Dear Kingdom Hearts....

TheEvilDM · 02-17-2010, 07:04 PM

Dear Kingdom Hearts,

I'm sorry, but tonight will be our last night together. We had a good run of things, but much to your suprise, you're being traded in at Gamestop tomorrow morning, so I can buy a "real game".

I was sort of put off by our age difference in the begining, but I was willing to look beyond that. Some of my older friends knew you quite well, and said that I would really like your company, having all the qualities of Final Fantasy that I'm nutty about, and the cuteness of my Disney loving youth.
I still had my hesitations, but threw caution to the wind, and shelled out my lousy clearance section price of : $14.95 to the clerk at Mal-wart.

To your credit: Your soundtrack was lovely, and you were very pretty to look at, but eye candy was all you could really offer me.

As pretty as you are to look at and listen to, you lacked plot and substance.
Four weeks into our relationship, I became bored and disinterested in you, despite your glances from atop the livingroom tv. I would spend evenings with you while fantacizing about my mail order copy of Persona 4, and wanting to get my hands all over Bioshock 2, drooling over it in my gaming mags. Spending time with you was fun for the first couple of nights, but after a while, I could only think to myself, what was the damn point of it, really?

There are some, shall we say performance troubles? Your horrid camera angles were short and choppy at best. Your lack of a block button was completely baffling to me, your magic system and menus were clunky and akward... but worse yet, you could barely hold my attention.

Your preocupation with your gummi. And only the gummi. WHY KH!? WHY!?
If I wanted to build a ship, I would play with Mech Commander or Battletech.

And your mood swings, your endless, endless mood swings...

Never have I seen so many angsty bishounen in one place looking amazing... oh wait, I have. It was Final Fantasy 7 and it was a one year love affair.
You have the personality of a 14yr old girls fan fiction, and for that we can no longer be together.

Please, understand, it's not you, it's me.
Oh wait... no, it's you.
You really freaking suck, you piece of Square Enix crap.

Love and Kisses
teh ebil DM

1-up Salesman · 02-17-2010, 08:22 PM

Then she tried Kingdom Hearst II. Hopefully.

TheEvilDM · 02-17-2010, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1-up salesman

Then she tried Kingdom Hearst II. Hopefully.

I have to take the first one back to the store first..

1-up Salesman · 02-18-2010, 08:58 PM

The second one has some moping to it, but once you get further into the game it gets awesome.

***Cosmonautical*** · 02-18-2010, 11:59 PM

I personally felt instant revulsion at the mention of the concept, but I can sympathize.

I once paid money for TMNT on the GCN. I had heard/read bad reviews of it, but it was difficult to discern whether or not the reviewers actually liked the beatemup genre in the first place. I was so amazingly let down, that I exchanged it that day (after getting an unopened copy in exchange from K-mart, claiming the disc didn't work at all) for Timesplitters 2. TS2 is a fantastic game, at least, and provides me with a better co-op mode than I expected from TMNT anyway.

heh · 02-19-2010, 02:24 AM

i like kh2 but only because i can skip the cutscenes

02-17-2010, 07:04 PM	#1
TheEvilDM Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: the seventh layer of hell. Wisconsin Gender: Posts: 520 Thanks: 33 Thanked 32 Times in 16 Posts	Dear Kingdom Hearts.... Dear Kingdom Hearts, I'm sorry, but tonight will be our last night together. We had a good run of things, but much to your suprise, you're being traded in at Gamestop tomorrow morning, so I can buy a "real game". I was sort of put off by our age difference in the begining, but I was willing to look beyond that. Some of my older friends knew you quite well, and said that I would really like your company, having all the qualities of Final Fantasy that I'm nutty about, and the cuteness of my Disney loving youth. I still had my hesitations, but threw caution to the wind, and shelled out my lousy clearance section price of : $14.95 to the clerk at Mal-wart. To your credit: Your soundtrack was lovely, and you were very pretty to look at, but eye candy was all you could really offer me. As pretty as you are to look at and listen to, you lacked plot and substance. Four weeks into our relationship, I became bored and disinterested in you, despite your glances from atop the livingroom tv. I would spend evenings with you while fantacizing about my mail order copy of Persona 4, and wanting to get my hands all over Bioshock 2, drooling over it in my gaming mags. Spending time with you was fun for the first couple of nights, but after a while, I could only think to myself, what was the damn point of it, really? There are some, shall we say performance troubles? Your horrid camera angles were short and choppy at best. Your lack of a block button was completely baffling to me, your magic system and menus were clunky and akward... but worse yet, you could barely hold my attention. Your preocupation with your gummi. And only the gummi. WHY KH!? WHY!? If I wanted to build a ship, I would play with Mech Commander or Battletech. And your mood swings, your endless, endless mood swings... Never have I seen so many angsty bishounen in one place looking amazing... oh wait, I have. It was Final Fantasy 7 and it was a one year love affair. You have the personality of a 14yr old girls fan fiction, and for that we can no longer be together. Please, understand, it's not you, it's me. Oh wait... no, it's you. You really freaking suck, you piece of Square Enix crap. Love and Kisses teh ebil DM

02-17-2010, 08:22 PM	#2
1-up Salesman Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Letting you guys know that I'm planning on continuing Attack of the Spammers soon. Gender: Posts: 4,095 Thanks: 2,162 Thanked 250 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 9	Then she tried Kingdom Hearst II. Hopefully.

02-18-2010, 08:58 PM	#4
1-up Salesman Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Letting you guys know that I'm planning on continuing Attack of the Spammers soon. Gender: Posts: 4,095 Thanks: 2,162 Thanked 250 Times in 194 Posts Blog Entries: 9	The second one has some moping to it, but once you get further into the game it gets awesome.

02-18-2010, 11:59 PM	#5
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,102 Thanks: 2,157 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	I personally felt instant revulsion at the mention of the concept, but I can sympathize. I once paid money for TMNT on the GCN. I had heard/read bad reviews of it, but it was difficult to discern whether or not the reviewers actually liked the beatemup genre in the first place. I was so amazingly let down, that I exchanged it that day (after getting an unopened copy in exchange from K-mart, claiming the disc didn't work at all) for Timesplitters 2. TS2 is a fantastic game, at least, and provides me with a better co-op mode than I expected from TMNT anyway.

02-19-2010, 02:24 AM	#6
heh Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: lo-ca-tion; Noun- 1. a place or situation occupied: That house is in a fine location Gender: Posts: 9,849 Thanks: 710 Thanked 955 Times in 628 Posts	i like kh2 but only because i can skip the cutscenes