It's a strange situation.

Bomby · 05-23-2011, 04:36 PM

So I have an old friend from my old job. I had always kind of liked her, and it seemed like she always kind of liked me. Even though we never actually hung out, she suddenly contacted me back in the beginning of April wanting to hang out. I waited, like, forever to actually hang out with her, but we barbecued and bar hopped last Friday. Throughout the night, especially toward the end, she seemed to be sending more and more subtle cues that she liked me. Or maybe it was just her friendliness or the fact that she'd had a bit of alcohol.

So, yeah, I guess I kind of like her again now.

A couple problems:
1. I neglected to ask if she's staying in town all summer, but I do know that she's studying abroad next semester, so I wouldn't be able to see her again until January.
2. Since she's a Chinese citizen, she'd only have two months to find a job after she graduates next year, since she wants to stay in the US. This really has bit less to do specifically with my interest in her, but more so it bothers me due to my personal beliefs on immigration, which I believe should be a much easier process for college graduates who could contribute much to our society. It's especially difficult at the moment for Chinese and Indian citizens to get green cards, due to a waiting period that isn't set to clear up for 5-6 years.

So at the moment I'm thinking the smart thing would be to not go after her. Right now there's another friend of mine who I was much more interested in before Friday night, plus a woman at work I'm quite attracted to (a bit older, but no wedding ring!), not to mention that waitress whose number I got last Wednesday. But she's been on my mind a lot for the past few days.

Edit: Yeah, she's going back to China for the summer next week, so... yeah.

Dux is not you · 05-24-2011, 02:43 AM

It's strange, yet it's all sorted out "for the moment"? Boring.

Bomby · 05-24-2011, 09:57 AM

I wasn't really asking for advice so much as just slashing open the jugular of my frustration near the internet walls, so others would have to deal with the stench of its rotten cream filling.

Dizzy · 05-24-2011, 10:24 AM

^That works. That's usually what I do in the rare times that I vent.

***The Doctor*** · 05-24-2011, 11:46 AM

You'll be surprised at the amount of times I've written loads on here, to just feel better and delete it all at the end of writing.

Bomby · 05-24-2011, 12:04 PM

I should practice that more often. But I like to make myself look like a whiner.

Dux is not you · 05-24-2011, 03:06 PM

Oh, I see, it's okay, I guess. We're on VGF after all.

It's still boring

User Name · 05-24-2011, 08:07 PM

Bomby, I totally see where your frustration is coming from. You like her and there's no way to get attached to her without getting hurt. Some people are worth long-distance, but it sounds like you have other options with women, so it's probably best not to pursue her. Best wishes, and you don't sound whiny to me.

Also, when I'm having an emotional breakdown and need to let it all out, I open up Microsoft Word and just write what I'm feeling from every possible angle with no editting. When I'm done, I read it over and then delete it. It's a very good venting system I've been doing for 6 or 7 years now.

Dux is not you · 05-24-2011, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by User Name

Bomby, I totally see where your frustration is coming from. You like her and there's no way to get attached to her without getting hurt. Some people are worth long-distance, but it sounds like you have other options with women, so it's probably best not to pursue her. Best wishes, and you don't sound whiny to me.

Also, when I'm having an emotional breakdown and need to let it all out, I open up Microsoft Word and just write what I'm feeling from every possible angle with no editting. When I'm done, I read it over and then delete it. It's a very good venting system I've been doing for 6 or 7 years now.

What's the point of deleting it?

User Name · 05-24-2011, 08:30 PM

^It's like the equivalent of "letting go." Why keep it? To look back on it and be unhappy again and bring up those raw emotions? No, thank you. It's almost like throwing your problems in the trash. Actually, it is dumping it in your computer's trash. hah.

Dux is not you · 05-24-2011, 09:05 PM

Oh, I see. That's probably why I have a hard time letting go.

Bomby · 05-24-2011, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by User Name

Bomby, I totally see where your frustration is coming from. You like her and there's no way to get attached to her without getting hurt. Some people are worth long-distance, but it sounds like you have other options with women, so it's probably best not to pursue her. Best wishes, and you don't sound whiny to me.

This is pretty much it spot on. I guess it's mostly that I don't want to get attached but I'm feeling like the damage is already done. I guess in this situation its been kind of on/off ever since we met two years ago, so I shouldn't be surprised that when we finally hung out again after a long time of not seeing each other that the feelings would come back. I guess the fact that it seems to be pretty much mutual also helped.

I know she wants to see me again before she leaves, so I guess that will be nice. When we were dropped out, she made a point of pointing out which house she was at. ("This one is my house. The brown one. This one right here.")

So I have other options, and that's what I'm planning on pursuing. If nothing else works out, there's always the possibility of something when she gets back to America I guess, but I know better from experience that it's never good to have your heart set on one person.

I could delete this but whatever. Have fun reading my thoughts.

User Name · 05-25-2011, 12:25 PM

^Sometimes having your heart set on someone works out, but it's so rare. It's hard to count on one person like that because you set the bar so high in your mind when they're gone. It's easy to get disappointed when they come back. Always have options and take it one day at a time. Thinking too much about the future can only set you back especially when it doesn't work out the way you planned. I think you're headed the right way, you just wish it didn't have to be this way. I totally understand that. Good luck, man.

Bomby · 05-31-2011, 10:58 PM

>> ITT: Bomby continues to liveblog his life as it happens.

So I partied with her again last Saturday, and I'm still not quite sure what to think about it. It might have just been the relative moods we were in (she was bored with the party by the time I got there, I had been kind of bored all day and didn't really have much to say), but the chemistry between us wasn't there as much as it usually is. After a while I was trying not to be too clingy to her at the party, since she was really the only person there that I knew. Most of the people there were too drunk to get to know, though after a while I had a good conversation with one of her friends that I hadn't met before. After the party died down somewhat she seemed to be talking to me a bit more again. Maybe it's all just worrisome thoughts in my head. Then when I was about to leave the party, we had a sweet little goodbye complete with the best hug ever.

So... yeah. Confused. I'm still 90% sure that at the attraction between the two of us had always been mutual, but I have no clue if it is anymore after that night. Not like it really matters at this point in time, anyway, since she'll be leaving for a long time soon.

I haven't really tried to contact her and I'm thinking it's probably in my best interests not to for a while, though I have to admit there's still that part of me hoping she sends a message my way before she leaves, which is supposed to be this week but she has to wait until she receives a visa for the country she will be having an internship in. We did promise to stay in touch, though.

The other girl I'm really interested in comes back in late July, so... maybe that situation will turn out better. I don't think the feelings are mutual like they seemed to be in this situation, but it's always worth a shot.

Which brings me to something I'm interested in hearing opinions about:

If I were to start a relationdateshipthing with this other girl, would I be two-timing her by keeping in contact with the girl this thread has been about, even just as friends? My roommate seems to think so, and I guess I can see his point, but I'm interested in hearing other opinions.

User Name · 05-31-2011, 11:14 PM

I think once you're in a relationship with her, it would be rude to keep in contact with the other girl if you're still interested in her. I mean, I know I'd hate to date someone to find out they're talking to another girl they're interested in. It depends where your heart is. If you're talking to the other girl to keep your options open, I think it'd be wrong if you're dating the other girl. If you're talking to her just as a friend, I don't see how there's anything wrong with it. Only you will know what feels right though.

Bomby · 07-01-2011, 04:53 PM

So after she never received her visa to India, she's going back home to China on Monday. -_-. I should try to set up lunch with her before that but I imagine she'll probably be spending time with her closer friends and/or packing to leave. At least we're on good terms and will probably keep in touch.

Looks like I made the mistake of getting my heart set on one person sort of again. There will be others in the mean time. If not, she'll eventually be back, but I'm not going to let myself get stuck on her. That other girl I liked should be back in a few weeks anyway.

Also, I can always just watch loads of movies to keep my mind off things.

Eagle Eye · 07-06-2011, 11:51 PM

So nobody read this title and instantly thought:

.....this day in age.....nobody? Screw you guys.

Panfan · 07-06-2011, 11:57 PM

^ I think you're thinking of "It's a rare condition"

Eagle Eye · 07-07-2011, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SO OUTRAGEOUS

^ I think you're thinking of "It's a rare condition"

I know, that's just the first thing that came to mind.

But thank you for not making me feel waaaayyyy off course here

Bomby · 07-07-2011, 12:24 AM

Did I do that?

05-23-2011, 04:36 PM	#1
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	It's a strange situation. So I have an old friend from my old job. I had always kind of liked her, and it seemed like she always kind of liked me. Even though we never actually hung out, she suddenly contacted me back in the beginning of April wanting to hang out. I waited, like, forever to actually hang out with her, but we barbecued and bar hopped last Friday. Throughout the night, especially toward the end, she seemed to be sending more and more subtle cues that she liked me. Or maybe it was just her friendliness or the fact that she'd had a bit of alcohol. So, yeah, I guess I kind of like her again now. A couple problems: 1. I neglected to ask if she's staying in town all summer, but I do know that she's studying abroad next semester, so I wouldn't be able to see her again until January. 2. Since she's a Chinese citizen, she'd only have two months to find a job after she graduates next year, since she wants to stay in the US. This really has bit less to do specifically with my interest in her, but more so it bothers me due to my personal beliefs on immigration, which I believe should be a much easier process for college graduates who could contribute much to our society. It's especially difficult at the moment for Chinese and Indian citizens to get green cards, due to a waiting period that isn't set to clear up for 5-6 years. So at the moment I'm thinking the smart thing would be to not go after her. Right now there's another friend of mine who I was much more interested in before Friday night, plus a woman at work I'm quite attracted to (a bit older, but no wedding ring!), not to mention that waitress whose number I got last Wednesday. But she's been on my mind a lot for the past few days. Edit: Yeah, she's going back to China for the summer next week, so... yeah. Last edited by Bomby; 05-23-2011 at 09:13 PM.

05-31-2011, 10:58 PM	#14
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	>> ITT: Bomby continues to liveblog his life as it happens. So I partied with her again last Saturday, and I'm still not quite sure what to think about it. It might have just been the relative moods we were in (she was bored with the party by the time I got there, I had been kind of bored all day and didn't really have much to say), but the chemistry between us wasn't there as much as it usually is. After a while I was trying not to be too clingy to her at the party, since she was really the only person there that I knew. Most of the people there were too drunk to get to know, though after a while I had a good conversation with one of her friends that I hadn't met before. After the party died down somewhat she seemed to be talking to me a bit more again. Maybe it's all just worrisome thoughts in my head. Then when I was about to leave the party, we had a sweet little goodbye complete with the best hug ever. So... yeah. Confused. I'm still 90% sure that at the attraction between the two of us had always been mutual, but I have no clue if it is anymore after that night. Not like it really matters at this point in time, anyway, since she'll be leaving for a long time soon. I haven't really tried to contact her and I'm thinking it's probably in my best interests not to for a while, though I have to admit there's still that part of me hoping she sends a message my way before she leaves, which is supposed to be this week but she has to wait until she receives a visa for the country she will be having an internship in. We did promise to stay in touch, though. The other girl I'm really interested in comes back in late July, so... maybe that situation will turn out better. I don't think the feelings are mutual like they seemed to be in this situation, but it's always worth a shot. Which brings me to something I'm interested in hearing opinions about: If I were to start a relationdateshipthing with this other girl, would I be two-timing her by keeping in contact with the girl this thread has been about, even just as friends? My roommate seems to think so, and I guess I can see his point, but I'm interested in hearing other opinions. Last edited by Bomby; 05-31-2011 at 11:04 PM.

07-01-2011, 04:53 PM	#16
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	So after she never received her visa to India, she's going back home to China on Monday. -_-. I should try to set up lunch with her before that but I imagine she'll probably be spending time with her closer friends and/or packing to leave. At least we're on good terms and will probably keep in touch. Looks like I made the mistake of getting my heart set on one person sort of again. There will be others in the mean time. If not, she'll eventually be back, but I'm not going to let myself get stuck on her. That other girl I liked should be back in a few weeks anyway. Also, I can always just watch loads of movies to keep my mind off things. Last edited by Bomby; 07-01-2011 at 05:14 PM.

05-24-2011, 02:43 AM	#2
Dux is not you Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Not Columbia Gender: Posts: 1,976 Thanks: 92 Thanked 113 Times in 74 Posts Blog Entries: 1	It's strange, yet it's all sorted out "for the moment"? Boring.

05-24-2011, 09:57 AM	#3
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	I wasn't really asking for advice so much as just slashing open the jugular of my frustration near the internet walls, so others would have to deal with the stench of its rotten cream filling.

05-24-2011, 10:24 AM	#4
Dizzy Podiaphobe Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender: Posts: 19,359 Thanks: 1,764 Thanked 1,161 Times in 804 Posts Blog Entries: 116	^That works. That's usually what I do in the rare times that I vent.

05-24-2011, 11:46 AM	#5
*The Doctor* The Last Timelord. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In the TARDIS Gender: Posts: 13,880 Thanks: 915 Thanked 656 Times in 426 Posts Blog Entries: 1	You'll be surprised at the amount of times I've written loads on here, to just feel better and delete it all at the end of writing.

05-24-2011, 12:04 PM	#6
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	I should practice that more often. But I like to make myself look like a whiner.

05-24-2011, 03:06 PM	#7
Dux is not you Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Not Columbia Gender: Posts: 1,976 Thanks: 92 Thanked 113 Times in 74 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Oh, I see, it's okay, I guess. We're on VGF after all. It's still boring

05-24-2011, 08:07 PM	#8
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	Bomby, I totally see where your frustration is coming from. You like her and there's no way to get attached to her without getting hurt. Some people are worth long-distance, but it sounds like you have other options with women, so it's probably best not to pursue her. Best wishes, and you don't sound whiny to me. Also, when I'm having an emotional breakdown and need to let it all out, I open up Microsoft Word and just write what I'm feeling from every possible angle with no editting. When I'm done, I read it over and then delete it. It's a very good venting system I've been doing for 6 or 7 years now.

05-24-2011, 08:30 PM	#10
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	^It's like the equivalent of "letting go." Why keep it? To look back on it and be unhappy again and bring up those raw emotions? No, thank you. It's almost like throwing your problems in the trash. Actually, it is dumping it in your computer's trash. hah.

05-24-2011, 09:05 PM	#11
Dux is not you Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Not Columbia Gender: Posts: 1,976 Thanks: 92 Thanked 113 Times in 74 Posts Blog Entries: 1	Oh, I see. That's probably why I have a hard time letting go.

05-25-2011, 12:25 PM	#13
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	^Sometimes having your heart set on someone works out, but it's so rare. It's hard to count on one person like that because you set the bar so high in your mind when they're gone. It's easy to get disappointed when they come back. Always have options and take it one day at a time. Thinking too much about the future can only set you back especially when it doesn't work out the way you planned. I think you're headed the right way, you just wish it didn't have to be this way. I totally understand that. Good luck, man.

05-31-2011, 11:14 PM	#15
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Gotham City Gender: Posts: 7,209 Thanks: 701 Thanked 536 Times in 367 Posts	I think once you're in a relationship with her, it would be rude to keep in contact with the other girl if you're still interested in her. I mean, I know I'd hate to date someone to find out they're talking to another girl they're interested in. It depends where your heart is. If you're talking to the other girl to keep your options open, I think it'd be wrong if you're dating the other girl. If you're talking to her just as a friend, I don't see how there's anything wrong with it. Only you will know what feels right though.

07-06-2011, 11:51 PM	#17
Eagle Eye Diddy bops Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Birmingham, AL Gender: Posts: 15,014 Thanks: 1,616 Thanked 1,084 Times in 597 Posts	So nobody read this title and instantly thought: .....this day in age.....nobody? Screw you guys.

07-06-2011, 11:57 PM	#18
Panfan AND HE PRAYS Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Grayskull Gender: Posts: 18,806 Thanks: 1,405 Thanked 2,251 Times in 1,339 Posts Blog Entries: 15	^ I think you're thinking of "It's a rare condition"

07-07-2011, 12:24 AM	#20
Bomby You just freaking blew Joe Biden's mind! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: WHAT?house Gender: Posts: 19,491 Thanks: 513 Thanked 1,449 Times in 849 Posts Blog Entries: 5	Did I do that?