I think this was the first time someone said "no" BECAUSE of my aspergers

**Crazyswordsman** · 09-13-2009, 10:03 PM

Yes, I know we haven't met, but she said she didn't want to see me JUST BECAUSE of my aspergers. And yes, I will tell them in advance because I don't want to repeat the mistake of waiting and then hearing from a girl that because of my aspergers I will never get a GF. But what she said about not wanting to see me because of my disability is VERY OFFENSIVE to me. I'm beginning to think that other girl was right after all. -CSM

Robotazy · 09-13-2009, 11:52 PM

what?

Do many people even know what aspergers is?

Gawd.

Metal Mario · 09-14-2009, 12:24 AM

I have Asperger's as well. Or at least some form of it. Not to the most severe degree possible, but yeah.

And that other girl was probably right. I mean, I'm 25 years old, and the closest thing I've ever had to a girlfriend was a two-week relationship five years ago. Nothing before or since.

So yeah, Asperger's = screwed.

**Valigarmander** · 09-14-2009, 12:27 AM

The other girl wasn't right, there are still women out there who would date you.

Where exactly are you finding these girls?

**Crazyswordsman** · 09-14-2009, 03:11 AM

^Online. It's the only way I can do it effectively. -CSM

Robotazy · 09-14-2009, 03:13 AM

Well, no duh.

That person may as well have been a guy.

How did you even know she was even remotely interested in you?

Kargath · 09-14-2009, 03:39 AM

Online can work rather well.
Just look at the VGF member currently based in West Australia.

Metal Mario · 09-14-2009, 03:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazyswordsman

^Online. It's the only way I can do it effectively. -CSM

You're still having better luck than I am. I can't even find them online.

t3hDarkness · 09-14-2009, 04:56 AM

last time I tried online, the only girl in 100 miles that matched turned out to be my best friend.

When I asked her out she decided I was joking.

***Cosmonautical*** · 09-14-2009, 09:54 AM

^ nice

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 09-14-2009, 10:00 AM

CSM, you are a perfectly normal man.

Let me say it again: you're normal. You're just a guy. Everyone has problems, because we're people, and that means you're just like the rest of us.

Your Aspergers is only a big deal when you make it a big deal. The very act of being offended by her reaction is your choice, because you could accurately say, "That woman was shallow and make a snap judgement on a single aspect of my personality". It's no different than if you had said you are Jewish/a cyclist/Liberal/have brown eyes/anything, then she rejected you on that aspect alone. It's your choice to tell these people about it, and you make the decision to act like it's going to affect you. You don't have to. They can't catch it. They don't need to do anything special because you have been diagnosed. You're always going to be the same you. They will get to know you, as you are, whether you tell them you have "this whatevers", "that thingermagig", or absolutely nothing.

Having the name "Aspergers" for what you experience just means that you can classify your problems, but we all have our own problems. All of us. I don't have a specific name for my personal issues, but once you recognise if you have a difficulty in some aspect, you can make the choice to work on it and change how you behave, how you respond. A syndrome or condition like this doesn't rule your life, unless you let it. You can actively change how you feel. You can. You already know you can, because look at how forthright and confident you have become. I remember when you honestly believed you could never go on a date with a woman because of Aspergers, but you overcame that misconception and you overcame that fear, and have experienced and learnt and come out the other side as a better person.

My advice? Don't tell them. What difference will it make? What do you get from telling them, aside from being able to hide behind the word? When you tell them later that you were diagnosed, if they give any kind of a damn about you, it won't matter. You don't need "Aspergers" as an excuse for how you feel; we all have emotions. You can confront all your fears that relate to your problems, just like the rest of us confront our own when we enter the scary world of "I'm going to date you and expose myself to the possibility of hurt because that's how romance rocks, man".

You are not your syndrome. You are CSM (imagine I said your real name there, okay?

). You are a collective of many things. Have strength in everything that makes you who you are. Don't limit yourself to just the 'spergers.

***CaptHayfever*** · 09-14-2009, 01:32 PM

And because I have completely lost the ability to filter my thoughts...
You are not a gun. You are who you choose to be. Now choose!

And remember, "I'm-a CSM, number one!"

Speed · 09-14-2009, 06:37 PM

If I was a woman I'd date CGV.

What?

**Crazyswordsman** · 09-14-2009, 08:07 PM

I don't have brown eyes; I have blue-green eyes thank you very much

Essdee, thank you once again. You are always extremely sweet. However I should let you know that if I hide it and tell them later it always yields more disastrous results. And I do try to have a lot of strength in what I do, but sometimes it can be hard for me to meet people, and that's my #2 priority in life (my #1 is obviously my job). -CSM

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 09-14-2009, 11:52 PM

It's not even that you have to intentionally hide it, but you don't need to lay it out on the table at step one, you know? I wouldn't start out dating someone by listing my medical conditions. That's generally something fairly private in the first place, so bringing it up later, once you've really gotten to know someone, is totally fine to do. Once things have progressed, you can casually bring it up. A shrug, "I was diagnosed with Aspergers, but I try not to let that effect my life", and it shouldn't be a huge deal.

***Cosmonautical*** · 09-15-2009, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptHayfever

And because I have completely lost the ability to filter my thoughts...
You are not a gun. You are who you choose to be. Now choose!

And remember, "I'm-a CSM, number one!"

YOUR CHOICES ARE GUN OR SUPERMAN

09-13-2009, 10:03 PM	#1
Crazyswordsman This key doesn't work. Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 10,791 Thanks: 1,019 Thanked 686 Times in 467 Posts	I think this was the first time someone said "no" BECAUSE of my aspergers Yes, I know we haven't met, but she said she didn't want to see me JUST BECAUSE of my aspergers. And yes, I will tell them in advance because I don't want to repeat the mistake of waiting and then hearing from a girl that because of my aspergers I will never get a GF. But what she said about not wanting to see me because of my disability is VERY OFFENSIVE to me. I'm beginning to think that other girl was right after all. -CSM

09-13-2009, 11:52 PM	#2
Robotazy PRESS ANY KEY TO PANIC! Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: A Tiny Shed Gender: Posts: 16,483 Thanks: 529 Thanked 1,254 Times in 897 Posts Blog Entries: 46	what? Do many people even know what aspergers is? Gawd.

09-14-2009, 12:24 AM	#3
Metal Mario Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 1999 Gender: Posts: 16,435 Thanks: 72 Thanked 190 Times in 127 Posts	I have Asperger's as well. Or at least some form of it. Not to the most severe degree possible, but yeah. And that other girl was probably right. I mean, I'm 25 years old, and the closest thing I've ever had to a girlfriend was a two-week relationship five years ago. Nothing before or since. So yeah, Asperger's = screwed.

09-14-2009, 12:27 AM	#4
Valigarmander The Bee's Knees Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The land of rain and trees (Oregon) Gender: Posts: 29,755 Thanks: 1,649 Thanked 5,700 Times in 2,580 Posts Blog Entries: 20	The other girl wasn't right, there are still women out there who would date you. Where exactly are you finding these girls?

09-14-2009, 03:11 AM	#5
Crazyswordsman This key doesn't work. Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 10,791 Thanks: 1,019 Thanked 686 Times in 467 Posts	^Online. It's the only way I can do it effectively. -CSM

09-14-2009, 03:13 AM	#6
Robotazy PRESS ANY KEY TO PANIC! Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: A Tiny Shed Gender: Posts: 16,483 Thanks: 529 Thanked 1,254 Times in 897 Posts Blog Entries: 46	Well, no duh. That person may as well have been a guy. How did you even know she was even remotely interested in you?

09-14-2009, 03:39 AM	#7
Kargath et in Arcadia ego Join Date: Jul 2001 Gender: Posts: 8,334 Thanks: 1,226 Thanked 780 Times in 488 Posts	Online can work rather well. Just look at the VGF member currently based in West Australia.

09-14-2009, 04:56 AM	#9
t3hDarkness Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: I weep oily black tears of joy. Gender: Posts: 7,590 Thanks: 119 Thanked 418 Times in 306 Posts Blog Entries: 5	last time I tried online, the only girl in 100 miles that matched turned out to be my best friend. When I asked her out she decided I was joking.

09-14-2009, 09:54 AM	#10
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	^ nice

09-14-2009, 10:00 AM	#11
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	CSM, you are a perfectly normal man. Let me say it again: you're normal. You're just a guy. Everyone has problems, because we're people, and that means you're just like the rest of us. Your Aspergers is only a big deal when you make it a big deal. The very act of being offended by her reaction is your choice, because you could accurately say, "That woman was shallow and make a snap judgement on a single aspect of my personality". It's no different than if you had said you are Jewish/a cyclist/Liberal/have brown eyes/anything, then she rejected you on that aspect alone. It's your choice to tell these people about it, and you make the decision to act like it's going to affect you. You don't have to. They can't catch it. They don't need to do anything special because you have been diagnosed. You're always going to be the same you. They will get to know you, as you are, whether you tell them you have "this whatevers", "that thingermagig", or absolutely nothing. Having the name "Aspergers" for what you experience just means that you can classify your problems, but we all have our own problems. All of us. I don't have a specific name for my personal issues, but once you recognise if you have a difficulty in some aspect, you can make the choice to work on it and change how you behave, how you respond. A syndrome or condition like this doesn't rule your life, unless you let it. You can actively change how you feel. You can. You already know you can, because look at how forthright and confident you have become. I remember when you honestly believed you could never go on a date with a woman because of Aspergers, but you overcame that misconception and you overcame that fear, and have experienced and learnt and come out the other side as a better person. My advice? Don't tell them. What difference will it make? What do you get from telling them, aside from being able to hide behind the word? When you tell them later that you were diagnosed, if they give any kind of a damn about you, it won't matter. You don't need "Aspergers" as an excuse for how you feel; we all have emotions. You can confront all your fears that relate to your problems, just like the rest of us confront our own when we enter the scary world of "I'm going to date you and expose myself to the possibility of hurt because that's how romance rocks, man". You are not your syndrome. You are CSM (imagine I said your real name there, okay? ). You are a collective of many things. Have strength in everything that makes you who you are. Don't limit yourself to just the 'spergers.

09-14-2009, 01:32 PM	#12
*CaptHayfever* Smash SuperMod Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: (n) - the place where I am Gender: Posts: 27,659 Thanks: 1,991 Thanked 2,486 Times in 1,513 Posts	And because I have completely lost the ability to filter my thoughts... You are not a gun. You are who you choose to be. Now choose! And remember, "I'm-a CSM, number one!"

09-14-2009, 06:37 PM	#13
Speed Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: If there's a bright center to the universe I'm on the planet it's farthest from Gender: Posts: 3,747 Thanks: 1,598 Thanked 320 Times in 224 Posts Blog Entries: 1	If I was a woman I'd date CGV. What?

09-14-2009, 08:07 PM	#14
Crazyswordsman This key doesn't work. Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 10,791 Thanks: 1,019 Thanked 686 Times in 467 Posts	I don't have brown eyes; I have blue-green eyes thank you very much Essdee, thank you once again. You are always extremely sweet. However I should let you know that if I hide it and tell them later it always yields more disastrous results. And I do try to have a lot of strength in what I do, but sometimes it can be hard for me to meet people, and that's my #2 priority in life (my #1 is obviously my job). -CSM

09-14-2009, 11:52 PM	#15
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	It's not even that you have to intentionally hide it, but you don't need to lay it out on the table at step one, you know? I wouldn't start out dating someone by listing my medical conditions. That's generally something fairly private in the first place, so bringing it up later, once you've really gotten to know someone, is totally fine to do. Once things have progressed, you can casually bring it up. A shrug, "I was diagnosed with Aspergers, but I try not to let that effect my life", and it shouldn't be a huge deal.