I feel so stupid

Sean P Kelly · 07-06-2010, 11:31 AM

So I found out (through the dreaded "Status Update of Death") that I girl I was pursuing the for the last few months is now in a relationship with someone else.

Looking back on things, I feel like I was quite naive in thinking that I still had a chance, since we only had four dates (even though we did still talked regularly).

I feel that I always give my hopes up too early and that I keep setting myself up for disappointment.

It's at times like this that I wish the mind-erasure process from Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind really existed.

***The Doctor*** · 07-06-2010, 12:31 PM

Sucks to hear. Try not to give up to early, I know "easy to say, difficult to do".

But when you talked regularly did you ask her about another dates. And to be honest, when ever I get to a third date, it's usually then I'll ask then if they want to make the relationship official. So maybe she thought you weren't interested in her or something?

Bomby · 07-06-2010, 04:29 PM

It's too bad that things didn't work out the way you wanted in the end, but on the bright side, you did have four dates with her. A lot of possibilities end up burning out after the first date. More often than not, heartbreak eventually happens, and it hurts. A lot. That's when we all want to Eternal Sunshine someone out of our mind, but if we were to do that, we'd never move forward. The sadness eventually subsides, and you have the experience to help guide how you handle dating situations in the future.

(wow, I sound so cliche, but I do think there's truth in this.)

Obviously I wasn't you during this situation, but judging by the fact that you stayed in contact with her after the dating was over, I'd say it has the potential to be a sad but overall positive experience in retrospect.

Sean P Kelly · 07-06-2010, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Doctor

But when you talked regularly did you ask her about another dates.

All the time. They were just hard to schedule, since she always worked late AND ran her household.

Essentially the timeline was like this:

We meet online in late February (she initiated)
We have our first date (coffee) a few days later. Schedule another one for the weekend.
Second date (movie) postponed by a day, but still happens (though now at a bar)
Third date (movie) happens a week later
After over month of trying to schedule a fourth date (including two cancellations), it finally happens in mid April to celebrate my birthday.
A fifth date was scheduled in early May (a week before I left on my trip to Scotland/Amsterdam), but it is cancelled after she loses track of time at work
I leave on my trip, she gives me her address to send a postcard
We scheduled to meet-up last week, but she never got back to me when I tried to confirm
Late Sunday night she changes his Facebook status to "In a Relationship"

I thought that I should emphasize that I was probably Friend-Zoned at some point (in fact she still has been interacting with me via Facebook games). Not knowing that (or when) it happened is one of the reasons I feel so dumb right now.

***Cosmonautical*** · 07-12-2010, 01:31 AM

You might have come off too clingy. Or she might be a cold-hearted ice-witch.

Godot · 07-21-2010, 03:08 PM

You. Yes you.

Stop dreading on the girl. You were too slow. Kick yourself all you want in the ass, You got to move on. So what if you were just friends?

You deserve much better, anyway.

It sounds like she was just taking you for a ride, anyway. See how far you'll go. When she found out that you were too shy to move, she got off and jumped to the next person. Cold? Yes. Something you need to dread about? Not really.

You left it. With some sadness and a valuable lesson, maybe. Any lingering scars of pain and torture that you'll take to your next relationship? No.

Just rebuild up confidence and keep trotting on with your head up high. You're more than you think you are, anyway.

07-06-2010, 11:31 AM	#1
Sean P Kelly Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Toronto, ON, Canada Gender: Posts: 3,789 Thanks: 19 Thanked 58 Times in 46 Posts	I feel so stupid So I found out (through the dreaded "Status Update of Death") that I girl I was pursuing the for the last few months is now in a relationship with someone else. Looking back on things, I feel like I was quite naive in thinking that I still had a chance, since we only had four dates (even though we did still talked regularly). I feel that I always give my hopes up too early and that I keep setting myself up for disappointment. It's at times like this that I wish the mind-erasure process from Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind really existed.

07-06-2010, 04:29 PM	#3
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	It's too bad that things didn't work out the way you wanted in the end, but on the bright side, you did have four dates with her. A lot of possibilities end up burning out after the first date. More often than not, heartbreak eventually happens, and it hurts. A lot. That's when we all want to Eternal Sunshine someone out of our mind, but if we were to do that, we'd never move forward. The sadness eventually subsides, and you have the experience to help guide how you handle dating situations in the future. (wow, I sound so cliche, but I do think there's truth in this.) Obviously I wasn't you during this situation, but judging by the fact that you stayed in contact with her after the dating was over, I'd say it has the potential to be a sad but overall positive experience in retrospect. Last edited by Bomby; 07-06-2010 at 04:35 PM.

07-06-2010, 12:31 PM	#2
*The Doctor* The Last Timelord. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In the TARDIS Gender: Posts: 13,880 Thanks: 915 Thanked 656 Times in 426 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Sucks to hear. Try not to give up to early, I know "easy to say, difficult to do". But when you talked regularly did you ask her about another dates. And to be honest, when ever I get to a third date, it's usually then I'll ask then if they want to make the relationship official. So maybe she thought you weren't interested in her or something?

07-12-2010, 01:31 AM	#5
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,151 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	You might have come off too clingy. Or she might be a cold-hearted ice-witch.

07-21-2010, 03:08 PM	#6
Godot Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Coffee. Gender: Posts: 6,054 Thanks: 169 Thanked 161 Times in 102 Posts	You. Yes you. Stop dreading on the girl. You were too slow. Kick yourself all you want in the ass, You got to move on. So what if you were just friends? You deserve much better, anyway. It sounds like she was just taking you for a ride, anyway. See how far you'll go. When she found out that you were too shy to move, she got off and jumped to the next person. Cold? Yes. Something you need to dread about? Not really. You left it. With some sadness and a valuable lesson, maybe. Any lingering scars of pain and torture that you'll take to your next relationship? No. Just rebuild up confidence and keep trotting on with your head up high. You're more than you think you are, anyway.