Really Now? How does this make any sense at all?

[chibimod3]

I'm about to put a few things that lead up to the situation and then my dilemma.

Now I know this may sound conceited but I get women that fall for me all the time. Now this is not something I often take advantage of. I only rarely do accept a girls number or say yes to a date. But apparently the mixture of anime, soap operas, and dating sims that I experienced in my younger years has made this so. I'm just charming and have an 'air' which I have been told makes me so much different from other guys. Now I think that this is all a bunch of horse hockey. I do nothing that calls this kind of unwarranted attention. I just am me. Particularly the people that try to pick me up at work. I get not only high schoolers but recently college girls as well. I'm not just being nice because I'm getting paid but that does help add to my cheery attitude.

Now second I don't date friends. I define friends as people that I actually know and hang out with. I try to stay away from even friends of friends. Because in every experience both friends and myself have experienced these have turned out very badly. So normally I stick to other girls from a different high school or close towns. But by dating friends I've seen problems causing a divide in the group that can ruin friendships. I have found myself smitten with one of my friends.

She has dated one of my best friends. In fact at the time both he and I liked her. I set them up without letting her know my feelings. After about 6 months or so they broke up. But because he talked to me about it beforehand she blamed me for the whole ordeal. I couldn't get a word in to correct her between the crying and the screaming. So she and I had a moratorium for several months. I put her out of my mind. She then dated a guy she hardly knew but I knew quite well. Particularly how he treated women. Not abusive just how he only had one thing on his mind. She found out the hard way and didn't listen to me when I told her before hand. Thinking I was trying to sabotage another relationship. Then came the gay guy who was using her as a cover girlfriend. She again didn't listen and found out the hard way.

Well around October the subject came out. I was finally on good terms with her and she had guessed that I had feelings for her and that she felt something but she didn't know what it was. So we were going to hang out more and see where it lead. Then a friend of mine broke up with one of her friends. Well we both became distracted by this and we let the subject drop.

Now I'm not as corny as to try anything on Valentine's Day but every sign points to me just leaving things as they are. I have had a single girlfriend after that and I found out a monthish ago that she was cheating on me. I have been hanging out with this girl more and more and have seen a guy that simply won't take no for an answer and keeps being very touchy feely towards her. She is to nice to tell him to leave her alone. He is not the kind of man she needs to have around. Now I know why I am mad at him. Half because I'm jealous I am not at least trying. The second is that she has clearly brushed him off but he won't leave her alone. Yesterday we were left alone by this guy for about five minutes in that time we just sat there looking at each other. Both of us tried to say something and couldn't do it. I wanted to voice my opinions but could think of no rational reasoning as to why she should believe me. I know that I should ask her out because I feel strongly for her. Yet I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I know it is going to end badly. Examples of the past have set that proof in stone. Neither of the futures that we are working for can include the other.

Now my dilemma is so corny I can't believe I'm typing this unintoxicated. Do I listen to the very rational decision my brain wants and knows is right looking at the lack of future? Or do I follow my idiot of a heart that wants to live in the now and sweep her off her feet by doing something spectacular? Now I don't want my friends to know any of this which is why I ask you. I know that whatever I am going to do has to be decided by Friday. I don't know why but that just seems like an imminent deadline to organize my feelings. I ask this showing the naivety that comes with my age, please, I simply don't know what to do. I haven't encountered anything like this before.

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

You want another example of what can happen if you date friends?

You realise that all the reasons you're friends will carry over and make your relationship stable and last a long time.

I should know, I've been married to my best friend for over four years. We were friends, then good friends, then best friends, then boyfriend/girlfriend, then we married, because it all worked. Avoiding dating friends is the opposite of how to find a strong relationship. All partnerships require friendship between the two. If you go discounting everyone you're already friends with, because it COULD turn sour, you're also cutting yourself off from all the best opportunities for a wonderful thing to happen. And that's not even getting into the fact that friendships don't automatically stay sunshine and roses anyways (you could lose a friend over anything, so why's the dating aspect so much of a risk?). If you both feel something, just go with it. Break-ups don't have to be the end of the world. Break-ups don't mean you have to stop being friends, either.

Best of luck to you!

http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com | Handmade beaded jewellery

[Cosmonautical]

That strange feller up above me has probably already covered this with his velvety soft words, but allow me to take a shot.

Apologies for being blunt, but here's a hole in your "don't date friends" theory: You pretty much already managed to almost screw up your friendship without being involved with her, although you're not entirely to blame. Obviously the whole "not dating her, just being a friend" thing was a horrible failure. Try dating her.

Cons to your attraction: She's already blamed you for something without considering your feelings or opinion in the matter, how can you expect to have a rational basis for a stable relationship with someone who at times chooses to ignore your input?

[CaptHayfever]

Here's something you can do before even making any decisions about you & her: Chase off the creeper. That's something that both a friend AND a love would do, so you can do it without even having to figure out which you want to be.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[chibimod3]

Capt Hayfever: Yeah that's what I've been attempting to do. I think he finally got that she wasn't interested and left her alone. I did nothing but simply say stop or knock it off whenever he got all clingy and she looked a little awkward. Thanks since it only even occurred to me recently.

Unacceptable: Yeah I like the pro. I mean I guess it can't really hurt. As for the cons I've anticipated this and this is one of the reasons that I'm extremely leery. I think in that case it was more her being irrational because she was just dumped. I get that. Not everyone is rational 24/7. I mean if she is then I guess what happens happens. I did enjoy the bluntness of it all. Thank you for the advice.

SD: Well what can I say. Beneath the words I felt the steel slap that said, "Hey idiot just do it. What's the worse that can happen?" If we break up and are no longer friends I'm sure I can patch things up eventually. If she says no I just quit whining and get over it. I mean I'm concerned about these things but why should it stop me from at least voicing my opinion. I'm sure after a few days of moping I can cure any of these dilemmas. Thank you even though I'm sure we won't ever get married or anything but hey at least I can give it a swing.

To all: Thanks I don't even know what I was thinking. I was just being a little bit stupid and frantic. I should have just taken a deep breath and not been so melodramatic. It was a bit childish.

Now to plan a cheesy cliche yet still lovable way of showing my affection. Again thank you with all my gratitude.

[ZeldaGirl]

We were friends, then good friends, then best friends, then boyfriend/girlfriend, then we married, because it all worked.

This so hard. I've found that, in reality, you should probably ONLY date friends. The last boyfriend I was with didn't work out, because all we had was a flimsy mutual attraction. We had known each other for a very short time, had very little in common, and literally had nothing to talk about. It was an awful relationship.

And now? I'm dating a man who I consider to be my best friend. And you know what? It took a LONG time. First we were co-workers. Then, we built up a rapport, and became friends. It was only after we became friends that we could truly realize that we would be a fantastic couple. And we are. We have a lot in common, we talk easily, we just enjoy being in each other's presence. This is far and away the best and strongest relationship I've ever had because we started off as friends first.

So, that's my thought on the subject. It seems like you already got the answer you were looking for, and so I wish you the very best of luck.

[User Name]

^Same here. I'm dating my absolute best friend right now. We never run out of things to talk about. He calls me every night, sometimes once a day, and few texts here and there. When we're in the same town, we're never apart and we never get sick of each other.

It wasn't the easiest thing to get together though. We were friends for 5 years before we started dating. When we were both single, it took us a few months of dating to finally allow ourselves to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend because we had the same worry that we didn't want to ruin such a great friendship.

What I've learned is that strong friendships outlast love. If you can't stay friends after a relationship, how strong was the friendship beforehand anyway? The best way to get together with a friend is to just be completely honest with each other. Express your concerns and take it slowly. Then enjoy the best relationship ever. Good luck!