Your opinions on giving a gift to someone it wasn't originally intended for?

**Valigarmander** · 08-26-2010, 07:39 PM

The story: about a couple of years ago, I had this girlfriend of a couple weeks, and it was around the holiday season so I decided to get her some earrings. Nothing too extravagant (less than $50) since I was even poorer then than I am now, but they were still pretty nice. So I had those all ready to give to her, then the day I was going to give her them, she went back to her old boyfriend. Bummer.

I've had those earrings lying around for a long time now, and I haven't been sure if I should just give them to a family member or pawn them or throw them in a "garage sale" box or something. Recently though, I wondered about giving them to my current girlfriend, of about one year (my longest relationship so far).

But of course, those earrings were originally meant for another girl. So do you think it's alright to give them to her, seeing as the old girlfriend was just a short fling? Or are they tainted and I should just forget about it? It's not like I'm thinking, "Hey, free birthday present!", rather, I would give them to her as a "just because" gift. I don't know a ton about female psychology though, and if there's a possibility she wouldn't like it then I wouldn't want to do it.

I wasn't planning on going through with it (I can always wait until I have the money available to get her something else), but I figured I'd ask someone what they thought.

Edit: Or, I could just ask her, "Hey, I have these old earrings that I got for blah blah blah, would you like them?"

Rainbow Dash · 08-26-2010, 08:04 PM

just offer them to her and if she asks about them tell her the truth

but hey what do i know apparently none of my relationships count

User Name · 08-26-2010, 08:29 PM

Dang, I was going to say give them me instead before I read the options. haha. Seriously though.

Also, they'll be tainted in your head if you give them to her. So every time you see them, you'll be like, "Oh, past loves..." and that's no bueno. Love is about the here and now. So, I say don't. And give them to me.

**Valigarmander** · 08-26-2010, 08:40 PM

They're pink cubic zirconia. And shaped like some kind of lily. And adorable.

You WISH you could have them.

Jenocide · 08-26-2010, 08:42 PM

I don't think there's a problem giving her the gift if you think it suits her.

I don't know if I would tell her that I bought it for someone else, but you know her better than I do <3

I think that as long as you have good feelings behind it, it won't hurt. Don't give it to her if you feel bad about it though.

ZeldaGirl · 08-26-2010, 09:22 PM

I think the best gifts are the ones that are purchased/made with the intended recipient in mind. Your gift was purchased for someone else; I know I'd feel a bit uncomfortable if my boyfriend gave me a gift he originally intended to give to his ex-girlfriend. Even if she never finds out the truth, it still is a bit disingenuous. That's just me.

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 08-26-2010, 09:43 PM

I, on the other hand, wouldn't care if they were meant for someone else if I liked them. But I'm kind of "odd" about gifts, as far as I can tell.

I suspect I'm also "odd" about past relationships; I still have, in particular, a ring I got from my previous boyfriend, and there's plenty of things AI has from his ex-girlfriend (and we've got a photo of her up on the wall with our other friend-photos). But see, we're just cool with it, which might not be the case with your lady.

I reckon that the best thing you can do is talk to your girlfriend. I'm sure she knows about your ex. Just explain the same way you have to us that it was the holiday season, so you felt it appropriate to get the gift, but since it didn't work out, you've just held onto them.

But remember, you know your lady better than we do. Is she okay talking about ex-partners with you, or does she shy away or get uncomfortable about it? It might be better to trade them in and buy or make something new.

I really recommend not just giving them without the explanation, though. People have the mindset that ommision is tantamount to lies, so if it ever came up, well, she might feel like you somehow "lied" about the gift. God knows, I don't get it, but it seems pretty common.

So, yeah, if you think she's comfortable enough with past relationships, talk to her and ask if she would like to have the earrings. Feel free to add in any additional details about how they don't specifically remind you of the other girl or whatever you think is appropriate. Hell, they're just earrings. XD But, if you don't think she is okay with ex's and such, just find another use for the earrings, no big deal.

View Poll Results: Should I give her the earrings?
Go for it.	1	33.33%
Hell naw.	0	0%
Give them to me instead.	2	66.67%
Voters: 3. You may not vote on this poll \| Withdraw Vote

08-26-2010, 07:39 PM	#1
Valigarmander The Bee's Knees Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The land of rain and trees (Oregon) Gender: Posts: 29,755 Thanks: 1,649 Thanked 5,700 Times in 2,580 Posts Blog Entries: 20	Your opinions on giving a gift to someone it wasn't originally intended for? The story: about a couple of years ago, I had this girlfriend of a couple weeks, and it was around the holiday season so I decided to get her some earrings. Nothing too extravagant (less than $50) since I was even poorer then than I am now, but they were still pretty nice. So I had those all ready to give to her, then the day I was going to give her them, she went back to her old boyfriend. Bummer. I've had those earrings lying around for a long time now, and I haven't been sure if I should just give them to a family member or pawn them or throw them in a "garage sale" box or something. Recently though, I wondered about giving them to my current girlfriend, of about one year (my longest relationship so far). But of course, those earrings were originally meant for another girl. So do you think it's alright to give them to her, seeing as the old girlfriend was just a short fling? Or are they tainted and I should just forget about it? It's not like I'm thinking, "Hey, free birthday present!", rather, I would give them to her as a "just because" gift. I don't know a ton about female psychology though, and if there's a possibility she wouldn't like it then I wouldn't want to do it. I wasn't planning on going through with it (I can always wait until I have the money available to get her something else), but I figured I'd ask someone what they thought. Edit: Or, I could just ask her, "Hey, I have these old earrings that I got for blah blah blah, would you like them?" Last edited by Valigarmander; 08-26-2010 at 07:39 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

08-26-2010, 08:04 PM	#2
Rainbow Dash been dreamin', i've been waitin' Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: a bomb-ass cloud house bachelorette pad Gender: Posts: 24,401 Thanks: 173 Thanked 1,179 Times in 716 Posts	just offer them to her and if she asks about them tell her the truth but hey what do i know apparently none of my relationships count

08-26-2010, 08:29 PM	#3
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	Dang, I was going to say give them me instead before I read the options. haha. Seriously though. Also, they'll be tainted in your head if you give them to her. So every time you see them, you'll be like, "Oh, past loves..." and that's no bueno. Love is about the here and now. So, I say don't. And give them to me.

08-26-2010, 08:40 PM	#4
Valigarmander The Bee's Knees Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The land of rain and trees (Oregon) Gender: Posts: 29,755 Thanks: 1,649 Thanked 5,700 Times in 2,580 Posts Blog Entries: 20	They're pink cubic zirconia. And shaped like some kind of lily. And adorable. You WISH you could have them.

08-26-2010, 08:42 PM	#5
Jenocide Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: In the glovebox. Gender: Posts: 635 Thanks: 69 Thanked 97 Times in 68 Posts Blog Entries: 21	I don't think there's a problem giving her the gift if you think it suits her. I don't know if I would tell her that I bought it for someone else, but you know her better than I do <3 I think that as long as you have good feelings behind it, it won't hurt. Don't give it to her if you feel bad about it though.

08-26-2010, 09:22 PM	#6
ZeldaGirl Awesome member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Why do YOU want to know...? Gender: Posts: 15,896 Thanks: 1,130 Thanked 1,919 Times in 1,046 Posts	I think the best gifts are the ones that are purchased/made with the intended recipient in mind. Your gift was purchased for someone else; I know I'd feel a bit uncomfortable if my boyfriend gave me a gift he originally intended to give to his ex-girlfriend. Even if she never finds out the truth, it still is a bit disingenuous. That's just me.

08-26-2010, 09:43 PM	#7
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	I, on the other hand, wouldn't care if they were meant for someone else if I liked them. But I'm kind of "odd" about gifts, as far as I can tell. I suspect I'm also "odd" about past relationships; I still have, in particular, a ring I got from my previous boyfriend, and there's plenty of things AI has from his ex-girlfriend (and we've got a photo of her up on the wall with our other friend-photos). But see, we're just cool with it, which might not be the case with your lady. I reckon that the best thing you can do is talk to your girlfriend. I'm sure she knows about your ex. Just explain the same way you have to us that it was the holiday season, so you felt it appropriate to get the gift, but since it didn't work out, you've just held onto them. But remember, you know your lady better than we do. Is she okay talking about ex-partners with you, or does she shy away or get uncomfortable about it? It might be better to trade them in and buy or make something new. I really recommend not just giving them without the explanation, though. People have the mindset that ommision is tantamount to lies, so if it ever came up, well, she might feel like you somehow "lied" about the gift. God knows, I don't get it, but it seems pretty common. So, yeah, if you think she's comfortable enough with past relationships, talk to her and ask if she would like to have the earrings. Feel free to add in any additional details about how they don't specifically remind you of the other girl or whatever you think is appropriate. Hell, they're just earrings. XD But, if you don't think she is okay with ex's and such, just find another use for the earrings, no big deal.