Dunno What To Think

Alex · 11-01-2009, 02:31 PM

I figured that I would be over this by now, but the feelings won't let me be...

This past May, my gf cheated on me with someone I THOUGHT was my friend. I had seen it coming and tried my best to prevent it, even (foolishly) trying to help him with his problems. In the end, the met up in the woods one day after work and gave it a good ol' "bj and a handy." (Nobody finished, but still. It hurt when I found out.) She apologized and I forgave her. It's been a while now and it's not really him I'm worried about. She's been talking to this guy that she met around the same time she met me. They've been good friends, but he's confessed his love for her on numerous occasions. He's scared to meet me because I know that he likes her. She's told me that he's kissed her before and whenever he texts her, she deletes the message, 7 times out of 10. Even when I get a chance to "snoop" through her messages, it seems that the only people she texts are me, her cousin, and occasional co-workers.

I feel bad for feeling this way, but I love this girl to death and I'm pretty much set on marrying this girl some day. But I don't wanna lose her.

The details I got from the affair that she had before were that he was well-endowed and good at making people feel sorry for him. She claims it was a "pity f*ck" butthe whole endowment thing seems like a big factor as well. (no pun intended) I'm not saying I'm small, but dammit if I could choose then I'd make myself bigger. Apparently this guy was at least around the 10 inch marker.

My main problem is he question of "Will she cheat on me again?" I know I should trust her more and I feel terrible for being suspicious. But, as I've said, I love her more than life itself. Do you guys think that she might stray again? Not specificly with the same person, but anyone at all?

The Spark · 11-01-2009, 03:01 PM

I'm not sure but I doubt snooping through her stuff is helping.

User Name · 11-01-2009, 03:28 PM

I think that one time cheating can be forgiven, but if she's prone to cheating, something has to change. You don't want to be with someone who can't be with you 100% heart and mind. Especially since you want to marry her. You're looking for a commitment, but is she?

Maybe you should talk to her and ask her where she sees your relationship going and how far into her future she sees you. You both may want totally different things. If your suspicious, you probably have a right to be, but don't snoop. If she catches you, you risk it all. Ask her. I think communication is your best bet at this point.

Kil'jaeden · 11-01-2009, 06:21 PM

If she's betrayed you once already, maybe twice, then it is more likely to happen again. And, even if she keeps faith, your suspicions toward her will last, even if they aren't on the surface all the time. Every action or thought will be overblown, everything will become a reason to suspect something or to argue. That's what usually happens. I have seen some pretty screwed up situations(I mean really messed up), and somehow the people involved (all of them close to me, so it did involve me in a way) managed to resolve it, but I can tell that it still nags at them. If this is the pattern your relationship has taken so far, then I doubt it will go well. You may as well just ask her about this straight up, and get the results over with. Waiting is only going to be harder on you.

User Name · 11-01-2009, 06:36 PM

Kil's right. But if you love her and want to make it work, get the facts. Don't necessarily give up yet.

11-01-2009, 02:31 PM	#1
Alex Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Tally-ho! Gender: Posts: 2,727 Thanks: 130 Thanked 100 Times in 87 Posts	Dunno What To Think I figured that I would be over this by now, but the feelings won't let me be... This past May, my gf cheated on me with someone I THOUGHT was my friend. I had seen it coming and tried my best to prevent it, even (foolishly) trying to help him with his problems. In the end, the met up in the woods one day after work and gave it a good ol' "bj and a handy." (Nobody finished, but still. It hurt when I found out.) She apologized and I forgave her. It's been a while now and it's not really him I'm worried about. She's been talking to this guy that she met around the same time she met me. They've been good friends, but he's confessed his love for her on numerous occasions. He's scared to meet me because I know that he likes her. She's told me that he's kissed her before and whenever he texts her, she deletes the message, 7 times out of 10. Even when I get a chance to "snoop" through her messages, it seems that the only people she texts are me, her cousin, and occasional co-workers. I feel bad for feeling this way, but I love this girl to death and I'm pretty much set on marrying this girl some day. But I don't wanna lose her. The details I got from the affair that she had before were that he was well-endowed and good at making people feel sorry for him. She claims it was a "pity f*ck" butthe whole endowment thing seems like a big factor as well. (no pun intended) I'm not saying I'm small, but dammit if I could choose then I'd make myself bigger. Apparently this guy was at least around the 10 inch marker. My main problem is he question of "Will she cheat on me again?" I know I should trust her more and I feel terrible for being suspicious. But, as I've said, I love her more than life itself. Do you guys think that she might stray again? Not specificly with the same person, but anyone at all?

11-01-2009, 06:36 PM	#5
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	Kil's right. But if you love her and want to make it work, get the facts. Don't necessarily give up yet. Last edited by User Name; 11-01-2009 at 06:42 PM.

11-01-2009, 03:01 PM	#2
The Spark Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: At the bottom of the shipping address list Gender: Posts: 1,743 Thanks: 156 Thanked 74 Times in 54 Posts	I'm not sure but I doubt snooping through her stuff is helping.

11-01-2009, 03:28 PM	#3
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	I think that one time cheating can be forgiven, but if she's prone to cheating, something has to change. You don't want to be with someone who can't be with you 100% heart and mind. Especially since you want to marry her. You're looking for a commitment, but is she? Maybe you should talk to her and ask her where she sees your relationship going and how far into her future she sees you. You both may want totally different things. If your suspicious, you probably have a right to be, but don't snoop. If she catches you, you risk it all. Ask her. I think communication is your best bet at this point.

11-01-2009, 06:21 PM	#4
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	If she's betrayed you once already, maybe twice, then it is more likely to happen again. And, even if she keeps faith, your suspicions toward her will last, even if they aren't on the surface all the time. Every action or thought will be overblown, everything will become a reason to suspect something or to argue. That's what usually happens. I have seen some pretty screwed up situations(I mean really messed up), and somehow the people involved (all of them close to me, so it did involve me in a way) managed to resolve it, but I can tell that it still nags at them. If this is the pattern your relationship has taken so far, then I doubt it will go well. You may as well just ask her about this straight up, and get the results over with. Waiting is only going to be harder on you.