have a very, very good shot. You have a stable job, a great movie blog, and a lot of things that I will probably never have.

Here are some tips: smile and wink, and maybe wave. Girls love smiles, a lot. If you get a positive reaction, say "hi." If she says "hi" back, start off with a "how are you" and let the conversation go. It doesn't work all the time, but it has a pretty good success rate. It's worked for me a bunch of times.

So if you're ever having girl trouble, know this: I am in the same situation.

(and Sean, you can talk to me whenever you want. You're a great guy, and I wish I could be half the guy you are.

) -CSM

Bomby · 02-09-2008, 11:13 PM

The easiest way to approach someone is to comment on the absurdities of the situation surrounding you. Believe me, there is some absurdity to be found in every situation.

The Missing Link · 02-10-2008, 12:25 AM

^ Absurdity is omnipresent, even at a Valentine-themed anything.

I can't say I had your exact problem. I mean, I'm certainly shy around strangers, but at the same time, I'm completely open to those people whom I know respectably well. The key here is to find some way to bridge that gap between not knowing a person and being reasonably sure that they're worth your time of day. A Valentine-themed event probably isn't the best way of doing that, but involving yourself in activities that force some small amount of social interaction (but not too much) is a good way to take that first step.

I have to echo Wyborn though; if this is a serious problem that's preventing you from doing much of anything (to the point of it being an anxiety disorder), that's when you need to seek help. And if one counselor isn't doing the trick, perhaps you should seek a different one?

02-09-2008, 08:02 PM	#1
Sean P Kelly Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Toronto, ON, Canada Gender: Posts: 3,789 Thanks: 19 Thanked 58 Times in 46 Posts	I have never felt more down in my life So, Thursday night there was this Valentine-themed pub night at my University. Everyone was colour-coded based on their relationship status - Green for single, Red for taken, Yellow for maybe. I thought it would be a great chance to come out of my shell and meet some people. Yeah right. The night was a disaster to put it lightly. I froze with fear every time I thought of speaking to someone and even though I desperately wanted to, I couldn't even squeeze out a simple hello. I felt so awful afterwards and I even started crying a bit on the way home. It's slowly coming that my social problems is caused by more than should shyness (for privacy reasons, I won't give specifics) and I just don't know if I will be able to pull through and finally meet someone.

02-09-2008, 08:33 PM	#4
Sean P Kelly Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Toronto, ON, Canada Gender: Posts: 3,789 Thanks: 19 Thanked 58 Times in 46 Posts	Who says I'm not? (i.e. I have been seeing a counsellor at school for a little over a year now) Last edited by Sean P Kelly; 02-09-2008 at 08:38 PM.

02-09-2008, 10:41 PM	#6
Crazyswordsman This key doesn't work. Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 10,791 Thanks: 1,019 Thanked 686 Times in 467 Posts	Sean, Sean, Sean. Take it from someone who has social problems of his own. It's okay. I have these problems all the time. I mean it is hard to strike up a conversation. Especially when you don't know WHAT the relationship status is. And I have trouble meeting people. Every day I hear "one day you'll find someone," and it just doesn't happen. But I believe that you have a very, very good shot. You have a stable job, a great movie blog, and a lot of things that I will probably never have. Here are some tips: smile and wink, and maybe wave. Girls love smiles, a lot. If you get a positive reaction, say "hi." If she says "hi" back, start off with a "how are you" and let the conversation go. It doesn't work all the time, but it has a pretty good success rate. It's worked for me a bunch of times. So if you're ever having girl trouble, know this: I am in the same situation. (and Sean, you can talk to me whenever you want. You're a great guy, and I wish I could be half the guy you are. ) -CSM Last edited by Crazyswordsman; 02-09-2008 at 11:10 PM.

02-09-2008, 08:16 PM	#2
Wyborn Zelda Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: All over the place Gender: Posts: 12,388 Thanks: 87 Thanked 469 Times in 281 Posts	If it's that legitimately bad, seek counseling. I'm not kidding. I'm not being sarcastic. Speaking from experience, a bit of counseling can do wonders for you.

02-09-2008, 08:25 PM	#3
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	I'm speaking partially from experience when I say that counseling has the potential to help. It will only help if you want it to, and you are open, though. Yes, you probably need it. VGF is an okay place to vent, but you also need someone who will help you learn to communicate comfortably.

02-09-2008, 08:46 PM	#5
Valigarmander The Bee's Knees Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The land of rain and trees (Oregon) Gender: Posts: 29,755 Thanks: 1,649 Thanked 5,700 Times in 2,580 Posts Blog Entries: 20	Dude, I've been through the same thing. Sometimes, the only thing to do is just force it to happen. You're in front of someone you're interested in talking to. You know what to say, even if it's just hello. But you're too **ing scared to do anything. The more you think about it, the more you put it off. So, you just sort of wander around, trying to psych yourself into doing something, but every time you get close, you get scared and walk away. What you should do, is just blurt it out. Ignore all of your fears. Just go up to somebody, don't give your fears a look, just say "HELLO" or "HOWDY" or even just "HEY"*. Then, it's out there. You've initiated conversation, and there's no turning back. From then on, it's all so, so easy. You don't have to expect to meet your life partner doing this, but even if you just have a two-minute conversation with somebody, you'll feel fantastic* afterwards. Your fears will be gone. You'd have faced the monster, and now you never have to again. You'll be able to talk to anyone in the room. Sean, I'm not just pulling this out of my ass. I know it from experience. I've been in the exact same position as you countless times, and even though I was scared ***less by whatever might happen (and seriously, what's the worst?), I somehow managed to just blurt out "hi", and now I have a wonderful friend, and I'm not anxious about confronting people I don't know anymore. It was a one-time hurdle, and now I'm good for life. I'll never have that fear again. And neither will you. Just take that chance, say hello, and I swear on my life*, Sean, you will not go home feeling depressed. Come on, man, do it for yourself. You'll be so proud, I'm telling you from my own experience.

02-09-2008, 11:13 PM	#7
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	The easiest way to approach someone is to comment on the absurdities of the situation surrounding you. Believe me, there is some absurdity to be found in every situation.

02-10-2008, 12:25 AM	#8
The Missing Link Professional Lurker Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: New Hyrule, Washington, US Gender: Posts: 17,128 Thanks: 405 Thanked 606 Times in 368 Posts	^ Absurdity is omnipresent, even at a Valentine-themed anything. I can't say I had your exact problem. I mean, I'm certainly shy around strangers, but at the same time, I'm completely open to those people whom I know respectably well. The key here is to find some way to bridge that gap between not knowing a person and being reasonably sure that they're worth your time of day. A Valentine-themed event probably isn't the best way of doing that, but involving yourself in activities that force some small amount of social interaction (but not too much) is a good way to take that first step. I have to echo Wyborn though; if this is a serious problem that's preventing you from doing much of anything (to the point of it being an anxiety disorder), that's when you need to seek help. And if one counselor isn't doing the trick, perhaps you should seek a different one?