Godzilla vs Megaguguirus, or some other crazy name.

A Genius · 02-07-2004, 10:09 AM

It's been a while since I've done a review (and even longer since I've reviewed a video game, not that I'm gonna start now, or even soon, for that matter), but I've been wanting to do one for a while now. There are several moviews I want to review (The Terminator and Psycho especially), but let's start with everyone's favorite fire breathing spiked lizard, Dragonman!

Who is Dragonman? Hell if I know. I think he's like Trogdor. "Trogdor was a man, uh, I mean he was a Dragonman..." Yeah. Let's go with that. He has spikes on his back, and stuff... he breathes fire, you know, "burninating the countryside", uh... I suppose he'd 'ave some sort of... Mandragon for an enemy, and Mandragon would be some guy with dragon legs. yeah. They'd fight for about half an hour, and that'd be the end of the movie. OOH! OOH! And then, Dragonman would kill the entire population of the Earth! I mean, the people, the whales, the insects, the plants, EVERYTHING! Oh, that'd make such an awesome movie. Until someone makes a movie like that, let's review Godzilla vs a big dragonfly who's name I don't know how to spell.

The movie starts out by explaining that Godzilla was attracted to the nuclear plants in Japan. The logical solution, therefore, would be to find a new source of power. Like hamsters. Or fish. Or, better yet, electricity. But instead of electricity, the crazy Japanese scientists create...

...
...

PLASMA POWER! OMGWTOMFFFFG!!!!!!1

And... as it turns out, Godzilla likes plasma power more. The end.

While that would make a perfectly suitable ending, the movies only reached the five minute length point by the time they explain all this, so from now on, the movie is nothing but subplots. If you get down to that, every movie is made of nothing but subplots so that's not a problem. Anyway, and army trying to defend Tokyo or wherever from Godzilla is doing poorly. Godzilla kills the commanding officer, and the Leuitenant (how do you spell "Leuitenant"? He's a girl, by the way.) swears revenge on Godzilla. Progress a bit, and she's enlisted a expert on cooking in the science department. This isn't really as ridiculous as it sounds, because he's not just a cook, he's a robotics genius.

Anyway, their plan is to create a synthetic black hole to suck up Godzilla. They test it, and it seems to work, so they leave. However, it also brings a strange object into this universe, you might just say it's an... EGG!!!

So, a stupid little kid grabs the egg, and drops it down the sewer. Why? Who knows! He's a little kid! Little kids suck! Anyway, this little kid has obviously just doomed society, so now, it's time to bring Godzilla into the fra, and be careful, the plot is about to become kind of hard to follow.

The egg unleashes millions of little dragonflies. Not small dragonflies, huge ones. Ones that eat people. The army tries to stop them, but is completely unsuccesful. The dragonflies swarm in, and, for reasons known only to themselves, start attacking Godzilla. Godzilla uses his nuclear breath to kill a bunch of them, but there seem to be too many. Then, the military use their orbital black hole machine to fire a black hole at Godzilla. However, with all the giant dragonflies around, the aiming gets screwed up, and the black hole ends up not affecting Godzilla and killing most of the dragonflies. Hooray! Or were we supposed to root for the military? Who knows?

Anyway, the surviving dragonflies go to Tokyo or wherever, which has flooded. They head underwater, and we see an ominous shape that they land on. They did a piss poor job with the special effects here, because some of the dragonflies look like they went splat on the camera. Anyway, the ominous shape moves, and its time to meet our other title character (I really almost wrote "title cancer" there), Megasomething! I think it's Megagguguiorus or Megagiguru or Megaguiogoiuguioruius. I certainly don't know how it's spelled, but let's call it Megaman for now.

Megaman flies out of the water, revealing her frightening exoskeleton body, fearful wings, and ominous straings attached to said wings. Megaman gives a frightful roar, and starts destroying buildings much smaller than she is by waving her wings so fast that she causes sonic booms, and in doing so, Megaman somehow destroys all electricity in Tokyo (this movie doesn't actually take place in Tokyo, but it's the only Japanese city who's name I can remember (that wasn't destroyed by the bomb)). Meanwhile, the Orbital Black Hole firer is ready to fire again, and Godzilla is coming out of the water again.

Are you confused? Let me just tell you a joke. See, a teacher is grading assingments, and one of the assingments read, Macbeth, Act # Scene # Line ##. I put # sings in because I can't remember the exact numbers. Either way, when she turned to the page in question and looked up the line, it said "I cannot do this bloody thing." Hence, I'll finish this review later today.

Anywho, these movies have lots of exposition, as you can see, but the bulk of them is usually the fighting sequences between Godzilla and another monster. It usually goes on for most of the movie. That, actually isn't a complaint, because while long fight sequences hae been done simply awfully in other movies after half an hour or so of cheesy acting and poor dubbing, pretty much anything can be entertaining. Those folks at Tokyo knew who their audiences were. Actually, the fight sequences stand up great on their own, for reasons I can't imagine. The more you think about it, the smarter Japanese people seem. Of course, if you think about it long enough, Garfield could be considered one of the reasons 9-11 occured. Damn you Garfield. Damn you to Hell.

Anyway, Godzilla usually doesn't have too much of a problem dispatching his enemies. There's usually a point where it looks like the other monster is gonna win, and sometimes the other monster actually does win, but he can usually make his way out of this mess, because 1. He's not actually fighting other monsters, he's fighting either men in rubber suits, string puppets, the military, dragonflies, or his ever decreasing popularity. Whereas instead of awkardly moving around, Megaman flies around quickly, dodging all of Godzilla's attacks. And he has a scorpion tail which can drain away all of Godzilla's energy. Couple that with being smart enough to stay away from Godzilla himself (don't want Godzilla to pull a drop kick when your not expecting it), and Godzilla's in trouble.

Meanwhile, the military is having trouble with their orbital anti-Godzilla black hole machine. It's not working. Most people are too high from the Godzilla vs Megaman scenes to figure out what's going on with the military at this point, but i include this paragraph because what happens next is just messed up. See, remember kitchen boy computer genius from earlier? I'm sure I mentioned him. Anyway, he creating a computer fixing program which is based around an anime girl in an army suit flying around cyberspace at 200 miles per minute, using her gun to clean up things. God(zilla), I can't describe how ridiculous it is, and I don't have pictures, so I suppose you'll just have to use your imagination. And that might actually be better, because you can imagine the anime girl with or without the army suit.

Meanwhile, Megaman has trapped Godzilla and is kicking his balls repeteadly. Godzilla, with some effort, gets free but Megaman is still on the run. But Godzilla has one last trick up his rubber sleeves, he hops. It's a little hop, but, mirculously, it brings him 100 feet into the air. Before Megaman or anybody else knows what's going on, Godzilla is bodyslamming her. Megaman, in panic, tries to sting Godzilla and sap his energy again, but Godzilla grabs her tail and breaks the stinger off. At this point, you know which way the battle's going, but Megaman isn't giving up yet, she prepares for one final attack, but before she can pull it off, Godzilla destroys her with a few well places nuclear breaths, causing Megaman to satisfactingly explode. We'll remember you, Megaman or whatever the hell your name was.

Godzilla keeps on destroying the city, though, and nobody can figure out why, until they realize, scientists are experimenting with plasma power in the city! That said, the military prepare to fire a black hole at him but the satellite is leaving orbit and crashing into Earth! So, the lead female climbs into a plane flies directly over Godzilla, uses herself as a target so the black hole machine can fire properly, then, once it's lock on, jumps out. The satellite fires just as it explodes, and sucks up Godzilla. Then End.

Haha, yeah right. Godzilla obviously survived. Trust me on this one.

It moves pretty slow in the beginning, but most Godzilla movies do. Once the giant dragonflies show up, success is guranteed, and once Megaguguioruorus shows up, it's classic. I suppose this review was pretty negative, but if you want to see Godzilla, this is what I recomend. Three Stars. (Out of four or possible five. Take your pick.)

-A Genius (Anime woman soldier saves computer! People rejoice! HOHOHOHO! Although to be quite frank, I'm not happy with how this review turned out. I actually like this movie a lot. Next time, I'll review a videogame. Feh...)

[ February 08, 2004, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: A Genius is stoopit ]

02-07-2004, 11:59 AM

YOUR REVIEW IS SO F*CKING FUNNY! [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img]

It reminds me of Seanbaby of EGM's reviews only it's far more irrelevant to the forum and sounds more psychologically deprived. And stating that the Megabunchofwords flying mosquito thingy as Megaman completely changes how the monster looks.

[ February 07, 2004, 12:48 PM: Message edited by: Fire EmblePony Fanboy ]

02-08-2004, 12:28 AM

[img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img]

That's all I have to say about your review.

02-07-2004, 10:09 AM	#1
A Genius Senior Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: Place Posts: 2,657 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	It's been a while since I've done a review (and even longer since I've reviewed a video game, not that I'm gonna start now, or even soon, for that matter), but I've been wanting to do one for a while now. There are several moviews I want to review (The Terminator and Psycho especially), but let's start with everyone's favorite fire breathing spiked lizard, Dragonman! Who is Dragonman? Hell if I know. I think he's like Trogdor. "Trogdor was a man, uh, I mean he was a Dragonman..." Yeah. Let's go with that. He has spikes on his back, and stuff... he breathes fire, you know, "burninating the countryside", uh... I suppose he'd 'ave some sort of... Mandragon for an enemy, and Mandragon would be some guy with dragon legs. yeah. They'd fight for about half an hour, and that'd be the end of the movie. OOH! OOH! And then, Dragonman would kill the entire population of the Earth! I mean, the people, the whales, the insects, the plants, EVERYTHING! Oh, that'd make such an awesome movie. Until someone makes a movie like that, let's review Godzilla vs a big dragonfly who's name I don't know how to spell. The movie starts out by explaining that Godzilla was attracted to the nuclear plants in Japan. The logical solution, therefore, would be to find a new source of power. Like hamsters. Or fish. Or, better yet, electricity. But instead of electricity, the crazy Japanese scientists create... ... ... PLASMA POWER! OMGWTOMFFFFG!!!!!!1 And... as it turns out, Godzilla likes plasma power more. The end. While that would make a perfectly suitable ending, the movies only reached the five minute length point by the time they explain all this, so from now on, the movie is nothing but subplots. If you get down to that, every movie is made of nothing but subplots so that's not a problem. Anyway, and army trying to defend Tokyo or wherever from Godzilla is doing poorly. Godzilla kills the commanding officer, and the Leuitenant (how do you spell "Leuitenant"? He's a girl, by the way.) swears revenge on Godzilla. Progress a bit, and she's enlisted a expert on cooking in the science department. This isn't really as ridiculous as it sounds, because he's not just a cook, he's a robotics genius. Anyway, their plan is to create a synthetic black hole to suck up Godzilla. They test it, and it seems to work, so they leave. However, it also brings a strange object into this universe, you might just say it's an... *EGG!!!* So, a stupid little kid grabs the egg, and drops it down the sewer. Why? Who knows! He's a little kid! Little kids suck! Anyway, this little kid has obviously just doomed society, so now, it's time to bring Godzilla into the fra, and be careful, the plot is about to become kind of hard to follow. The egg unleashes millions of little dragonflies. Not small dragonflies, huge ones. Ones that eat people. The army tries to stop them, but is completely unsuccesful. The dragonflies swarm in, and, for reasons known only to themselves, start attacking Godzilla. Godzilla uses his nuclear breath to kill a bunch of them, but there seem to be too many. Then, the military use their orbital black hole machine to fire a black hole at Godzilla. However, with all the giant dragonflies around, the aiming gets screwed up, and the black hole ends up not affecting Godzilla and killing most of the dragonflies. Hooray! Or were we supposed to root for the military? Who knows? Anyway, the surviving dragonflies go to Tokyo or wherever, which has flooded. They head underwater, and we see an ominous shape that they land on. They did a piss poor job with the special effects here, because some of the dragonflies look like they went splat on the camera. Anyway, the ominous shape moves, and its time to meet our other title character (I really almost wrote "title cancer" there), Megasomething! I think it's Megagguguiorus or Megagiguru or Megaguiogoiuguioruius. I certainly don't know how it's spelled, but let's call it Megaman for now. Megaman flies out of the water, revealing her frightening exoskeleton body, fearful wings, and ominous straings attached to said wings. Megaman gives a frightful roar, and starts destroying buildings much smaller than she is by waving her wings so fast that she causes sonic booms, and in doing so, Megaman somehow destroys all electricity in Tokyo (this movie doesn't actually take place in Tokyo, but it's the only Japanese city who's name I can remember (that wasn't destroyed by the bomb)). Meanwhile, the Orbital Black Hole firer is ready to fire again, and Godzilla is coming out of the water again. Are you confused? Let me just tell you a joke. See, a teacher is grading assingments, and one of the assingments read, Macbeth, Act # Scene # Line ##. I put # sings in because I can't remember the exact numbers. Either way, when she turned to the page in question and looked up the line, it said "I cannot do this bloody thing." Hence, I'll finish this review later today. Anywho, these movies have lots of exposition, as you can see, but the bulk of them is usually the fighting sequences between Godzilla and another monster. It usually goes on for most of the movie. That, actually isn't a complaint, because while long fight sequences hae been done simply awfully in other movies after half an hour or so of cheesy acting and poor dubbing, pretty much anything can be entertaining. Those folks at Tokyo knew who their audiences were. Actually, the fight sequences stand up great on their own, for reasons I can't imagine. The more you think about it, the smarter Japanese people seem. Of course, if you think about it long enough, Garfield could be considered one of the reasons 9-11 occured. Damn you Garfield. Damn you to Hell. Anyway, Godzilla usually doesn't have too much of a problem dispatching his enemies. There's usually a point where it looks like the other monster is gonna win, and sometimes the other monster actually does win, but he can usually make his way out of this mess, because 1. He's not actually fighting other monsters, he's fighting either men in rubber suits, string puppets, the military, dragonflies, or his ever decreasing popularity. Whereas instead of awkardly moving around, Megaman flies around quickly, dodging all of Godzilla's attacks. And he has a scorpion tail which can drain away all of Godzilla's energy. Couple that with being smart enough to stay away from Godzilla himself (don't want Godzilla to pull a drop kick when your not expecting it), and Godzilla's in trouble. Meanwhile, the military is having trouble with their orbital anti-Godzilla black hole machine. It's not working. Most people are too high from the Godzilla vs Megaman scenes to figure out what's going on with the military at this point, but i include this paragraph because what happens next is just messed up. See, remember kitchen boy computer genius from earlier? I'm sure I mentioned him. Anyway, he creating a computer fixing program which is based around an anime girl in an army suit flying around cyberspace at 200 miles per minute, using her gun to clean up things. God(zilla), I can't describe how ridiculous it is, and I don't have pictures, so I suppose you'll just have to use your imagination. And that might actually be better, because you can imagine the anime girl with or without the army suit. Meanwhile, Megaman has trapped Godzilla and is kicking his balls repeteadly. Godzilla, with some effort, gets free but Megaman is still on the run. But Godzilla has one last trick up his rubber sleeves, he hops. It's a little hop, but, mirculously, it brings him 100 feet into the air. Before Megaman or anybody else knows what's going on, Godzilla is bodyslamming her. Megaman, in panic, tries to sting Godzilla and sap his energy again, but Godzilla grabs her tail and breaks the stinger off. At this point, you know which way the battle's going, but Megaman isn't giving up yet, she prepares for one final attack, but before she can pull it off, Godzilla destroys her with a few well places nuclear breaths, causing Megaman to satisfactingly explode. We'll remember you, Megaman or whatever the hell your name was. Godzilla keeps on destroying the city, though, and nobody can figure out why, until they realize, scientists are experimenting with plasma power in the city! That said, the military prepare to fire a black hole at him but the satellite is leaving orbit and crashing into Earth! So, the lead female climbs into a plane flies directly over Godzilla, uses herself as a target so the black hole machine can fire properly, then, once it's lock on, jumps out. The satellite fires just as it explodes, and sucks up Godzilla. Then End. Haha, yeah right. Godzilla obviously survived. Trust me on this one. It moves pretty slow in the beginning, but most Godzilla movies do. Once the giant dragonflies show up, success is guranteed, and once Megaguguioruorus shows up, it's classic. I suppose this review was pretty negative, but if you want to see Godzilla, this is what I recomend. Three Stars. (Out of four or possible five. Take your pick.) -A Genius (Anime woman soldier saves computer! People rejoice! HOHOHOHO! Although to be quite frank, I'm not happy with how this review turned out. I actually like this movie a lot. Next time, I'll review a videogame. Feh...) [ February 08, 2004, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: A Genius is stoopit ]

02-07-2004, 11:59 AM	#2
Banned from VGF Guest Posts: n/a	YOUR REVIEW IS SO F*CKING FUNNY! [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] It reminds me of Seanbaby of EGM's reviews only it's far more irrelevant to the forum and sounds more psychologically deprived. And stating that the Megabunchofwords flying mosquito thingy as Megaman completely changes how the monster looks. [ February 07, 2004, 12:48 PM: Message edited by: Fire EmblePony Fanboy ]

02-08-2004, 12:28 AM	#3
Sim Kid Guest Posts: n/a	[img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] That's all I have to say about your review.