Update on the soap opera called my life

[Sean P Kelly]

After the love stinks from last month, I thought it would be fair to say have things have changed.

Well, I have recovered from the whole "found out that girl I like had a boyfriend" revelation and it's back to business so to speak.

I am still hanging out with this girl (who I'm about 90% sure is currently single) after class and such, while I secretly habour a crush with her.

I've been watching The Office lately, and I can't help but find a similarity between my relationship with this girl and the relationship between Jim and Pam (or Tim and Dawn on the British version).

Well anyways, I am in my final month of classes for the Fall/Winter session. After this month, me and this girl will no longer be classmates and, as such, I would be seeing her less often.

This adds a bit of urgency about whether or not I should reveal my feelings for her. I don't know if I should tell her and risk destorying the friendship (and, currently being my only friend at University, that would be devestating) or if I should not tell her and continue developing our relationship on a highly reduced basis (she would still be on my MSN contact list and I'll probably see her around).

Either way, her birthday is in two weeks and I'm planning on giving her a small present (a movie gift certificate).

I know there are probably other fish in the sea if this doesn't work out, but I'm turning 24 in a little over a month and I don't really have the time anymore to "cruise the dating scene" so to speak.

[Perrin Aybara]

If you're posting this here to shoot for advice, I'm just going to tell you to go for it again. And if you didn't post this here for advice, well, I'm going to tell you to go for it again anyway.

Dude, just go for it. Tell her how you feel.

And I'm serious, and not trying to be funny or anything.

I know just how you feel. I was in the same situation. I had feelings for the girl I went to the prom with for six years, all through college. We went to different schools, but we remained close friends through e-mail and seeing each other during the breaks. I had feelings for her, and I wanted to get closer to her, but I was always too afraid to say anything, because, like you, I was afraid of ruining our friendship. Because I have been friends with this girl since high school now, and she has been one of my closest friends.

But yeah, I finally got the courage to say something to her last year, she said she had some feelings for me too, we tried getting closer to each other for the next couple of months, dating I guess you could call it, and it didn't work out. But we're still close friends, and I still talk to her just as much as I did before. But I know now that a relationship with this girl will never work. Before, I was eaten up by the unanswered question, "would this work out?" But at least now I know, and I can move on with my life. And I can still be friends with her.

And I think that it is important to live your life without any regrets. I keep thinking to myself that I don't want to look back on my life 50 years from now and kick myself for not doing something. I don't want to live my life with any regrets. I took a chance, and I think I've grown as a person from the experience. Now just I hope that I'll be able to take another chance like that sometime.

But yeah, it's your life. Live it how you want. That's what's important. Good luck.-jay

[Curly Brace]

Does your gut tell you to do something? If so, do it. Never fear rejection, because rejection is a normal part of life. If you do get rejected, then there's your sign that you wern't meant to be with her...

...But 24 is just an age. You still have time to see the world too... Live, but live knowing that you have love.

[Sean P Kelly]

Another issue that makes this a bit complicated is that even though we are both first year University students, she is 4 years younger than me.

I know you would probably say that age doesn't matter and you're probably right (it's far from a "Tomkat" sized difference and my parents have a larger age difference between them).

It's just that she's the first girl (to my knowledge) I've liked, who had more than a one or two year difference. I'm afraid that she would prefer to be someone closer to her own age and that she might be scared away if this older guy revealed he had feeling for her, friends or not.

I can't tell her. I have no other friends at York. Most, if not all, of the people I once knew in highschool are long gone. I need this friendship to remain intact at all costs.

At the same time, my feelings for this girl get a bit stronger everytime I see her and it's starting to get hard keeping them bottled up. I've been trying to think of ways to reveal my feelings, without telling her. That's part of the reason I plan on giving her the birthday gift. I want to show her that I care.

You know, sometimes I think that I want to be with this girl so much because of been single for so long and has so many disapointments over the years and I don't want this girl to be just another "never was" on my list.

On the other hand, I feel that she's the perfect match for me. We get along great, we are both big movie fans, we have similar ethnic backgrounds, our personalities are very close, etc.

I just don't know what to do. I didn't really create this topic for advice, I just wanted to vent all the stuff going on in my mind. However, you are free to give advice if you want to.

[CaptHayfever]

Okay, first of all: Never use the word "Tomkat" again.

All kidding aside, I'm siding with the persons above you; talk to her.
If she doesn't share the sentiment, you CAN maintain a friendship (I speak from experience here).
And if she does share the sentiment, then you kids just be careful, ya hear?

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Link2000]

I tried going out with a good friend once, didn't work out at all. It was akward for a couple of weeks or so, but now we're actually closer than before.

[Sean P Kelly]

I've been thinking about this hard.

I know you want me to tell this girl I have feeling for her. Heck, I myself really want to tell her.

However, I feel that I would rather find a way to SHOW her how I feel. If I just go out and tell her, even if she doesn't end the friendship, I would probably feel too awkward to continue hanging out with her.

However, the thing with this plan is that my feelings grow stronger, while time grows shorter.

There are only 6 days left that I am guaranteed to see this girl and, unless we take another class together, that will be it for the rest of my time (I know that I'll see her, but it would't be as regular).

Next Friday is her birthday and, like I said, I bought some movie gift certificates to give to her as a gift. I have been hoping to use her reaction to the gift to try and gauge any feelings (if any) she has for me. If that plan doesn't work, I really don't know what I am going to do.

[Irkenwarrior12]

Good luck man.

[Koga]

4 years age difference doesn't mean anything if both are over 20. It's different if one is 14 and the other is 18, for example.

Dawn wasn't single in the office, btw.

I'm sorry for posting out those technicalities. But like the others have said, just go for it.

[Perrin Aybara]

Sean, the anticipation and the suspense that you're putting yourself through is much, much worse than any possible outcome to you just telling her how you feel. That's the truth. Like I said, I was in the same situation. You're putting too much thought into this, and I bet it's just making you feel terrible. But I'm telling you, if you simply tell her how you feel, everything will be much better. Even if it doesn't work out. You can still be friends. And simply by knowing that it's not going to work out, it's a lot better than this current state of not knowing that you're in.

Sean, you're going to feel a lot worse if you don't say something and regret it for the rest of your life than if you tell her how you feel and you get shot down. Trust me. Things always get better after you get shot down. But regret stays with you for the rest of your life.

Like I said, trust me. I feel a lot better now that I have told the girl and got shot down, than I did before I told her.

Just wanted to add my 2 cents. Good luck, Sean. Don't worry so much about it, though.-jay

[Sean P Kelly]

Originally Posted by Koga

4 years age difference doesn't mean anything if both are over 20. It's different if one is 14 and the other is 18, for example.

She turns 20 on Friday

Originally Posted by Koga

Dawn wasn't single in the office, btw.

I know that. Though I find similarities in everything else (though I only watched the American version, so I'm comparing myself to that).

[Sean P Kelly]

Originally Posted by Perrin Aybara

Sean, the anticipation and the suspense that you're putting yourself through is much, much worse than any possible outcome to you just telling her how you feel. That's the truth. Like I said, I was in the same situation. You're putting too much thought into this, and I bet it's just making you feel terrible. But I'm telling you, if you simply tell her how you feel, everything will be much better. Even if it doesn't work out. You can still be friends. And simply by knowing that it's not going to work out, it's a lot better than this current state of not knowing that you're in.

Sean, you're going to feel a lot worse if you don't say something and regret it for the rest of your life than if you tell her how you feel and you get shot down. Trust me. Things always get better after you get shot down. But regret stays with you for the rest of your life.

Like I said, trust me. I feel a lot better now that I have told the girl and got shot down, than I did before I told her.

Just wanted to add my 2 cents. Good luck, Sean. Don't worry so much about it, though.-jay

I get your point, but honestly, I would rather suppress my feelings and spend the rest of my life regretting it than reveal them and risk lost losing, honestly, my first real non-relative friend since elementary school.

Maybe in the future I would be more willing to reveal my feeling, but not now when our friendship is still pretty new.

[Sean P Kelly]

Originally Posted by Gimpy

Next Friday is her birthday and, like I said, I bought some movie gift certificates to give to her as a gift. I have been hoping to use her reaction to the gift to try and gauge any feelings (if any) she has for me. If that plan doesn't work, I really don't know what I am going to do.

When I wrote that, I never expected in a million years that the first thing that she would say after seeing the gift certificates was that me and her should go to a movie together sometime.

Woah...

[CaptHayfever]

See, dude, what'd everybody tell you?

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

People generally don't go around hating their friends just for expressed romantic interest. I hope everything's going well for you, Sean, and that you find the right time and strength to tell your lady-friend that she's very special to you ^_^