Frustration

Kil'jaeden · 07-27-2008, 03:29 PM

..........

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 07-27-2008, 07:34 PM

Man, I'm sorry to hear it. I understand part of your situation very well, though, as I've been through the same kind of experience.

If nothing else, you can tell your friend that you miss her. Ask her if she'd be willing to make some time to hang out with you again, like you were before. It doesn't need to be about everyone else in her life; just that you enjoy her friendship and company and hope to still have her as your close friend.

Whether or not you tell her about your feelings is up to you. A lot of the time, people are afraid of ruining their friendship... but it doesn't have to. It's okay to let her know she's important to you. Just try not to put expectations on her- she'll feel pressured, and you'll be disappointed if she can't offer you what you're hoping for.

Best bet is to talk to her and tell her you miss hanging out. She's not going to be able to know for sure, unless you say something. No one's a mind-reader.

Good luck, and I hope you can find a way to keep a close friendship.

Bomby · 07-27-2008, 08:07 PM

I was in a situation three years similar to yours, and when it became less convenient for me and one of my friends to stop seeing each other... well, I've only seen her twice since.

My advice: Be better than me. Make the effort to spend time with her. Likeliness is that you will be marginalized, and it hurts, but since she's already dating this other person all you can do is be the best friend you can be.

Also, never, ever ever EVER, get your hopes set on someone you like to break up with someone else. Even if it does happen any time soon, that does not mean that she is going to run to you. I'm not assuming that you're one to do this, but a lot of people I've known are, including myself in the past.

I definitely wouldn't say anything about it to her right away. If she ever did have any sort of reciprocation of your feelings, this would create an unbelievably stressful situation for her.

Spending a bit of time away from her isn't a bad idea. It's hard at first, and you'll definitely miss her, but once you get used to her not being around as much, your jealousy of her current boyfriend will tame itself. Likeliness is in this time, you'll meet other girls that you'll like, and eventually your feelings for her will start to wane. Feel free to tell her how you felt about her then.

Kil'jaeden · 07-27-2008, 09:08 PM

It isn't like I haven't seen her for a while because of this, but I know that will change soon. And it isn't the same as when she was dating my friend, because I was happy to be with both of them. But I just can't do the same thing with this. I have nothing against the guy, I just don't know him that well, and I don't warm up to people quickly.
I did try in an indirect way to get her attention, but still, it is stupid of me to have waited until this point to seriously think about this.

***Heroine of the Dragon*** · 07-27-2008, 09:52 PM

That's such a tough one, Kil'jaeden!!

*hugs you*

I agree with the rest of the advice offered... it's important to tell your friend that you enjoy the friendship you have with her and that you'd like to keep in contact with her when she moves. Make sure you have phone number/e-mail/address of her new place. Assuming you can do some of the traveling to visit her, be sure to organise a time to 'check out her new place' within a couple of weeks after she moves.

I hope this turns out well for you!! *grinnie for you*

Kil'jaeden · 07-27-2008, 10:04 PM

It isn't a definite thing yet that she'll move. I know where the place is. It is about 40 minutes of driving.

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 07-27-2008, 10:45 PM

It's okay to let her know that you miss her company now that she's got her new boyfriend. If she's your close friend, surely she already knows you find it hard to warm up to people? Make sure she knows you want to try and get to know her new guy, but you also want some time with her because you're already friends. You have to talk to her about it, because if you keep your thoughts about missing her all to yourself, she won't know you need her help in making it work out easier.

Kargath · 07-28-2008, 06:15 AM

I'm not really qualified to give emotional advice, but I can give technical advice. Use paragraph breaks.

***Cosmonautical*** · 07-28-2008, 10:04 AM

grammar oh shi-

Not much that can be said, dude.

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 07-28-2008, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kargath

I'm not really qualified to give emotional advice, but I can give technical advice. Use paragraph breaks.

You. You! Out of my forum!

Kil'jaeden · 07-28-2008, 02:12 PM

I had paragraph breaks, but they never showed up, and now they are there. What's grammar to you anyway?

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 07-29-2008, 08:34 AM

The meaning of his LIFE.

Kil'jaeden · 07-31-2008, 01:34 AM

.........

***Heroine of the Dragon*** · 07-31-2008, 03:15 AM

Great to hear that you opened up and that was reciprocated by your friend. Communicating is underrated as an aid to sorting things out.

It would be a wonderful thing if you maintained this level of communication now that it's begun!!

Sorry to hear that you're in a spot of trouble and hope nothing more comes of it.

Kil'jaeden · 07-31-2008, 08:59 AM

07-27-2008, 03:29 PM	#1
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	Frustration .......... Last edited by Kil'jaeden; 10-16-2008 at 08:22 PM.

07-27-2008, 10:45 PM	#7
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	It's okay to let her know that you miss her company now that she's got her new boyfriend. If she's your close friend, surely she already knows you find it hard to warm up to people? Make sure she knows you want to try and get to know her new guy, but you also want some time with her because you're already friends. You have to talk to her about it, because if you keep your thoughts about missing her all to yourself, she won't know you need her help in making it work out easier. Last edited by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds; 07-28-2008 at 12:16 AM.

07-31-2008, 01:34 AM	#13
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	......... Last edited by Kil'jaeden; 10-16-2008 at 08:21 PM.

07-31-2008, 08:59 AM	#15
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	... Last edited by Kil'jaeden; 12-18-2008 at 11:59 PM.

07-27-2008, 07:34 PM	#2
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Man, I'm sorry to hear it. I understand part of your situation very well, though, as I've been through the same kind of experience. If nothing else, you can tell your friend that you miss her. Ask her if she'd be willing to make some time to hang out with you again, like you were before. It doesn't need to be about everyone else in her life; just that you enjoy her friendship and company and hope to still have her as your close friend. Whether or not you tell her about your feelings is up to you. A lot of the time, people are afraid of ruining their friendship... but it doesn't have to. It's okay to let her know she's important to you. Just try not to put expectations on her- she'll feel pressured, and you'll be disappointed if she can't offer you what you're hoping for. Best bet is to talk to her and tell her you miss hanging out. She's not going to be able to know for sure, unless you say something. No one's a mind-reader. Good luck, and I hope you can find a way to keep a close friendship.

07-27-2008, 08:07 PM	#3
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	I was in a situation three years similar to yours, and when it became less convenient for me and one of my friends to stop seeing each other... well, I've only seen her twice since. My advice: Be better than me. Make the effort to spend time with her. Likeliness is that you will be marginalized, and it hurts, but since she's already dating this other person all you can do is be the best friend you can be. Also, never, ever ever EVER, get your hopes set on someone you like to break up with someone else. Even if it does happen any time soon, that does not mean that she is going to run to you. I'm not assuming that you're one to do this, but a lot of people I've known are, including myself in the past. I definitely wouldn't say anything about it to her right away. If she ever did have any sort of reciprocation of your feelings, this would create an unbelievably stressful situation for her. Spending a bit of time away from her isn't a bad idea. It's hard at first, and you'll definitely miss her, but once you get used to her not being around as much, your jealousy of her current boyfriend will tame itself. Likeliness is in this time, you'll meet other girls that you'll like, and eventually your feelings for her will start to wane. Feel free to tell her how you felt about her then.

07-27-2008, 09:08 PM	#4
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	It isn't like I haven't seen her for a while because of this, but I know that will change soon. And it isn't the same as when she was dating my friend, because I was happy to be with both of them. But I just can't do the same thing with this. I have nothing against the guy, I just don't know him that well, and I don't warm up to people quickly. I did try in an indirect way to get her attention, but still, it is stupid of me to have waited until this point to seriously think about this.

07-27-2008, 09:52 PM	#5
*Heroine of the Dragon* The Grinnie Fool! ♥♥♥ VGFCodes Staff Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Twinklebutton Wintersprout Gender: Posts: 31,454 Thanks: 864 Thanked 851 Times in 632 Posts Blog Entries: 1	That's such a tough one, Kil'jaeden!! hugs you I agree with the rest of the advice offered... it's important to tell your friend that you enjoy the friendship you have with her and that you'd like to keep in contact with her when she moves. Make sure you have phone number/e-mail/address of her new place. Assuming you can do some of the traveling to visit her, be sure to organise a time to 'check out her new place' within a couple of weeks after she moves. I hope this turns out well for you!! grinnie for you

07-27-2008, 10:04 PM	#6
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	It isn't a definite thing yet that she'll move. I know where the place is. It is about 40 minutes of driving.

07-28-2008, 06:15 AM	#8
Kargath et in Arcadia ego Join Date: Jul 2001 Gender: Posts: 8,334 Thanks: 1,226 Thanked 780 Times in 488 Posts	I'm not really qualified to give emotional advice, but I can give technical advice. Use paragraph breaks.

07-28-2008, 10:04 AM	#9
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	grammar oh shi- Not much that can be said, dude.

07-28-2008, 02:12 PM	#11
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	I had paragraph breaks, but they never showed up, and now they are there. What's grammar to you anyway?

07-29-2008, 08:34 AM	#12
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	The meaning of his LIFE.

07-31-2008, 03:15 AM	#14
*Heroine of the Dragon* The Grinnie Fool! ♥♥♥ VGFCodes Staff Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Twinklebutton Wintersprout Gender: Posts: 31,454 Thanks: 864 Thanked 851 Times in 632 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Great to hear that you opened up and that was reciprocated by your friend. Communicating is underrated as an aid to sorting things out. It would be a wonderful thing if you maintained this level of communication now that it's begun!! Sorry to hear that you're in a spot of trouble and hope nothing more comes of it.