Seems I Haven't Learned from My Mistakes..(Looong post warning)

Brandon2390 · 10-18-2008, 01:46 AM

SOME of you..(Maybe the members that have been around for awhile) may remember a very old topic that I made about 4 years ago: http://www.vgf.com/forums/relationsh...-somebody.html

That was four years ago, and back then I was just a freshman in high school. I knew very little about relationships. Its been 4 years later and I still don't know much(Only was in 1 in high school), but thats probably because I promised myself I'd never be put in that same position again. For these past few years I've looked at girls differently and viewed a lot of them as simply jumpoff material. So going to college naturally I expected no different..right?

The very first day I moved in the dorms I was introduced to this girl by my roomate. The minute I saw her I was drawn to her. We met each other and talked, though within the whole group. Later in the night we ended up having some conversation and getting to know each other. All was well, and I started spending more time with her. Figured out she lived on the floor above me and started talking to her..as did all of my other roomates and aquaintances. She was flirty with me, but she was also flirted with my roomates and other people that ended up in my dorm. No worries, as we were all in a big group, and I flirted with the other girls too.

It wasnt until a couple weeks later that I began noticing my feelings towards her, however. A couple of her friends and one of my roomates ended up going out to a party together. When coming home from that party, the girls friends and my roomate decided they want to go to another party. I started feeling ill, and she wanted to go back to the dorms, so she decided to come with me. We ended up getting pizza that night and she took care of me making sure I was alright. As soon as I saw that quality in her and the way she treated me, that was the moment I noticed I was attracted. There was something different about her than any other girl I had met before. I looked at her different than I did all the girls in highschool and the girls on campus.

The next day, however, I started noticing a connection between my roomate(The one in the story above) and her. They flirted, and we're all used to that, but it started to seem like more than flirting, and long story short, she ended up in his bed. She spent other nights in his bed also, yet they haven't done anything sexual at all(so they both claim.) We're all in the same room so I probably would have heard it if it happened. She started to fall for him, and he started to fall for her(though he wouldnt admit it.)

He wasn't committed to her though as I could tell. He was attracted to her, but he didn't want to be with her. This became evident when he started going after the girl's friend's roomate. She found this out through her friend, but if she didn't I was trying not to tell because I was in one of those predicaments where I'm friends with both of them(though I did have feelings for the girl.)Obviously there were problems there and the girl started talking to me about them saying she was done. I knew she wasnt. She fell back into the trap another time and another time she said she was done with him. Of course once again I didn't believe her.

So that was just some background information, basically where the situation is is he says he wants to be with her(which I dont believe) and she says she does not want to be with him. I'm friends with my roomate(I spend the most time with him than probably anybody else out here) but I also have feelings for this girl. At first I wanted them just to date so my feelings could go away but obviously that never happened. I feel like it's my fault because I listened to her talk about him a few times without telling her that I could be a better guy and that she doesn't respect herself. Problem is I've been down this road and it never ends good, especially if you try it that way. I don't want to bad mouth my roomate in any way cause he is a good guy he just has some issues. And I don't really want to tell the girl about my feelings cause I feel it's a lost cause. But I think if I never tell her I'll never get over her and my feelings will grow.

I never get myself in these situations cause I know where they lead, but this time I fell right into the same trap I did four years ago. The first few days I was with her I felt the connection stronger than ever..and I feel like if I made the move then I would have had her..but I feel I really needed to figure out her personality to know if I liked her or not..I'm trying to find some other girls out here to take my mind off of her but nobody compares.

This isn't really an advice thread..I guess I could use some on whether to tell her or not but it's more like a venting thread, but thanks if you actually read this long post and post something.

Señor Luigi · 10-18-2008, 08:47 AM

Hope you figure out what to do. I'm not good with these sort of situations...
Maybe you could tell your roommate.

Eagle Eye · 10-18-2008, 12:45 PM

How many times have I been in this sort of situation? Too many, I know how you feel, and regardless, you feel like you're screwed.

My one piece of advice: at some point, you have to look out for self.

Brandon2390 · 10-18-2008, 03:08 PM

Good looks both of you. And Ryan, I know, you're right. I feel like I messed up in this situation the first time when I listened to her problems about my roomate instead of saying I dont want to know about it at all. But whatever, whats done is done.

Pyropunk · 10-18-2008, 04:38 PM

Talk to the girl, see if the feelings are returned, and if so, see what happens, if not, just remain friends.

As far as the roomate? IF you and said girl start to date? He WILL have to deal with it no matter what and if necessary he or you may find the needs to find new roomates. (9/10 in a dorm its really simple to switch).

*shrugs* that's about all i can say.

Eagle Eye · 10-18-2008, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pyropunk

Talk to the girl, see if the feelings are returned, and if so, see what happens, if not, just remain friends.

As far as the roomate? IF you and said girl start to date? He WILL have to deal with it no matter what and if necessary he or you may find the needs to find new roomates. (9/10 in a dorm its really simple to switch).

*shrugs* that's about all i can say.

Exactly, either he'll be upset at you dating her, or vice-verca, so you have to make a choice. Hell, if I were him though I wouldn't be upset over my roommate jumping on an opportunity before I did. One of my roommates beat me to it last year, but I really just shrugged it off and we're still good friends to this day.

Swordmaster Link · 10-19-2008, 03:07 AM

Werd. Either way, one of you (you or the roomate) is gonna have to deal with it, so I think this is the kind of thing you should sit down and talk with the roommate about. After that, I feel like you should just do you.

10-18-2008, 01:46 AM	#1
Brandon2390 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Connecticut Posts: 10,519 Thanks: 7 Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts	Seems I Haven't Learned from My Mistakes..(Looong post warning) SOME of you..(Maybe the members that have been around for awhile) may remember a very old topic that I made about 4 years ago: http://www.vgf.com/forums/relationsh...-somebody.html That was four years ago, and back then I was just a freshman in high school. I knew very little about relationships. Its been 4 years later and I still don't know much(Only was in 1 in high school), but thats probably because I promised myself I'd never be put in that same position again. For these past few years I've looked at girls differently and viewed a lot of them as simply jumpoff material. So going to college naturally I expected no different..right? The very first day I moved in the dorms I was introduced to this girl by my roomate. The minute I saw her I was drawn to her. We met each other and talked, though within the whole group. Later in the night we ended up having some conversation and getting to know each other. All was well, and I started spending more time with her. Figured out she lived on the floor above me and started talking to her..as did all of my other roomates and aquaintances. She was flirty with me, but she was also flirted with my roomates and other people that ended up in my dorm. No worries, as we were all in a big group, and I flirted with the other girls too. It wasnt until a couple weeks later that I began noticing my feelings towards her, however. A couple of her friends and one of my roomates ended up going out to a party together. When coming home from that party, the girls friends and my roomate decided they want to go to another party. I started feeling ill, and she wanted to go back to the dorms, so she decided to come with me. We ended up getting pizza that night and she took care of me making sure I was alright. As soon as I saw that quality in her and the way she treated me, that was the moment I noticed I was attracted. There was something different about her than any other girl I had met before. I looked at her different than I did all the girls in highschool and the girls on campus. The next day, however, I started noticing a connection between my roomate(The one in the story above) and her. They flirted, and we're all used to that, but it started to seem like more than flirting, and long story short, she ended up in his bed. She spent other nights in his bed also, yet they haven't done anything sexual at all(so they both claim.) We're all in the same room so I probably would have heard it if it happened. She started to fall for him, and he started to fall for her(though he wouldnt admit it.) He wasn't committed to her though as I could tell. He was attracted to her, but he didn't want to be with her. This became evident when he started going after the girl's friend's roomate. She found this out through her friend, but if she didn't I was trying not to tell because I was in one of those predicaments where I'm friends with both of them(though I did have feelings for the girl.)Obviously there were problems there and the girl started talking to me about them saying she was done. I knew she wasnt. She fell back into the trap another time and another time she said she was done with him. Of course once again I didn't believe her. So that was just some background information, basically where the situation is is he says he wants to be with her(which I dont believe) and she says she does not want to be with him. I'm friends with my roomate(I spend the most time with him than probably anybody else out here) but I also have feelings for this girl. At first I wanted them just to date so my feelings could go away but obviously that never happened. I feel like it's my fault because I listened to her talk about him a few times without telling her that I could be a better guy and that she doesn't respect herself. Problem is I've been down this road and it never ends good, especially if you try it that way. I don't want to bad mouth my roomate in any way cause he is a good guy he just has some issues. And I don't really want to tell the girl about my feelings cause I feel it's a lost cause. But I think if I never tell her I'll never get over her and my feelings will grow. I never get myself in these situations cause I know where they lead, but this time I fell right into the same trap I did four years ago. The first few days I was with her I felt the connection stronger than ever..and I feel like if I made the move then I would have had her..but I feel I really needed to figure out her personality to know if I liked her or not..I'm trying to find some other girls out here to take my mind off of her but nobody compares. This isn't really an advice thread..I guess I could use some on whether to tell her or not but it's more like a venting thread, but thanks if you actually read this long post and post something.

10-18-2008, 08:47 AM	#2
Señor Luigi Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: In your shower Gender: Posts: 414 Thanks: 21 Thanked 24 Times in 19 Posts	Hope you figure out what to do. I'm not good with these sort of situations... Maybe you could tell your roommate.

10-18-2008, 12:45 PM	#3
Eagle Eye Diddy bops Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Birmingham, AL Gender: Posts: 15,014 Thanks: 1,616 Thanked 1,084 Times in 597 Posts	How many times have I been in this sort of situation? Too many, I know how you feel, and regardless, you feel like you're screwed. My one piece of advice: at some point, you have to look out for self.

10-18-2008, 03:08 PM	#4
Brandon2390 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Connecticut Posts: 10,519 Thanks: 7 Thanked 30 Times in 22 Posts	Good looks both of you. And Ryan, I know, you're right. I feel like I messed up in this situation the first time when I listened to her problems about my roomate instead of saying I dont want to know about it at all. But whatever, whats done is done.

10-18-2008, 04:38 PM	#5
Pyropunk Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Orlando, FL Gender: Posts: 367 Thanks: 139 Thanked 26 Times in 25 Posts	Talk to the girl, see if the feelings are returned, and if so, see what happens, if not, just remain friends. As far as the roomate? IF you and said girl start to date? He WILL have to deal with it no matter what and if necessary he or you may find the needs to find new roomates. (9/10 in a dorm its really simple to switch). shrugs that's about all i can say.

10-19-2008, 03:07 AM	#7
Swordmaster Link Super Bodyguard & King of the Arcade Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Wherever you want me to be Gender: Posts: 32,132 Thanks: 253 Thanked 951 Times in 640 Posts Blog Entries: 2	Werd. Either way, one of you (you or the roomate) is gonna have to deal with it, so I think this is the kind of thing you should sit down and talk with the roommate about. After that, I feel like you should just do you.