Being unhappy...

Auron · 04-19-2010, 06:05 PM

... and not having the motivation to change any of it.

If the first step to fixing something is admitting you have a problem, then I have been stuck on part two for 3 or 4 years now.

Metal Mario · 04-19-2010, 06:19 PM

Yes, well, that does sound like it sucks.

What are you unhappy with, precisely? I mean, everybody's unhappy about something. What you have to do is outnumber that something with a bunch of things you're not unhappy with. For example, I'm unhappy about being lonely and celibate, but aside from that, my life is pretty sweet, so I'm able to swallow my loneliness and sexual frustration most of the time and just carry on. (I swear I'm not trying to sound glib or sarcastic here. Most of the time, all you can really do with life's disappointments is swallow them and think about something else.) And is it in your power to change the things with which you're unhappy? If there's anything that's beyond your power to change, then it won't do you any good whatsoever to brood over it. Just throw it out with the trash. As for the things you can change.....well, you said you had a problem with motivation, so obviously you'll have to attend to that first. I think I once felt rather unmotivated in the problem-solving department myself, but I got me some magic pills and that made things better. I don't advocate medication as a catch-all solution to every problem under the sun, but you might want to consult a doctor if you believe your life is actually suffering from these feelings.

If you feel comfortable going into more detail, might I ask you to disclose how old you are, what these specific problems are, and what your general situation is right now? I only ask because filling in these blanks would enable others to give you more suitable advice (if indeed it's advice you want).

***Cosmonautical*** · 04-24-2010, 01:40 AM

The problem with depressive apathy is that when you're that depressed, nothing is justifiably interesting enough to force yourself to do anything.

Auron, take it from someone with experience, and apply that reasoning to what you need it applied to: Your apathy. There's no justifiable reason to dislike anything in your everyday life that much. Don't invest yourself in being unhappy just to feel right. Don't discourage yourself. You're actively doing that, and it doesn't matter if you **** up. If you're unhappy by default, there's nothing to stop you doing what you want. Take a few risks, make yourself uncomfortable. Why does it matter? You can bear not caring when you've got it "good", and at least if you're worse off for trying you'll then have more experience to level your happiness against. If you need to lose something to see its value, lose something and value it.

Auron · 05-03-2010, 05:17 PM

Delayed reaction.

I'm hoping that this is all just because I'm really stressed out over all the **** I need to work on due to the end of the semester coming up, and that I'll feel better about life once summer starts. But it's just that some times I feel like there's not too many things in my life to be happy about. And even once the semester's over and I'm not as stressed, it's not like everything will go away, I just won't be thinking about it.

I don't know. I've just always been the eternal pessimist and I've never really been that open to talking about myself, so I really have no idea what I'm trying to say here at all. Probably should have threw this in the vent forum because this is more of me just blowing off steam than actually putting together a comprehensive explanation as to why I'm always so miserable.

And I'm not blowing off your suggestion AI, it's just that I feel like my brain has been slowly fried over the last 3 weeks, so I'm going to have to get back to it later once I can actually process what you said.

Metal Man · 05-03-2010, 06:54 PM

Do you exercise?

It is said that a reasonable amount of exercise every day can act almost as much against depression as anti-depression pills, without the nasty side-effects.

It works for me, although I don't really get depressed so much as angry.

Auron · 05-03-2010, 08:37 PM

Even if I had the time for it right now, I seriously doubt that would help me too much.

Eagle Eye · 05-03-2010, 10:38 PM

It actually does, my mood used to suck pretty bad after I had surgery and was practically immobile for almost a year (couldn't do anything more than walk and sit down, no running/strenuous activity), and gained a lot of weight. I started working out and losing the weight and I was fully of energy and happiness, I'm that same way now, keeping it off. It helps your attitude, and your attitude helps in your health.

Auron · 05-03-2010, 11:12 PM

Being depressed because of an injury and being depressed from half the things that bother me are two completely different things.

Eagle Eye · 05-04-2010, 02:05 AM

My surgery wasn't an injury, it was a cyst, something looming inside of me for about a year that I knew nothing about and for about 2 days thought it was cancer. My attitude towards the end of that semester compared to the end of, say, this one are two completely different things, in a good way.

***Cosmonautical*** · 05-04-2010, 08:46 AM

Yeah, exercise and eating dependably can actually help a real lot with depression, at least in part. I have motivational issues, where I occasionally find it very hard to just do the things I need to do because they're not what I want to be doing, but I want them to be done. Seeing that, if I actually just get up and do whatever it is needs doing then I somehow miraculously notice that it's not as much hard work as it seemed.

I used to be very active, and still dealt with depression in school, etc, and was much more able to deal with what was an unreasonable amount of anxiety when I was younger and more physically active. I used to inline skate, bicycle, snowboard, and just walk a lot more. As life became more complicated, I began to let go of those things, but I can see now that I really enjoyed them.

So anyway, enough rambling, but I hope your situation improves, Auron. And hey, you don't have to apologize if you find it difficult to take advice. Sometimes even advice is an unwanted criticism, when what you need more than anything is sympathy. It's good to let others know that you're having a hard time, although I can certainly recall attempts to cheer me up being really irritating (especially when your issues stem from lack of control).

04-19-2010, 06:05 PM	#1
Auron Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Inside Gender: Posts: 6,743 Thanks: 5 Thanked 325 Times in 198 Posts	Being unhappy... ... and not having the motivation to change any of it. If the first step to fixing something is admitting you have a problem, then I have been stuck on part two for 3 or 4 years now.

04-19-2010, 06:19 PM	#2
Metal Mario Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 1999 Gender: Posts: 16,435 Thanks: 72 Thanked 190 Times in 127 Posts	Yes, well, that does sound like it sucks. What are you unhappy with, precisely? I mean, everybody's unhappy about something. What you have to do is outnumber that something with a bunch of things you're not unhappy with. For example, I'm unhappy about being lonely and celibate, but aside from that, my life is pretty sweet, so I'm able to swallow my loneliness and sexual frustration most of the time and just carry on. (I swear I'm not trying to sound glib or sarcastic here. Most of the time, all you can really do with life's disappointments is swallow them and think about something else.) And is it in your power to change the things with which you're unhappy? If there's anything that's beyond your power to change, then it won't do you any good whatsoever to brood over it. Just throw it out with the trash. As for the things you can change.....well, you said you had a problem with motivation, so obviously you'll have to attend to that first. I think I once felt rather unmotivated in the problem-solving department myself, but I got me some magic pills and that made things better. I don't advocate medication as a catch-all solution to every problem under the sun, but you might want to consult a doctor if you believe your life is actually suffering from these feelings. If you feel comfortable going into more detail, might I ask you to disclose how old you are, what these specific problems are, and what your general situation is right now? I only ask because filling in these blanks would enable others to give you more suitable advice (if indeed it's advice you want).

04-24-2010, 01:40 AM	#3
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,102 Thanks: 2,157 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	The problem with depressive apathy is that when you're that depressed, nothing is justifiably interesting enough to force yourself to do anything. Auron, take it from someone with experience, and apply that reasoning to what you need it applied to: Your apathy. There's no justifiable reason to dislike anything in your everyday life that much. Don't invest yourself in being unhappy just to feel right. Don't discourage yourself. You're actively doing that, and it doesn't matter if you **** up. If you're unhappy by default, there's nothing to stop you doing what you want. Take a few risks, make yourself uncomfortable. Why does it matter? You can bear not caring when you've got it "good", and at least if you're worse off for trying you'll then have more experience to level your happiness against. If you need to lose something to see its value, lose something and value it.

05-03-2010, 05:17 PM	#4
Auron Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Inside Gender: Posts: 6,743 Thanks: 5 Thanked 325 Times in 198 Posts	Delayed reaction. I'm hoping that this is all just because I'm really stressed out over all the **** I need to work on due to the end of the semester coming up, and that I'll feel better about life once summer starts. But it's just that some times I feel like there's not too many things in my life to be happy about. And even once the semester's over and I'm not as stressed, it's not like everything will go away, I just won't be thinking about it. I don't know. I've just always been the eternal pessimist and I've never really been that open to talking about myself, so I really have no idea what I'm trying to say here at all. Probably should have threw this in the vent forum because this is more of me just blowing off steam than actually putting together a comprehensive explanation as to why I'm always so miserable. And I'm not blowing off your suggestion AI, it's just that I feel like my brain has been slowly fried over the last 3 weeks, so I'm going to have to get back to it later once I can actually process what you said.

05-03-2010, 06:54 PM	#5
Metal Man Fairy-Slaying Maniac Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: 1592 Miles Away From Here Gender: Posts: 18,062 Thanks: 148 Thanked 683 Times in 482 Posts	Do you exercise? It is said that a reasonable amount of exercise every day can act almost as much against depression as anti-depression pills, without the nasty side-effects. It works for me, although I don't really get depressed so much as angry.

05-03-2010, 08:37 PM	#6
Auron Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Inside Gender: Posts: 6,743 Thanks: 5 Thanked 325 Times in 198 Posts	Even if I had the time for it right now, I seriously doubt that would help me too much.

05-03-2010, 10:38 PM	#7
Eagle Eye Diddy bops Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Birmingham, AL Gender: Posts: 15,014 Thanks: 1,616 Thanked 1,084 Times in 597 Posts	It actually does, my mood used to suck pretty bad after I had surgery and was practically immobile for almost a year (couldn't do anything more than walk and sit down, no running/strenuous activity), and gained a lot of weight. I started working out and losing the weight and I was fully of energy and happiness, I'm that same way now, keeping it off. It helps your attitude, and your attitude helps in your health.

05-03-2010, 11:12 PM	#8
Auron Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Inside Gender: Posts: 6,743 Thanks: 5 Thanked 325 Times in 198 Posts	Being depressed because of an injury and being depressed from half the things that bother me are two completely different things.

05-04-2010, 02:05 AM	#9
Eagle Eye Diddy bops Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Birmingham, AL Gender: Posts: 15,014 Thanks: 1,616 Thanked 1,084 Times in 597 Posts	My surgery wasn't an injury, it was a cyst, something looming inside of me for about a year that I knew nothing about and for about 2 days thought it was cancer. My attitude towards the end of that semester compared to the end of, say, this one are two completely different things, in a good way.

05-04-2010, 08:46 AM	#10
*Cosmonautical* Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 28,102 Thanks: 2,157 Thanked 5,338 Times in 2,433 Posts	Yeah, exercise and eating dependably can actually help a real lot with depression, at least in part. I have motivational issues, where I occasionally find it very hard to just do the things I need to do because they're not what I want to be doing, but I want them to be done. Seeing that, if I actually just get up and do whatever it is needs doing then I somehow miraculously notice that it's not as much hard work as it seemed. I used to be very active, and still dealt with depression in school, etc, and was much more able to deal with what was an unreasonable amount of anxiety when I was younger and more physically active. I used to inline skate, bicycle, snowboard, and just walk a lot more. As life became more complicated, I began to let go of those things, but I can see now that I really enjoyed them. So anyway, enough rambling, but I hope your situation improves, Auron. And hey, you don't have to apologize if you find it difficult to take advice. Sometimes even advice is an unwanted criticism, when what you need more than anything is sympathy. It's good to let others know that you're having a hard time, although I can certainly recall attempts to cheer me up being really irritating (especially when your issues stem from lack of control).