CH-CHOOSE A WEAPON

Discussion in 'Polls Forum' started by X-3, Apr 14, 2017.

  1.  
    X-3

    X-3 Punished Mod Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2004
    Messages:
    22,642
    Gender:
    Male
    One day, you wake up to find yourself in Fantasy Land. There, a wizard tells you that the land is beset by demons, and you must join the fight for the good of humanity. He allows you to choose from one of these mystical anti-demon weapons. While these weapons need to be occasionally maintained to remain at full power, they will never break. Additionally, simply wielding one of these weapons will give you basic competency with them, so you won't need to take a course on how to use a bow. Which one will you choose?

    Vanilla Sword
    This sword is alright. There's really no obvious drawbacks, and it gets the job done very efficiently. However, you will get bored of it pretty quickly and wish you could use something else. Thus, you'll never really be satisfied.

    Giant Demon Axe
    This axe houses the soul of a demon, giving it extraordinary strength. With a swing of this weapon, you can very easily lift a house-sized demon into the air. However, the demon will constantly talk **** to you, and he's good at it. If he gets under your skin, the Axe will magically become heavier and heavier until it crushes you. Stay motivated or die!

    Holy Mace of Oblivion
    This mace was anointed by the Church of Fantasy Land, giving it good strength in addition to some magical abilities. Wielding it will earn you the respect of all. However, you must be utterly devoted to the cause of the Church to keep wielding the weapon, else it will magically summon guards to arrest you for heresy. The cause of the Church includes killing heretics, fasting, praying, being creepily nice to others, donating 80% of your funds to the Church and other such activities.

    Dual Katanas of the Black Dust
    These dual katanas are so sharp that even the air bleeds. With these blades, you can attack really fast and do a whack spinning technique that's stupidly strong. However, these blades are terrible at blocking, require constant maintenance, and struggle against armored demons.

    Jörmungandr, the Strong but Balanced Spear of Champions
    SOLD OUT

    Massive Turtle Shield
    This shield bestows absolute defense to whoever wields it, and it's heavy enough that slamming it into a demon hurts them a lot. However, your foes will grow so tired of your defensive fighting style that they'll start to ignore you or leave. Because of this, work will be harder to find.

    Johnny's Knife
    A weapon that pales compared to other weapons. It was forged by some guy some day for some reason. With this weapon, it takes tremendous effort to slay a rabbit. However, if you wield this weapon and slay demons, your accomplishes will become legend. Even the death of an imp will lead to a ballad.

    Staff of Staticus Maximus
    This staff has no combat capabilities, not even defensively. The proper way to use it is to wear it on your back, as it magically make your punch much harder, and faster too. However, your ability to dodge will be hampered by having a giant stick on your back, which means your only means of defense is punching things at just the right time. If you get the timing wrong you'll probably break your wrist or get murdered, whatever comes first.

    Bow of
    The creator of this weapon was slain by angry elves before he could name it. His crime was cutting down their trees to make this exceptional ranged weapon. You cannot name this weapon, or his ghost will rise up and kill you. While you will have to pay out of the pocket for arrows, this bow will enhance them drastically when you fire them. If demons get too close for comfort, you'll have to improvise. Don't worry about the elves, they went extinct.

    Ancient Gun of the Great Ancients
    This mythical weapon was forged out of a sacred coconut, and can fire less-sacred coconuts in spurts. If it shoots a demon, it's going to hurt. However, coconuts are very rare and very pricey, making this weapon rather stressful to actually use. Keep your wallet in check!

    Tome of Gafriyada
    This book summons and controls the parrot-dog familiar known as Gafriyada. It can use magic and stuff, which is pretty handy. Gafriyada has massive self-esteem issues, and will often contemplate the meaning of existence. If you don't give it food and constant pep-talks, it will hide out in its book. On the other hand, if it gets too confident it'll leave you for someone with more affluence and money. Also, when you use this weapon all you do is stand and hold it open, so you won't get much exercise if you're looking for that.

    Easeemodus, Blade of the Forsaken King
    This 2-handed sword is the ultimate weapon. It has the perfect weight, speed and strength, and can shoot lasers at will. Even a chumpion can become a champion with this weapon. However, if you use it no one ever will love or respect you, and you will die young and poor.

    No Choice
    You turn down the wizard's offer, choosing instead to rely on the tools of man. You now have access to any normal man-made weapon, potentially giving you a massive variety to choose from. However, these weapons will break after being used about 5 times, and nothing can prevent this. You won't get far.

    Take Me Home Wizard
    You end up marrying the wizard, becoming a stay-home husband or wife. Your security will be ensured, but you will have to clean his clothes and make stupid food for him to eat.

    Choose wisely!
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2017
  2.  
    I am nobody

    I am nobody I am not mean spam Staff Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    11,736
    Location:
    Over there.
    Massive Turtle Shield, hands down. Work won't be hard to find at all, because I have so many choices:

    A. Rescue towns besieged by demons by frustrating the demons until they leave. If any just ignore me, I'll bash their heads in with by shield.
    B. If reliably driving demons away is somehow not a career in this world, I'll just get paid to be the ultimate body or vault guard by standing in front of things.
    C. If being the ultimate guard is also somehow not a career in this nonsense world, I'll just take a page from Snorlax and be in the way until people pay me to move.
  3.  
    Apollo the Just

    Apollo the Just Dragon Enthusiast Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2006
    Messages:
    14,081
    Location:
    Piccolo is Gohan's Real Dad
    Giant demon axe for sure. I'll get a whole character arc about befriending the demon after a lot of emotional strife.
  4.  
    Marilink

    Marilink Sailboat to the Island of Your Desires Staff Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2001
    Messages:
    39,419
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Location, Location.
    I feel like the Bow of is really my style. I don't need to name it, that's fine. I'll pay for arrows, and maybe reuse some if possible. I could probably whack people with it if they get close, too, if the weapons really never break. It'll at least buy me time to back out and get to a good range again, right?
  5.  
    Valigarmander

    Valigarmander Creepy Mario Mod Staff Member Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2006
    Messages:
    48,082
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    World -1
    Take Me Home Wizard.

    >implying you wouldn't want a handsome wizard husbando
    United Nations likes this.
  6.  
    I REALLY HATE POKEMON!

    I REALLY HATE POKEMON! Goku lives on the Sun

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2000
    Messages:
    27,622
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California, U.S.A
    Vanilla Sword. I don't require excitement nor satisfaction, just results.
  7.  
    United Nations

    United Nations Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2006
    Messages:
    12,965
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    If you see a stranger, follow him.
    Tome of Gafriyada

    As a teacher, I have to motivate and give pep talks to students every day. This seems like it's my style. Plus no exercise, so that's a nice bonus.
  8.  
    SKELETOR

    SKELETOR Overlord of Evil

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2009
    Messages:
    12,233
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    SECRET BASE INSIDE SNAKE MOUNTAIN
    Definitely taking Johnny's Knife.

Share This Page