No Longer Confused

**Galefore** · 08-11-2009, 11:13 PM

Not everyone read it, but I mentioned in one of SK's threads a story about a girl I had met at a lock-in and completely let her go without asking her name, despite the fact that she obviously seemed slightly interested in me and that she was pretty much everything I've been looking for in a girl. And I mean to the goddamned tiniest details.

I ended up finding her on Facebook (through a coincidence) and then seeing her for a full week at camp. During this period, I drew closer to her, and my crush on her grew from a crush to... I dunno, some really deep feeling. Like, one I don't think I've felt before. This is partially because I suck at expressing 'feelings' due to me being lame.

At the time, I knew she had a boyfriend, so I dared not make a move. Rather, I tried to consolidate our friendship. However, many shallow Casanovas constantly surrounded her, making it hard to have a conversation with her. She would try to come and sit with me so that she and I could have a private conversation, but her friends would call her over, or another twenty guys would pile up around us... It was frustrating, but every moment with her I did spend was worth it.

Now we are separated by a mere 30 minutes. She's broken up with her boyfriend (although apparently she's talking to someone else), and I do not have a situation in which I could see her or talk to her naturally. Every time I want to send her a message on Facebook, I freeze up and think "maybe she'd get annoyed by me using the internet to speak with her". I am unable to think of a way to see her often and get to know her better, to court her naturally. And that's ****ing tearing me up. Sometimes you meet somebody who's ****ing unreal, but they get away. And you have to live with that. As long as I still have the option to prevent it, though, I'm going to try with all of my heart here. I just need a break, man, because this ****'s pretty lame.

Vgfian · 08-11-2009, 11:21 PM

Man, sorry to hear about that, it sounds kinda painful, I can kinda feel that through your post.
I don't see how speaking through the internet would really make her mad, you are friends after all.

But then again, I (don't think) I know this person, so I don't know what the reaction would be...

I don't know if that'll help at all. I'm sorry I can't help you much more than that though...

You should also try having a bit more self confidence, it'll might help you out a bit.

~~If she was the one who told you about her breaking up, then that might have been a drop of a hint.~~

Like it usually is though, I'm not really the best person to answer. :/ Sorry I couldn't help more....

And like bomby said, "Keep it simple."

Hope it works out well.

Bomby · 08-11-2009, 11:22 PM

30 minutes isn't bad at all. You should consider yourself lucky to have someone in such close proximity!

Unless she's completely irrational, she won't get annoyed if you use Facebook. Just keep it simple, like "Hey, we should get together sometime" or something like that. I know, it's easy to over think everything, especially when you really feel strongly about someone, but sometimes just being simple and kicking yourself in the ass to make a simple comment is the best way to go.

Also, same applies to telling her how you feel, if you choose to do so. Keep it simple.

**Galefore** · 08-11-2009, 11:29 PM

^^She didn't tell me she had broken up, I found out via it showing up in my news feed on Facebook.

Vgfian · 08-11-2009, 11:31 PM

Oh, sorry, my bad...

**Galefore** · 08-11-2009, 11:34 PM

@Bomby: Yeah, the slight distance isn't such a problem, and I'm glad it's such a short drive. As for sending her some sort of comment, I'm definitely going to bite the bullet and just do it. I don't know how it'll turn out, but I mean, it's something.

CuccoLady · 08-11-2009, 11:54 PM

Just send her a message and ask if she'd like to get together and hang out sometime. It doesn't have to be anything overly exciting, just... hanging out. Then you can talk to her in person. :{D

Zharen · 08-12-2009, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heishiro Mitsurugi

@Bomby: Yeah, the slight distance isn't such a problem, and I'm glad it's such a short drive. As for sending her some sort of comment, I'm definitely going to bite the bullet and just do it. I don't know how it'll turn out, but I mean, it's something.

That's exactly what you should be doing. You got nothing to lose and everything to gain. If she really does like you, she'll make time for you.

Since she just broken up tho, be wary about being the rebound guy. Some chicks like to do that.

**Galefore** · 08-12-2009, 12:52 AM

^I thought about that. As I noted, she seems to have already found some other rebound guy. That is distressing. Yet, it doesn't seem official yet and hopefully I can work something out to make a move before this other guy. I'd rather not have to wait through another boyfriend, but eh. I can be patient if I have to be again.

I did at least leave her a comment on something to remind her that I'm alive. Baby steps. But it's less pussified than I've been acting, that's for sure. XD

***Cosmonautical*** · 08-12-2009, 07:44 AM

Ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. Don't intimate that it has to be a date, or not a date, and don't make it your intention that something romantic has to come out of it. Talk to her about things she likes, try not to disagree with her and sound like a jackass if she has firm opinions about certain things. *shrug* The more you stress out about being around her the weirder it's going to make you feel and the more irrational your behavior is going to get.

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 08-12-2009, 08:17 AM

Dood. Just be her friend; something can come of it if you're both interested, but by approaching it in the mindset that you're crushing on her, you'll just make it weird for the both of you. You wouldn't avoid talking to her as a friend via the internet, just like you don't avoid talking to all of us because omg innertubez wut. Be a friend. Hangout. Watch stupid movies and laugh at people and eat pizza. Any future relationship you might have with her will be stronger for the foundation of friendship. And good luck.

**Galefore** · 08-12-2009, 01:06 PM

Wicked advice, guys. I knew I could count on VGF for a good pick-me-up.

Link 456 · 08-12-2009, 01:25 PM

Wow. Looks like love has finally taken a toll on your heart, too.

It sounds like this girl is perfect for you. Hell, you've even said so. It's hard not being so deep of a guy to let her know, though. I think that if you really wanna be with her, then you need to let as much depth as you have in you out. Show her that you really care for her, but not in a way that shows that you want to date her just yet. Get her to trust you, and think of you as a really close and personal friend. Don't get stuck in the friend zone, though. That always backfires. Even if you feel contact through the internet might get annoying, take a little bit of time each day to talk to her. Be it a few minutes or a few hours, just connect with her. That's the best way to get to a girl's heart. Again, show her that you're the guy for her. Show her all the other people trying to get at her aren't anything compared to you. Be there for her, be by her side through the good times and the bad. And once you really think that you guys are ready, make your move. You might wanna make your move in person, though. Over the internet is just kinda...eegghh.

Overall, good luck man. You sound like you really want her and deserve her. I hope to hear the best from you.

**LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT** · 08-24-2009, 02:12 PM

You know what i'm gonna say.

Just ****ing talk to her man and take it easy, ask if you wanna chill out some time or some **** like that.

**Galefore** · 09-12-2009, 09:55 PM

Updates: Eh, not much to tell. I did start talking to her more frequently online, which is nice, but since I lack a method of transportation right now I've been holding off on shooting her an invite to hand out. I did send her an invitation to come with me and a bunch of other people that I know to Six Flags for my senior trip (I have to self-fund because my school is lame, but since it's self-funded I figured a trip with friends would be cooler than a trip by myself). She never responded to that, which was kind of a bummer, but tonight she IMed me. Since I was always the one initiating the conversations before, that was kind of encouraging.

Overall, it seems like this may be a slow thing. It may take a bit for anything to come of it, but I'm not going to rush. It's important to have patience when it comes to this sort of thing, and it's tiny encouragements that keep my patience fresh.

***Cosmonautical*** · 09-14-2009, 09:59 AM

You might not feel that way, but you've got all the time in the world to get to know her and develop a relationship. People aren't some product on the shelf, you know? You don't have to rush out and buy one before everyone else does.

That being said, you don't need to hesitate, either. People waste chances left and right, and then as we all know you'll have 20/20 hindsight, and be pounding your head against the wall.

08-11-2009, 11:13 PM	#1
Galefore EXPLOSION GOD OF MUSIC Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Some studio somewhere Gender: Posts: 8,275 Thanks: 1,361 Thanked 826 Times in 535 Posts Blog Entries: 5	No Longer Confused Not everyone read it, but I mentioned in one of SK's threads a story about a girl I had met at a lock-in and completely let her go without asking her name, despite the fact that she obviously seemed slightly interested in me and that she was pretty much everything I've been looking for in a girl. And I mean to the goddamned tiniest details. I ended up finding her on Facebook (through a coincidence) and then seeing her for a full week at camp. During this period, I drew closer to her, and my crush on her grew from a crush to... I dunno, some really deep feeling. Like, one I don't think I've felt before. This is partially because I suck at expressing 'feelings' due to me being lame. At the time, I knew she had a boyfriend, so I dared not make a move. Rather, I tried to consolidate our friendship. However, many shallow Casanovas constantly surrounded her, making it hard to have a conversation with her. She would try to come and sit with me so that she and I could have a private conversation, but her friends would call her over, or another twenty guys would pile up around us... It was frustrating, but every moment with her I did spend was worth it. Now we are separated by a mere 30 minutes. She's broken up with her boyfriend (although apparently she's talking to someone else), and I do not have a situation in which I could see her or talk to her naturally. Every time I want to send her a message on Facebook, I freeze up and think "maybe she'd get annoyed by me using the internet to speak with her". I am unable to think of a way to see her often and get to know her better, to court her naturally. And that's **ing tearing me up. Sometimes you meet somebody who's ing unreal, but they get away. And you have to live with that. As long as I still have the option to prevent it, though, I'm going to try with all of my heart here. I just need a break, man, because this **'s pretty lame.

08-11-2009, 11:21 PM	#2
Vgfian Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Listening to Seeking 7 Seven and giving out free hugs. :) Gender: Posts: 6,862 Thanks: 2,433 Thanked 398 Times in 311 Posts	Man, sorry to hear about that, it sounds kinda painful, I can kinda feel that through your post. I don't see how speaking through the internet would really make her mad, you are friends after all. But then again, I (don't think) I know this person, so I don't know what the reaction would be... I don't know if that'll help at all. I'm sorry I can't help you much more than that though... You should also try having a bit more self confidence, it'll might help you out a bit. ~~If she was the one who told you about her breaking up, then that might have been a drop of a hint.~~ Like it usually is though, I'm not really the best person to answer. :/ Sorry I couldn't help more.... And like bomby said, "Keep it simple." Hope it works out well. Last edited by Vgfian; 08-11-2009 at 11:32 PM.

08-11-2009, 11:22 PM	#3
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	30 minutes isn't bad at all. You should consider yourself lucky to have someone in such close proximity! Unless she's completely irrational, she won't get annoyed if you use Facebook. Just keep it simple, like "Hey, we should get together sometime" or something like that. I know, it's easy to over think everything, especially when you really feel strongly about someone, but sometimes just being simple and kicking yourself in the ass to make a simple comment is the best way to go. Also, same applies to telling her how you feel, if you choose to do so. Keep it simple.

08-11-2009, 11:29 PM	#4
Galefore EXPLOSION GOD OF MUSIC Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Some studio somewhere Gender: Posts: 8,275 Thanks: 1,361 Thanked 826 Times in 535 Posts Blog Entries: 5	^^She didn't tell me she had broken up, I found out via it showing up in my news feed on Facebook.

08-11-2009, 11:31 PM	#5
Vgfian Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Listening to Seeking 7 Seven and giving out free hugs. :) Gender: Posts: 6,862 Thanks: 2,433 Thanked 398 Times in 311 Posts	Oh, sorry, my bad...

08-11-2009, 11:34 PM	#6
Galefore EXPLOSION GOD OF MUSIC Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Some studio somewhere Gender: Posts: 8,275 Thanks: 1,361 Thanked 826 Times in 535 Posts Blog Entries: 5	@Bomby: Yeah, the slight distance isn't such a problem, and I'm glad it's such a short drive. As for sending her some sort of comment, I'm definitely going to bite the bullet and just do it. I don't know how it'll turn out, but I mean, it's something.

08-11-2009, 11:54 PM	#7
CuccoLady Anime and Cartoons Mod Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: THIS LOCATION REMINDS ME OF A PUZZLE, LUKE Gender: Posts: 9,077 Thanks: 2,825 Thanked 1,222 Times in 822 Posts	Just send her a message and ask if she'd like to get together and hang out sometime. It doesn't have to be anything overly exciting, just... hanging out. Then you can talk to her in person. :{D

08-12-2009, 12:52 AM	#9
Galefore EXPLOSION GOD OF MUSIC Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Some studio somewhere Gender: Posts: 8,275 Thanks: 1,361 Thanked 826 Times in 535 Posts Blog Entries: 5	^I thought about that. As I noted, she seems to have already found some other rebound guy. That is distressing. Yet, it doesn't seem official yet and hopefully I can work something out to make a move before this other guy. I'd rather not have to wait through another boyfriend, but eh. I can be patient if I have to be again. I did at least leave her a comment on something to remind her that I'm alive. Baby steps. But it's less pussified than I've been acting, that's for sure. XD

08-12-2009, 07:44 AM	#10
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	Ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. Don't intimate that it has to be a date, or not a date, and don't make it your intention that something romantic has to come out of it. Talk to her about things she likes, try not to disagree with her and sound like a jackass if she has firm opinions about certain things. shrug The more you stress out about being around her the weirder it's going to make you feel and the more irrational your behavior is going to get.

08-12-2009, 08:17 AM	#11
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Dood. Just be her friend; something can come of it if you're both interested, but by approaching it in the mindset that you're crushing on her, you'll just make it weird for the both of you. You wouldn't avoid talking to her as a friend via the internet, just like you don't avoid talking to all of us because omg innertubez wut. Be a friend. Hangout. Watch stupid movies and laugh at people and eat pizza. Any future relationship you might have with her will be stronger for the foundation of friendship. And good luck.

08-12-2009, 01:06 PM	#12
Galefore EXPLOSION GOD OF MUSIC Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Some studio somewhere Gender: Posts: 8,275 Thanks: 1,361 Thanked 826 Times in 535 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Wicked advice, guys. I knew I could count on VGF for a good pick-me-up.

08-12-2009, 01:25 PM	#13
Link 456 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: The Land of Love Gender: Posts: 2,306 Thanks: 86 Thanked 74 Times in 58 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Wow. Looks like love has finally taken a toll on your heart, too. It sounds like this girl is perfect for you. Hell, you've even said so. It's hard not being so deep of a guy to let her know, though. I think that if you really wanna be with her, then you need to let as much depth as you have in you out. Show her that you really care for her, but not in a way that shows that you want to date her just yet. Get her to trust you, and think of you as a really close and personal friend. Don't get stuck in the friend zone, though. That always backfires. Even if you feel contact through the internet might get annoying, take a little bit of time each day to talk to her. Be it a few minutes or a few hours, just connect with her. That's the best way to get to a girl's heart. Again, show her that you're the guy for her. Show her all the other people trying to get at her aren't anything compared to you. Be there for her, be by her side through the good times and the bad. And once you really think that you guys are ready, make your move. You might wanna make your move in person, though. Over the internet is just kinda...eegghh. Overall, good luck man. You sound like you really want her and deserve her. I hope to hear the best from you.

08-24-2009, 02:12 PM	#14
LASER BEAR ASSAULT UNIT Videos Mod Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: In my pants Gender: Posts: 4,613 Thanks: 2,502 Thanked 767 Times in 422 Posts	You know what i'm gonna say. Just **ing talk to her man and take it easy, ask if you wanna chill out some time or some ** like that.

09-12-2009, 09:55 PM	#15
Galefore EXPLOSION GOD OF MUSIC Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Some studio somewhere Gender: Posts: 8,275 Thanks: 1,361 Thanked 826 Times in 535 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Updates: Eh, not much to tell. I did start talking to her more frequently online, which is nice, but since I lack a method of transportation right now I've been holding off on shooting her an invite to hand out. I did send her an invitation to come with me and a bunch of other people that I know to Six Flags for my senior trip (I have to self-fund because my school is lame, but since it's self-funded I figured a trip with friends would be cooler than a trip by myself). She never responded to that, which was kind of a bummer, but tonight she IMed me. Since I was always the one initiating the conversations before, that was kind of encouraging. Overall, it seems like this may be a slow thing. It may take a bit for anything to come of it, but I'm not going to rush. It's important to have patience when it comes to this sort of thing, and it's tiny encouragements that keep my patience fresh.

09-14-2009, 09:59 AM	#16
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	You might not feel that way, but you've got all the time in the world to get to know her and develop a relationship. People aren't some product on the shelf, you know? You don't have to rush out and buy one before everyone else does. That being said, you don't need to hesitate, either. People waste chances left and right, and then as we all know you'll have 20/20 hindsight, and be pounding your head against the wall.