Some questions:

[Crazyswordsman]

1. On a first date, what's the best way to get a girl to feel "chemistry" with you?

2. When you're just starting dating, and there's a girl you really like, but want to have backups in case it doesn't work well, how do you balance that with the prospect of cheating?

-CSM

[Eagle Eye]

Originally Posted by Crazyswordsman

1. On a first date, what's the best way to get a girl to feel "chemistry" with you?

2. When you're just starting dating, and there's a girl you really like, but want to have backups in case it doesn't work well, how do you balance that with the prospect of cheating?

-CSM

1. Depends on the girl herself, you have to just get a feel for her, ask her about herself, what her favorite things are. First date is usually just a way to get to know one another better, see where it goes from there.

2. I'd keep the other's close in mind, but I wouldn't make plans with them unless you're just "randomly dating". By that I mean if you're just dating trying to find someone, then there's generally no conflict with multiple dates apart from each other. If you're really interested in one girl, I'd suggest just trying to see how that works out, but having an idea of what to do if it doesn't go through.

Personally I go by the chill method. If I'm interested in someone, and they want to try it out, I prefer the two of us just hang out first, if we can stand being around each other, date time.

[Galefore]

Calculate people's personality while you're at it, by the way. Watch for warning signs. People are never, ever exactly as they seem. Everybody hides something, nobody is safe; my recommendation is that you watch yourself, regardless of an attempt to connect. Upon 'connecting' (which is actually pretty easy to fake), try to watch for hidden intentions. I've seen so many people be fooled, I'd rather I make sure you're aware to be on guard at all times.

[SephirothKirby]

umwhat when did Galefore become me?

[Galefore]

When did you become me?

We're both socially inept, untrusting jerks. We should form a special club, and hold secret meetings. Secretly.

[Eagle Eye]

I agree with Gale, usually getting a feel for someone doesn't have to be verbal, it can just be seen through body language, reponses/reactions to certain events, etc. It's hard to explain on a computer, but it's something I've learned about people, you don't have to get them to talk to learn somethign about them.

[Bomby]

I've heard that it's good to go to a restaurant that serves lots of pastas - or other healthy carbohydrates. Then go on a walk to somewhere scenic. The carbohydrates and walking release endorphins and the two of you feel good while looking at something scenic.

[ZeldaGirl]

I don't think chemistry is something that you can really force - you either have it, or you don't. Not everyone is compatible.

As for dating other women, it's not uncommon to go on casual dates with several girls, but don't look at it as they are "backups" - that's kind of... I don't know, you shouldn't be settling for anyone, because then no one will be happy.

[Eagle Eye]

DYLAN'S DEPTH CHART (LEAKED)
Starter: ZG
Backup: UN
Emergency: L007

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

"Chemistry" is about feeling special and important, and presenting yourself as an attractive person (personality and physically), really. If you want there to be chemistry, you need to pay attention to your ladyfriend. Make a lot of eye-contact, smile at her, ask her questions about herself (favourites, hobbies, what she's been doing recently). Be courteous, a little gentlemanly, but don't go over the top- holding the door open for her is a nice touch. You can even bring her a flower.

Another important part of "chemistry" is how you've presented yourself. Girls often pay attention to things like shoes, fingernails, hair and scent. Wear shoes that are in good condition - none that are falling apart or very dirty - trim your nails (and if you chew the skin or get hangnails a lot, try and clean it up a bit), wash and comb/style your hair before the date and after you've showered, make sure you're not wearing too much cologne (nobody likes people who smell like they've been marinating in their perfume or cologne; just wear a little so you smell nice).

If she looks happy on your date (things to watch for are smiling, playing with her hair, laughing with you, generally engaged with your conversation), you can touch her hand or forearm in a gentle, friendly manner. It shows that you think she's something special, because naturally, people want to have physical contact with someone they find attractive. Let the touch linger a moment, smile at her and guage the reaction; if she looks happy and comfortable, you can leave your hand there. If she looks a little uncomfortable, casually withdraw your touch and continue the converstation (everyone is different, especially with how fast they warm up to someone; you just need to be observant).

When you first greet her, a small and sincere compliment is a great start. Things like, "your hair looks lovely" or "that's a really nice dress"; basically whatever you've noticed and genuinely think.

What you're doing together for the date is pretty important; if you're going to see a movie, you should ask her if you can get a coffee (or similar) with her before the movie. Nothing will happen between you if you go straight into a cinema and are staring at a screen for two hours. If you want to go to a restaurant, make sure you know the average cost of things beforehand (and dress code!), and be honest if you can't afford to pay for the both of you (or save up and ask if you can buy her dinner). When you're asking her on the date, find out what food she likes, and if you know of a restaurant that deals in her favourite cuisine, make the suggestion (she likes Italian, "I know of a great little place called -name-, would you like to go there?", or she likes Japanese, "I've heard of a nice sushi bar called -name- that we could try out", whatever works)

Finally, be positive. You can both have a good time, even if your plans don't go exactly as you hoped. Being positive is an attractive quality for most people, and if things work about between you, your first date will be something to laugh about together.

If your ladyfriend looks unhappy, seems to be paying attention to everything except you, is spending the whole date texting her friends... don't worry, just finish the date as soon as you're done eating/drinking/get back to the car/train after the walk, and tell her you had a nice time. If the date crashed, don't promise to call her, or say things like, "we should do this again"; this is the same if you didn't enjoy the date at all. Only offer to call or contact her again if you actually want to.

Now, as for dating more than one person, I don't really know. I've only ever dated someone who I'm genuinely interested in and expect to have a relationship with. With that in mind, I would caution you to stick with one girl at a time, and if it doesn't work out, only then should you move on. But again, that's just me, and I'm sure you could manage otherwise. *shrug*

[Swordmaster Link]

^ We should just sticky this post and lock the entire forum.

[Lurch1982]

(1) Don't try. Let things flow naturally. If you try to force chemistry (whatever that means), you're probably going to fail.

Pretty much read SD's post. I agree with most of it.

Things I'd suggest:
Re cologne: if you use Axe or anything similar, do yourself a favor and pick up the little spraycans and throw them in the garbage. They were great when I lived in the dorms/out of a car because they were like febreeze and deoderant. If you're trying to impress someone, smelling like a stripclub bathroom isn't the best way to go. Spend the cash and get some designer crap. Go wander around a department store and try out some of the various stuff. And if you're really strapped for cash, figure out what you like and go to the booth in every mall that sells the knockoffs for 6 bucks a bottle.

Dress appropriate for where you're going. If you're going to a movie/coffee, you probably don't need to dress up too much. If you're going to a good club, you need to look better than if you go to a dive bar. If you're going to dinner/lunch, you have two methods. You have the "totally disarm" her method of taking her somewhere that you know she's never been. It'll probably make her uncomfortable, but it keeps her off her guard and she'll pay attention to you more. Everyone's eaten Italian. You find fewer people (well, generally anyway) that have eaten Thai, Indian, or Lebanese. Then there's the other way: mutually agree on a restaurant. It gives both a comfort level, but I find it a little easier to drift off in a familiar place. I prefer the disarming method personally. It makes it a little more memorable (easier to remember eating something new than going to the Olive Garden).

If you're driving: make sure the music played in the car isn't (1) STUPID (meaning leave your Weird Al/video game themes/Anime music at home...actually, burn it. It sucks) or (2) OFFENSIVE. If you have iPod compatibility in your car, make a playlist. Get a good mix of various genres, and try to leave out things that excessively curse. Also, clean out your car and make sure it doesn't smell like a sewer exhaust pipe. Get it washed while you're at it. Vacuum it. You should be doing that anyway. Surefire mood killer is to see a pile of old water bottles, cans, and fast food bags in the back while you're clearing out the trash on the passenger side as the smell from the gym clothes you left under the seat 2 weeks ago starts drifting upwards.

If you're using mass transit in a major city, just jam out to the crazy guy playing his three-stringed guitar in the back of the bus/train and ignore the guy trying to get you to bet which cup the peanut is under.

If going to a movie: pick carefully and try to find one of those "anyone can enjoy this" movies. Yeah, you might want to go see Religulous to see Bill Maher act like a jackass for 2 hours, but it offends 9/10 people. Unless she specifically pushes, avoid horror movies. Comedies are usually pretty good fillers. Honestly though, movies are kind of lame for first dates. Yay! Let's go sit in the dark watching a movie in silence for 2 hours. Not to mention movies are expensive as hell. 10*2 for tix, 15 or so for crap there. Honestly, you're better off going out to dinner and to see some live music than that (IMO).

[Galefore]

Oh, he meant the actual aesthetics of dating.

I'm more into analyzing people and picking out who I come in contact with by how they interest me. I figured my reclusive ass advice would help, and I hope it did.

Also, don't try to get overly worked up, nervous, and special over it. False impressions are cute for a while, but as a human, you'll find your guard wearing back down. Be yourself from the start, if you're looking for anything worthwhile.

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

Also, everything Lurch covered.

[Cosmonautical]

I like to warm them up with a punch in the mouth, personally.

Surefire way to win a girl's heart.

[t3hDarkness]

EDIT: Maybe the dating sim joke was a tad crude.

What hasn't been said yet. Oh yeah, stay calm, sometimes being a nervous spaz is cute on a date, but more often than not it pushes you from the datable to the weird guy area.

As for your second question, don't. Its a lose-lose kind of deal.

[Perrin Aybara]

1. Jedi mind tricks.

2. If she catches you with another woman, just say that you're a part time pimp.

-jay

[Perrin Aybara]

By the way, on a serious note, for me, starting small (aka having lunch, coffee together) then working up to bigger things (having drinks, dinner) has worked out pretty well.

And I hate the cliche, but just being yourself seems to be the best advice. Eventually good things happen. And you're much more comfortable just being yourself. But like I said, I hate that cliche.

-jay

[Crazyswordsman]

Thanks, everyone. I actually went on a date last night. We had fun, and she wants me to come visit again tomorrow. -CSM

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

YAAY~ I'm super excited for you, CSM! Congratulations on the date!

Tell us everything so we may live vicariously through you.