My name is Bomby and I'm horrible with relationships of all types.

[Bomby]

I don't know how to meet people outside of work and school. Since I don't drink that pretty much leaves parties, bars, and clubs out of the question. I'm not religious, so there goes churches, temples, mosques, etc. The friendships I make in classes only seem to last until the end of the discussion, and disappear until that class reconvenes in the next scheduled time. I make a wide variety of friends in the dorms, but once I'm out of the dorms, I don't see them very much.

Even in a group of people, I'm generally always the one who is least connected to the group. The odd man in. I never hang out with people I work with outside of work, and though I generally like them, it's hard to find common interests with them. Even here at VGF I feel as if I'm not particularly as close to the other members as many of the other members here are to each other.

I can't start a dating relationship because apparently I'm this great, wonderful, handsome person that just doesn't quite make anyone feel "crushy" inside. You know what it feels like to be told by a girl that she would TOTALLY want to date you... if she were a few inches shorter or you were a few inches taller?

With the friends I do have, for some reason I can never get myself to call them up without them calling me first. I never initiate (unless I'm trying to get a girl I like to hang out). At times I even find myself pushing others away when I know I shouldn't be doing so.

[Vapor]

DAMN... I actually have a very similar situation. it saddens me.

[Blake]

Yeah I think this stage of life irritating. I'm at the point where I only have one best friend (out of 5 four years ago) who actually talks to me nowadays on AIM. I hang out with 3 of my friends when I return 'home' in the summer usually. Now one of those best friends is in the Navy so I won't be seeing him anymore (he's already began to move on I can tell which is fine, that's how life is). I suppose in due time me the others will split up and go our own ways.

In the meantime I go to school and do tutoring for java. I met a real lot of people, I practically know ALL the CS majors, yet I haven't got to hang out with any of them (except for 1 guy for 2 D&D sessions). I probably can speak for both of us when I say life seems boring and uneventful. All I do right now is just sit in my house and play Wacraft III, VGF, and talk to that one best friend who actually talks to me on aim.

Oh yeah, and like you I am not old enough to drink, yet it wouldn't matter cause I don't like large parties with people I don't know, I don't go to church, and I play Golf, which of course at this age of life isn't too popular with others. Even the CS majors I do know don't seem like geeks, I feel because I don't have the latest console that I am out of the loop. (What I'd do for people to appreciate the classic games! ).

And yes, relationship wise there's no one ga-ga over me. I wasn't born that type of guy. I'm the kind of person that a woman would say "He's a nice guy but.."

Oh, and I'm not particularly one of those people that is in the 'vgf loop' either, I have no idea what this 'face' thing is everyone's changing their names to but that still doesn't stop me from talking to people. There's no mind, body, and spirit in VGF, it's just posting.

Anyway, sorry for yet another epic-long post. Although I have no solution to this problem, rest assured that you're not the only one out here and that we're here to chill with you if those relationships ain't cutting it.

[The Doctor]

Originally Posted by Vapor

DAMN... I actually have a very similar situation. it saddens me.

This. Expect I have got the whole dorm thing going on.

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

Every friend in my life has either changed too drastically (no more common interests/gone retarded about everything) or just left and done their own thing without a backwards glance to me. Any new friends I try to make never have time, never really seem to like things I do or just never want to try. I'm not going to be the ONLY person trying to make the friendship work- they need to show some interest, too.

Seems I'm only capable of keeping friends online.

Well, apart from AI, HotD and AS. But they all live with me (while AS is in the country, at least). And willingly!

I dunno about you guys, but I often wonder if I'm somehow broken. Maybe the rest of the world has got it right, and I'm the one at fault for all these non-friendships. Eh.

That said, I'd gladly meet up with all of you and hang out, if I could. Bomby, Vapor, Blake, Nomyt... all of you. If nothing else, you guys are all important to me (and others at VGF). *hug*

[DELICIOUS POISON]

Yeah, I can sympathize. I had a lot of friends back home, but I've moved and am trying to get past that. I know most things don't last the way you think they would, but it's hard not to feel a bit glum about it.

Bomby, I think you're a pretty kickass hangout-kinda-guy. I wish I could share your enthusiasm for the things you're into, but it's hard to get into new interests with people when it's all on the net. I've got friends back home that don't really do much with me but just hangout, and that's cool enough for me, though. I don't expect everyone to have exciting new **** to talk about all the time, and I'd get worn out pretty fast if they did.

VGF is a community mostly full of unusually-intelligent or creative introverts. I dig it.

[Chunky Kong12345]

Originally Posted by Serial Miller

VGF is a community mostly full of unusually-intelligent or creative introverts. I dig it.

exception #1

[The Doctor]

*hugs SD back*

[i thot u wer my frend]

Same situation here. Sure, there are people I talk to a lot at school, but I don't really hang out with them outside of it. I also for some reason won't call without them calling me first. I usually just put a message on AIM saying that I want to do something somewhere with someone and tell them to IM me saying what to do. March, ML, and UN are the exceptions to this rule because I don't see them that often and I'd be excited to hang out with them at some random gas station. There were some other exceptions but they're in Wisconsin now (and as you know, one of them may not be as excited to do something with me.)

[Swordmaster Link]

I definitely understand what you're saying. What I would say as far as finding common interests with others is, the best you can do is put yourself out there...when you're hanging out with your various friends try to focus on/highlight your own unique characteristics, I find that this method funnels out the people that you wouldn't necessarily hang out with on the regular.

Also, there's just the fact that sometimes your best friends don't necessarily share too much in common as far as hobbies go, but just feel comfortable around you. Mainly though, you get as much as you put into a relationship...so sometimes taking the initiative is necessary to build them up. It takes two people to form or break any kind of relationship, so as long as you're willing to establish a close friendship with someone, things usually have a way of working out.

I think that makes sense.

[The Joker]

Bomby man your OG in my book. As for myself if I wasn’t part of such a typically HUGE Hispanic family I wouldn’t really go out and kick it with anyone. I have only one real friend who’s my BFF (besides my wife) and other than him I really only associate with my family ie. brothers/cousins/co-workers/wife&kid. In the end man as long as you hang in there and don’t let the situation get you down, your personality will shine through and those worthy of a true friendship with you will present themselves.

As for girlfriend relationships it really takes a while to find the right person who’s going to have those “crushy” feelings. In my experience it usually happened to girls I either had no interest in or girls who’s personality were in direct conflict with mine. And believe me when I say I know how tiring the old “I would so date you …” scenario can go, but the fact that you can even get girls to talk to you is above what many other guys are getting right now. Besides, I can tell that you’re a cool guy because anyone with enough charisma and intelligence as you could have easily conned a young naïve girl into falling in love. I’ve done it plenty of times to know that it takes a certain level of depravity and all around lack of respect for women to successfully pull such a feat off. The fact that you choose to be honest and a real person with the girls that you associate shows that your one of the guys who will one day get the girl he deserves. I on the other hand lucked out and got mine despite my early years of heartbreaking and willful destruction of the female soul.

And lastly I can tell from your Blog to your short video that you posses a great number of talents that I like to thing I share. And if I resided in your neighborhood you would definitely have an honest friend in me. What’s the most important thing is that you’ve managed to survive this long with the minimal social contact that you’ve had so far. If anything this proves you to be both strong willed and independent. Some individuals have such low self-esteems that they constantly need validation from their friends which can sometimes be smothering. Its those people who can function with out the need to constantly be engaged in social settings that often times have more productive relationships with the people they do call friends.

Many individuals in your life will come and go, most you will never hear from again…..but to those few that stay or remember to pick up that damn phone once in a while to say hello or kick it…they will be the ones that make the word friend have value and substance.

[Bomby]

Wow. That just might be the most poignant thing I've ever read.

[Swordmaster Link]

If I could only thank one post on this website forever, that would be it.

[March of the Covenant]

That was pretty amazing.

[Kil'jaeden]

I can relate to pretty much everything Malik has said.

[Brandon2390]

Malik, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. As somebody who just graduated from high school a few weeks ago, I can honestly say that throughout high school I belonged to no clicks at all. I talked to generally everyone. But that's basically it, I talked. I have one best friend who lives across the street from me, but other than that, I have always been one of those people who are just there.

I guess the strange thing about me is I do most of the activities you named. I go to parties and social events all the time. The thing about me though, is that I'll usually say whats up to people and then not talk to them for the rest of the night. A lot of the people I know I'm just "cool" with. They would never confide in me about what is going on in their life, or they would never invite me over on a Saturday night when their parents are out and they're just inviting a few people over. Further proof of this I guess is the fact that I have a good 80 or so names in the phonebook on my cell, and more than half of them are people from my school. Out of all of those people, I talk to maybe 3 with any sort of regularity. The other names I got from one way or another, but I've never talked to a good amount of people in my phonebook on the phone. I'm not the type of guy who anybody would go to first besides my best friend.

As far as relationships go, I've been told over and over I'm an amazing guy, but it seemed every girl that has said that to me didn't think enough of me because I have never been in a relationship. I've been involved with girls, but never had the title. Each time it ends differently, but it's pretty much the same message every time.

But I'm going to college in about a month and a half so we will see if any of this changes. At the college I'm going to I don't know anybody going there and it's about an hour and a half away from home, so this is basically a chance for redemption.

[Everybody Nose]

Seeing as I've moved 4 times in my life (Tampa to Atlanta, Atlanta to Memphis, Memphis back to Atlanta, Atlanta to Birmingham), I could tell you how hard it is to make/keep friends.

For my first two years of high school, I had the hardest time making friends with people because I had the feeling that I'd be moving back to Georgia soon. Come Junior year, I realized that I was going to graduate before I moved back, and I began to open up a little bit more towards people. Once I let my real personality show, those people I considered my friends began flocking towards me.

It also helped that I tried to be active in certain areas (became president of a club, football, etc.) and began to meet more and more people in those areas. I never thought I was known by a lot of people in my school (mostly having to do with my school being so segregated, but that's a whole nother story), and I didn't care. I had my 2-3 real good friends, and the people I randomly associate with.

In college, it's kinda the same way:
A good majority of the students are from in-state (Alabama)
I'm the new guy from out of state
I don't club
I don't drink
If I "party" it's gotta be with a small number of people, I can't have assloads of people I don't know around me in that kinda setting.

First semester, safe to say I was pretty damn lonely, sure, I knew a couple of people (mainly my suitemates, and we did have some great times, if only we had cameras), but I didn't really KNOW anybody. Second semester I started branching out a little bit more, as I got into my fields (football, broadcasting) I began to meet people with similar interests. One of my good friends who we call LB, I met through Psychology/Facebook he's know one of my co-hosts for my show and a great friend of mine. It also helped when I went with him to a friend's room to hang out. I believe I've linked you to some of their songs Bomby.

Basically what I'm saying is, even though sometimes we may feel uncomfortable, it's always good to branch out into things and let things flow naturally. Especially if you've found what it is you want to do after college, find people in that field, connect, and begin working together.

Relationships though, oh boy.

This age is the experimental age you know? Not too many people are settling down to get married, this is like practice, so never be surprised that a lot of relationships don't work out. As I've said, you just have to naturally be you, that's all you can do.