A father who made some mistakes.

Jesus · 10-27-2008, 10:06 PM

Imagine a father who was a drug addict, tried hurt your mom, was severely bipolar, lost everything, and now lives with his mother. Try to imagine the pain he must feel knowing he lost contact with his kids because of his mistakes. Should the kids forgive him?

This is something out of a psychology book I was reading. I was wondering if you guys could offer any opinions.

t3hDarkness · 10-27-2008, 11:00 PM

Is he repentant and trying to clean his act up?
If so, they can go ahead and try to have a few awkward meetings with him.

If he's not then they can be like me, and try to pretend he doesn't exist until his funeral.

Blake · 10-28-2008, 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wariovswario

Imagine a father who was a drug addict, tried hurt your mom, was severely bipolar, lost everything, and now lives with his mother. Try to imagine the pain he must feel knowing he lost contact with his kids because of his mistakes. Should the kids forgive him?

This is something out of a psychology book I was reading. I was wondering if you guys could offer any opinions.

Eh, I'm going to say unless his kids are in the 20s probably it's best to stay away from him. He may be a bad influence to the kids if they're between 6-10 years old.

But yeah as Darkness said, it depends if he's trying to recover. By the sounds of it though, he pissed his money away and ruined his life for himself and is feeding on his mother so those chances sound slim, unfortunately.

Jesus · 10-28-2008, 01:53 PM

Well lets say he sends the kid 500 bucks as an offering to become friends with his kid again and that the kid is in his 20s but the kid still feels as though the father threw his life away.

t3hDarkness · 10-28-2008, 02:28 PM

The money seals the deal, if he has 500 bucks to throw around and is living with his mother something fishy must be going on.

Have him send back the money but maybe visit. I wouldn't trust him though.

Panfan · 10-28-2008, 03:20 PM

Is he clean? Is he seeing a psychiatrist. He definitely needs to have gone to rehab or a shrink to help him out.

Also, money doesn't solve everything. A relationship in which one person has to pay the other isn't a good one at all.

Bomby · 10-28-2008, 04:36 PM

^ I'm sure thousands of pimps would disagree with that remark.

1-up Salesman · 10-30-2008, 08:44 PM

If he can show that he's better now, and loves the children and their mother, then he should be forgiven.

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 11-03-2008, 07:41 PM

Forgiveness doesn't automatically go hand-in-hand with re-establishing a relationship with the person. The children could forgive their father for his wrongdoings without going out of their way to visit him.

Besides, I'm of the opinion that just because someone's family, doesn't mean you need to like them or even see them. You happen to be born into a family. You don't need to keep in contact if you don't like them.

Also, sending money to try and make friends with someone, including your own child, is stupid. If the father wishes to be involved in his kid's lives now, he needs to make an effort to be a decent guy, not throw money at them and call it a success.

Laika Come Home · 11-03-2008, 07:48 PM

I would promptly send the bribe back and sever all ties. I'd consider that behavior desperate.

nomedami69 · 12-07-2008, 12:23 PM

just because he is clean it is not easy for a child to forgive someone that wasn't there when they needed him. a bribe is not the way to go, he wasn't there for the child they have gotten along this far without his money. what the child needs is a father not a bank account. something like this will take time if the father is willing to take that time and is serious. im sure the child will forgive him in time and have some contact. however it might never be the same or what the father wants. he also needs to make sure he is going to counseling to make sure he continues on a good path. i don't think the kids age will determine contact if they are younger it should be supervised visits as he has proven in the past to not be reliable. people do make mistakes and can be forgiving but it is on them to prove they deserve a chance. just getting clean does not show that. you have to show you will continue working on it and not slip back into that life loosing the kids again.

Spritedude · 12-09-2008, 10:14 PM

My father was pretty much like that, except that he overdosed and died a few years ago.

I can't say wether I really forgive him or not, since I don't even know him that well (I last saw him when I was 3).

Jesus · 12-12-2008, 08:49 AM

^^That was the answer I was looking for.

**Loot** · 12-12-2008, 05:20 PM

Yeah, way to go, WvsW, you go onto a message board, you get different responses, then you pick the one you wanted to go with in the first place.

10-27-2008, 10:06 PM	#1
Jesus Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2000 Gender: Posts: 5,617 Thanks: 104 Thanked 139 Times in 101 Posts Blog Entries: 3	A father who made some mistakes. Imagine a father who was a drug addict, tried hurt your mom, was severely bipolar, lost everything, and now lives with his mother. Try to imagine the pain he must feel knowing he lost contact with his kids because of his mistakes. Should the kids forgive him? This is something out of a psychology book I was reading. I was wondering if you guys could offer any opinions.

10-27-2008, 11:00 PM	#2
t3hDarkness Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: I weep oily black tears of joy. Gender: Posts: 7,590 Thanks: 119 Thanked 418 Times in 306 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Is he repentant and trying to clean his act up? If so, they can go ahead and try to have a few awkward meetings with him. If he's not then they can be like me, and try to pretend he doesn't exist until his funeral.

10-28-2008, 01:53 PM	#4
Jesus Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2000 Gender: Posts: 5,617 Thanks: 104 Thanked 139 Times in 101 Posts Blog Entries: 3	Well lets say he sends the kid 500 bucks as an offering to become friends with his kid again and that the kid is in his 20s but the kid still feels as though the father threw his life away.

10-28-2008, 02:28 PM	#5
t3hDarkness Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: I weep oily black tears of joy. Gender: Posts: 7,590 Thanks: 119 Thanked 418 Times in 306 Posts Blog Entries: 5	The money seals the deal, if he has 500 bucks to throw around and is living with his mother something fishy must be going on. Have him send back the money but maybe visit. I wouldn't trust him though.

10-28-2008, 03:20 PM	#6
Panfan AND HE PRAYS Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Grayskull Gender: Posts: 18,806 Thanks: 1,405 Thanked 2,247 Times in 1,337 Posts Blog Entries: 15	Is he clean? Is he seeing a psychiatrist. He definitely needs to have gone to rehab or a shrink to help him out. Also, money doesn't solve everything. A relationship in which one person has to pay the other isn't a good one at all.

10-28-2008, 04:36 PM	#7
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	^ I'm sure thousands of pimps would disagree with that remark.

10-30-2008, 08:44 PM	#8
1-up Salesman Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Letting you guys know that I'm planning on continuing Attack of the Spammers soon. Gender: Posts: 4,095 Thanks: 2,162 Thanked 250 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 9	If he can show that he's better now, and loves the children and their mother, then he should be forgiven.

11-03-2008, 07:41 PM	#9
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Forgiveness doesn't automatically go hand-in-hand with re-establishing a relationship with the person. The children could forgive their father for his wrongdoings without going out of their way to visit him. Besides, I'm of the opinion that just because someone's family, doesn't mean you need to like them or even see them. You happen to be born into a family. You don't need to keep in contact if you don't like them. Also, sending money to try and make friends with someone, including your own child, is stupid. If the father wishes to be involved in his kid's lives now, he needs to make an effort to be a decent guy, not throw money at them and call it a success.

11-03-2008, 07:48 PM	#10
Laika Come Home Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Gender: Posts: 615 Thanks: 214 Thanked 77 Times in 45 Posts Blog Entries: 1	I would promptly send the bribe back and sever all ties. I'd consider that behavior desperate.

12-07-2008, 12:23 PM	#11
nomedami69 Newbie Join Date: May 2004 Location: pa Posts: 17 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	just because he is clean it is not easy for a child to forgive someone that wasn't there when they needed him. a bribe is not the way to go, he wasn't there for the child they have gotten along this far without his money. what the child needs is a father not a bank account. something like this will take time if the father is willing to take that time and is serious. im sure the child will forgive him in time and have some contact. however it might never be the same or what the father wants. he also needs to make sure he is going to counseling to make sure he continues on a good path. i don't think the kids age will determine contact if they are younger it should be supervised visits as he has proven in the past to not be reliable. people do make mistakes and can be forgiving but it is on them to prove they deserve a chance. just getting clean does not show that. you have to show you will continue working on it and not slip back into that life loosing the kids again.

12-09-2008, 10:14 PM	#12
Spritedude Calibrating... Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: The Centennial State Gender: Posts: 1,424 Thanks: 69 Thanked 84 Times in 51 Posts	My father was pretty much like that, except that he overdosed and died a few years ago. I can't say wether I really forgive him or not, since I don't even know him that well (I last saw him when I was 3).

12-12-2008, 08:49 AM	#13
Jesus Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2000 Gender: Posts: 5,617 Thanks: 104 Thanked 139 Times in 101 Posts Blog Entries: 3	^^That was the answer I was looking for.

12-12-2008, 05:20 PM	#14
Loot Apparently I'm a mod? Join Date: May 2001 Location: LEGITIMATE BUSINESS Gender: Posts: 13,208 Thanks: 236 Thanked 1,237 Times in 659 Posts	Yeah, way to go, WvsW, you go onto a message board, you get different responses, then you pick the one you wanted to go with in the first place.