Question for all female members of VGF

**Crazyswordsman** · 06-14-2008, 05:04 PM

So, my fears were true; the girl I liked left me for someone else. It's gonna take awhile to put it behind me, but I have some questions for you so I can try to improve.

It seems that most of the girls I've been dating have a necessity to feel an instant "click" on the first date for things to even become friends. For me, most of my friends were people I didn't even consider friends for a few weeks to many years once they got to know the real me (which will never come out on a first impression). Do you think I can find a way to keep people from judging me superficially because they need to feel an immediate spark (question mark) -CSM

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 06-15-2008, 05:06 AM

Unfortunately, I can't really offer much advice in regard to "instant attraction on the first date". A) I don't do "dates", and B) my two relationships both began as being friends before anything progressed further.

I would honestly tell you that if you want that "click" to happen, you need to find someone you already mesh with. I know that relationships can turn bad, and many people fear losing their (best) friend to a soured relationship, but who else knows you better? Appreciates you for YOU? Has a similar sense of humour and interests? If you're already friends with someone, and there's a little something more to your attraction, it can work out wonderfully for both of you.

At the same time, if you develope an interest in a friend and find it's not returned, unless you're very good at putting it behind you, you could lose out on the friendship anyways. But what's life without risk? Everytime you try out a date you're risking something already...

From all my own experience, I would just recommend that you focus on making friends and letting something more happen. I don't necessarily agree with trying to create a relationship by "dating", but it works for some people. As for gaining people's interest, even just as friends, you just need to find people who have similar taste in things. Whether it be you both like the same music, or you have a shared hobby, or you find you can spend hours talking about politics- whatever keeps you interested in each other's company, really.

Also, I think any guys who have had or are in sucessful relationships (just because one has ended doesn't mean it wasn't sucessful for a time) could give some pointers, if they know more about the dating business.

Good luck, CSM, and sorry to hear the last girl found someone else. Lots of people are shallow. Maybe you don't drive an expensive enough car; who knows?

**Crazyswordsman** · 06-15-2008, 10:58 AM

^That's actually a good idea Essdee. Unfortunately most of my friends wound up dating girls they hooked up with at parties (which is frankly not the way I want to do it). -CSM

***Cosmonautical*** · 06-17-2008, 01:10 AM

I didn't really "click" with SD until I met her in person, in the romantic sense, but it certainly helped to have the pretense of friendship to smooth things over. I did a lot of talking, she didn't. Still, most of her attention was in my direction. A lot of people go looking for hidden messages, but it's not a part of my personality to look for hidden attraction. A lot of girls could have had a chance with me back in high school, if they'd had the guts to say anything; I found out in retrospect that nearly every female friend I've ever had has had a crush on me(or been a lesbian). Life is dramatic enough as is without having to guess about someone's interest.

Love is a personal thing, man, and until you figure yourself out you're not going to get very far. Ancient AI proverb.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazyswordsman

Unfortunately most of my friends wound up dating girls they hooked up with at parties (which is frankly not the way I want to do it). -CSM

But did they marry them? lawl rimshot

Swordmaster Link · 06-17-2008, 01:48 AM

I think it's a bit strong to say that they need an "instant click", but I would say that girls definitely tend to wait for the guy to pull the trigger so to speak. They're usually fine with being friends for awhile, but if a move isn't made after a certain period of time they'll look elsewhere. If I were a betting man, I'd wager that they would prefer a move sooner than you're comfortable with in particular, CSM, but that's just the way it is. *shrug*

**Crazyswordsman** · 06-17-2008, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Serial Miller

But did they marry them? lawl rimshot

Actually, in some cases, yes. -CSM

06-14-2008, 05:04 PM	#1
Crazyswordsman This key doesn't work. Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 10,791 Thanks: 1,019 Thanked 686 Times in 467 Posts	Question for all female members of VGF So, my fears were true; the girl I liked left me for someone else. It's gonna take awhile to put it behind me, but I have some questions for you so I can try to improve. It seems that most of the girls I've been dating have a necessity to feel an instant "click" on the first date for things to even become friends. For me, most of my friends were people I didn't even consider friends for a few weeks to many years once they got to know the real me (which will never come out on a first impression). Do you think I can find a way to keep people from judging me superficially because they need to feel an immediate spark (question mark) -CSM

06-15-2008, 05:06 AM	#2
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Unfortunately, I can't really offer much advice in regard to "instant attraction on the first date". A) I don't do "dates", and B) my two relationships both began as being friends before anything progressed further. I would honestly tell you that if you want that "click" to happen, you need to find someone you already mesh with. I know that relationships can turn bad, and many people fear losing their (best) friend to a soured relationship, but who else knows you better? Appreciates you for YOU? Has a similar sense of humour and interests? If you're already friends with someone, and there's a little something more to your attraction, it can work out wonderfully for both of you. At the same time, if you develope an interest in a friend and find it's not returned, unless you're very good at putting it behind you, you could lose out on the friendship anyways. But what's life without risk? Everytime you try out a date you're risking something already... From all my own experience, I would just recommend that you focus on making friends and letting something more happen. I don't necessarily agree with trying to create a relationship by "dating", but it works for some people. As for gaining people's interest, even just as friends, you just need to find people who have similar taste in things. Whether it be you both like the same music, or you have a shared hobby, or you find you can spend hours talking about politics- whatever keeps you interested in each other's company, really. Also, I think any guys who have had or are in sucessful relationships (just because one has ended doesn't mean it wasn't sucessful for a time) could give some pointers, if they know more about the dating business. Good luck, CSM, and sorry to hear the last girl found someone else. Lots of people are shallow. Maybe you don't drive an expensive enough car; who knows?

06-15-2008, 10:58 AM	#3
Crazyswordsman This key doesn't work. Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 10,791 Thanks: 1,019 Thanked 686 Times in 467 Posts	^That's actually a good idea Essdee. Unfortunately most of my friends wound up dating girls they hooked up with at parties (which is frankly not the way I want to do it). -CSM

06-17-2008, 01:48 AM	#5
Swordmaster Link Super Bodyguard & King of the Arcade Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Wherever you want me to be Gender: Posts: 32,132 Thanks: 253 Thanked 951 Times in 640 Posts Blog Entries: 2	I think it's a bit strong to say that they need an "instant click", but I would say that girls definitely tend to wait for the guy to pull the trigger so to speak. They're usually fine with being friends for awhile, but if a move isn't made after a certain period of time they'll look elsewhere. If I were a betting man, I'd wager that they would prefer a move sooner than you're comfortable with in particular, CSM, but that's just the way it is. shrug