I Feel Terrible

Sean P Kelly · 12-20-2009, 09:24 AM

I often joke to myself that I "skipped right to the break-up" when a courtship with a girl doesn't work out.

I'm not joking now.

A little over a month a go I met a girl online and it seemed to be going fine. We had a couple of dates, talked everyday, and seemingly got along well.

It was going so well that I let my guard down and began believing the fact that this was going to lead somewhere.

Long story short, a couple days ago I find out (indirectly) that she "chose someone else" and I quietly left her life in disappointment.

I know I probably got ahead of myself in my expectations, but it just truly seemed like there was a real chance with this one.

Well, I'm definitely giving up online dating after this (for the record, this was the third failed online connection in six months).

I just have to try now and get over the disappointment (if it only wasn't so close to the holidays).

***The Doctor*** · 12-20-2009, 10:56 AM

I've know a few people that have found love with online dating (and have ending up getting married.) So don't give up together with it. As long as you just keep positive. And try not to get ahead of youself.

***CaptHayfever*** · 12-20-2009, 04:15 PM

Sean, allow me to explain something to you: This was a positive, healthy experience (especially compared to any of my stories). The expectation that it was going somewhere was completely reasonable, given the circumstances. You thought there was a real chance because, honestly, there was a real chance; it just didn't happen. You had a good time, so did she, but it just didn't work out. You did nothing wrong, & ultimately, no tragedy befell anyone.* Don't let this break you down; instead, use it to build yourself up.

Chin up, buddy.

*Granted, she should've told you herself about choosing another guy, but that's just common courtesy.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

t3hDarkness · 12-20-2009, 04:26 PM

I wish I could have a peaceful breakup.

She did not turn out to be a lesbian or sleep with your boss or roommates and she did not specifically go out of her way to tear out your heart and crush it.

You are doing better than me by far.

Perrin Aybara · 12-29-2009, 10:30 PM

As the Capt' said, you just need to look for the positives in your experience and learn from what you have done.

You just have to keep putting yourself out there. Let life happen.

Although I'm a little confused by the "finding indirectly that she chose someone else." You'd think if you were dating and talking for a while, she'd at least have the maturity to talk to you about what her situation is. (If she's really seeing someone else or not.)

Blah blah blah, let it be, turn turn turn, circle of life, i would walk five hundred miles, and all that jazz.

-jay

**Crazyswordsman** · 12-29-2009, 10:40 PM

Ay ay ay ay, Sean. I know that feeling ALL too well, especially after establishing a connection. It's a sad world but it's true. I feel especially bad because she didn't tell you up front. But don't give up. Keep fighting the good fight, Sean. I'm still up and fighting even though I've failed miserably most of the time. Soon you'll meet someone who appreciates the good, accomplished person you really are. -CSM

Metal Mario · 12-30-2009, 12:12 AM

Hell, boy, at least you can get a date every once in a while. That's more than I can manage.

Pyropunk · 01-01-2010, 07:05 PM

Like a lot of people said: Use it as a positive experience to change things.

For the record, the guy i'm dating? I met online... hotornot.com to be exact. Actually, I met several guys off of there and dated a few of them, as well as yahoo and aim. Some of them worked out for the worse, some of them, especially this one, worked out for the best and I got some of the greatest friends from it! Honestly, I was never "looking to date" just for people to hang out.... than we became friends, and some of us dated, but I think if you look at it from a non-dating stand point at first, it might help a bit. Not sure. BUT just giving you how I looked at it

I always enjoyed company and hanging out with new people and there were the added bonuses. Don't sweat a relationship too much, when the right one comes along, it will be worth all the waiting.

I wish you luck in your endeavors and hope things work out for you in the future

GO GET EM TIGER! I mean... don't do what the human Tiger did... the animal tiger... the.. well you get it... jeeezzzz :P

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 01-02-2010, 12:47 AM

Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with letting yourself be optimistic about a relationship. Maybe she was afraid of how you would react if she tried to tell you she didn't want to continue seeing you. That's not to say anything about you, she might have just been nervous in general, though it could be that she got the impression you would take it badly. Just keep an open mind and look to the future. Dating lots of different people before meeting your someone special is totally normal. Good luck next time!

***Cosmonautical*** · 01-02-2010, 01:54 AM

Yeah, positive is the key. Focus on the good parts of the experience, and try to see what you can take from it. Don't let it make you paranoid, and don't think of it as "I'll always be alone I drive everyone away" - it's just the challenge of making yourself compatible and capable.

And try to keep in mind that it's not about finding anyone that will date you, it's abotu finding the one that's permanent. Some people don't do dating at all, they just know when they've got a keeper. You're putting yourself at a disadvantage if you have to constantly be working on a relationship - you want to be a happy person by yourself before you can be a happy person with a relationship.

Swordmaster Link · 01-02-2010, 03:19 AM

Ugh, someone always hits at my main point before I can post. Aside from what has already been said, I would highlight AI's point about being happy by yourself before being happy in a relationship. From this topic and those of the past, what I can ascertain is that for some reason you think you are less deserving of the happiness that so many others experience. I'm not really sure where you get this from, but it's false. A big part of any relationship (IMO) is the fact that you have to have respect for yourself if you hope to pursue any kind of meaningful bond with anyone else. I can't pinpoint when it was, but I remember saying something similar a while back...*shrug*

ZeldaGirl · 01-02-2010, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jonathon Larson, RENT

You'll never share real love, until you love yourself. I should know.

I've quoted this before...

Sean P Kelly · 01-16-2010, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perrin Aybara

I'm a little confused by the "finding indirectly that she chose someone else."

I should explain that. It was simply a case of checking her Facebook profile one day and seeing that her relationship status was changed to "In a Relationship" and me realizing that it was not with me.

I also noticed some "warning signs" the week before when she began responding to my messages less often.

***CaptHayfever*** · 01-16-2010, 02:05 PM

Really!? That's how she did it? Screw that b****, man; you deserve better.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

Perrin Aybara · 01-17-2010, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capt

Really!? That's how she did it? Screw that b****, man; you deserve better.

-jay

ZeldaGirl · 01-17-2010, 01:22 PM

Yeah, any woman who will go on a few dates with you, then enter a relationship with someone else without telling you is NOT worth it. Trust me, you're better off without her.

CuccoLady · 01-17-2010, 02:06 PM

Yeah, that's not okay. If she wanted to move on or whatever for whatever reason, she has a responsibility to tell you up front. You deserve someone who will be honest with you. Just remember the good times in the relationship, and don't feel bad about anything-- you weren't the one in the wrong here.

**Valigarmander** · 01-17-2010, 02:31 PM

You can do better than her. You can do a lot better. Just keep going at it, and try to get a good feel for the kind of person a girl is before you decide to date her.

There's plenty more fish in the sea, and not all of them are barracuda.

12-20-2009, 09:24 AM	#1
Sean P Kelly Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Toronto, ON, Canada Gender: Posts: 3,789 Thanks: 19 Thanked 58 Times in 46 Posts	I Feel Terrible I often joke to myself that I "skipped right to the break-up" when a courtship with a girl doesn't work out. I'm not joking now. A little over a month a go I met a girl online and it seemed to be going fine. We had a couple of dates, talked everyday, and seemingly got along well. It was going so well that I let my guard down and began believing the fact that this was going to lead somewhere. Long story short, a couple days ago I find out (indirectly) that she "chose someone else" and I quietly left her life in disappointment. I know I probably got ahead of myself in my expectations, but it just truly seemed like there was a real chance with this one. Well, I'm definitely giving up online dating after this (for the record, this was the third failed online connection in six months). I just have to try now and get over the disappointment (if it only wasn't so close to the holidays).

12-20-2009, 10:56 AM	#2
*The Doctor* The Last Timelord. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In the TARDIS Gender: Posts: 13,880 Thanks: 915 Thanked 656 Times in 426 Posts Blog Entries: 1	I've know a few people that have found love with online dating (and have ending up getting married.) So don't give up together with it. As long as you just keep positive. And try not to get ahead of youself.

12-20-2009, 04:15 PM	#3
*CaptHayfever* Smash SuperMod Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: (n) - the place where I am Gender: Posts: 27,659 Thanks: 1,991 Thanked 2,486 Times in 1,513 Posts	Sean, allow me to explain something to you: This was a positive, healthy experience (especially compared to any of my stories). The expectation that it was going somewhere was completely reasonable, given the circumstances. You thought there was a real chance because, honestly, there was a real chance; it just didn't happen. You had a good time, so did she, but it just didn't work out. You did nothing wrong, & ultimately, no tragedy befell anyone.* Don't let this break you down; instead, use it to build yourself up. Chin up, buddy. *Granted, she should've told you herself about choosing another guy, but that's just common courtesy. And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

12-20-2009, 04:26 PM	#4
t3hDarkness Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: I weep oily black tears of joy. Gender: Posts: 7,590 Thanks: 119 Thanked 418 Times in 306 Posts Blog Entries: 5	I wish I could have a peaceful breakup. She did not turn out to be a lesbian or sleep with your boss or roommates and she did not specifically go out of her way to tear out your heart and crush it. You are doing better than me by far.

12-29-2009, 10:30 PM	#5
Perrin Aybara Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 1999 Location: Alone....so terribly alone... Some... where... out... there... dies Gender: Posts: 12,760 Thanks: 194 Thanked 504 Times in 235 Posts	As the Capt' said, you just need to look for the positives in your experience and learn from what you have done. You just have to keep putting yourself out there. Let life happen. Although I'm a little confused by the "finding indirectly that she chose someone else." You'd think if you were dating and talking for a while, she'd at least have the maturity to talk to you about what her situation is. (If she's really seeing someone else or not.) Blah blah blah, let it be, turn turn turn, circle of life, i would walk five hundred miles, and all that jazz. -jay

12-29-2009, 10:40 PM	#6
Crazyswordsman This key doesn't work. Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 10,791 Thanks: 1,019 Thanked 686 Times in 467 Posts	Ay ay ay ay, Sean. I know that feeling ALL too well, especially after establishing a connection. It's a sad world but it's true. I feel especially bad because she didn't tell you up front. But don't give up. Keep fighting the good fight, Sean. I'm still up and fighting even though I've failed miserably most of the time. Soon you'll meet someone who appreciates the good, accomplished person you really are. -CSM

12-30-2009, 12:12 AM	#7
Metal Mario Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 1999 Gender: Posts: 16,435 Thanks: 72 Thanked 190 Times in 127 Posts	Hell, boy, at least you can get a date every once in a while. That's more than I can manage.

01-01-2010, 07:05 PM	#8
Pyropunk Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Orlando, FL Gender: Posts: 367 Thanks: 139 Thanked 26 Times in 25 Posts	Like a lot of people said: Use it as a positive experience to change things. For the record, the guy i'm dating? I met online... hotornot.com to be exact. Actually, I met several guys off of there and dated a few of them, as well as yahoo and aim. Some of them worked out for the worse, some of them, especially this one, worked out for the best and I got some of the greatest friends from it! Honestly, I was never "looking to date" just for people to hang out.... than we became friends, and some of us dated, but I think if you look at it from a non-dating stand point at first, it might help a bit. Not sure. BUT just giving you how I looked at it I always enjoyed company and hanging out with new people and there were the added bonuses. Don't sweat a relationship too much, when the right one comes along, it will be worth all the waiting. I wish you luck in your endeavors and hope things work out for you in the future GO GET EM TIGER! I mean... don't do what the human Tiger did... the animal tiger... the.. well you get it... jeeezzzz :P

01-02-2010, 12:47 AM	#9
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with letting yourself be optimistic about a relationship. Maybe she was afraid of how you would react if she tried to tell you she didn't want to continue seeing you. That's not to say anything about you, she might have just been nervous in general, though it could be that she got the impression you would take it badly. Just keep an open mind and look to the future. Dating lots of different people before meeting your someone special is totally normal. Good luck next time!

01-02-2010, 01:54 AM	#10
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	Yeah, positive is the key. Focus on the good parts of the experience, and try to see what you can take from it. Don't let it make you paranoid, and don't think of it as "I'll always be alone I drive everyone away" - it's just the challenge of making yourself compatible and capable. And try to keep in mind that it's not about finding anyone that will date you, it's abotu finding the one that's permanent. Some people don't do dating at all, they just know when they've got a keeper. You're putting yourself at a disadvantage if you have to constantly be working on a relationship - you want to be a happy person by yourself before you can be a happy person with a relationship.

01-02-2010, 03:19 AM	#11
Swordmaster Link Super Bodyguard & King of the Arcade Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Wherever you want me to be Gender: Posts: 32,132 Thanks: 253 Thanked 951 Times in 640 Posts Blog Entries: 2	Ugh, someone always hits at my main point before I can post. Aside from what has already been said, I would highlight AI's point about being happy by yourself before being happy in a relationship. From this topic and those of the past, what I can ascertain is that for some reason you think you are less deserving of the happiness that so many others experience. I'm not really sure where you get this from, but it's false. A big part of any relationship (IMO) is the fact that you have to have respect for yourself if you hope to pursue any kind of meaningful bond with anyone else. I can't pinpoint when it was, but I remember saying something similar a while back...shrug

01-16-2010, 02:05 PM	#14
*CaptHayfever* Smash SuperMod Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: (n) - the place where I am Gender: Posts: 27,659 Thanks: 1,991 Thanked 2,486 Times in 1,513 Posts	Really!? That's how she did it? Screw that b****, man; you deserve better. And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

01-17-2010, 01:22 PM	#16
ZeldaGirl Awesome member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Why do YOU want to know...? Gender: Posts: 15,896 Thanks: 1,130 Thanked 1,919 Times in 1,046 Posts	Yeah, any woman who will go on a few dates with you, then enter a relationship with someone else without telling you is NOT worth it. Trust me, you're better off without her.

01-17-2010, 02:06 PM	#17
CuccoLady Anime and Cartoons Mod Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: THIS LOCATION REMINDS ME OF A PUZZLE, LUKE Gender: Posts: 9,077 Thanks: 2,825 Thanked 1,222 Times in 822 Posts	Yeah, that's not okay. If she wanted to move on or whatever for whatever reason, she has a responsibility to tell you up front. You deserve someone who will be honest with you. Just remember the good times in the relationship, and don't feel bad about anything-- you weren't the one in the wrong here.

01-17-2010, 02:31 PM	#18
Valigarmander The Bee's Knees Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The land of rain and trees (Oregon) Gender: Posts: 29,755 Thanks: 1,649 Thanked 5,700 Times in 2,580 Posts Blog Entries: 20	You can do better than her. You can do a lot better. Just keep going at it, and try to get a good feel for the kind of person a girl is before you decide to date her. There's plenty more fish in the sea, and not all of them are barracuda.