Back when I was her baby and stuff.

The Lava Level Lifeguard · 02-05-2006, 07:02 PM

Hi I'm new and hate my job.

So anyways, last summer, I took my girlfriend Carla on a date to the county fair and where do we go first? Do ya really have ta ask? Well duh, we go to the freakshow booths, of course! So we're in there having a nice romantic time goggling at various freaks of nature, ya know? But when I saw the fat lady, she looked a little too fat to be true (or faux fat, as I believe the term goes) and I thought, "Nuh-uh, this can't be real, it's just special effects and stuff." So I demanded my money back forthwith.

But they wouldn't give me my money back! They just wouldn't! And they kept on and on with their assertions that said fat lady was in fact genuine. So I said "Mmmkay, if she's real, let me go in there and pinch her on the cheek to make sure she's not a dummy, or just a big pile of pudding sculpted to give off the illusion that I am in fact viewing a fat lady." And much to my surprise the guy working there says, "Yes, okay, pinch her! (face or elsewhere, as per option)"

So I turned to Carla and I said: "Hear that? They say it's okay for YOU to go in there and pinch the fat lady on her cheek!" So Carla just sighed, and she went in there and pinched the fat lady, and I must testify that the fat lady did indeed actually mutter "Ouch." And I said to Carla upon her return: "Know what, you're a real trooper, and that's why I love ya, and oh yes by the way one more thing you are NEVER TOUCHING ME WITH THAT HAND AGAIN."

So after that our relationship got weird and we broke up. Sad, huh?

Erdawn Il Deus · 02-06-2006, 07:11 PM

You're retarded. =P Go drink Varnish.

SevenForever · 02-06-2006, 07:21 PM

Wow. A serverly obeses woman can actually ruin a relationship.

The Lava Level Lifeguard · 02-06-2006, 08:15 PM

SevenForever> You know what they say, it ain't over till the fat lady gets pinched.

And Erdawn Il Deus...I can't say I'm not used to harsh treatment...kinda comes with my lava gig. (By the way by some odd coincidence my samba instructor is also named Erdawn, only his name is Erdawn Il Day-O, as in daylight come and me won go home)

But anyways, don't you think your hostility has been wrongly directed at me when you should really be mad at Carla? Afterall, she's the one who violated the fat lady's humanitarian rights by pinching her without consent. And if you wanna go on a scale of net weight, Carla actually violated fifteen people's human rights all in ONE pinch. (2000lbs=15 people) By the way I don't drink varnish on command, ya have ta pay me, or else flash serious credentials, made serious by the fact that you flashed them really quickly.

Partha Somebody · 02-07-2006, 08:26 PM

the fairs near me never have freaks.... that makes me sad

Erdawn Il Deus · 02-10-2006, 01:07 PM

See, what I think we're doing here, is avoiding the real mater at hand, which would be you - drinking Varnish. Or turpentine. Drain-O? Maybe a mix of all three?

02-05-2006, 07:02 PM	#1
The Lava Level Lifeguard Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: BrinkaWillow, Florida Posts: 26 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 2,096.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 2,596.00 Donate	Back when I was her baby and stuff. Hi I'm new and hate my job. So anyways, last summer, I took my girlfriend Carla on a date to the county fair and where do we go first? Do ya really have ta ask? Well duh, we go to the freakshow booths, of course! So we're in there having a nice romantic time goggling at various freaks of nature, ya know? But when I saw the fat lady, she looked a little too fat to be true (or faux fat, as I believe the term goes) and I thought, "Nuh-uh, this can't be real, it's just special effects and stuff." So I demanded my money back forthwith. But they wouldn't give me my money back! They just wouldn't! And they kept on and on with their assertions that said fat lady was in fact genuine. So I said "Mmmkay, if she's real, let me go in there and pinch her on the cheek to make sure she's not a dummy, or just a big pile of pudding sculpted to give off the illusion that I am in fact viewing a fat lady." And much to my surprise the guy working there says, "Yes, okay, pinch her! (face or elsewhere, as per option)" So I turned to Carla and I said: "Hear that? They say it's okay for YOU to go in there and pinch the fat lady on her cheek!" So Carla just sighed, and she went in there and pinched the fat lady, and I must testify that the fat lady did indeed actually mutter "Ouch." And I said to Carla upon her return: "Know what, you're a real trooper, and that's why I love ya, and oh yes by the way one more thing you are NEVER TOUCHING ME WITH THAT HAND AGAIN." So after that our relationship got weird and we broke up. Sad, huh?

02-06-2006, 08:15 PM	#4
The Lava Level Lifeguard Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: BrinkaWillow, Florida Posts: 26 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 2,096.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 2,596.00 Donate	SevenForever> You know what they say, it ain't over till the fat lady gets pinched. And Erdawn Il Deus...I can't say I'm not used to harsh treatment...kinda comes with my lava gig. (By the way by some odd coincidence my samba instructor is also named Erdawn, only his name is Erdawn Il Day-O, as in daylight come and me won go home) But anyways, don't you think your hostility has been wrongly directed at me when you should really be mad at Carla? Afterall, she's the one who violated the fat lady's humanitarian rights by pinching her without consent. And if you wanna go on a scale of net weight, Carla actually violated fifteen people's human rights all in ONE pinch. (2000lbs=15 people) By the way I don't drink varnish on command, ya have ta pay me, or else flash serious credentials, made serious by the fact that you flashed them really quickly. Last edited by The Lava Level Lifeguard; 02-06-2006 at 11:10 PM.

02-06-2006, 07:11 PM	#2
Erdawn Il Deus Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Threading the jeweled thrones of earth under my sandalled feet Gender: Posts: 2,990 Thanks: 4 Thanked 45 Times in 39 Posts Points: 23,739.11 Bank: 788.45 Total Points: 24,527.56 Donate	You're retarded. =P Go drink Varnish.

02-06-2006, 07:21 PM	#3
SevenForever Newbie Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: The icy realm known as "Canada" Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 567.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 1,067.00 Donate	Wow. A serverly obeses woman can actually ruin a relationship.

02-07-2006, 08:26 PM	#5
Partha Somebody Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Maryland Gender: Posts: 81 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Points: 1,201.00 Bank: 500.00 Total Points: 1,701.00 Donate	the fairs near me never have freaks.... that makes me sad

02-10-2006, 01:07 PM	#6
Erdawn Il Deus Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Threading the jeweled thrones of earth under my sandalled feet Gender: Posts: 2,990 Thanks: 4 Thanked 45 Times in 39 Posts Points: 23,739.11 Bank: 788.45 Total Points: 24,527.56 Donate	See, what I think we're doing here, is avoiding the real mater at hand, which would be you - drinking Varnish. Or turpentine. Drain-O? Maybe a mix of all three?