Is it wrong...

The Spark · 06-28-2011, 12:47 AM

To feel like you're in love, even though you're only fourteen?
I look at peers, and see that they say they love their boyfriend, and they want to be with them forever, and then a couple weeks later the relationship ends and they cry, only to get back in a new one, and say they love them, and then they break up... again and again and again. They run through people like water, as though it means nothing, even though they act as though their partner means everything to them, and are so heart-broken when they lose the other.. What I'm trying to say is, they obviously aren't in love, they just want attention from someone, and when it's over, they simply find someone new, regardless of whether or not they even actually like them. They're young, and naive, I can't help but doubt that they have no idea what love is.

..and yet, I can't help but feel as though I myself am in love, and I've never been in a real relationship before. At least other people actually have some experience. Allow me to elaborate... *Although feel free to not read on. I'd like an answer, but if you don't feel like reading all of it, please simply skip to the last two paragraphs. Reading the entire thing isn't necessarily mandatory, in fact, I won't mind it you just click off this thread entirely, it's main purpose was to allow myself to reflect on everything personally, to see if I can understand it all better.*

FEBRUARY
My older brother's friend came over, someone new. I went into his room, and there was this guy, obviously stoned, but I saw past that.. I can't explain it really, I just saw something in this guy that I'd never seen in anyone before. I wanted to talk to him, and get to know him. I said hello, and walked out. A few days later, he came over again, without the influence of marijuana this time. Late at night, my brother, him, and I, were watching a movie in the living room, and Gage (brother) fell asleep. Jess (the friend) and I began talking, and realized we actually had quite a bit in common. When the movie ended, we sat down in front of the tv, and searched my many stacks of movies for something new to watch, and ended up talking for two more hours. Finally, we settled on King Kong, and stayed up until 7:30 in the morning, watching the movie, and talking.

OVER THE COURSE OF THE NEXT COUPLE MONTHS
We began messaging on Facebook, in very detailed responses; pages long per reply. Eventually, we accumulated a mass of over three hundred messages in total. During this time, he occasionally came over, and we continued to talk nightly as everyone else fell to slumber, staying up usually until 5:30, before my mom woke up, as she didn't approve. When tennis season came around, I started going to the high school to talk to him before practice, and things expanded to where we would hug at every goodbye.

One night, he asked if we could elongate the emotional connection by adding something physical: holding hands as we talked. Holding his hand and talking with him in the cool early morning air was like nothing i'd ever experienced before..

MAY
We began talking as usual, and a couple hours in, I looked at the clock, and told him that at the moment, the total time we've spent staying up talking equaled 24 hours. And entire day overall devoted solely to talking to him.. And then he pulled me in, and held me tightly. It wasn't really a hug, we just kinda sat there, his arms surrounding me. I actually shivered.

After that, we started doing that every time we talked. Two days before school ended, he was over, and my parents were drunk and fighting, so my mom slept in the living room, which was close to my little brother's room, which was the room Jess and I used for talking once I moved into a new house (my little brother never slept in it). She was a really light sleeper too, so this time we couldn't talk; just held each other for a few hours. Once I had to leave, he stopped me, and said "I have a crazy idea, Shelby (my name). What if I kissed you goodnight?" And of course I agreed, and then it happened.. It was my first kiss, and I couldn't have chosen anyone better to devote it to.

Finally, things had progressed into a relationship; what I'd been waiting for since the first moment I saw him.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________

He's exactly what I could imagine to want in a person. He's two years older, and yet doesn't pressure me to do anything I'm not comfortable with. He's strong, yet can be so gentle.. And he always can think of something to say. He's in touch with his emotions, and appreciates nature, can write with such poetic detail, and is intelligent.. He wants to spend time with me, often. I have this problem where I suspect that people don't like me, no matter how good of friends I am with them, but he always has ways to remind me that he does like me, in vast quantities. I can't imagine being with anyone else but him. I can't get my mind off of him, and when I have to leave him after hanging out for a while, it's hugely difficult. He's even in my dreams, almost every night, always protecting me from evil forces.

This has to be love, I can't think of any other word to describe it.. Can it be? I'm only fourteen, and haven't been in a relationship before, as I've mentioned, but I spent so much time getting to know him before things grew into what it is now, it seems, and with the way I feel when I look at him, think about him, hug him... I must love him. Do I?

Dizzy · 06-28-2011, 12:54 AM

Sounds like a kind of love to me (but then, this isn't exactly my forte).

Even if it's not, you're definitely gonna want to keep him around.

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 06-28-2011, 01:27 AM

Teenagers and young adults are coming into the world of adulthood with cannons firing. With growing maturity, even for 14 year olds, they start to experience things like "love" as well as they can. Yes, for those few weeks, your friends are in love with their partner, as much as they can be in love. And the breakups, and the heartache, and the crying are all real grief over what they've lost. But next time, they fall in love again, the kind of love they are experiencing, and then the cycle starts over. Sometimes it works. Sometimes they go through dozens of relationships. But they're all as real as they can be.

Young folks can feel love that's just as legitimate as older people. The biggest difference is, most teens don't have enough life experience to know the right way to treat others (and a vast number of adults never learn how, either). They will feel real things, but they don't always know what to do with those feelings, and it doesn't help in the least that the media in constantly portraying social interactions as these huge dramatic exchanges. Real life doesn't work like TV.

One of the things that you will learn is, feeling high and mighty, and belittling the experiences of others around you is just as "childish" as anything else. If you're all caught up in thinking you can't be "really" in love, it's because all this time you've spent dismissing the feelings of everyone else. Their emotions are running high, and added with the grand rushes of hormones that we all get around that decade of life, it all seems absurd from the sidelines. Then you have your own experience and suddenly your perspective is flipped (or worse, you think you're special and different and not like those immature people who don't know what love is).

So if you've met someone you really like, then sure, of course it can be love. Take it slowly, enjoy your time together. Don't depend on him for everything, though: be your own person, go out without him, don't make him the only thing in your life. Consider how you want to be treated, and treat him with the same kindness, respect and dignity. And above all, COMMUNICATE. If something's good, tell him. If something upsets you, let him know how you're feeling. Love is a set of emotions, but love is also an ongoing interaction. Love is something you build through your behaviour towards one another.

***Cosmonautical*** · 06-28-2011, 01:41 AM

I think I was in love once.

She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

The Spark · 06-28-2011, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds

One of the things that you will learn is, feeling high and mighty, and belittling the experiences of others around you is just as "childish" as anything else. If you're all caught up in thinking you can't be "really" in love, it's because all this time you've spent dismissing the feelings of everyone else. Their emotions are running high, and added with the grand rushes of hormones that we all get around that decade of life, it all seems absurd from the sidelines. Then you have your own experience and suddenly your perspective is flipped (or worse, you think you're special and different and not like those immature people who don't know what love is).

It isn't everyone else who's feeling's i'm dismissing, just the ones who claim their in love, when they date random people for short periods of time, and when they get bored of them, they break up and go to someone new. I don't see how that can be love, if it seems clear that it is just for attention. I'm not even really saying that they don't know what love is, just that I don't understand how what they're doing can really be considered as love, although now that I consider it, love is a pretty open emotion, depending on the person.. I'm not trying to judge people, maybe it's simply that I don't understand the way that they go about being in relationships. I guess I'm just confused.. Hm. Plus, like you said, I do dismiss the feelings of others, which makes me question what I myself am feeling. You're right, and I should stop basing my emotions on other people's. I still can't help but feel that some people will toss around a word that in my eyes is so incredibly powerful, without really considering all that it should mean, to me personally anyway. However, that's them, and if they believe "love" means they just enjoy hanging out with the person for a little, then they should be able to.

Thanks, you really helped change my perspective for the better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by People of the AMS

I think I was in love once.

She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

I'm pretty sure that's not love.

SephirothKirby · 06-28-2011, 01:52 AM

I came in to this thread full of hope and insight.

but then SD

**Loot** · 06-28-2011, 02:25 AM

Yes, SD ruins many things for us. We simply cannot progress in the right direction so long as SD bears down on us. After all, who else is there to blame for our inability to find happiness, or help our neighbors, or even walk down the stree-

... Wait, SK, are you referring to South Dakota

SephirothKirby · 06-28-2011, 02:36 AM

of course

Kil'jaeden · 06-28-2011, 05:37 AM

You can't feel real love until you are 18. 21 or 20 in other countries.

***Cosmonautical*** · 06-28-2011, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Spark

I'm pretty sure that's not love.

Damn it!

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 06-28-2011, 08:03 AM

Love is just a word. What you mean by that word can change, depending on how you use it. You love your family, you love your friends, you fall in love with a guy. You love your pets, you love your favourite food. Love is what you want it to be. Love can be, "You're awesome, and I want to spend all my time with you for the rest of forever". Love can be, "You're awesome, and I really like our time together, but I don't see us doing the married and babies thing". Love can be, "You're funny and hot and I want to be the one you like best". Love can be, "We never talk, but if you ever needed me, I would do everything I could to help you out". Love can be, "I hate you, but I need you". Love can be, "I would hold you and cherish you through your best and worst, but I need to get out and explore who I am first, and that even means giving you up, even though you're everything I can ever imagine wanting". Love is just a word. Its meaning is all in how you use it.

06-28-2011, 12:47 AM	#1
The Spark Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: At the bottom of the shipping address list Gender: Posts: 1,743 Thanks: 156 Thanked 74 Times in 54 Posts	Is it wrong... To feel like you're in love, even though you're only fourteen? I look at peers, and see that they say they love their boyfriend, and they want to be with them forever, and then a couple weeks later the relationship ends and they cry, only to get back in a new one, and say they love them, and then they break up... again and again and again. They run through people like water, as though it means nothing, even though they act as though their partner means everything to them, and are so heart-broken when they lose the other.. What I'm trying to say is, they obviously aren't in love, they just want attention from someone, and when it's over, they simply find someone new, regardless of whether or not they even actually like them. They're young, and naive, I can't help but doubt that they have no idea what love is. ..and yet, I can't help but feel as though I myself am in love, and I've never been in a real relationship before. At least other people actually have some experience. Allow me to elaborate... Although feel free to not read on. I'd like an answer, but if you don't feel like reading all of it, please simply skip to the last two paragraphs. Reading the entire thing isn't necessarily mandatory, in fact, I won't mind it you just click off this thread entirely, it's main purpose was to allow myself to reflect on everything personally, to see if I can understand it all better. FEBRUARY My older brother's friend came over, someone new. I went into his room, and there was this guy, obviously stoned, but I saw past that.. I can't explain it really, I just saw something in this guy that I'd never seen in anyone before. I wanted to talk to him, and get to know him. I said hello, and walked out. A few days later, he came over again, without the influence of marijuana this time. Late at night, my brother, him, and I, were watching a movie in the living room, and Gage (brother) fell asleep. Jess (the friend) and I began talking, and realized we actually had quite a bit in common. When the movie ended, we sat down in front of the tv, and searched my many stacks of movies for something new to watch, and ended up talking for two more hours. Finally, we settled on King Kong, and stayed up until 7:30 in the morning, watching the movie, and talking. OVER THE COURSE OF THE NEXT COUPLE MONTHS We began messaging on Facebook, in very detailed responses; pages long per reply. Eventually, we accumulated a mass of over three hundred messages in total. During this time, he occasionally came over, and we continued to talk nightly as everyone else fell to slumber, staying up usually until 5:30, before my mom woke up, as she didn't approve. When tennis season came around, I started going to the high school to talk to him before practice, and things expanded to where we would hug at every goodbye. One night, he asked if we could elongate the emotional connection by adding something physical: holding hands as we talked. Holding his hand and talking with him in the cool early morning air was like nothing i'd ever experienced before.. MAY We began talking as usual, and a couple hours in, I looked at the clock, and told him that at the moment, the total time we've spent staying up talking equaled 24 hours. And entire day overall devoted solely to talking to him.. And then he pulled me in, and held me tightly. It wasn't really a hug, we just kinda sat there, his arms surrounding me. I actually shivered. After that, we started doing that every time we talked. Two days before school ended, he was over, and my parents were drunk and fighting, so my mom slept in the living room, which was close to my little brother's room, which was the room Jess and I used for talking once I moved into a new house (my little brother never slept in it). She was a really light sleeper too, so this time we couldn't talk; just held each other for a few hours. Once I had to leave, he stopped me, and said "I have a crazy idea, Shelby (my name). What if I kissed you goodnight?" And of course I agreed, and then it happened.. It was my first kiss, and I couldn't have chosen anyone better to devote it to. Finally, things had progressed into a relationship; what I'd been waiting for since the first moment I saw him. __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________ He's exactly what I could imagine to want in a person. He's two years older, and yet doesn't pressure me to do anything I'm not comfortable with. He's strong, yet can be so gentle.. And he always can think of something to say. He's in touch with his emotions, and appreciates nature, can write with such poetic detail, and is intelligent.. He wants to spend time with me, often. I have this problem where I suspect that people don't like me, no matter how good of friends I am with them, but he always has ways to remind me that he does like me, in vast quantities. I can't imagine being with anyone else but him. I can't get my mind off of him, and when I have to leave him after hanging out for a while, it's hugely difficult. He's even in my dreams, almost every night, always protecting me from evil forces. This has to be love, I can't think of any other word to describe it.. Can it be? I'm only fourteen, and haven't been in a relationship before, as I've mentioned, but I spent so much time getting to know him before things grew into what it is now, it seems, and with the way I feel when I look at him, think about him, hug him... I must love him. Do I?

06-28-2011, 12:54 AM	#2
Dizzy Podiaphobe Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender: Posts: 19,359 Thanks: 1,764 Thanked 1,161 Times in 804 Posts Blog Entries: 116	Sounds like a kind of love to me (but then, this isn't exactly my forte). Even if it's not, you're definitely gonna want to keep him around.

06-28-2011, 01:27 AM	#3
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Teenagers and young adults are coming into the world of adulthood with cannons firing. With growing maturity, even for 14 year olds, they start to experience things like "love" as well as they can. Yes, for those few weeks, your friends are in love with their partner, as much as they can be in love. And the breakups, and the heartache, and the crying are all real grief over what they've lost. But next time, they fall in love again, the kind of love they are experiencing, and then the cycle starts over. Sometimes it works. Sometimes they go through dozens of relationships. But they're all as real as they can be. Young folks can feel love that's just as legitimate as older people. The biggest difference is, most teens don't have enough life experience to know the right way to treat others (and a vast number of adults never learn how, either). They will feel real things, but they don't always know what to do with those feelings, and it doesn't help in the least that the media in constantly portraying social interactions as these huge dramatic exchanges. Real life doesn't work like TV. One of the things that you will learn is, feeling high and mighty, and belittling the experiences of others around you is just as "childish" as anything else. If you're all caught up in thinking you can't be "really" in love, it's because all this time you've spent dismissing the feelings of everyone else. Their emotions are running high, and added with the grand rushes of hormones that we all get around that decade of life, it all seems absurd from the sidelines. Then you have your own experience and suddenly your perspective is flipped (or worse, you think you're special and different and not like those immature people who don't know what love is). So if you've met someone you really like, then sure, of course it can be love. Take it slowly, enjoy your time together. Don't depend on him for everything, though: be your own person, go out without him, don't make him the only thing in your life. Consider how you want to be treated, and treat him with the same kindness, respect and dignity. And above all, COMMUNICATE. If something's good, tell him. If something upsets you, let him know how you're feeling. Love is a set of emotions, but love is also an ongoing interaction. Love is something you build through your behaviour towards one another.

06-28-2011, 01:41 AM	#4
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,100 Thanks: 2,156 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	I think I was in love once. She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

06-28-2011, 01:52 AM	#6
SephirothKirby Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it. Gender: Posts: 7,213 Thanks: 373 Thanked 760 Times in 447 Posts	I came in to this thread full of hope and insight. but then SD

06-28-2011, 02:25 AM	#7
Loot Apparently I'm a mod? Join Date: May 2001 Location: LEGITIMATE BUSINESS Gender: Posts: 13,208 Thanks: 236 Thanked 1,237 Times in 659 Posts	Yes, SD ruins many things for us. We simply cannot progress in the right direction so long as SD bears down on us. After all, who else is there to blame for our inability to find happiness, or help our neighbors, or even walk down the stree- ... Wait, SK, are you referring to South Dakota

06-28-2011, 02:36 AM	#8
SephirothKirby Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it. Gender: Posts: 7,213 Thanks: 373 Thanked 760 Times in 447 Posts	of course

06-28-2011, 05:37 AM	#9
Kil'jaeden Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: in your mind Gender: Posts: 2,132 Thanks: 21 Thanked 146 Times in 99 Posts	You can't feel real love until you are 18. 21 or 20 in other countries.

06-28-2011, 08:03 AM	#11
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 28,504 Thanks: 1,658 Thanked 1,820 Times in 1,042 Posts	Love is just a word. What you mean by that word can change, depending on how you use it. You love your family, you love your friends, you fall in love with a guy. You love your pets, you love your favourite food. Love is what you want it to be. Love can be, "You're awesome, and I want to spend all my time with you for the rest of forever". Love can be, "You're awesome, and I really like our time together, but I don't see us doing the married and babies thing". Love can be, "You're funny and hot and I want to be the one you like best". Love can be, "We never talk, but if you ever needed me, I would do everything I could to help you out". Love can be, "I hate you, but I need you". Love can be, "I would hold you and cherish you through your best and worst, but I need to get out and explore who I am first, and that even means giving you up, even though you're everything I can ever imagine wanting". Love is just a word. Its meaning is all in how you use it.