Random Observations About Online Dating

Sean P Kelly · 02-18-2010, 10:03 AM

Girls have the Pick of the Litter - It's a proven fact that girls will often get more than ten times the messages than guys and they tend to be very picky about who they reply to.
Paysites are Not Better - While paying the extortionate price ($40 for a month!) may give off the impression that you are more serious, the girls are just as picky at those sites (probably more so).
It's Easy to Scare People Off - Even if you have a good rapport going in your messages, if you say one wrong thing you will never hear from them again.
It's Unbelievably Hard to Move the Relationship Offline - In the last year, I managed to meet three people via online dating. Only one of those meetings resulted in a follow-up and you know how that ended.

Sometime I don't know why I still try it.

***The Doctor*** · 02-18-2010, 12:44 PM

Okay, I've been wanting to post this for a while.

But I do online dating too. To me, correct me if you don't, but you seem to see online dating sites as the only way to find someone in this world.

It's a dating site. So treat it as one. On your profile don't claim that the dating site is your last chance for love, just saying your "looking for friendship and let's just see what happens."

Out of the hundreds that I've send messages to (to gals, that I have stuff with lots and little in common with) only a few have gotten to my MSN list, and four to my facebook.
I've been on dates with three of them
Two went on to second date.
And one of those went onto a third date, and the other is planning on a third date with me (even though, she actually said to me that she wasn't interested in a third date with me, but wanted to continue a friendship.)

Although, I'm still single. I still continue to speak to them, and be their friends. I think this is why the other gal I went on a second date now wants a third (possibly wrong there, but hey if she didn't want a third date and now does, I willing.)

Yeah, girls have the pick of the litter. But you can do something to put you at the top. I was speaking to one of them, and she told me that I was the only person she ever replied too. I wouldn't conside myself that special but I was the only one on there that spoke to her properly, and not like a stalker/pervert/jock.

Don't think "It's Easy to Scare People Off". You're just weeding out the ones that aren't right for you. If they stop talking to you because you don't like getting smashed on alcohol every night or like the colour yellow. You're better off without them. 100% fact.

Paysites are better. For the simple fact that the gals there aren't after a booty call (since that's all I've ever seen on free sites.) *shrugs*

So yeah. Keep trying it, as well as trying hobbies that gets you to meet new people too (I.E. Yoga, some martial arts (you have to choose wisely which martial art to do tho, Capoeira has a great mix of genders.) Dancing lessons, book clubs, etc).

Keep positive, keep at it, and keep calm (don't think every girl that you have a date with is the one, basically.)

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · 02-18-2010, 01:01 PM

I heard World of Warcraft is actually a pretty good way to meet girls online.

**Loot** · 02-18-2010, 02:29 PM

^ Get onto a huge server in your time zone and you're bound to meet somebody.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · 02-18-2010, 02:32 PM

Yeah, and not just that, but you already have an interest in common.

t3hDarkness · 02-18-2010, 02:36 PM

Didn't someone post an article about that a few weeks ago?

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · 02-18-2010, 02:47 PM

^ About WoW dating?

**Valigarmander** · 02-18-2010, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sean P Kelly

Girls have the Pick of the Litter - It's a proven fact that girls will often get more than ten times the messages than guys and they tend to be very picky about who they reply to.

It's that way in real life too.

Sean P Kelly · 02-18-2010, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Doctor

To me, correct me if you don't, but you seem to see online dating sites as the only way to find someone in this world.

I have Asperger's so that's not that far from the truth.

**S1x** · 02-18-2010, 06:35 PM

^ Huge tip: Stop treating that as a crutch for your life.

That is all.

Sean P Kelly · 02-18-2010, 11:50 PM

^ The very fact that I am using online dating is my way of trying to overcome my asperger's.

If I was truly using it as a crutch, I would just outright give up trying to find a girlfriend. I have been single all my life and it astonishes me how easy relationships seem for some people. For me, it can be easier to believe that I would live a lonely life than have a relationship with someone.

Online dating allows me take my time and try to overcome to overwhelming inhibitions that plagues my normal social life (when I saw overwhelming, I mean to the point of nausea).

So, next time you tell me not to treat my disability as a crutch, make sure that I am.

**S1x** · 02-19-2010, 12:31 AM

Then why are you so attached to this "disability" of yours? Why keep bringing it up? It doesn't stop you from doing anything any other person could, it just means you need to work on some things more heavily than others.

Interacting with people online and face-to-face, while not alike, still have something critical in common: yourself. Based on what you've posted before, the biggest obstacle so far doesn't even involve relationships; it's your outlook about yourself. Work on that and it will likely improve results in both online and offline cases.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · 02-19-2010, 02:54 AM

^ Crutch or reality-check? If he's honest with himself, he'll know. It doesn't always have to be a case of inertia bias, but it could be. I dunno him but there's my two cents.

Sean P Kelly · 02-19-2010, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by S1x of Spades

Then why are you so attached to this "disability" of yours? Why keep bringing it up? It doesn't stop you from doing anything any other person could, it just means you need to work on some things more heavily than others.

I keep bringing it up, because I accepted it as a part of my life and it will always be part of who I am.

As much as I try to explain, you'll probably never be able to understand what I am going through. It's really something that you have to experience first-hand. Just believe me when I say that it is not something I can easily overcome.

**S1x** · 02-19-2010, 08:42 AM

It's not easy, but it's still quite possible. I'm sure of it.

Before you reply again, listen carefully to what I've said and figure out why I am sure.

(anybody that knows, don't spoil it)

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 02-19-2010, 08:47 AM

Sean, never insult someone out of the blue like that again. "Hey jerk" is no way to address anyone.

Ever consider there are people here at VGF who have Apergers, and don't mention it? I know of a couple who have only told their close friends they were diagnosed. I've even seen some of them try to give you advice, too. Don't be so damn quick to pick a fight over it. The whole "you don't know what I go through" might never be as true as you think, and you're just being mean about it.

YOU are letting Aspergers run your life. No one else is. You. "Acceptance" does not equal "will bring it up at every oportunity as my reason for everything". Your medical condition isn't debilitating, it's just a hinderance.

As for the topic: girls are pickier about online dating because people online act like creeps. I'm not saying you do, I'm saying there are hundreds of thousands of men (and women) online who will be a total slimy bastard because you're female. It's only prudent to be careful about who you reply to. Online dating can be scary.

Also, physiologically, we are pretty much a species who dictates mating through the female's choice; the men have to be peacocks and parade around to win the lady's attention. *shrug* Kind of just puts things into perspective.

Sean P Kelly · 02-19-2010, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds

Sean, never insult someone out of the blue like that again. "Hey jerk" is no way to address anyone

Sorry, I'm easily insulted.

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 02-19-2010, 09:22 AM

Don't apologise to me. I'm not the one you were rude to. Easily insulted or not, S1x didn't deserve that and you knew it wasn't appropriate when you said it. Particularly because you would hate it if someone addressed you that way.

***Cosmonautical*** · 02-19-2010, 10:26 AM

I address Sean that way all the time. He likes it.

CodenameV · 02-19-2010, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds

Sean, never insult someone out of the blue like that again. "Hey jerk" is no way to address anyone.

Ever consider there are people here at VGF who have Apergers, and don't mention it? I know of a couple who have only told their close friends they were diagnosed. I've even seen some of them try to give you advice, too. Don't be so damn quick to pick a fight over it. The whole "you don't know what I go through" might never be as true as you think, and you're just being mean about it.

YOU are letting Aspergers run your life. No one else is. You. "Acceptance" does not equal "will bring it up at every oportunity as my reason for everything". Your medical condition isn't debilitating, it's just a hinderance.

As for the topic: girls are pickier about online dating because people online act like creeps. I'm not saying you do, I'm saying there are hundreds of thousands of men (and women) online who will be a total slimy bastard because you're female. It's only prudent to be careful about who you reply to. Online dating can be scary.

Also, physiologically, we are pretty much a species who dictates mating through the female's choice; the men have to be peacocks and parade around to win the lady's attention. *shrug* Kind of just puts things into perspective.

Hell, I have aspergers. I just don't really mention it; it's not that bad, and I just keep it in check as best as I can. Sure, it sometimes leads me to rant about something that people might not even care about for ages; but hell, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And thank god, there's at least one person out of a group who knows exactly what you're talking about, so there ya go! Anywho, down to brass tacks. online dating can work; don't get me wrong. But it's not the last chance; and it works about a fraction of the time. Then again, the same thing could be said about actual dating, so I don't know how valuable my two cents are. Especially in this economy. [/badjoke]

02-18-2010, 10:03 AM	#1
Sean P Kelly Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Toronto, ON, Canada Gender: Posts: 3,789 Thanks: 19 Thanked 58 Times in 46 Posts	Random Observations About Online Dating Girls have the Pick of the Litter - It's a proven fact that girls will often get more than ten times the messages than guys and they tend to be very picky about who they reply to. Paysites are Not Better - While paying the extortionate price ($40 for a month!) may give off the impression that you are more serious, the girls are just as picky at those sites (probably more so). It's Easy to Scare People Off - Even if you have a good rapport going in your messages, if you say one wrong thing you will never hear from them again. It's Unbelievably Hard to Move the Relationship Offline - In the last year, I managed to meet three people via online dating. Only one of those meetings resulted in a follow-up and you know how that ended. Sometime I don't know why I still try it.

02-18-2010, 12:44 PM	#2
*The Doctor* The Last Timelord. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In the TARDIS Gender: Posts: 13,880 Thanks: 915 Thanked 656 Times in 426 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Okay, I've been wanting to post this for a while. But I do online dating too. To me, correct me if you don't, but you seem to see online dating sites as the only way to find someone in this world. It's a dating site. So treat it as one. On your profile don't claim that the dating site is your last chance for love, just saying your "looking for friendship and let's just see what happens." Out of the hundreds that I've send messages to (to gals, that I have stuff with lots and little in common with) only a few have gotten to my MSN list, and four to my facebook. I've been on dates with three of them Two went on to second date. And one of those went onto a third date, and the other is planning on a third date with me (even though, she actually said to me that she wasn't interested in a third date with me, but wanted to continue a friendship.) Although, I'm still single. I still continue to speak to them, and be their friends. I think this is why the other gal I went on a second date now wants a third (possibly wrong there, but hey if she didn't want a third date and now does, I willing.) Yeah, girls have the pick of the litter. But you can do something to put you at the top. I was speaking to one of them, and she told me that I was the only person she ever replied too. I wouldn't conside myself that special but I was the only one on there that spoke to her properly, and not like a stalker/pervert/jock. Don't think "It's Easy to Scare People Off". You're just weeding out the ones that aren't right for you. If they stop talking to you because you don't like getting smashed on alcohol every night or like the colour yellow. You're better off without them. 100% fact. Paysites are better. For the simple fact that the gals there aren't after a booty call (since that's all I've ever seen on free sites.) shrugs So yeah. Keep trying it, as well as trying hobbies that gets you to meet new people too (I.E. Yoga, some martial arts (you have to choose wisely which martial art to do tho, Capoeira has a great mix of genders.) Dancing lessons, book clubs, etc). Keep positive, keep at it, and keep calm (don't think every girl that you have a date with is the one, basically.) Last edited by The Doctor; 02-18-2010 at 12:49 PM.

02-18-2010, 11:50 PM	#11
Sean P Kelly Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Toronto, ON, Canada Gender: Posts: 3,789 Thanks: 19 Thanked 58 Times in 46 Posts	^ The very fact that I am using online dating is my way of trying to overcome my asperger's. If I was truly using it as a crutch, I would just outright give up trying to find a girlfriend. I have been single all my life and it astonishes me how easy relationships seem for some people. For me, it can be easier to believe that I would live a lonely life than have a relationship with someone. Online dating allows me take my time and try to overcome to overwhelming inhibitions that plagues my normal social life (when I saw overwhelming, I mean to the point of nausea). So, next time you tell me not to treat my disability as a crutch, make sure that I am. Last edited by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds; 02-19-2010 at 08:39 AM.

02-19-2010, 12:31 AM	#12
S1x VGF RPG Mod Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Loading...... Gender: Posts: 7,289 Thanks: 26 Thanked 493 Times in 201 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Then why are you so attached to this "disability" of yours? Why keep bringing it up? It doesn't stop you from doing anything any other person could, it just means you need to work on some things more heavily than others. Interacting with people online and face-to-face, while not alike, still have something critical in common: yourself. Based on what you've posted before, the biggest obstacle so far doesn't even involve relationships; it's your outlook about yourself. Work on that and it will likely improve results in both online and offline cases. Last edited by S1x; 02-19-2010 at 12:49 AM.

02-19-2010, 10:26 AM	#19
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	This is joke, and I am insensitive anyway. Wait, does saying that make me not insens I address Sean that way all the time. He likes it.

02-18-2010, 01:01 PM	#3
I REALLY HATE POKEMON! Goku lives on the Sun Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: California, U.S.A Gender: Posts: 12,717 Thanks: 1,334 Thanked 275 Times in 234 Posts Blog Entries: 1	I heard World of Warcraft is actually a pretty good way to meet girls online.

02-18-2010, 02:29 PM	#4
Loot Apparently I'm a mod? Join Date: May 2001 Location: LEGITIMATE BUSINESS Gender: Posts: 13,208 Thanks: 236 Thanked 1,237 Times in 659 Posts	^ Get onto a huge server in your time zone and you're bound to meet somebody.

02-18-2010, 02:32 PM	#5
I REALLY HATE POKEMON! Goku lives on the Sun Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: California, U.S.A Gender: Posts: 12,717 Thanks: 1,334 Thanked 275 Times in 234 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Yeah, and not just that, but you already have an interest in common.

02-18-2010, 02:36 PM	#6
t3hDarkness Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: I weep oily black tears of joy. Gender: Posts: 7,590 Thanks: 119 Thanked 418 Times in 306 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Didn't someone post an article about that a few weeks ago?

02-18-2010, 02:47 PM	#7
I REALLY HATE POKEMON! Goku lives on the Sun Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: California, U.S.A Gender: Posts: 12,717 Thanks: 1,334 Thanked 275 Times in 234 Posts Blog Entries: 1	^ About WoW dating?

02-18-2010, 06:35 PM	#10
S1x VGF RPG Mod Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Loading...... Gender: Posts: 7,289 Thanks: 26 Thanked 493 Times in 201 Posts Blog Entries: 1	^ Huge tip: Stop treating that as a crutch for your life. That is all.

02-19-2010, 02:54 AM	#13
I REALLY HATE POKEMON! Goku lives on the Sun Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: California, U.S.A Gender: Posts: 12,717 Thanks: 1,334 Thanked 275 Times in 234 Posts Blog Entries: 1	^ Crutch or reality-check? If he's honest with himself, he'll know. It doesn't always have to be a case of inertia bias, but it could be. I dunno him but there's my two cents.

02-19-2010, 08:42 AM	#15
S1x VGF RPG Mod Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Loading...... Gender: Posts: 7,289 Thanks: 26 Thanked 493 Times in 201 Posts Blog Entries: 1	It's not easy, but it's still quite possible. I'm sure of it. Before you reply again, listen carefully to what I've said and figure out why I am sure. (anybody that knows, don't spoil it)

02-19-2010, 08:47 AM	#16
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Sean, never insult someone out of the blue like that again. "Hey jerk" is no way to address anyone. Ever consider there are people here at VGF who have Apergers, and don't mention it? I know of a couple who have only told their close friends they were diagnosed. I've even seen some of them try to give you advice, too. Don't be so damn quick to pick a fight over it. The whole "you don't know what I go through" might never be as true as you think, and you're just being mean about it. YOU are letting Aspergers run your life. No one else is. You. "Acceptance" does not equal "will bring it up at every oportunity as my reason for everything". Your medical condition isn't debilitating, it's just a hinderance. As for the topic: girls are pickier about online dating because people online act like creeps. I'm not saying you do, I'm saying there are hundreds of thousands of men (and women) online who will be a total slimy bastard because you're female. It's only prudent to be careful about who you reply to. Online dating can be scary. Also, physiologically, we are pretty much a species who dictates mating through the female's choice; the men have to be peacocks and parade around to win the lady's attention. shrug Kind of just puts things into perspective.

02-19-2010, 09:22 AM	#18
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Don't apologise to me. I'm not the one you were rude to. Easily insulted or not, S1x didn't deserve that and you knew it wasn't appropriate when you said it. Particularly because you would hate it if someone addressed you that way.