I have become comfortably numb

[Sean P Kelly]

Yeah, it's cheesy quoting Pink Floyd songs, but that line pretty much describes my ongoing feelings about relationships.

You know it was one thing to be single as a teen, but as I'm slowly creeping towards my 30s, the whole idea of relationships is totally unknown to me.

As sad as it may seem, I am more able to relate with relationships as things that happen in movies than something that I would ever be able to experience.

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome and while that helps to explain why I have a hard time talking to people, it does not help me with having hope for the future.

So, I am left to contemplate about all my unrequited loves of the past and be forced to accept that I may never get the relationship that I so desperately want.

[Metal Man]

Hm. I guess that explains your issues with talking to me.

[Crazyswordsman]

I've been there completely. I have AS and it's hard for me, too. I often worry about the same thing. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. -CSM

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

Sean, I hate to say it, but we've given you the best advice over the years, and often enough you've outright disagreed with us. Refusing to try has been an issue.

I can't suggest that looking for a relationship will help you. Hoping for a girlfriend will scare away a lot of people. I have had strained friendships with people because they simply saw me as a prospective girlfriend in every instance we spent together.

Be yourself. If "yourself" never ever works, then start looking at what qualities you have that are attractive (to everyone, not just ladies), and what qualities may be irritants. Focus on enhancing your positives, and improving your negatives. We are all annoying at one time or another- that's just a part of life. However, every single person can always work to make themselves "better". In the long run, you'll be happier with yourself, and other people will find you easy to get along with. You CAN learn to be a sociable person, even with "Aspergers". Please don't use AS as an excuse, either; just means you need to try extra hard to get over certain hurdles like communication, you know? It's not a life sentence. You're not doomed to be a recluse, just as an ADHD person isn't doomed to be incapable of keeping a job for longer than a week before they leave (as a very loose example).

But remember, be friends. Just friends. If you click, something can happen naturally.

But hey, I haven't been able to make friends (in person) for the past few years, so there ends my ability to guide you.

We do want to help, and wish the best for you, Sean. We can only talk, though. You're the star of this show, and it's up to you to do the hard work. o_o

[Swordmaster Link]

Originally Posted by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds

You CAN learn to be a sociable person, even with "Aspergers". Please don't use AS as an excuse, either; just means you need to try extra hard to get over certain hurdles like communication, you know? It's not a life sentence. You're not doomed to be a recluse, just as an ADHD person isn't doomed to be incapable of keeping a job for longer than a week before they leave (as a very loose example).

I'm glad someone brought this up, because this was honestly my impulse reaction (in addition to the "attempting to help already" part)...I was just reluctant to say so because who am I to say? I don't have AS or anything of the sort. However SD is right here, if you use AS as an excuse then you're letting the problem do the work and not you. I could be wrong, but to a certain extent I've always viewed things like this as an impediment but not a "life sentence" as SD put it. If I may use one of my ridiculous analogies, on the grand ladder of life things like AS only put you a few rungs below the rest of us but it doesn't knock you off entirely. Does that suck? Probably. Is that fair? Probably not. Nobody said life was fair.

At the end of the day, disability or not, you won't grow as a person unless you do things that push you out of your comfort zone and learn to take the good with the bad. In some strange way, there is no good without bad. The best way to do what I'm talking about is to go at your own pace...maybe do one thing every month that's outside your comfort zone, like starting a conversation with a fellow employee or putting yourself into a social setting. Find common interests...you like movies, right? Right there is something that connects you to goodness knows how many other people on this Earth. Then when you feel comfortable with that you could kick it up a notch to once a week, etc. Granted, this method will probably lead to multiple awkward situations, but TRUST ME, you'll laugh at them in the future. I know I am.

As always, I end these posts by saying I hope that made some sort of sense. You should be thanking SD more, though.

[Bomby]

Actually, while knowing that you have Asperger can seem like a road block at first, this could also be your first step to convalescence. Now you have the opportunity to assess yourself, to assess the situations that you've been through, and use that assessment to your advantage.

1. Join a support group. More likely than not, you will find people with the same problems that you have, and some of them will probably be successful with relationships. You have the potential to be this successful!
2. When interested in a girl, remember that everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Someone who you might think has it all together may have one of the toughest lives you could imagine.
3. If she turns you down, she is just as "not right" for you as you are "not right" for her. It can be very discouraging, but you have to keep moving on.

[Crazyswordsman]

Essdee is, as usual, right. However, that doesn't mean it's not extra harder for us to actually do that. And many of us, including myself, continue to try and try to get over that hurdle. I generally jump the hurdle, except when it comes to social life. I actively call my friends to see what they're up to, and they return my calls usually only once every three weeks. I try to get into the same stuff they're into as well, which works to an extent. -CSM

[Brandon2390]

Originally Posted by Crazyswordsman

Essdee is, as usual, right. However, that doesn't mean it's not extra harder for us to actually do that. And many of us, including myself, continue to try and try to get over that hurdle. I generally jump the hurdle, except when it comes to social life. I actively call my friends to see what they're up to, and they return my calls usually only once every three weeks. I try to get into the same stuff they're into as well, which works to an extent. -CSM

Well, hopefully you didn't call them enough for it to get to the point where you started verging on annoying. I had a friend a little while ago who would call me all the time..multiple times a day often. And while that's alright for some days, I can't take somebody constantly calling me and staying on the phone for awhile. I told him I needed personal space and I didn't want him to call me multiple times each day. He continued to do it, and needless to say, we aren't friends anymore. I doubt that was the situation with you, just saying.

But I can't say anything SD says any better than she did. The only thing you can do is decide for yourself how much you really want to change. And if you really want to change and begin meeting people you have to first be comfortable with yourself.